• Member Since 10th Nov, 2016
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

fluttercordlover232


As you can tell from my username, I'm a very hardcore "Fluttercord" shipper! I'm dedicated to only writing Fluttercord stories!!!

E

After mysteriously appearing on Mt. Aris where the gods are as a newborn, baby Discord is kidnapped and brought to Equestrian, where he is stripped of his god-like immortality. Because he did not finish the entire potion, he has retained his god-like magical powers. In order to return to Mt. Aris, Discord must prove that he can become a true hero in order to reclaim is god status.

Chapters (9)
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Comments ( 46 )

I like it
Please keep going to make more

This has been and intriguing and amusing read :ajsmug: Seems like you really know how to write Discord!
Just judging by these first two chapters, I'm a little afraid if you aren't planning on simply rewriting and ponyfying the Hercules movie. Similar things happen a lot and those are not very pleasant to read. Still, I have faith in you coming up with a new plot.

A few words about the technical aspects: There were a few occasional typos, but nothing too obnoxious :pinkiesmile: The only recurring issue I noticed was some badly placed punctuation and capitalization in direct speech. Let me explain:

When there is a speaking action present in the dialogue tag (said, replied, asked, commented etc.), the tag starts with lowercase letter (except proper nouns or I). However, direct speech in such case cannot end with a period. A comma has to be in its place. (Question and exclamation marks, as well as ellipses, are alright there as well.)

"Write it like this," she said.
"Like this?" he asked.

On the other hand, when the tag contains a non-speaking action (nodded, blushed, sighed etc.), the tag has to start with an uppercase letter and the direct speech cannot end with a comma. Period or other punctuation mark has to be there.

"Indeed, just like that." She nodded.

These are just the basic rules, but trust me, they are really good to now, especially if you want to receive positive reviews :twilightsmile: Was it all clear? Any additional questions?

PS: Looking forward to the next chapter!

8667009

Thank you for your tip. I think I understood what you were saying. If you don’t mind, can you look back at the first chapter to make sure I did it correctly?

Ps: trust me, I’ll be writing it totally differently than the original. There probably will be some lines that are spoken the same way as the original, but I am not going to do it word for word. I think you’ll be impressed :)

8667038
You are welcome! And very nice, the only two still runaway spots I found were Twilight tickling Discord’s tummy and Sombra declining the offer to stay and party.


And I’m very happy to hear that! I’m curious what you come up with :twilightsmile:

So I take it Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon will be Pain and Panic?

8667901
No. If you look at my recent blog post. It has a list of who will be who. Snips and Snails will play the roles of Pain and Panic

Not bad, though I feel like it's a bit lacking.

You do really well with descriptions and I like the Zecora cameo. Nice! :ajsmug:
Also, I noticed some more typos... if you want to keep the length of the chapters similar to this one, I believe I can offer my editting services, if you want me to, of course.

8679302
Yes please. Any help is greatly appreciated

8679603
Well, do you use Google Documents? They are one of the most efficient tools to work with. Also, I suggest moving this conversation to PMs.

So who are the other babies in the room? And this was an okay chapter.

Short, but nice one :ajsmug:

As for your question about lie/lay:
The verb referring to something/somebody lying somewhere is lie (past simple lay, past perfect lain). That's the one you should have used. When something is put down, lay (past simple laid, past perfect laid) is the right word.

Hello! Found you and your story through the Authors Helping Authors Group. Wanted to start with something a bit shorter but with promise. Let's see how it turned out...

Name of Story: Hercules/Discord AU
Grammar: 7.5/10
Pros:

  1. Well, as a fan of Greek Mythology I've always liked Disney's Hercules, inaccuracies aside. It's a fun movie that tried to be marketable to a male demographic but didn't do all that well and remains somewhat under-appreciated. Personally, I grew to like it a lot more once I became a fan of Steven Universe and learned that Rose Quartz was voiced by Megara. Back to the point, giving that movie love earns you a good number of brownie points from me.
  2. Your cast list is nicely done, even though it's still missing a few characters. I look forward to seeing who fills what role, and I can already see some of the reasoning behind the choices made.
  3. Er- okay, this is stretching a bit, but it is really nice to see another story that goes the route of essentially being a reenactment. My main story, the one I'll be recommending at the end of this review, is that way, and I love it to bits. Not many others do.

Cons:

  1. Biggest one that I've noticed, a real issue, is that your verb-tenses seem a bit off. Sometimes you slip into present tense instead of past tense, and that really throws me off.
  2. Similar to the above, but less, is the general formatting. I'd suggest that the 'muses' parts be made either a different color or bolded. A bit more in the way of description, especially during scene changes, would be nice. Currently, a lot of the story seems to take place in a featureless void. (Sorry if that sounds harsh, I just want your story to be great!)
  3. Last thing is a matter of personal preference; I get why Sombra is Hades, but having him act like James Woods just feels odd. I've always imagined Sombra as being this sort of goth, drama queen/king type character when he actually talks. Again, though, personal preference. I could probably get used to this version.

Notes:
Not much to elaborate on at this point, but I can offer my services as a muse (appropriately enough) if you ever need them. I love these kind of stories and this one has a ton of potential. I can imagine so much- perhaps even using some of the animated series from Disney Channel? Or perhaps spin-offs involving more original content, versions of other Greek Myths.

I have some thoughts on characters that haven't appeared yet, and did not come up in your blog: Herc's parents, for example, could be replaced with Cranky and Matilda. Nessus, the centaur who was harassing Meg, could be portrayed by Bulk Biceps. Or Iron Will. Or, my personal favorite version, Angel Bunny. Rainbow Dash might make a good Hermes, though I think Pinkie would be a better match personality-wise. There's also the matter of Pegasus, Hercules' horse- Discord has ridden a flying pig in the past. Oh, and the cyclopes- perhaps Trixie? There haven't been many lower-level villains who were still a significant threat.

I'm a bit disappointed that Cerberus wasn't mentioned, he is canon after all.

I enjoyed this, and I look forward to future updates.

Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story: Pony la Pony. If you want, you can do a review of just 1 chapter, they are quite long.

No idea about the video thing, but I did spot a couple errors:

Both Pain and Panic...well...panicked...

You left the names in a couple times.

Just then, a slightly younger female donkey came up from behind him.She wore round blue earrings and white ruffled lace draped over her shoulders. In the center, was a beautiful She followed her husband's gaze to the crying baby laying

Some words seem to be missing here.

This was a great update, glad you're back!

8756065
What do you mean that I left the names in a couple of times? I don’t understand this error you pointed out. Please clear it up for me so I can go back and fix it. (thanks for letting me know about the missing sentence, I fixed it 🙂)

8756726
Calling them pain and panic instead of snips and snails.

8756774
Ohhh thank you! I didn’t even notice that!!

I like- but canon twilight already has this discord beat, she summoned a parasprite in magic duel and got rid of it and its spawn. Guess discord really does need training. (Who's going to be Phil again?)

8767849
Spike will play Phil. You have to remember that twilight got rid of two paraspristes. Not thirty. I had to give some reason why Discord didn’t get rid of all of the parasprites

Using Somnambula in the otherwise "Greek" settings was unexpected, but it came off nice! :ajsmug: Also, I really like the parasprites! Great to see you diverging from the plot of the film, at least a little:raritywink:

Get it? Trader Joe (Trader Joe's the grocery store)

Well, at least I learned that a shop like that exists. Silver lining, eh? :derpytongue2:

I'm very interested in this story. i don't understand why so many people dislike such a unique idea. i never thought of a Hercules story featuring Discord as that character. and making Sombra Hades? this is pretty much genius!

Suggestion: make Tirek Phil. i have no idea why but i think it would be evilly funny. they both have hooves, hands, horns and are assholes, but lovable assholes.

a few misspellings, but this is good :) always glad to see another chapter.

Loving this story so far!

Just one note: This story is moving at a fast pace, I understand with it being the beginning and all... but, it goes as fast as the movie it's self, which is a story contained in an hour and a half of time. There is no limit to how long this story can be. Add as much as you want! Make it your own!

I look forward to seeing what comes next!

Liked and followed, but if I asked you to name four original things in this story, what would you say?

8856000
Do you mean original elements that are in the classic Disney Hercules movie?

8856376
Original elements that aren't. I'm not dissing this, I like it, I just want to know what you'll say.

8856426
You’ll just have to wait and see :trixieshiftright:

This doesn't deserve so many dislikes

1) use 'she' for the statue. after all, there's a female consciousness in there.
2) i like how spike's full name sounds similar to 'spartacus'. great.
3) marble would be one type of material that the statue could be made of. ivory would be another. quartz would also be acceptable.
4) totally unrelated to this chapter, but i recently discovered that fics like this (and mine) are called 'fusion fics'. i intend to put it in the description of mine, i recommend you do too. it should help make sure the people who read the fic are the ones who want to.

8901750

Should I use quotes with “she”?

8901772
That's a style choice, I think, so it's up to you.

Why was this cancelled?

9193437
It’s not cancelled. I just haven’t updated it in a while. A new chapter(s) will be up really soon I promise!!!

Please write a new chapter soon, the anticipation is killing me inside!

Admittedly I do question Nightmare Moon and Daybreaker as part of the Titans when they're evil versions of Luna and Celestia so it feels weird. Otherwise Spike and Discord meeting was nice and let's hope Discord keeps his word to stay good. Hope you're doing okay and update the chapter when you can.

please have cozy glow take the place of the cyclops. please :raritystarry:
also, glad to have a new chapter of this.

9266940
To be honest, I thought the Season 8 finale was a total bust. The episode had so much potential and they ruined it by having Cozy Glow as the villain. She did not have any real motive to become evil. Why did Cozy do this? “The one thing I learned here is that friendship is the most powerful thing there is, and as Head Mare of the School Of Friendship, no pony will have more friends than me! Making me the most powerful pony in Equestria!” What villainous benefit would she have gotten out of it?
They should have had Chancellor Neighsay be the villain. He would’ve been a much better one. After all, he would have had much more of a motive. A few of those said motives would be; 1) Being in the EEA, he has authority over everypony, even the princesses, 2) He was extremely racist (or specieist?) He could’ve been like Starlight Glimmer, who genuinely thought she was doing the right thing by taking away cutie marks to avoid anypony feeling more special about their talent than others.

So in short, no. I will not be writing Cozy Glow as the cyclops, or any of the Titans. Sorry

9255639
I know it seems that way, but its been confirmed that it was an evil spirit that took over Luna and turned her into Nightmare Moon, so its a little different.

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