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Rainbow Dash is bitter at her idols after the failed Gala. But can this change?She is send on a mission with other pegasi and the Wonderbolts. Ending up wounded in a rather sticky situation all alone, she thinks that the Wonderbolts wont even notice her disappearance, they would leave, after all they didn't care.
Or not...
What if one of them had always kept an eye on her?
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Hmm... Not bad; interesting premise, and not too many spelling and grammar mistakes. However, I would improve the pacing a little - maybe get a pre-reader or something.
Hmmm, seems like SoarinDash so I'm automatically intrigued.
Story's not bad either, though you should space out and indent all of your paragraphs. Saw a couple typos here and there.
I'll stay and see where this goes.
You got me at SoarinDash.
MOAR!!!!!!!!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Derpy_Hooves.png
Who would dislike such a well written story? SHAME ON YOU!
btw looking forward to the next chapter.
good story! but everything is a bit to clustered, I advise making paragraphs with a blank line in between. Makes it a whole lot easier to read
(thumbs up
)
Will read ,I have 23 other stories in my read later....
Moar!
This has promise
Other than the spacing issue the others have pinted out....I LOVE IT. Like, this is a great start, I think. I can't wait for the next chapter.
i'll start with editing this one, it's my first time posting here, guess thats why o.o
thanks for reading btw XD i thought no one would.
and thanks for the hints as well :)
946762
:) ty! btw, i edited the first chap. thought better fix the typos and all before posting another chap
946836
hehe, it's natural some wont like it. i dont even strive for everyone to like what i write, it's impossible. many dont like a straight dash from what i guessed. but seriously i cant see any on the mane 6 anything other then straight. o.o dunno why though
Note: Pegasi is the collective term for the winged ponies, with the singular noun being pegasus, i.e. a single pegasus, a pair of pegasi etc.
956493
o.o really? didnt know that. might as well go fix it. ty
I like this a lot. And I like how you have them as a team, but not all friends. I mean, they're a sports team. I always thought Spitfire and Soarin were brother and sister though....but yeah, great chapter again! I'm loving this chapter.
Oooo good chapter, I like where this is going.
)
Could use another round of thorough proof-reading, saw a few typos:
He didn’t even bothering giving
He wouldn’t have minded to have her in his team. ("having her on his" would work better)
True, even if they were partners in flight, but that didn’t mean he had to be friends with hem. (what is 'True'? and the 'but' isn't needed for the sentence)
Not even thinking that those monsters sucked were really fast and (the monsters suck fast or they're fast and they suck?
Where did that old stallion manage to do that was a mystery, simply because the radio station was miles away from the training base. (Not sure what you meant by this line.)
focused on the next prey (their next, or just 'their')
Grammar Nazism over. Correct at your leisure. If you'd prefer I send such corrections to you privately just let me know.
Darn I had an image that summed up the end of this chapter perfectly...and I can't find it.
957874
you know, i'd really love it if you helped me out finding those typos! -goes to edit nao-
thanks, and well i noticed that some of the mistakes you pointed out were more of the structure of the sentance then grammar. sorry about that, english is my third xD
O.O you have to find iiiiiiit, im curious here xD
btw, how's my first evers story for mlp? an i doing a decent job here? or are the bronies gona kill me?
958378
Always happy to help. That's very impressive for a third language...English is all I know and I still make mistakes
I'll keep looking for it, but I literally spent 2 hours before and after posting that comment looking for it, google-ing every combination and permutation of search parameters I could think of to find that pic...with no luck. Worse comes to worse I'll pull it out of my records when I get back home to my primary computer in a week or so.
I'm certainly liking the story, and you have 29 thumbs up to 3 down, that's not an easy feat, especially for someones first story. I think you're safe from the wrath of the bronies. Just whatever you do, don't rush straight to Them loving each other, I've seen so many other SoarinDash fics that are good, but could have been much better had they not jumped the gun and built the relationship up before taking the plunge.
958523
this was supposed to be a oneshot, but with a timeskip xD, im spoiling it for you lol.
it's not my first story, jut my first for mlp. its different then writing for humans you know. o.o
trust me, i wont rush the romance. well its obvious soarin likes her, but doesnt mean he'll go confess, she will instantly understand she loves him, they kiss and happy ever after. lmao, i wont put that drama for sure xD
it's RD after all.
958545
I figured this wasn't your "first" first, should have made that more clear, see English is all I know and I still make mistakes
Glad to hear it won't be rushed, though you say it was "supposed" to be a one-shot with a time-skip, does that mean it's not anymore and will be made into a grand epic of unimaginable proportions!?
Side note, I think I found that picture I was thinking of...but it seems the combination of time, and my own overactive imagination altered how I remembered it...so it doesn't match the ending nearly as well as I thought it did...oops
958635
xD i am thinking of four or five chapters. nothing more. i tend to...lose interest when writing a multichap story. i have an unfinished fic with 33 chapters. and it's still like the middle. o.o the readers were killing m for that
33...wow
Yeah I could imagine the readers being unhappy about that. One story I'm reading is up to like 10 something and the characters are still in the friendship stage, it was finally getting to the turning point and...then he disappeared...hasn't been online in months...I'm legitimately concerned something happened to him
958784
maybe he is just busy or lost the muse o.o
sec...are ALL writers here guys???
958980
He vanished on the day he said he was going to post the next chapter...and then never logged back on for over 14 weeks...hope he's alright but I'm probably over thinking it.
No they aren't all guys...I'm just fairly sure this one is. Also this is My Little Pony, the male demographic is obviously the most prevalent for this kind of show
959017
lets hope it's just avacation or something like that. o.o
959032
Yeah. Oh well though nothing I can do about it anyway but hope he comes back soon.
959042
hehe, you know? looking at our prof pics here reminds me of a fic i read where dash in a shadowbolts costume pranks soarin xDDD
Hahaha, it does look like that.
Dash: "3...2...1...now!
*Lightning strikes near Soarin, causing him launch high into the air*
Dash: "hahahahahaha got'cha Soarin! Looks like I win again"
Soarin: "awwww not again"
*mopes on the cloud in defeat"
I don't think I've read that one, wouldn't happen to know the title would you?
959078
i've read it in ffn i think, dunno if it was posted here o.o
and nooo, it wasnt like that, she pranks him kinda by accident on their nightmare night xD
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8245373/1/Soarin_and_Rainbow_Dash_Fanfic
Thanks
959098
you are very welcome fellow brony xD
When the Wonderbolts were told about the situation in all Equeastria - wow error in the first sentence...wow, Equestria btw
975595
that's embarrassing xD
975754 I wonder why nopony recognized the misspelling of their homeland--I mean the setting of MLP...
975802
i fixed it. o.o
975820 thank you my most Loyal Subje--err Darkwings...
975837
i have a rapeface you know....bewareeeeeee.
all bronies out there beware
btw, how do you like the story? not the typos pwease, i fixed them as i could. o.o i even edited stuff in the first two chaps
Well let's just put it this way, if you don't update soon, Nightmare Moon may have company...
975964i am writing chap 3 at the current moment. it's gona be....darkish o.o
btw, how was a baby pony called? the unisex name, not filly or colt
Foal
Looking forward to Ch.3...I can't believe I missed that 'Equestria' typo...stupid auto-correcting brain.
976200
ty xD oh come oooon. just one typo, stop killing me o.o
chap nearly ready. gona post after i finish it. be patient geez.
976227
No, I'm upset that I missed it when I read it...I can wait...for a bit...
976262
chap posted. finally. if you see any typos, please tell. i dont think im in the mood to reread lol
staring from the illusions and ending with the blood sucking. Think you meant starting
As
A chill ran down his spine all the way to his tail. (Line got separated)
whole picture even more scary then ever. (scarier, just a nitpick though.)
or in his mother lap,
"Sorin....my dearest Sorin....."
I am a pergasus for the bucks sake!, he thought and knelled down on his front legs, eyes focused on the light beam of the voice. (the green part just confuses me a bit...not sure why though)
would still hunt him years later.
He felt his very heart was being peeled off. ("like" his very heart)
there through all the claning
and th bandaging.
to bndage her wings
didn't show up tot he base.
and flew out of th window.
recognize the smell of antytheptic,
I think that's everything...Was a good chapter, more depth for Soarin, why he likes apple pie so much.
Ooooo what object did he leave her!? Must know, must know!
Also the Daemostera, the description made me think of this http://lordpankake.deviantart.com/art/MLP-Changeling-305604829
I await your next chapter to proof-read th01.deviantart.net/fs71/150/f/2011/179/8/b/rainbow_dash_salute_ansi_by_qeinone-d3kck9q.png
And to enjoy of course
I did see typos, it was just stuff like writing tot he instead of to the though. Honestly, gammar isn't my strong suit. I loved this chapter. Wonder what it was soarin left....guess we'll find out next chapter.
976562
o.o omg, i make s much mistakes. lets go redoing it! thanks tomodachiiiii~
tomo-what now? *googles it* ohhhh, you're quite welcome my friend.
In case you missed the link here it is again without all the distracting red words http://lordpankake.deviantart.com/art/MLP-Changeling-305604829
That picture instantly came to mind when I read your description of Daemostera.(I'd put the image in the comment but I'm pretty sure it's bigger than max size allowed)
i actually wanted the snow wind spirit things, but made my own monsters like them xDD.
anyways, i changes stuff, but kept some.
his mom says 'sorin' for a reason. :P
which will be revealed later on. just waaaaaiiiiiit.
btw, i'd think people who like mlp would dunno watch anime too and be otakus o.o
You...wouldn't be wrong...especially in terms of my friends...I just watch very little anime...and it's always dubbed when I do so if someone says 'friend' it's in English...after all the whole point of television was to remove the need to read.