The True Land Of Nod. (C&C)

by TheMossiah

Prologue

The brotherhood of Nod have fought hard and ruthlessly to get here. They finally made their way to the Scrin tower and prepared to ascend into their portal to ascension. The Nod general running the show? General Nightscar.

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Nightscar was a formal GDI commando by the name John Shale. He was offered to take part in an experiment that would make him the ultimate solider. He would be twice as strong, twice as smart and twice as fast. During the experiment something went wrong... He came out stronger, smarter and faster but at a cost. His left eye was removed due to the brains larger size. He was furious and lashed out at the GDI scientists. He was then thrown into a secret jail in a GDI military fortress. What GDI had not known was that a Nod traitor working as a scientist learned of John and sent the Information to the Brotherhood right away. Kane knew that John could be a valuable tool for his army and prepared to "Liberate" John from the GDI scum. John quickly accepted Kane's invitation into the brotherhood now that he thought GDI was a corrupt force and he wanted revenge. He then took a new identity as Nightscar and tried to hide the name John as he was living a new life.

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John was proud of his accomplishments. He had fought off an entire GDI regiment and avenged his eye by wiping the facility he was experimented on out of existence. He and Kane proudly walked up to the crudely prepared stage. Kane grabed the microphone and began to speak

"Brothers and Sisters! Today we have won! Today we stand proudly in front of the portal to our ascension! We have fought long and hard to get to where we are today! We have finally showed GDI that we are not a force to be reckoned with when we want to reach our goals!" The crowed cheered and jumped with happiness. John was also filled with happiness and just wanted to jump around and throw his hands to the air, but he kept his statuesque stance to show his discipline. While John was a ruthless general and did things people would have nightmares about he too liked to have fun.

"Very soon we shall ascend into the portal with our vehicles, weapons and supplies! Relish in your victory my children for you have earned it! Peace through power! Power through Strength! Strength through Unity! Unity through Peace!" The crowed began to cheer and chant "Peace through power" as Kane and John walked off the stage.

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John happy with the turnout with Kane's speech began to descend the stage beside Kane. As they walked down the stage Kane spoke out in a tone that only John could hear.

"I am proud of you Nightscar... Or should I call you John?"

John replied "You can call me John my leader, for you have given me everything I could possibly have wanted. You gave me the chance to get revenge on the scum who did this to me" pointing at the scar on the skin that used to be his eye.

Kane replied "And you have allowed us to conquer the GDI forces here to accomplish our goals! Without you this could have taken so much longer than it could have. You are the best general life has to offer! And please, call me my real name. As you are if anything a good friend." Kane then added a little bit of laughter.

"What is our next step then Kane?"

"Well once we get settled into our new land we shall need someone to lead everyone. While I am a capable leader I will not do it alone. At your permission I would like you to lead by my side." Feeling honored John replied

"I will do it! I shall not fail you Kane!" John proceeded to firmly shake Kane's hand.

"I know you will not, for you have helped accomplish something I have dreamed of for many years. I shall see you at the Portals entrance to give the final speech before we enter our ascension." replied Kane as he proceeded to walk towards his Officer tent. Now that John was alone he began to think to himself

"Finally I have shown GDI that they shouldn't have fucked with me, I became a general of Nod and kicked their sorry little asses. Their fault for trying to screw me over. Today I am a man living in our GDI corrupted world, Tomorrow I will be a man living in a fresh new start where Nod will be calling the shots... Where I will be calling the shots." John then moved to his tent and tried to get some R&R before the great speech.

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Meanwhile in Director Boyle's outpost.
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"Damn it Parker! We can't let Nod escape! We need to mobilize all GDI forces and stop them from escaping! Do you know how bad I will look if the media finds out that Nod got away with all their crimes! I will be the laughing stock of the entire fucking world! I will get fired for such failure. But I swear you will go down with me if you fail to eliminate them!"

Parker, a GDI general was in a tight spot. He was in charge of the major GDI force and had suffered multiple loses to the Scrin. Due to this it became rather difficult to fight the Nod army and he was getting in all sorts of shit from the most resent news. Nod have all left to the Scrin tower to leave to their "Ascension". His thoughts were "whatever it means Nod's gone right?" and he was right. But Boyle didn't want to be known as the first director who allowed an entire army to cause a load of carnage and get away with it.

"But sir! We do not currently have enough men in Europe to combat such a large force!" Parker managed to squeeze out.

"I don't care! Suppress them long enough for the main force to arrive and destroy them" The director threw back. Parker knew he was just delaying the inevitable. He couldn't disobey a direct order from the director of national defense. He had to give in.

"Fine! I will mobilize the forces. But if we fail, the failure is all on you." Parker then walked away knowing he probably just gave the order to send thousands of men to their deaths.

Well here it is, the prologue to the fic I am writing. Hopefully I will be able to get a chapter up everyday or atleast every 2 days. Be aware that this is my first fic! I also may take suggestions for future chapters.

Comments

[SwiperTheFox]

This is a very promising idea in theory, and the character backgrounds seem pretty nice.

At the same time, the writing needs tons of work. You have loads of wall of text paragraphs with lots of very dry, mechanical sounding "He was" / "He would be" / etc. type language. There's a gigantic load of backstory before the story proper begins. I understand why you'd want to do that, but as a reader it just creates this jarring sensation and a lot of people will just click away or even give you downvotes because they hate reading a big load of descriptive back-story before they even read the thing.

Yes, I know that this is the 'prologue', but most people will expect the prologue to be written in more of an 'action-y' way. And you need to watch grammar rules as well as, most importantly of all, the 'new speaker means new paragraph' rule.