• Published 1st Jan 2018
  • 445 Views, 18 Comments

The Duck King - CrazedLaughter



An ordinary duck defeated the princesses and conquered Equestria. That's it.

  • ...
9
 18
 445

The One Duck to Rule Them All

And there he sat. The small, long beaked, vicious, and crafty duck that had made its way into Canterlot Castle and crushed every royal guard it faced. The battle was bloody as guard after guard fell as they rushed to protect their princesses. But sadly, it was to no avail. The duck with the green feathers upon the crown of its head was simply too fast. Either waddling quickly to cause guards to crash into each other or flying about with cries so loud it caused them to fall unconscious from the sheer force of it’s overwhelming quacks.

The battle he had with the princesses was sadly, not much of a battle. Fearing for the well being of their subjects. They gave up their crowns to the mighty duck that had waddled into their grand home. Celestia found herself being the duck’s advisor, if only to try to keep an eye on the subjects she held so dear. And Luna? She became his only guard. Her fierceness and power alone was enough to protect this mighty fowl.

In present time. The duck was, as mentioned, was sitting upon his throne as he preened his wings and looked about aimlessly as his closest advisor began to explain to him the most recent events of the day.

“Sire, I need your decision. Manehatten is suffering from a horrible famine due to all their shows and acts being replaced with nothing but “It’s all about ducks”. The shows are so bad that they just stare upon it, unable to do anything else as their minds try to comprehend what they are watching.” Celestia told him, she herself wanting a change before ponies began to fall from the lunacy of it.

The duck king only looked to Celestia for a moment before pecking at the arm of his throne.

Celestia panicked and began to apologize “Oh no no! I am not questioning your taste, sire. I was merely suggesting perhaps another-” But Celestia is stopped when the duck began to wiggle it’s tail feathers. She knew her head would roll if she continued on this subject. “Ahrm..yes. My liege”

Luna stood down the steps on the front of the throne. She looked back. With a hint of disgust on her face.

“Ahrm, anyway. There is also the meeting with the foals at the local play yard. You mentioned you were going to do something for them. May I ask what that is?” Celestia looked to the duck, a little worried what it might have had planned.

The duck slowly blinked and let out a cough. Both Celestia and Luna were caught off guard by this.

Celestia was wide eyed “You don’t mean to…”

The duck then turned around and started to looked straight up at the banners raise at each side of the throne. Each adorned with a picture of his majesty. He just stared as drool started to leak from his beak.

Celestia felt the ultimate dread in her heart “You’re going to what?! You’re can’t just force them on their back...mount them...and….and.”

“ENOUGH! I WILL STAND FOR NO MORE OF THESE SHENANIGANS” Luna turned around to face the duck king. She was furious as to what the duck had planned. “I WILL NOT LET YOU USE THE LITTLE ONES’ BELLIES TO USE AS A CHESS BOARD! IT IS DERANGED AND WRONG AND NONE OF THEM EVEN HAVE A CHECKERED COAT! IT MAY HAVE ONLY BEEN A MONTH. BUT YOUR TYRANNY HAS GONE ON MUCH TOO LONG YOU MEGALOMANIC MALLARD! DOWN WITH THE KING! I SHALL HAVE YOUR HEAD!”

Celestia stepped back as Luna hovered upwards. Luna’s horn was brimming with dangerous and powerful magic and it was a lit and ready to go. “Sister! No! He’s much too powerful!”

“No! I will not allow this! Prepare to be destroyed false king!” Luna aimed her horn at the duck king. Who had recovered from his daze and went back to preening his wings.

Luna, in a fury, began to fire shot after shot of powerful blasts and deadly lasers. The entire throne room began to fill with rubble and dust from the destruction she was wreaking.

By the end of her assault. The throne room was in ruins. Luna fell to the ground, utterly drained and unable to fight no more. Celestia joined her at her side, worried to death for her. “Sister! Luna! Are you alright?!”

“N-ngh, I am...a tad ruined, sister. But the foul wretch. There is no way he could have su-EGADS?!”

Luna, and then indeed even Celestia stood agape and in surprise as the dust cleared enough to reveal the throne, fully intact, with the duck king pecking at his crown that had fallen from his head. He had not suffered a single injury.

“B-but...that was all I had. Impossible, what magic could produce such a barrier to protect the throne?” Luna asked in bewilderment.

“I know not sister. I will beg the king for forgiveness. I-I will even sacrifice myself if it means your safety. My dearest Luna, I won’t let any harm come upon you.” Celestia said, tears in her eyes and she rubbed the side of her sister’s head with her own.

“Don’t worry Princesses! We’re here to save the day!” Yelled a familiar nerdy voice.

Luna and Celestia looked in surprise as Twilight and her friends burst through the throne room doors. Ready for a fight with the duck king.

“Alright Duck King, we don’t want to fight you. But we will if we have to! Stand down! Or else!” Twilight growled at him. She was ready for a fight if necessary. As were her five friends.

The duck looked at her for a moment, and let out a quack.

“W-what?! I didn’t know that. That’s...actually a sound theory” Twilight suddenly seemed disarmed by the duck’s quack. As if she was then given profound knowledge.

The duck let out a few more quacks. Which seemed to blow Twilight’s mind.

“So you’re saying that the quantumaleasosis theory is wrong and that. Woah and that Starswirl’s study on dark magics and even….what?! WHAT?! D-duck King...your knowledge is so profound. Teach me your ways…..I will give you anything you want.” Twilight then gives him a seductive look. “Anything…”

Her friends gasped. They couldn’t believe Twilight could be charmed so easily.

The Duck then gave his answer. Or rather he stood up on his throne. Tripped onto his side. And fell face first onto the ground as he started to waddle about, quacking angrily.

“Done, and done. Well, it was nice knowing you guys. But I got to get my nerdgasms on. Both literally and figuratively” Twilight said with a snicker.

Before her friends could even react Twilight blasted them off to places unknown. She then walked past the princesses as she went to join the duck king’s side. Who had since calmed down and flew back onto his throne to peck at his crown some more.

And then…….No ok screw it.

I, the author who has found this entire story ludicrous, appear out of nowhere. Clad in golden plate armor, I point my sword at the duck king and challenge his rule “Listen here beakface! I’ve grown tired of all this crap! With my plot armor and my sword of dues ex machina. I will bring you down and restore order to Equestria! There will be no quarter! Prepare to die!”

But the duck king just stares at me. And just quacks.

“W-what?! What do you mean I’m not the mary sue?”

And he quacks again.

“A-are you saying because you’re the main character. That you are the mary sue..and that I’m the antagonist? That all along I am the one who is supposed to lose?”

He quacks yet again.

“A-and that I was the one who even wrote this? That this was all preordained? That I, in fact, created the conditions for your victory? And due to this being a short story...T-that...It would have to end soon to have a satisfactory climax without it dragging too long?”

The duck then goes pecking at his butt for some reason.

“NOOOOOO!” And then I expl

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 18 )

You know? I came, I read, and I laughed hard. :rainbowlaugh:

If only other Mary Sues and Gary Stus were fowl, then the world would be a better - albeit hilariously ridiculous - place to live. :trollestia:

But you forgot the main enemy of the duck... a rabbit! Go, Angel, go!! :flutterrage:

For the audacity of this premise, and the hilarious spoof to all things self-inserty and mary-suey... like a great trollfic is supposed to be...

I grant thee a fav and thumb's up for this short piece of work.

Have a nice day, sir! :moustache:

8643304
You know what this fic reminded me of?

An event that became a story from Dwarf Fortress, with Darkwing the Fowl as the main character.

This is good!

8643352
I know of Dwarf Fortress. don't know anything else beyond the basic idea though

8643364
Search for it at TVtropes - you'll certainly get a good laugh at the madness it describes from users. :rainbowlaugh:

🐤 all fall before the duck

8643362

Thank you. i just hope people realize the ending is on purpose

This story has the most complex plot I have ever read!

flying about with cries so loud it caused them to fall unconscious from the sheer force of it’s overwhelming quacks

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EO8vtOzXRbE

Being "on purpose" doesn't make it funny. Pretty much the opposite, actually: it simultaneously demonstrates awareness and an unwillingness to improve. You know it's shit, but you don't care. So why should we?

8643480
I think you missed the point of the story

It's even more hilarious when you've had drunken conversations with a duck before.

.....what’s worst is I could see something like this happening in Ponyland land. If only the duck had waddled off at the end, looking for food

DuckKing awesome.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!