The Maretian

by Kris Overstreet

Sol 119

MISSION LOG: SOL 119

Yeah. Last night was a bad one. We had our first dust storm since the Hab blew out.

In my head I know that the Hab repairs are sound. The atmospheric regulator checks the air pressure in the hab as constant. Spitfire hasn’t twitched an ear. And I know from training and engineering study that the Hab canvas and resin are just as strong at the repair point, if not stronger, than any other part of the hab.

But every little hiss and rattle of dust hitting the Hab made me twitch in horror. Was that the seal failing again? Was that? Is another tear starting? How would I know? If the Hab breached while I was asleep, would I wake up just long enough to know I was suffocating? Or would I just drift off, never waking up?

So yeah, fun night of not-sleep I had.

Dragonfly woke up and let me hug her for a while. Her chitin is surprisingly pliable. I eventually got back to sleep once the storm blew out, but by then it wasn’t long until dawn anyway.

To make things even better, when I woke up, NASA decided to finally smack my knuckles for the photographic rebellion a couple days ago. I was tired, shaken up, and pissed off, so I just told NASA they could talk to the ponies about it instead, because I hadn’t been able to sleep due to the dust storm. I handed the computer to Spitfire and Starlight and went back to sleep, or pretended to, at least. I kept my eyes shut until NASA and the ponies worked out a compromise statement that, incidentally, let me off the hook.

Of course I traded off one bit of NASA meddling for another. When I woke up there was an email from Dr. Shields asking me to talk about last night. I thought about it while I was cleaning off the solar panels (because dust storm), and eventually I decided to share with her to see if there was anything she could do about it.

The answer? Meditation. It’s not surprising that I’m a prime candidate for PTSD. Yet another thing I have to thank this lovely, welcoming planet for. But the most effective therapies for PTSD can’t really be done long-distance. But Shields provided some mental exercises that might help disconnect the triggers for my anxiety attacks like I had last night. So the next time I have night terrors, I just contemplate my navel until they go away.

She also pointed out that my fears are far from irrational. Goddamn right they’re not irrational. I am, not to belabor the point, on a hostile planet totally unsuitable for life above, if we’re very generous, the bacterial level. It’s freezing cold, there’s almost no air, the soil is toxic, and if I were able to survive all of that, I’d still die of lethal levels of sunburn from UV radiation.

The problem is, my very rational and sensible terror of the conditions I’m living with on a daily basis threatens to paralyze me, and I can’t afford that. But it’s nice to have a psychologist say that I’m not crazy for thinking this planet wants to KILL me.

That’s not paranoia. It’s a perfectly reasonable and justified conclusion based on empirical data.

Anyway, Dr. Shields suggested I would also feel better for writing out all my feelings in this log. She has a point. Even granted I’m going to catch shit from NASA and all you Earthlings who hang on my every word whenever NASA deigns to release my log excerpts (I’m looking at you, Mr. Downey, and I bet you’re regretting that email now), it feels good to share with somebody.

Dragonfly just asked if she didn’t count as somebody, and I had to spend several minutes explaining everything to her. It put her in a thoughtful frame of mind, so that’s something good, at least.

Anyway, all of that is to explain why I’m writing a log about this when normally I wouldn’t bore you with my mental crap. Instead I’d bore you with how I spent my afternoon arguing with NASA about whether or not I should be allowed to open up the water reclaimer and clean the clogs out of the plumbing. All the other diagnostics check out, so it’s clearly a clog from sediment and other crud in the water from the Hab farm. But NASA is afraid I’ll break something unless they give me detailed step-by-step instructions, which will take days.

Long story short, I’ve got a screwdriver in my hand and the wrenches next to the reclaimer, and I’m ready to perform surgery. Next time NASA decides to bitch at me about a breach of protocol, I’ll actually have done something to deserve it.

Still won’t feel guilty, though.

---

NATIONAL AERONAUTICS AND SPACE ADMINISTRATION

Department of Media Relations
Annie Montrose, director
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

ARES III HAB OCCUPANTS RESPOND TO FILTHY FRED

NASA regards the recent comedy work by the person calling themselves “Filthy Fred” as in poor taste, considering that the persons involved remain in a situation of potentially deadly peril. Mocking people engaged in a daily struggle for survival and rescue on a hostile planet reflects poorly on humanity in general.

Aside from these points, NASA has no direct comment on the so-called “interview”. The aliens currently sharing the Ares III Hab with astronaut Mark Watney, on the other hand, are not NASA personnel. Two of them, Starlight Glimmer and Spitfire, have issued their own statement, along with the series of photos taken by Mark Watney being released along with this statement. (The photos were withheld beyond their usual time due to the need to ensure the translation of the alien message was accurate.) NASA honors their right to express their own views, but wishes it made clear that their views are not those of NASA.

Quoting Starlight and Spitfire:

Our personal lives are really none of your business. But if Filthy Fred is so interested, Spitfire sees no reason not to show him what he’ll never, never have. Hopefully it will cheer his lonely, lonely life to see it, even if he will never know what it feels like.

For the rest of you humans who weren’t raised in a barn, we have a special message. We are adults and professionals. We are not children to be coddled or mocked. We deserve the same respect you would give Mark Watney or your other astronauts. We have people like Filthy Fred in our world and know how to deal with them. When you try to protect us, you insult us by trying to make us children, and you give Filthy Fred and his friends power they have not earned or deserved.

With this in mind, we refuse to answer any questions of any kind from anybody about any relations between any of us in the Hab. Mind your own business, and try to be less pathetic than Filthy Fred.

-30-

Author's Note:

I was going to go one, maybe two more chapters of character filler before getting down to focus on Sleipnir. But this one is growing. And I've also remembered that I need to address Starlight's return to active duty and various survival issues I'm developing. I shovel harder, but the dirt pile in front of me is growing instead of shrinking.

Since I reported "buffer zero" last night, I've written almost 4,000 words- almost all fluff, but it buys me some time. This is important because I've just found out that the odds are very good that I will be on the road for a very prolonged time in the near future, with very little writing time... which means I need to use my time next week for working on as much of my taxes as possible, among other things.

So, this is the first of four filler chapters focusing on communications with Dr. Shields, a character who appears on-screen in precisely one scene in the original book. The original book was much more about problem-solving than people. This story is as much, if not more, a first-contact story than a strict problem-solving exercise. That said, if I had more energy and time I probably wouldn't have bothered with this tangent.

Sol 119 was the day the airlock blew out in the original book. And yes, there was a dust storm the night before. And yes, a few days before Mark had a radio tiff with NASA over the water reclaimer.

-30- is old typographer's code for "this is where the article ends." I don't know if NASA uses it now, never mind twenty years from now, but I like it so I'm using it here.

Comments

[cheetored20]

THE BUFFER LIVES.

[Empty Shelf]

But if Filthy Fred is so interested, Spitfire sees no reason not to show him what he’ll never, never have. Hopefully it will cheer his lonely, lonely life to see it, even if he will never know what it feels like.

And that's why they call her Slobberflame.

[gagiotter]

This story is the highligh of my night.
Glad to see the buffer went up, even if it's fluff. Your fluff is still a lot better than most other stuff I usually read.

And that was an amazing response from the ponies. Kudos to them.

PS: I also want my own Dragonfly to hug at night.

[forbloodysummer]

Dragonfly woke up and let me hug her for a while.

This was a lovely moment. If Mark's going to make it through his time on Mars as a functioning, stable human being, Dragonfly is no doubt the best chance he possibly has. One of the cute cuddly creatures we all love the show for, with the psychological effect outlined in Pony Break, but coupled with genuinely appreciating - needing - the affection rather than feeling patronised by it. And a sapient being with a solid grasp of English, who's in exactly the same situation he is.

I'm sure it's nice to have Dr. Shields as well, but nobody could compete with Dragonfly in that respect

...And I say that as a MarLight shipper

[Opponent]

I doubt people would mind the fluff. The fact that you actually managed to be pretty damn faithful to your, honestly, pretty extreme schedule, really overshadows whatever delays in plot progression that might or might not be happening. Life isn't all excitement and progress, even in spa(AAAAAAAA)ce.

[Tech_Priest]

They still gave Fred the attention he wanted, but the response was decent.

[Cold in Gardez]

-30- is old typographer's code for "this is where the article ends." I don't know if NASA uses it now, never mind twenty years from now, but I like it so I'm using it here.

We still use it in the military.

[titanhades70]

I agree here. If anything develops between certain beings on Mars, it's nopony else's business.

Except us, the readers.

[pottedllama]

GODDAYYUM. . That is one sick burn from Starlight and Spitfire.

I am in awe.. That was fucking beautiful.

[Raugos]

8800505

Course the downside is that Spitfire will probably never want to know just how many people are masturbating to her image.

She's famous, and the former commander of an institution filled with hot-blooded, young ponies out to prove themselves. She's probably used to it.

[titanhades70]

8800547
Rainbow probably does.

[Booster Spice]

ASCII decimal code 30 is Record Seperator? 03 is End Of Transmission?

just as long as someone dont get stuck on 07, things should be peachy.

[titanhades70]

8800563
Maybe the ponies and Dragonfly can rotate. (And Fireball, if you like that sort of thing. ). New hug buddy anytime Mark has trouble sleeping.

That's some Damn good therapy.

Why pay hundreds of dollars, when all you need to do is hug a pony or adorable changeling.

[Prismfire Productions]

8800498
As I have said before, I think all of us want our own Dragonfly

[Latrans]

8800505
As a professional shock comedian, he wouldn't crack over a simple response. He would likely be elated at the recognition. As for responding to the ponies, I doubt he'd do it. Now that the initial lulz have been had, there isn't really anywhere for it to go. Though he might put a copy of their response up with the "interview" because... well... I would. How many people can lay claim to having been told off by First Contact aliens?

[Drachos]

8800505
Depends. There are 3 types of people who do sketches like that.

The first never break character and have very limited morals. They, as you say, will respond to NASA's and the Pony's statement with either more crude and offensive humour (likely involving Starfire's pictures and modifying the official statement in a manner such as, "Filthy Fred is so interested, Spitfire sees no reason not to show him. Hopefully it will cheer him up" followed by some comment about now completely understanding why Mark loves himself some Pony Booty.) , or by getting very angry.

The second group move onto the next target straight away and never come back unless someone paints a giant target on their forehead by getting angry and giving far more material. In this case, Filthy Fred is likely back on Hollywood's case.

The Third group, while they can still be considered scum, are only aiming for a bit of fun, and would see Spitfire's actions as fair play. Some of Weird Al's songs can be incredibly crude for example. THEY would acknowledge Spitfire's clear rebellion against the intent of NASA, basically call out how awesome it is and encourage their audience to seek out the photos 'for a perv.'

OR they would spin it as if Spitfire just broke their heart, talking about how much they wanted the pony booty while playing break up music in the background, begging for forgiveness, before segueing into something stupid and offensive again.

[zsewqthewolf]

8800624
the last one would most likely will happen i mean it happen before with anime movie stars and more.....

am more worry of all the robot sex dolls from japan come from this i mean all they have to do is wait for more ponies to come to earht and well.....

[Halfdemonpyro]

Downey, not Whalberg? Lol

[batran]

Filthy Fred might make a video on this mocking the message. (or explaining himself in an ironic manner).

[borgvicugna]

Filthy Fred's forum... "I had to scan my morbidly obese butt on a tabloid scanner. You like? Can't have it."

[Iron Comet]

Dragonfly plush toys will someday be a hot seller alongside Starlight Glimmer and Spitfire ones. You just know it.

[titanhades70]

8800706
Collect the whole set.

[zsewqthewolf]

mmmmmm i wonder how the trolls will take this...... (get an idea)

The trolls ok we are going to do what they did in watch dogs 2, you know what to do with that usb drive there sending to them, sent them........ the most worst video that will give them nightmares.... sent them Happy Tree frds

[Eroraf86]

Spitfire sure lives up to her name here. I wonder what the ponies worked out with NASA?

[zsewqthewolf]

8800752
most likely sent spitfire meat she want to eat fish and chips again after all her name is from the uk figher plan of ww2

[Drachos]

8800638
On one hand, the sex dolls are a minor problem.

On the other hand, its Japan. Explaining what its doing and why its doing this, and why no one objects to heavily to the fucked up shit that comes out of Japan will explain enough to the Ponies that yeah....this is not the crazy they need to deal with right now.

Cause you know, you utterly UTTERLY know someone is going organize something like this for the Ponies in Japan. In fact, I suspect, cause Japan, its going to be a bunch of Dragonfly style changlings, cause they like creepy/cute.

Can you imagine Queen Chrysalis' responce to a fake army of Changlings marching through a city. :D

[fractalman]

8800793
"I wonder if they'll take orders from me....MY NEW MINIONS, BOW BEFORE YOUR QUEEN!"

[absolfusion]

8800793
"Can you imagine Queen Chrysalis' responce to a fake army of Changlings marching through a city."
Utter delight

[RealityBender098]

I remember where I learned of -30- as "end of document."

In a Superman comic. Lois was reminiscing about it, wondering if it was a grade or rating for her writing, and then learning from Perry that it was for the typesetter, letting him know that section was complete and the next section could be started.

On topic, the ponies' reply to Fred is nice and sweet - I especially like that last zinger about being less pathetic than Fred.

[zsewqthewolf]

8800793
AHAHAHA ok am not going to lie that would be funny in all hell i mean Japan is the only country that has turn cyberpunk because how shit there internet is at times. I mean think what other countries where you can buy box meals, hambugers, live bugs, fish, labster as pets, video games, beer and last of all used panties from school girls from a vending machine.

[zsewqthewolf]

8800799
and knowing there cosplay history they would

[Kris Overstreet]

8800752 The press release is a compromise between Annie and the ponies. The main thing she gave up on was, she wanted Spitfire and the others to agree to a statement that flatly denied "unprofessional personal relationships." The pony position was firm and non-negotiable: NOYB means NOYB.

[Sir Mediocre]

If you're gonna have a shot
You'd better give it all you've got
Don't complain about the flames,
You know she likes it hot

Mandopony's/Andrew Stein's Spitfire

[HB_DS2013]

8800578 Also, Dragonfly gets fed.

[Sun Sage]

I think you've more than proven your capacity to write fluff. Pony or literary, you've find few fluff haters here.

I like the compromise. As much as I defend the ponies' right to take action, the pictures alone wouldn't have been very constructive. The statement is another matter, and I think well handled by both sides. NASA does not share these views... we just happily pass em on to Fred. Cause fuck you, Fred.

[The Salesman]

Side note, but is it not viable to pack trace nutrients that'd be hard to come by to some degree into the water? Obviously it isn't distilled water if they have no issue with drinking it, so SOME stuff can get through, and from there they could abuse the water filtration already built in to the hab to filter out said trace materials so they don't have to drink like 80 gallons or whatever to get the needed amounts. Might solve the salt problem, at least.

[borgvicugna]

8794702
Pun intended.

[Sweetblue]

Well, that was corny but quite strong feeling rebuttal. It is something you would expect to be used in situation like this, it is not really something which could be used for good future trolls and this situation has a potential to go really badly for Filthy if he persists.

Like 8800624 said it would be better to make a love song and let it fade for now, more opportunities will come later for another 'interview' and the facepalm value for that will be quite high. And if he could actually make it somewhat benign it would leave him some openings for even more and sustained comedy.

That or he is just merely an idiot who cannot bring anything of value on the table.

EDIT:
Hah found this just now when was looking the base songs for the fun of it. It would be the perfect music video to modify to suit this situation:

Imagine that with some weak, badly made Mark/Spitfire/otherpersonnel overlay. Or if you had some money to burn with fully new line-animation.

[maskedmustelid]

Honestly, I like me some fluffer buffer. Whether it's content that's actively advancing the story or not, it's still content nevertheless, and I for one enjoy it all equally.

[ocelloid]

8800992
So that's what Cloud Kicker is doing.
Therapy.

[zsewqthewolf]

8801242
am more worry of the gas they will have down the line. see people that dear to try the all potote diet have very very bad gas..... i tryed it for 20 days and it was bad

[ocelloid]

(Sex tag for crude talk about sex, but no actual sex in the story.)

The comment section is not suitable for children either.
It's a love train full of the hot stuff coming to Waterloo.
So full in fact that the starman doesn't want to meet us anymore.
Mostly because of the god awful disco music

[mastermenthe]

8801249
if it gets bad, they can turn back on the oxygenator system, which will fry most of the odorous volitiles out of the air.

[Earthpatriot117]

DAMN! filthy Fred just got OWNED!!! LOLOL

[HB_DS2013]

8801231 Isn’t Cloud Kicker a massive perv, though?

[Morphy]

8800498

Dragonfly, putting the cuddle in cuddlebug. Although Chrysalis is probably above hugging people, I can definitely see her working her way through Earth politics and business deals like the shark she is, shmoozing it up.

Oh yeah, on the subject of fluff. I'm all for the fluff. More fluff!

[zsewqthewolf]

8801576
he maybe got owned but then he will turn this to a win just like all trolls do

[Moonblaze]

8802018
Ha! Trolls getting a 'win.'