The Crossover Chronicles: Adventures in Equestria

by Cool_Quick

Chapter 13

Part 3

Star Wars Episode Six: Revamped

Chapter 1

Bespin

(Third Person viewpoint)

Lando Calrissian had had a pretty normal day. Until his friend Han Solo contacted him.

He was sitting down at his dining room table for his typical morning breakfast when his transmitter buzzed. He had just bought it yesterday.

Answering, he found Han staring at him, looking ruffled.

“Han?” Lando asked. Adding to his shock, a pony came into the signal and said, “Ooh, what’s that?” The pony, clearly female, waved to Lando. “Hi, Mister! I’m Pinkie Pie, and I like parties. Do you?”

Han sighed. “Pinkie, not now.” He waved the pony away. “Listen, Lando, I know you have a lot of questions. But I’m about to head to Bespin with a couple of friends. I’ll fill you in when I get there.”

All Lando could manage was a weak, “Okay.”

After the message ended, Lando simply sat and stared at the wall for a minute. This was promising to be a peculiar day.

About an hour and a half later, Lando saw Han’s ship coming into the dock. Coming forward, Lando prepared himself to meet some strange people.

What he was not expecting was for Boba Fett to walk out of the ship. Lando pulled his blaster out and struck a Clint Eastwood pose. Then, Han appeared.

“Whoa,” he said, seeing the two glaring at each other. Behind Han came a lavender unicorn, gazing wonderingly around her. Lando shook his head, not knowing what was going on. He even slapped himself, but his dream stubbornly held on.

Or, was he actually awake? Lando realized he had to be.

“Don’t worry, old pal,” Han reassured Lando, lowering Boba’s rifle. “He’s a… temporary ally.”

Lando lowered his blaster slowly, still keeping his eyes on Fett. He didn’t trust the guy, for good reason. Boba Fett was known across the galaxy for his ruthless methods.

“If you say so,” he said cautiously. Then, he fully noticed the unicorn. “Is that…?”

“Twilight Sparkle,” Twilight declared. “And I assume you’re Lando Calrissian.”

“That’s me,” Lando said, now really questioning his sanity.

Sensing his wonder, Han stepped in. “Yeah, it’s a little tough to take in. Trust me. There’s a whole planet full of them.”

Lando’s eyes widened. “A whole…?”

“Deep breath,” Han said. Lando breathed in deeply, letting his heart rate go down. He saw Twilight clop over to him, and saw her horn glow.

Instantly, his body felt more relaxed. He looked up at her large purple eyes. “What was that?”

“A relaxing spell,” the unicorn replied. “You looked like you were about to pass out.”

This has to be the weirdest day ever, Lando thought. He saw Boba looking at him with head cocked. “What are you looking at?”

Boba quickly pretended to be very interested in a bug he found on the pavement.

To cut things short, Lando finally agreed to come to Equestria with them, but not until he got his blaster, and a bowl of macaroni and cheese. I mean, come on, it’s macaroni and cheese.

As Lando watched Bespin fade behind him, he thought about the planet that he was heading to. Twilight was certainly a character that intrigued him. He also wondered how in the world Boba Fett was alive. He was like a fly. You just couldn’t swat him.

Lando leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, not aware that Boba Fett was watching him, thinking of a way to get the princesses’ money on his own.

Jack was having a dream. He dreamed that he was back at the lab, with screams and cries behind him. “Help us!” “John, where are you!”

Jack rounded a corner and gave a strangled gasp. It was his wife, his son, and his daughter, all burning. “Why couldn’t you save us?” they asked, their voices demonic.

“Sweethearts,” Jack sobbed.

They drew closer, and their fingers became talons. “Come join us,” they said, laughing.

Whimpering with terror, Jack grabbed a knife and held it in front of him. “Stay back,” he shrieked.

They continued to laugh. He heard another voice laughing, but it sounded strangely familiar. Looking behind his family, his blood went cold. In the background was a tall figure with very pale skin, and hair that looked the color of healthy grass. Or maybe it was the light. He did know the figure was giving Jack a big smile, and that he looked like a clown. Jack had always been deathly afraid of clowns, and this one terrified him.

The clown raised his hand, which held a pistol, and pointed it at Jack. “So sad isn’t it?” he said in a husky, but jolly tone. “Just makes you want to die laughing.” He cocked the gun, and grinned a grin so wide it almost literally went from ear to ear. “Say ‘cheese!’”

“BANG!”

Jack woke up laughing hysterically. He found that he couldn’t stop, and tried to get a grip. Finally, his laughs became strangled gasping as he tried to remember where he was. Then, after a moment, he remembered, and relaxed. Looking around, he realized that the noise had been the lampshade toppling over.

Some of the group was staying at Rarity’s house, while the other part was staying at Applejack’s. Right now, Jack, Luigi, Rainbow Dash, Mario, Fluttershy, Rarity, Ed, and the other smashers and Percy, were staying at Rarity’s, while the Star Wars characters and the Marvel Characters, as well as the remaining ponies were staying at Applejack’s. Rarity had recently expanded her upstairs area, and most everyone had a room to themselves. Peace and quiet. Well, not in Jack’s case.

Knowing that he couldn’t sleep again after that, he got up. He tiptoed out of the room, and went to go get a drink of water. On the way down the hall, he glanced at the wall clock. Four o’clock in the morning. At least he would only have to wait for three hours.

He continued down the hall, looking into the rooms he passed. The first one he passed was Rainbow Dash’s room. She had a Daring Do book on her chest, and she looked downright adorable. Even though she’d never admit it.

But one that caught his eye was Luigi’s room. Luigi was lying sprawled, sheets asunder, with one arm up, the other down, one leg to the side, and one leg straight down. And he was snoring loudly with his hat over his face.

Smiling to himself, Jack walked past, and reached the stairs. As he went down, he spotted pictures of Rarity with what must have been her family. The smile faded from Jack as he looked at the pictures. The only family he knew of was Jeannie. And he was worried.

He shook the feeling aside, and realized that he was at the bottom of the stairs. “Don’t worry, Jeannie,” he said to himself. “I’ll see you again. Somehow.”

Reaching the kitchen, he got a glass from the cabinet and started to pour himself some water. As he did, he thought about that mysterious dream. Or, had it been a vision? He remembered that man, laughing at everything maniacally, and who had been ready to shoot Jack. Jack had always hated clowns, and that guy reminded him somewhat of Pennywise the clown from “It.” Except that the guy in Jack’s dream didn’t transform into anything.

Shaking himself, Jack went over to the table and sat down, sipping at his water. As his nerves calmed down, he glanced out the window at the beautiful starry night. He saw several constellations that he recognized, and even a few that he didn’t. Even so, it was gorgeous.

Jack smiled as he saw the huge, beautiful moon. “Luna sure outdid herself tonight,” he said softly to himself.

And so, there he sat, alone with his water, Luna’s moonlight reflecting off of his face, making it look white. What a night indeed.

Ed awoke to Jack’s hysterical giggles, and watched as Jack walked downstairs. Both concerned for Jack, and disgusted that his sleep was ruined, he realized he had to pee.

When he reached the bathroom, he took care of his business, and just when he was about to leave, he heard a voice say, “Well, well, look at you.”

He looked in the mirror, and saw himself, except it wasn’t him. This Ed had slicked hair, no glasses, and was smiling evilly. He was also wearing a green jacket with what appeared to be question marks all over it, and also wore a green bowler hat.

Ed sighed. “I don’t like you scaring me like that.”

Ed 2 scoffed. “Dude, you scare way too easily.”

“What do you want?”

“What I want, the poor have, the rich need, and if you eat it, you die.” Ed 2 gave Ed a honeyed smile that reminded Ed of an eel.

“I don’t have time for…”

“Nothing, the answer is nothing. The poor have it, the rich need it, and…”

“Just…” Ed fought to keep his voice under control. “Tell me why you’re here.”

Ed 2 gave a pouty face. “I thought you liked riddles.”

“Would you answer my question?!” Ed almost screamed.

His screaming woke up Rainbow Dash, who actually felt rather scared. She gingerly got out of bed, and clopped softly to the bathroom door. Peeking inside, her blood went cold. Ed was talking to himself as if he was having a conversation with an unpleasant man. Ed would talk in his normal voice, and then would slip into a deeper, huskier voice combined with a smirk that would have been funny, if it wasn’t so terrifying. Rainbow trembled as Ed continued.

“Yes,” Ed 2 said, giving another eel smile. “Did that answer your question about me answering your question?”

“Stop with the games, damn you!” Ed shouted, slamming the counter, and making Rainbow shake. Despite herself, her heart went out to Ed, the nice one.

Ed 2 rolled his eyes. “Fine. Since you’re being so difficult.” He snickered. “Didn’t your mother say not to yell at someone who’s trying to help you?”

“My mother,” Ed snarled through gritted teeth. “Is in a mental institution.”

Ed 2 gasped with mock horror. “Oh, right. Your mother’s a bum.”

“HOW DARE YOU!” Ed screamed. Rainbow’s eyes widened at how Ed’s eyes looked at the moment Ed 2 took back over. They brightened, not with happiness she liked, but with insanity, cunning, and pure evil. Something had happened to Ed in his past, something that had caused this.

“The reason I’m here, is because there’s more to that skittles pony than meets the eye.”

Ed looked at Ed 2’s smirk. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, that sometimes, the spirit of a loved one can follow you forever. It’s like they’re really there.” Seeing Ed’s confusion, he sighed. “You’ll always be small time at this rate.”

“Yeah, I’m not as smart as Twilight…”

Ed 2 suddenly gave an even more insane smile that almost made Rainbow Dash scream. “Ah, yes, Ms. Sparkle. Ms. I’m-So-Brainy. You know what I think we need to do about her.”

Ed gave a strangled gasp.

“Riddle me this, my friend,” Ed 2 said, drawing himself up with a smile. “I have billions of eyes, yet I live in darkness. I have millions of ears, yet only four lobes. I have no muscle, yet I rule two hemispheres. What am I?”

Ed sighed.

“ANSWER THE QUESTION!!” Ed 2 screamed.

“The brain.”

Ed 2 grinned wider. “She may need to lose hers, literally.”

He started to laugh, a hysterical giggle that made Rainbow’s fur stand on end. Suddenly, he stopped laughing, and Ed said, “Wait, why am I laughing? It’s not funny.”

“Because life’s so ridiculous,” Ed 2 said, still chuckling.

“BE QUIET!!” Ed screamed, and finally, Ed 2 was silenced, leaving Ed sobbing on the ground.

Part of Rainbow wanted to run, but another foreign part said, “He needs me.” The second part actually won, and Rainbow clopped inside.

Ed looked up startled, and then relaxed slightly at seeing Rainbow in the doorway. “What do you want?”

Rainbow felt an urge to wrap a foreleg around him, but managed to keep that down. “I heard you talking to yourself. You… actually scared me dude.” She tried a weak smile, but it looked more like a grimace.

Ed didn’t smile. “I’ve had that issue for a while. I don’t remember talking to myself, all I remember is anger, pure burning rage against everyone. But, it’s gradually turning more into wanting to hurt them for fun.” He shuddered. “I can barely think about if I lose control, and I actually…” he gulped, and gave Rainbow Dash a scared look. “…kill someone.”

Rainbow put her foreleg around his neck before she knew what she was doing. “It’s okay, Ed,” she said. “Don’t think about it.”

Rainbow actually didn’t know she said that. When her mouth said those words, Ed started slightly. Her voice didn’t sound like her usual raspy, cool, tomboy self. It sounded… like his sister. He remembered years ago when he had a bad day, and his sister would say those exact words as she hugged him in this exact fashion. This had to be more than coincidence.

“Did you want to sit with me, Ed?” Once again, it sounded like his sister.

Later that night, Ed awoke to find Rainbow cuddled next to him, her wings wrapped around his body. She’d have no memory of this, but Ed appreciated her reaching out. Still, he wondered about that hallucination of hearing his sister.

He dropped off to sleep again, no more incidents disturbing the two newly close friends.

The next day, everyone at Rarity’s and Applejack’s regrouped so they could get ready to meet Han, Twilight, Boba and Lando at their designated spot. No sooner had they gotten there than they saw the Millennium Falcon come sailing in. Han came out first, still as swaggery as ever, and then came Lando, still saying “Ponies? What’s my life coming to,” over and over again, third was Boba, casually strutting out of the plane as if he was a famous actor coming out of his limousine for a Hollywood movie premiere, then Twilight came out, immediately telling the ponies about Bespin and how amazing it was while her friends listened in awe.

Finally, Boba was the one who broke up the conversation. “Alright, people, ponies and creatures, we’re not here for tea and crumpets.” He said it so deadpan that Rainbow Dash started to snicker, but one cold look from Fett, and she silenced herself.

“He does have a point,” Lando agreed, recovering from his pony shock. “We have to…”

“Throw a party?!” Pinkie exclaimed, pulling out streamers from nowhere.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “No, we need to come up with a plan to get the Death Star destroyed. But we also need to track down the Elements of Harmony. Vader and Palpatine hid them somewhere, and we need someone with good tracking capabilities to find it.”

“Good luck finding someone like that,” Rarity declared. “We’d have to find a being as powerful as Princess Celestia.”

“You know, I really hate it when people forget about me. It makes me lonely.”

Everyone turned at the voice, a voice the ponies knew.

Lounging on top of the Millennium Falcon was a draconequus, in other words, he had the body of over a dozen animals including a lion, a goat, a snake, and a cow. He smiled at them all as if he was looking at a bunch of Christmas presents he could hardly wait to open.

“Oh, hello Discord,” Fluttershy said warmly.

“Hi, Discord,” the other ponies echoed, rolling their eyes.

“Why, I don’t think I’ve met the rest of you,” Discord exclaimed, suddenly teleporting in front of Ed with a giant magnifying glass and a scientist uniform. “In fact, I’ve never seen anything like you before. And I’ve seen a lot.” He gave Ed a searching look. “What’s your name?”

“My name starts with a certain vowel.” Ed drew himself up. “What is the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space, the beginning of every end and the end of every race?”

“The letter ‘E.’” Twilight piped in.

“Correct,” Ed smiled. “Name’s Edward Nigma.”

“Glad we could give you something to gawk at,” Jack said as Discord proceeded to examine him as if he was a mysterious specimen he was looking at under a microscope.

“Discord,” Twilight broke in. “We need your help.”

“Mm-hm,” Discord intoned, sounding bored as he played Poker with himself.

“The Elements of Harmony are missing.”

“I see,” Discord responded, suddenly appearing in a lawn chair with sunglasses and a Sunday Newspaper.

“Equestria has been threatened by evil dark lords, and they’ve kidnapped the princesses.”

Discord was now in a hair stylists chair with a beauty magazine and a hair dryer blowing. “Go on I’m listening.”

“We have to stop them before it’s too late.”

Discord cleared his throat from a floating bed. “Please continue, I’m very interested,” he yawned.

“One of them almost killed Fluttershy.”

Discord was suddenly in front of Twilight’s face, looking quite peeved. “They hurt Fluttershy?” He looked at Fluttershy, who nodded.

Discord fumed for a minute, before getting his anger under control. “Well, then…” he thought for a minute.

Actually, he thought for a couple of minutes, until Ed finally broke in. “Are you helping us or not?”

Discord huffed. “I suppose I must, for Fluttershy’s sake.” He appeared in front of Twilight. “What do you need me to do, hm?”

“We thought you might be able to help us find the Elements of Harmony.”

Discord rolled his eyes. “Oh, those metal thingamajigs are not worth my time. I’d rather turn Emperor Palpatine into an orange. Then, he’d be Emperor Pulpatine.” He laughed hysterically at his own joke, while the ponies took their eye rolling time.

Discord giggled until he saw the ponies glaring at him. “Oh come on, you don’t appreciate humor.”

“Without the Elements, chaos and anarchy will rule Equestria, and the universe.”

Discord conjured a nail clipper and started trimming his toenails. “Sounds peachy to me.”

“Fluttershy might die.”

“Oh, all right.” Discord huffed. “I sense they’re over that way.” He gestured towards the direction of…

“The Crystal Empire!” the Mane Six and the fillies all exclaimed at the same time. Everyone else covered their ears, and Discord conjured some earbuds and an MP4.

“What are you listening to?” Ed asked.

“Metallica,” Discord responded. “Yes, I know your earthly music. I actually kind of like it.”

Loud music started coming out of his earbuds. It sounded like “Nothing Else Matters.”

“Can you take about half this group to the Crystal Empire to find the Elements?” Twilight asked.

“WHAT?!” Discord yelled, gesturing to his music, which seemed to get louder.

Twilight used her magic to make his MP4 disappear.

“Aw,” Discord pouted. “I love that song. Because none of this matters.”

“Can you at least help Fluttershy? Do this for her?”

“I suppose so,” Discord hesitantly replied. “Who’s coming with me?”

In the end, the group going with Luke Skywalker to the Death Star was Mario, Jack, Twilight, Leia, Han, Chuy, Rainbow, Pinkie, Captain America, Spidey, Tony Stark, Toon Link, Ness, Lucario, Spike, and Boba Fett. The group with Discord to find the Elements was Lando, the three fillies, Ed, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, Luigi, Wario, Pikachu, Yoshi, Shulk, Percy, Thor, Banner, Black Widow, and Hawkeye.

“Well, then,” Jack said, turning to the Elements group. “I guess we part ways for now.”

“Good luck,” Luke said to the same group. “May the Force be with you.”

Each group shook hands with the other, or hoofs, or claws, or, whatever. Luigi and Fluttershy were hugging each other, happy to be in the same group. Then, the Elements group set off across the hill while the Death Star group watched them go. They watched until the group disappeared over another distant hill, and then Luke swore.

“Language,” Captain America and Tony Stark said at the same time.

“Sorry,” Luke apologized. “But we have a big problem.”

“What’s that?” Twilight inquired, putting a hoof on his shoulder after Luke plopped onto a rock.

“We need someone to crack the code that will lower or destroy the shield around the Death Star. Otherwise our whole mission is worthless.” He looked around with a desperate hope. “Anyone here good with code hacking?”

“I took coding in high school,” Jack said. “I’m a whizz at Earth stuff, but not with sci-fi stuff.”

“Who is?” Luigi wondered. Then, he gasped with excitement. “I know who is!”

When everyone looked at him, he exclaimed hurriedly, “Professor E. Gadd!”

Mario grew excited too. It’s contagious. “You’re right! He handles stuff like that all the time! How do we get to him though?”

Luigi smiled. “The same way we got here.”

A half hour later, the group was standing in front of the Pixelator camera at Fluttershy’s house, where Luigi had come in only a couple of days before. It was simply rotating back and forth, inactive.

“So this is how you got here, huh?” Rainbow inquired to Luigi.

Luigi nodded, reflecting.

Jack was fumbling with the switches on the camera. “How does this thing…” he got shocked slightly by a wire. “Oh, #$&@!”

Tony raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t your mother say…?”

“Not now Tony the Pony!” Jack threw back, slamming the Pixelator.

The camera suddenly jumped to life.

“Nice!” Mario smiled.

Jack smiled himself. “Just needed the old heave-ho I guess,” he remarked, chuckling.

Mario turned to the group. “So who’s going in with me? I’ll have two people.”

Jack and Twilight decided to accompany Mario into Smash Mansion. They stood together as Luigi flicked the switch.

“Teleportation process beginning,” the electronic voice on the camera said. “Destination: Smash Mansion.”

The teleporting trio were sent into the camera, and the remaining creatures sat down to find some tea. It had been quite a day already, and there was more to come.

Comments

[Cool_Quick]

Well, I'll apologize in advance. Tomorrow's chapter will be the last time I'll have a definitive posting schedule. After that, I'll just post whenever I finish a chapter. I'm still working on Chapter 15 on Microsoft Word, so keep watching for when I finish it. In the meantime, I might post a new story with Super Mario and MLP crossed over. It will be unrelated to this story, but I will probably make the Crossover Chronicles a series, with this new story Crossover Chronicles 2. I'll probably post the first chapter of the new story tomorrow as well. Stay tuned!

[Matthew Malysza]

Awesome!