- Member Since 9th Jul, 2013
- offline last seen Aug 6th, 2022
Papa Oats
Chronic nicotine addiction and drug use are my whole schtick.
Papa Oats
Joined 9th Jul, 2013 ·
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And so it begins anew.
😂
I must say that since i have read the previous fic, quite recently i might add.... Clean being in the dungeons still feels like it was rushed and the only reason for it was to "advance the plot and start the next fic".
But anyway.... the start here seems good otherwise and the end also seems good. I don't have anything else to say about this to be honest.
Just a small correction though...
I assume that should be "taking"
Fucking SKITTLES CANNON
I'm dead!
8663177
Amen
Skittles cannon is such a good term for that. Reminds me of the one anthonlogy video with "taste the rainbow motherfucker". So far this is seeing to be a great sequel can't wait for more.
tbh I expected Celestia to still be pissed at Clean, although she probably did miss him a lot
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im still calling bullshit on the last chapter of the last story since he was in the right to do that and she saw what that mare did plus how can the mother blame him for something that mare did it wasnt his fault
8663491
You have to think of it this way. Imagine it like your hands. What if someone cut off your hands? Thats basically the equivalent to cutting off a unicorn's horn. Their entire thing is having magic, and they can't do it without a horn.
And as for how Dearie reacted, thats just how a parent works. If you're letting someone watch over your kid and they get hurt then you're the one to blame.
8663507
earth ponies get along just fine without horns pegesai too but still celestia saw the mare hurt the child he shouldnt be thrown in the dungeon for years for righting a wrong and even if its a parent thing in 10 years she's never thought maybe it wasnt his fault and she should apologize or something probably the celestia thing is whats bugging me the most all the times he's helped her with emotions and politics and assassination attempts it took 1 NOT innocent mare to get him behind bars
I went a lot darker in my head cannon between this story and the last, The last thing he ever heard from her was absolutely devastating
“Goodbye Clean.”
“Goodbye Tia.”
“Its Princess Celestia.
And then he spends 10 years in isolation!
He would be a gibbering hysterical lump of flesh at this point.
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Just wait my dudes. This is only chapter one. Whose to say that Clean hasn't done OTHER questionable things, and Celestia hasn't just written them off...
And for the isolation, well... just keep reading. You'll find out soon enough.
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While I dislike the ending of the last story as it was, there's a slim to fair chance that Clean wanted to be there in some part. He was clearly very aware the the Nightmare was in his head. Provided this is the case it was very poorly expressed (in my opinion) but it would make sense. And whether he was in the right or not, he maimed a prisoner that couldn't defend herself in any meaninful way. Just because she did something unforgivable doesn't mean she has no rights. Her punishment would have been up to Celestia/a governing body to decide, not Clean, no matter how much she deserved it. While what she did was awful, Clean did something equally awful and unlawful and Celestia, imo, can't play favorites. Well she could, but it'd be massively irresponsible.
8663687
Will do
I feel kind of let down with how the last story ended.
When reading the two of these stories, I can't help but feel that where the sequel begins was poorly planned. The transition between the two stories feels incredibly jarring. Especially with how in regards he was being treated by Celestia. The last chapter of the first story ended like she didn't want to ever be familiar with him, and in the first ending of the next chapter, she just laughs off the events and says "Sure, I'll give you a pardon." Seriously. Skipping ahead ten whole years feels poorly planned. We missed out on a LOT and even if you plan on having flashbacks to when he was in jail. That still doesn't really do the events justice. Leaving off on such a sour note, and then immediately rushing to save everyone...those events don't meld well together. It's like the story is saying: "Well things were bad then, but they're not now. Let's move on."
8663707
Thats all well and dandy expect for the fact that so far like three or four ponies have almost brought about the end of times for a helluva lot less reasons then for what he did, and they got off scott free with a light talking to. While yes he should be punished for his actions for assaulting a prisoner, even if she deserved it(it would have been alot worse if it was up to me.) it shouldn't be nearly as sever as what he was given. To be honest the ending seemed really fucked. What with one thing like that with a pretty justifiable reason resulting a 200 years+ for friendship seeming being instantly gone and daughters that insta blame him and wish their father's death. Seems really stupid and nonsensical to me. Also the one thing for him not being one to make shit up and lie to try and get out of things, you'd think she would be alittle for worried and less dismissive about him saying something was messing with him.
WOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!
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I noticed a lot of people weren't happy with how this story ends, as well as how the next one starts, so I decided to appease both sides,
Clean 'N Smoky
I think all of you will enjoy this a bit more. Thanks for your continued reading, and I hope you all enjoy this rehashing.
8666031
I have to agree the ending was rather sudden, but I can agree It'd be a good ending and segway into this story. What didn't work was your timing.
You probably could have been drawn out more than it was, as to not make it look like you were just trying to end the story. Maybe the whole climax with Spoiled Milk could have taken place several chapters later as nightmare moon subtly crept into his mind, and not just assume control like
Harbingerit took no effort. You'd think Mr. Clean would take some effort to break into considering only an alicorn was capable.Just sayin...
Anyways, I'm not sure the whole "please everyone" strategy you got going on with your alt sequel was the best one to take. I personally believe you should have stuck to your guns and kept it only the official sequel. I get the whole 'what if?' scenario, but if you are only making it to appease the crowd, and not because you actually want to write it, I'd pray for its quality. Just my opinion.
I kinda get the feeling that right now at the end Luna will have to confess that she was responsible for getting Clean to Lop off Spoiled's Horn. It could be framed as her guiding his actions, but not forcing them like a REALLY insistent thought.
Another feeling I have is that Clean is not so well. He has been in that cell for 10 years and has only had a few people talking to him, and if that other sequel is right Derpy or Trixie want nothing to do with this Clean anymore.
Welp i hope to see what you have in store brother
Feels a bit lackluster compared to the last story so far. And RD is looking like she'll be a cunt to the "monster" which isn't a surprise.
8672551
Yeah, I feel the start was a bit lackluster, but It'll probably get better as it goes on.
As for RD you are what you eat afterall...
did you just dunk on "The Lunar Guardsman"? because that was funny
Eh, I'm getting Gary Stu vibes now, just without much comedy
8760595
I think he did. I had to read that part a few times to really believe it.
Does anyone need a ship?" I say as i poke my head in the door. "Nevermind, you got this already."
No Pinky, that from another story.
Nice, I like it.
Ya know... I was going mention something about the "The Lunar Guardsman" but someone beat me to the punch.
so...um
cool
ditto
I would greatly enjoy another chapter, my good sir c:
i thought this story was dead
8854711
None of my stories will be dead until I choose to cancel them. And I don't plan on cancelling them.
No problem. Love the story. I wonder if he'll get to see Trixie and Derpy again?
I hope the derp isn't pissed when they finally meet again.
Was the grammar in this story always this bad, or has it just not been edited properly yet? Or was it so good that I didn't notice it until now? Hmm...
8855060
Probably just me doing a horrible job at editing.
"Or was it so good that I didn't notice it until now?'
I see the shade, but thats probably one of the best underhanded compliments I've ever gotten. I'll work harder on the next chapter's grammar.
I wish it was longer... I suppose I should just be thankful I got a chapter at all. 🤔
Thanks, by the way
Awkward reunion will be awkward
best comeback EVER!!!!
For some reason, I completed missed this updating! I'm looking forward to seeing Clean's snark miff some more characters
8855375
Are you going to update soon?
Thank you, lovely author of this great chapter/story, for showing me something I wasn't aware I even needed 'till now
God bless you!
When can we get an update?
9180121
I'm actually in the process of returning to these stories. The recent hurricane did a number on me and I've set out to return to these stories just in case I die from unexplained reasons. lol
9188177
Alright. Please stay safe.