London, England. A decently large city that hasn't seen many eye-catching events in recent times. For John Carter, it has always been a nice, relatively peaceful place to live in.
He had plenty of expectations for his future in the city, many were... Far-reaching, but nothing stepping beyond the realm of possibility.
Getting ripped from his body and placed in a completely foreign one? That may have overstepped the boundaries just a slight bit.
This is a complete rewrite of one of my other stories, Becoming One With the Moon
Chapters (5)
Den outta Den! cant wait to see the rest. reminds me of Celestial Disposition
Well nice to know why he turned into Luna. But I wonder what discords plan is.
More, please?
Coca-Cola bottle exploded into small Pepsi cans? I can feel there is a meaning behind this.
nnnnnnnnnnnnoooope
Weirdo: Wait! John Carter went to Equestria? I though he went to Mars!
Me: That's a DIFFERENT John Carter you dunder head!
Weirdo: Oooooooooh! That makes a lot more sense.
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Well, he is a nerd who love playing combat game, right? Maybe he can help with the army?
Will John be taking the place of Luna or will he just share Luna's form with Luna herself?
So, Discord... Depending on what time period version of Discord it is, and what reasons are, it could range from "classic" to "stupid".
This is some good shit m8, Hope to see more when you've got it!
translates directly to
Same dude!
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- Little Nicky(the movie... Duh)
IT'S EXTREMELY EVIL!!!!
"cheers luv, Calvary's here" A Tracer fan?
This is too good
Wonder what celestias reaction will be 
(Also, is Luna inside HIS body in equestria?........they must be freaking out XD)
Oh, that end amused me. Good ol' Discord and Overwatch's mascot.
Also appreciated the Inside-Out/Spongebob-esque brain scene.
(Side note: I think your formatting goofed 'cause you have several paragraphs that are italicized atm, starting here)
Eager for more; thanks for writing :)
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Thanks! And I'm glad you liked the SpongeBob reference. I debated whether to let it stay in or not for a while.
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That would spoil it, wouldn't it?
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Did you change your profile bio?
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Yep.
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Shame. I thought it was pretty funny, despite being a dead meme.
Finally decided to read it, and I like where it's going. Can't wait to see how things develop.
Speaking of devils...
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/307/189/6fe.jpg
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Noooo!! You Heathen!!!! Thou shalt burn in the fiery lands of Mercury for all of enternity!! Die foul beast!!! DIIIIIIIIE!!!
Pancake batter in the fridge? I don't get it.
the zog? What in blue blazes...
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That would be pretty interesting, if the author of this story doesn't do it I might try something like that... Could be fun to mess around with
Congrats, mate. You might be the first person to have ever made the protagonist of their story a scouser. Bold move.
Edit: This doesn't feel like a scouser whatsoever, I'm sorry to say, having glanced at the dialogue and bits of the prose. In fact, I'm getting the impression you yourself aren't English, as this reads rather like a very obvious and on the nose attempt at British English what with 'bloody' thrown in every five sentences, the occasional 'twat', and the 'g' dropped from certain words.
Unfortunately, you picked a city with an extremely strong accent and a lot of variances to the 'norm' in their regional dialect and colloquialisms.
This isn't a criticism on your story as a whole, I'm just wondering why you'd choose to write a protag from Liverpool when it feels as if you plucked the city out of a hat without learning the inhabitants' speech patterns and quirks first.
Apart from that, it seemed well written to me! I only got a chance to skim it but I'm going to come back to it later and give it a proper read, the premise sounds amusing. Good job!
So. Don't really have a good/bad opinion on it yet.
Need to see it actually get somewhere. But I'll watch it for another couple of chapters.
See my first reaction is "G-Man and Discord are working together? Oh dear.", before being followed up with, this guy really doesn't have scouser accent, like at all.
Eh, what do I know, I'm just Scottish, everything could be tickety-boo as far as I'm aware.
Wait he’s from England, I just gave him a midwestern accent.
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I'm aware the way he's written doesn't sound like someone from Liverpool. The dialogue was originally a lot different, but I kept debating on whether or not it actually held any ground. So in the end I ended up removing most of it and redoing it, a few made it past my radar though. I decided to do something similar to what people do with Applejack's accent and let the reader imagine it in their heads while they read.
If you have any tips on how to write his dialogue properly, they're more than welcome, but otherwise, thank you for the feedback. I'll try to take it into account as I continue the story.
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Get in the flask.
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Popeye's Chicken is the schisnit
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Nightstand = Bedside table
Butt/Ass = arse, except when refering to the offspring of a donkey and a horse
I don't think there's any such thing as a 'box of pancake flour'. Flour generally comes in bags. Pancake mix, maybe?
You can get UHT milk in cartons, but it usually comes in plastic bottles.
'Groceries' might be used like that, but 'go shopping' would be more common.
Video game = computer game
Burner = hob
Air conditioning in Liverpool?
Outage = cut
April fourth = Fourth of April
Those were the ones which jumped out at me, though I'm sure that someone actually from Liverpool could find more.
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I meant as in dialogue. If I had to write the entire story like that I think I might go nuts.
that ending oh god my sides
I'm going to ask right now, is this a human turned Luna story?, then I hope this isn't a human shares body with Luna story.
Personally I didn't needed the whole big Human and his living room chapter with only the small ending with Discord.
I'm never really that interessted in what happens in the human world for one or two chapters if it is never really important in the future anyway.
To me it's enough if the just stumble into a portal or something, I actually often prefer it if it doesn't has anything to do with some god pulling the character out of the realm. Well Discord is kind of okay because then it doesn't always has to be for some kind of destiny s***.
I always get confused if I look at this (your former story) and the other one, not remembering in which one happened this or that, but I finally noticed that this is your rewrite.
Well I suppose nothing really wrong with this chapter, but it was not really interessting to me.
Well at first I thought "oh no him and his living room again, then I wasn't sure what to say about his miniture versions, but if I was in a better mood I maybe would have enjoyed it and now I'm curious what we get to see of Equestria in the rest of the chapter.
hhhmmmm I know he has a bad time right now, but it looks like the usual "fuck fuck fucking fuck fuck human we get often enough. Not sure why but I always have to put those in a certain drawer if you know what I mean. (if that saying works in english).
I admit it got more interessting when I noticed that he is probably staying a while in his world with Lunas body.
I would like a story in which the human turns into Luna or Celestia and is suprising the other human with it, but they can't understan each other right away which makes them think of the human as an animal, but without any army coming to examine him or something.
I just want a family or some people with let's say giddy children who are in awe about him. Does something similar exist?
Yep cursing human main char. Not sure if he was like that in the other story already, but he probably makes his cursing into some kind of sport right? I just get the feeling he maybe is going to be a certain kind of protagonist, if you tell me he was like that last time too, then I can probably be sure that I like him this time too.
I mean I like him so far, but I will have to see if I get tired of it if he does that to often in the future or not.
Now I was actually dissapointed that it's probably Discord again (not sure why he waited so long) and that he is going to take him away to Equestria.
I'm only dissapointed because I actually got used to the idea with them being there for a while and I just love those moments where the rest of the family or a friend finds out about them.
I kind of hope this is going to continue abit carefree without Discord having the biggest plan ever, or that there are enough brakes for the main char to ensure some undisturbed slice or life pars/story arcs without a sudden war coming up after two chapters.
I think they try to hard to get some action into the story sometimes, recently I got a story where there was a zombie fight, then half an evening off, then the next zombie fight, then another afternoon free for the main char which included a date which had to end in sex already, but the main char had that kind of life which maybe explains that. Then they still had a morning for themself and then another zombie attack.
I think they try to hard sometimes to show anything cool.
Well I'm interessted and maybe I'm not in the mood today, but I still hope it will be actually better like you planned it to be.
I feel like I should be stoned while reading this. Good shit, 9/10.
Worst part is that there is only 7k words.
Definitely love this, looking forward for more.
this is intresting I wonder if he's the real luna or something discord did to help make tia and cadence happy
0/10 need more British swearwords
Good story so far mate. Keep it up!
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I hope the second.
Even if that isn't true I kind of like it that Discord lies here. I mean I like that they will think that, but for some reason I think I would like it if she really isn't the real Luna.
While I think that is really interessting, I kind of hope that he isn't going to let the others order him around.
I mean as soon as they could call him healthy enough or whatever, I would want him to even be able to do what he wants, even not doing any of his duties, if they can even still expect him to do the minumum he would have to do, since he has no memories (at least they think that).
I had to think again about the fact that I think they always could get more freetime than they admit they can have and I want to prevent that they kind of force him to stay there or do stuff that he doesn't want, that the story is going to ignore her free will.
I don't think that even if he/she would be the real Luna, that they could force her to relearn what she was used to do if she doesn't wants it.
I would like to see this Luna taking a vacation in the middle of the common folk, more or less only to shock and suprise them and stuff.
edit: I think I only don't want it to look like they would go against his wishes, so if he should "wish" to agree some stuff they want to do with him, I want it to be clear that he wants it to and isn't just agreeing despite hating the whole thing.
In this case, simpler could have been better. All that existential intrigue is only detrimental due to lackluster setup. “Oh, right. I forgot to tell you, she has total amnesia. The only memories she has right now are the ones from the world she was sent to,” Really?
That smell. A kind of smelly smell. The smelly smell that smells... smelly. Oh, In Lumine Lunar updated cool.