• Member Since 30th May, 2017
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Sage the Ero Harem Kami


"It is my sworn duty to protect the harmony of the Haremverse but if ones so salty try to disrupt this harmony in any way, THO SHALL GET RIGIDITY WREAKED BITCH BOI!"

Comments ( 488 )

I have some quick writing tips for you, if you permit me!

Common conventions put a comma before the name when characters address one another in dialogue. That's done to avoid ambiguities. Here's an example why:

"I want to come inside Rainbow Dash!"

Versus

"I want to come inside, Rainbow Dash!"

As you can see, that does change the meaning quite a bit. It'll make things much easier on your readers!

Also, numbers under a hundred should be spelled out. Just putting in numbers can come across as lazy!

I have a few things to say.

First off, this is an awesome story!!
Second, are more chapters coming out soon?
Finally, how about making the ferrets become involved in a magical accident that turns them into female anthros, even Albert? And they all have crushes on him. That would be a good twist!! PLease do it!!

8698321
Okay I did not think of that and that sounds awsome! I'll do it later on but do you think I should just go back and make Albert a girl and edit his name and gender to a girls?

8698321
I should have told you this earlier but I just posted this story today and since you like it so much I'll get stared on the next chaper or chapters now. Oh and if you or anyone have anymore ideas for me give hit me up.

8698094
Don't mention it!

By the way, that's a rather extensive list of fetishes at the bottom of the description. You really plan on adding all of that? If so, whew, you have your work cut out for you! Not that I'm complaining about the contents, mind you. Pretty much all of that is stuff I love. Well, depending on who will do the dominating, that is.

While we're on that: Are there any male ponies that will appear at all? An eight-to-two ratio implies there's at least some stallions out there with their own herds.

8698363
Yes there will be males, Carrot Cake and Filthy Rich being a few. And I do plan on adding all those fetishes and if you have anymore to add let me know.

8698353
I agree with you.

Also, when you have the time, i have written 4 stories. Would appreciate it if you read them.

8698365
Also, i love the final tag you put in the summary. That is true to the core, and hilarious!!

8698376
Great!!
This just occurred to me.
how about the accident include Philomena the phoenix?

Comment posted by PuzzleMaster98 deleted Jan 28th, 2018

They move around a bit trying to get situated before finally settling down with Albert at the bottom and Teresa and Sissy lying on top of him. Chuckling at the cute scene I stand up and stretch all of my joints out and wake up.

Change Albert to Alice.

8698414
Ohhh okay. I'm thinking I should do it with poison joke and when Zecora and/or Twilight try to fix them it changes them permanently, what do you think?

8698429
You know, that's not a bad idea at all.

What did you thinkof adding Philomena into the mix?

8698432
That would be pretty cool and I have a idea as to get her and the triplets turned at the same time and it involves a pet play date, a female timber wolf, a female manticore, and a patch of poison joke.:rainbowwild:

8698441
Good lord, he's gonna get to bang all of those girls? Including the wolf and manticore?

8698446
Its a clop with a plot fic for a reason dude. Anything else you want to add?

8698450
Can he get Chrysalis? And will more come soon? ANd is the human OC like you? Like in terms of looks?

8698453
Dude, Chrysalis is my favorite villain so of course she'll be in here but it will be later on. As for my oc, well, I'm black so I decided to make him black for one reason but the main reason is there is a lack of black oc's here in fimfiction.

8698459
Yeah. I noticed that. Also, did you read any of my other stories?

I kinda wanna read this but the tags... those god damn tags... some of them are just a big red flag saying: "nope, this is a bit much"
and do the girls really gonna look like that in the picture? thats also a bit off-putting.
Im actually fine with most of the fetishes, it gives the whole thing a bit more "flavor" so to speak. Would it be to much to ask that the kinks could be included at the start of each chapter?

8698365
Not any fetishes as such. Well, maybe consensual hypnosis when/if Starlight shows up or something, heh.

It depends on who does what to whom. If, say, this fellow ends up dominating the herd, he may be invited to Ponyville's schoolhouse to give a course on proper Herd Husbanding. The colts need all the help they can get with so few male role models around! Especially since the only teacher they have is a cute mare.

Thank you for the watch, too. Appreciate it!

8698488
That sounds, fair gives the readers a heads up at what to expect when I do put the clop in the chapter.

8698509
Thats great, thank you. I like most of the kinks that were listed, it gives the story more flavor and im interested on how this'll play out, but some of them are just not ok for me. I guess it comes down to personal taste in the end.
Just a minor thing but would it be to much to add the characters into it aswell?

I want to give this story a chance but those boob side…they are kind of off putting. Don't get me wrong big are beautiful and all but after a point, they stop being erotic and enter the realm of disturbing and Rarity is the scariest of them all. I will continue watching and just pretend that their bodies are correctly so things move along better, but other than that sounds interesting.

Something tells me he is going to pay a role in this mess and to survive some powers might develop as time goes on, that is what we humans do, we used what we have, and just a little bit of magic can give us a lot of time. Hell you can even give a unconvencional power to him like power to control his hair or be able to change place with anyone or anything.

P.S: This is the image I more or less will have for the girls. Is this closer to your idea or those image get closer to your objective, I'm ok with that dude, just letting you know / giving you some options

https://derpicdn.net/img/2012/7/16/45915/full.jpg

https://derpicdn.net/img/2014/4/24/608552/full.gif

http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/477/795/0d2.png

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CFlORwsWYAE6J19.jpg

Nice to see you got inspired by my story. Like to see where this goes actually.

Yeah I don't think I can get into this story. It has nothing to do with the girl's assets but more to do with how his meeting with them felt unnatural like he just accepts this so easily and the questions they are asking don't seem like questions that necessarily needed to be either asked nor answered.

I think it would have been better if the main character would have acted a bit more natural for someone who has been teleported to another world with alien beings.

So when is Zack going to explain that he's an omnivore also you could make it they they are omnivores too (with fish only) but except for pegasi don't like the taste of it as a couple of fanfics have done

I guess it doesn’t matter what happens, if there’s something beautiful insanity stands no chance

Does that comma go there?

8699331
Probably once they all sit down to eat at Sugar Cube Corner and Fluttershy notice his canines as he takes a bite at a donut. As for ponies being omnivorous with fish that sounds like a good idea, it will make Zack being accepted into their society a lot easier. Thanks for the idea!:twilightsmile:

It usually doen’t bode well for the story when the summary has multiple grammatical errors.

My advice, get a writing aid (like Grammarly) and a proofreader or two; then go through everything you have posted, which includes the summary, and fix your little mistakes with the assistance of the help you have.

My advice is to slow down and explain things with better detail, also get more invested into your dialogue, it feels rushed and nonsensical with the characters provided.

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