The Amazing Adventures of Butter Knife! (& Friends!)

by TheMajorTechie

The Pony of Culture

"Ah, so you're a mare of culture as well, I see."

Stabby Stick whipped around to find herself face-to-face with a chubby earth pony colt, of whom donned a Dorito bag as a hat. "What do you want." She deadpanned, turning back to focus on watching the carnage of an enraged Alicron chasing Anon after the alicorn's lawn was mowed just .0000000167 seconds too late. All the while Ego Boost continued to fawn over the pimped-out Alicorn of Time.

The chubby pony bowed, tipping the crusty Dorito bag as he ignored the crumbs that tumbled out. "I only wish to teach myself the ways of your culture, ma'am."

Butter Knife snorted. "Well, you're ma'am up the wrong pony. Go bother Ego Boost or something. Heck, take on LawnPo for all I care."

The colt shook his head. "Neigh," he neighed, "The ones you call Ego Boost and LawnPo are lesser beings. You, however, are the epitome of grace and existence. Your horny top-hat brings great joy to my eyes, as do the silver and gold that you don atop your red-and-black coat."

Dead Parents raised a brow.

"I am greatly sorrowed if I may have offended you, Great Pony of Edge," The colt bowed again, "For I have entirely forgotten to introduce myself. I am the Pony of Culture, as you can already tell by my magnificent hat. Though, you may call me Bob. I come from--"

"You do realize that your hat is a crusty bag of Doritos, right?"

Bob gasped. "Do not insult the Pony of Culture's great culture!"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Just don't tempt me to stab you or anything if you stick around."

The Pony of Culture's eyes lit up. "Why yes, I won't forget such wise words! Um... may I call you senpai?"

Butter Knife froze in horror.