Fallout: Equestria – Hold the Pineapple (Audio Files)

by MuseoSansPony

Audio Log #000: Alert the Ministry of Morale

\\**//CLICK\\**//

If you are hearing this, I’m dead and I know who killed me: The Calzone Crime Family. I can prove it...or at least point the investigation into my death in the right direction.

\\**//SILENCE\\**//

Right...I should establish why my death is so important. My name is Pineapple Upside-down Cake...sorry that was my name. I married a year ago to a pony named Veggie Calzone. I was convinced to legally change my name to Pineapple Calzone. I thought they were a family of pizza makers. Pineapple might not be a typical pizza topping, but I like pizza with pineapples….actually I like pineapples on many odd things.

Anyways I was wrong, I don’t think Veggie intentionally deceived me, but I didn’t find out her family's true line of work until a week after our marriage. Then it was too late. I was a Calzone. Under fear of death or worse I was forced to go along with their schemes. Smuggling things from the Zebra Lands to Equestria. Smuggling things **gulp** from the Equestria to the Zebra Lands. The Calzones are traitors to Equestria, Traitors to the Ceasar. They only exist for the pursuit of money and power. They hold no allegiance.

The straw that broke the pony's back was giving meagaspells to the zebras. Fuck! They gave our enemy the means to wipe us all out. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut after that. My second cousin, twice removed, Pumpkin Cake works closely with Pinkie Pie. It was with her help I became an informant for the MoM. If it is not her hearing this, find her or Pinkie. Tell no pony else. I don’t know who else you can trust. Hell I don’t even trust you...though I don't know you so...

\\**//SILENCE\\**//

Unless you are Pumpkin or her brother Pound...or her parents...

I’ve set it up that this and all the recordings I’ve made are sent to Pumpkin’s terminal if I don't cancel the command every day. The only reason I’d not cancel it...is if I were killed.

Even if it appears to be natural causes, it isn’t. The Calzones have their ways of making a death look like an accident. Fix’n Stitch was their best fixer, but he is busy with something in Ponyville. They’ll likely send another. Maybe Eighty-Six...he is apparently a master of disguise. If he isn’t you, he could be anyone or anything.

If this is Pumpkin...I’m sorry for getting you involved.

Luna save us all…

\\**//CLICK\\**//

Author's Note:

and so a fic that tells more about the mysterious Calzone Crime Family.