• Member Since 2nd Nov, 2016
  • offline last seen Last Thursday


A reader first, a writer second.

Comments ( 188 )

I'm getting a shit ton of Sweet Apple Massacre vibes

Is that a bad thing? Honestly, I just had to google the reference. Any similarities are totally unintentional.

Macs attitude is similar but otherwise it's not much.

Becides. It's RD being raped not the CMC

Makes sense. Thanks for the info. I'm glad I know the reference now.

Your welcome. I hope to see Mac get what he deserves

I applaud what you're trying to do, but... well. Your past reviewer already said it.

Thank you for the comment. Are you referring to the previous comment about Sweet Apple Massacre? I just want to make sure. Perhaps, I need to go take a look a deeper look at that story. From the brief description I read, they aren't similar, but with only this chapter to consider I can see why there might seem to be some crossover.

my mind went to a a dark place as rainbow gets a rape baby from this

That would be dark. I am comfortable revealing that is not the direction this story is going.

understandable and I never said that that is where the story is heading i was just giving my thoughts as I read the story

Makes sense. Sorry for the confusion and thanks for the comment.

no peoblem I get the feelin that you are shipping rarity and rainbow tho

After reading your AN blog, I'm cautiously optimistic regarding this story, and will keep an eye on it.

However, I think due to the graphic nature of the opening chapter, having the follow-up be delayed to Tuesday may not be the wisest course of action, here. You said yourself in the blog that chapters that were broken down into two parts (like this one seems to be) should be read together, but having a two-day separation between them might turn off readers if the subject matter is particularly sensitive.

While I only have the first chapter and synopsis to base my initial thoughts upon, I can see potential in the story, but leaving out the closure of this graphic opening scene in this way feels somewhat poorly executed, logistically speaking.

Nevertheless, I will wait and see where the story goes from here before I make a decision on whether to continue following it. :rainbowderp:


Yeah i was also surprised at the polarization

If i had to guess it's cause this is a Big Mac written with a lot of artistic license; I am sympathetic to that as this is a far cry from anything canon to that character, but I think this story is more interesting with the perpetrator being someone familiar to Dash, since that mirrors real life (https://www.rainn.org/statistics/perpetrators-sexual-violence)

Thank you. That is a very helpful thought. I think you're probably right, which is why I just posted chapter two.

Thank you for reading the AN and for your optimism. I hope the story doesn't disappoint.

I honestly wish I knew. I think Captain Croissandwich makes an excellent point. Publishing this first chapter without any follow up may have been a mistake. My other guesses are that some readers simply find the subject matter distasteful or don't like the direction they think the story is going.

I get RD has a big ego and all that but Rarity should've sent her to the hospital. Does a ego really cover being raped and killed?

Plus where can Mac go? If RD or Rarity tell the rest Mac raped her (Mixed with AJ being able to tell a lie from a truth) the whole town will go after him

I agree that RD should've gone to the hospital, but there's a fine line Rarity has to walk. Rainbow was just forced into doing something. Forcing her to go to the hospital when she doesn't want to could cause even more trauma, not to mention a serious loss of trust. Also, I don't think RD has any ego left in that moment. Refusing to report isn't about wanting to be tough. It's about shame. That's one of the reasons rape is so seriously underreported in real life.

She'll have to admit it at some point. She knows that her friends would ve by her side and comfort her for this.

Well idk about AJ. I think that friendship line is blurred now cause of Mac

big mac is gonna get nuddered by grannysmith for this

i can understand twilights though questioning to make sure that rainbow is telling the truth because this is a searias matter hell Id be suprised if she didnt ask all those questions

I'd say worse. Grannys way old fashion. I wouldn't be suorised if she goes and picks the tallest tree and give Mac a rope

I agree that Twilight's reaction is the most logical, and perhaps the most responsible, reaction to the situation thus far. That said, it may not be the most appropriate or helpful reaction, even if it makes good sense.

Just wanted to say thank you for your comment and for sharing that link. I actually looked around https://www.rainn.org/ quite a bit as I prepared to write this story.
I think you're right about the Mac thing. It felt like no matter which stallion I picked I'd have to reimagine the character quite a bit because someone was bound to look at any stallion I chose and say, "No way! He'd never do that!"
I knew that I wanted it to be somepony RD was a little more familiar with because, as you mentioned, that's the reality in most sexual assaults. So, for me, Mac was an obvious choice (even though I knew some readers might reject the story based on that character choice), but I also understand that some readers just can't see Mac that way because this is such a deviation from his canon behavior.

My two cents: After the events of 2017 and so, the concept of Mac as potential rapist and the rest of the world going "he'd NEVER!" is pretty realistic when you just look at it as an idea. However, wheter it is presented or read as realistic is up to you as a writer and... this is a sentence I never expected to write but... a believable rape needs as much build-up as a believable romance. And I use the word believable as "working in a story". So I don't think you need to change his character, you just need to give them time to interact before it happens.

You make a good point a very good point. I'm sure that character choice would go over better and the entire beginning wouldn't feel so abrupt if there was more build-up to the assault. I tried several times to write a chapter before this one for just that reason. What is now chapter one was actually a flashback in the very first draft, but I found that I wasn't very good at switching between past and present tense. So, I got rid of the flashback aspect.
As for the other introductory bits that I ended up deleting. It never felt right. There was always way too much exposition, and one of the big things I wanted to maintain was that the assault was a total shock for RD. So, trying to write in things that made it make sense didn't fit with what I was trying to do.
That said, if I was to try writing the story again from the ground up, I think I'd try harder to make that pre-assault chapter work.

I'm guessing that there's going to be a twist by the end of the story:

This isn't really Big Mac; it's a changeling.

Big Mac is a rapist...


That is a very good question. One that RD just doesn't have an answer for at this point, but that will be addressed in due course.

Well I was more referring to why you as an author would turn Big Mac, of all ponies into this horrible rapist, even though that is something he would never do. He's one of my favorite characters, and seeing him like act like that in the first chapter without warning just felt wrong. I DID NOT like your interpretation of him at all, and everypony else in the story just felt off, but that's just me.

I apologize for misunderstanding your original comment. Thank you for clarifying.

First, I want to say that I don't look Big Mac and automatically think, "Now, there's a rapist." In general, I like Big Mac as a character and casting him in the rapist role wasn't something I did lightly. Before I answer your question, I also want to acknowledge that I am a discovery writer/pantser. So, when I made the initial choice I didn't have all of Mac's motivations full formed in my mind. Although I did know that I wanted there to be some sort of explanation eventually.

I've been immersed in this story for more than a year. So, I've had a lot of time to come to terms with the decision. One of the main reasons I keep coming back to is that it's supposed to feel wrong. Even if I'd managed to successfully write more preliminary events (which I tried several times to do, but none of them felt right), I still would have been careful not to foreshadow the assault. If Mac had given anymore warning, then RD wouldn't have been as surprised and therefore not as vulnerable. I feel strongly that the sense of randomness and wrongness that comes from having Mac as the assailant serves a functional purpose in this story, which is why I've never changed it, even after one particular pre-reader aggressively challenged the choice.

The first factor I looked at in casting the role of rapist was who were my options for the assailaint. In the original draft there were basically three choices Mac, Thunderlane, and a random pony. I excluded the random because, to better mirror real-life assaults, I knew I wanted the charcter to be somepony RD knew relatively well. So, that left me with either Thunderlane or Mac. Thunderlane is a blank shirt of a character for me. I know the name, but that's about all I know. I remember seeing him in the show and I've read several stories with him, but none of them made a big impression about his character. When I thought about the context of this story, Thunderlane seemed too close to RD. The little bit of him I'd written made it clear that he and RD were friends that had just spent a tensionless evening hanging out. That left me with Mac to consider.

My first thought was that if I put Mac in that role, then I'd get push back. The part of me that thinks of Mac as an all around good guy and the part of me that really wants more readers to like/agree with my story kept looking for another option but couldn't find one that made any sense in the events of the story. The rest of my mind was set that Mac was the right choice. I already knew that there is no profile for rapists. They come from every social class, educational background, race, and economic standing. Many rapists are instantly defended with "But he's such a nice guy!" which would absolutely fit Mac. Mac's tendency to be taciturn also meant that for me as a writer there was a lot of opportunity to fill in some of his thought processes. He was an established character with enough backstory in the show I felt I could draw on when the time came to flesh out his motivations. Also, at that point, one of the major thoughts I kept having was that of the options for the assailant, RD would feel the most violated by Mac's betrayal of trust, which became another reason he felt like the best option.

All that being said, I can't blame you for disagreeing with the character choice. Outside of this story, I like Big Mac a lot. I like his presence in the show. My intention in using him wasn't to attack the character in general. In thinking about this story and what I was/am trying to achieve with it, I still firmly believe that he was the right choice. At the same time, it's easy to understand why many readers disagree with me.

Dark mature fics always get some downvotes from people who just look at the tags and don't read the story. Then you have a very likeable character commiting vile acts which will induce more downvotes no matter how well written the story is.

Huh, didn't expect such a detailed reply...

Either way reading this twice, I can understand what your thought process was. Especially since I realised that in terms of male characters in Ponyville, you may not have much to work with. And there's also the fact that I generally don't like stories like these, but I can see that you care about making this story and making it as great as you can. You put in so much effort in a story that while many won't like, those who do really appreciate the effort you put in.
I may not like stories like these and may never write anything like this, but seeing your comment gives me a nice new perspective on why people write these.
I may disagree with this story, but I can at least say that I respect this story.


I was referring to the reviewer in your introductory blog but figured since I'm not the reviewer I'll won't speak for him/her.

Okay. I have a solution to this. Have Big Mac take a lie detector test in court. He'll have to admit to raping Dash

I see. I took that review very seriously because it was absolutely accurate. I hope that effort shows as the story progresses.

Hmmm... perhaps. This assumes of course that Equestrian lie detectors are better than human ones and cannot be tricked.

I've been thinking how to respond to your comment for days because it really meant a lot to me. All I can really think to say is thank you. Thank you for being willing to give the story a second look and keep an open mind. That's absolutely the best response I could hope for, so thank you.

I don't usually comment but I just wanted to say thanks for the care you've taken so far in writing about this topic; it's a hard one to think or discuss about but important all the same.

Tracked and looking forward to reading more from you.

Hooray for an update! Can't wait to see how this all plays out! Good job so far, keep it up!! :twilightsmile:

“That’s bullshit, Twilight, and you know it,” Fluttershy says.

...flutters said that....? W..well then..

I’m actually a bit disappointed we didn’t get to see what happened at Sweet Apple Acres, I was really looking forward to Applejack’s reaction as well as what Big Mac would do once the truth came out. I get that this story is supposed to be from Dash’s point of view, but it still seems like a missed opportunity to me.

Thank you very much.

I totally understand and agree with what you're saying. Being a fly on the wall for that moment definitley could have added to the story.
At one point in time, I considered shifting the perspectives around, so we'd see different aspects of the story that I just couldn't tell from RD's perspective. There were a couple of problems with doing that. 1) I really wanted to focus on Rainbow's experience and shifting POV to another character would really take away from that. 2) When I tried to write the other characters' perspectives, I just didn't have them. I could write a little scene, but I couldn't get a full chapter. So, rather than adding to the flow of the story the scenes were just distracting, and I scrapped the idea.

Haven't commented until now, but....

I do think this story is very earnest, and that both show and goes well with the obvious care you're taking in writing it. I can understand *why* you picked Mac, but I'll admit that it also seemed very off for Mac. Not just that he was the villain, but the *type* of rapist he was....

He seemed too talky, for one thing, and for another, the raw and seemingly calculated brutality does *not* seem like a first (or even second) time offender, but more like one who *was* already a serial rapist, and on his way to adding murder to it. That's probably the hardest part of the scene to swallow, particularly since he seems to be a monster ("corrective" rapist), but not a sadistic one. It's a big step from "I'm gonna show this #$%@ what she's missing" to "and now I'm going to hold her down and watch her kill herself trying to get away."

I do wonder how AJ is going to take this. Each option I come up with is darker than the last, and when "I don't believe you, it's not possible, I hate you" is second on that list, it obviously gets really ugly by option 5.

But what sticks in my head the most?

This is going to freaking *kill* the CMCs, however it plays out.

Thank you for the insightful comment. Your notes about the type of rapist make a lot of sense and are incredibly helpful. I'm not going to go back and rewrite what I have, but I'm definitely going to take those thoughts into account as I continue to work on future chapters. So, thank you very much!

You're welcome!

Of course, it's entirely possible that this wasn't Mac's first rodeo, as they say... Which is where some of those uglier, darker options come in. O_o

great chapter cant wait for the next one

Why doesn't the crown sponsor a lawyer for Rainbow and Rarity? They're national heroes and Twilight is a princess, she could get an amazing lawyer to represent them if she wanted.

Also, if Rarity is getting grilled for assault then it also goes both ways. The damage done to Rainbow would be just as much if not more evidence that Big Mac at least assaulted her, because she wouldn't have done that to herself and it's unlikely unicorn magic would do the same damage as the brute strength of an earth pony. With a victim and a witness both being elements of harmony, Big Mac would probably be on the losing end of this whole deal.

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