This was a good read, I hope you will make a sequel of this.

I do love you, Trick Question, but the whole foalcon thing just never sits well with me.S o while I liked the basis of the story, the whole weird cult thing, I didn't really get into it. But I really did like the style, gave me Diamond Tiara Versus the Changeling Invasion vibes, which is, in my opinion, the best story on the site.

So while I like the genre, and I love your writing, I just find it hard to get enjoyment when possible pedophilia is involved

8714044
I would think the "sex" "noncon" "fetish" and protagonist being a foal would be enough to steer you away, though. I tried to make that as clear as I could.

Not bad but I could liked more if it continue a little more to see Sweetie Belle... I like MC and think there are not enough Mind Control for foals, but only in the last half seemed to be going good.

8714235
Well, this is supposed to be horror rather than erotic. I'm considering an M-rated sequel, though.

An assimilation sort of horror story isn't quite what i expected. I think I prefer these sorts of stories to be a bit more extended; as is I mostly enjoyed it for the hypnosis subtheme, though I'm ambivalent towards horror in general.

Wow that was a weird. A bit rough, too. Have this upvote.

The beginning seems a bit disjointed and exposition-heavy. I guess it could use a bit of elaboration on Role Reversal being Button's quillpal before he moves to Innocence because right now the "they know each other" part comes from almost nowhere (basically, only one line in a conversation with Sweetie Belle).

Luckily, it takes off a bit in later chapters and while the writing does seem a bit rough, it does get a bit of the Wicker Man vibe (I'm, of course, talking about the version starring Christopher Lee, not the one with Nic Cage and the bees). Overall, an interesting read that could use a bit of work.

8714065 I'm not a very smart man, to be fair

8714277
That's encouraging to hear. I'm sure nothing will go wrong.™

8715790
Cool, I snagged that from Ultra Fast Pony.

Have they forced Button's mother to drink the potion? And how have they directed the effect?
And I'm a bit confused about the precise effects of mind modification: I get why Button likes the village in the end, but why he wants to pull Sweetie Belle in?

8716162
Remember, they asked her to bring a picture of him with her to the lunch.

He wants to bring her in because he still loves her. That's one of the more disturbing elements of the story: he's still Button Mash at the end.

8714065

unfortunately tags don't tell you everything. It can be worth it if you think the villains will get stomped in te head and their town burned to the ground.

So they take the risk, then they regret. And most people don't read fiction for regrets

8716635
I agree, but they were talking about the foal romance content, not the outcome of the story.

As for outcomes themselves, I can't tag those. Revealing the ending would ruin most stories. Having the bad guys win is a staple of horror and dark fiction so it shouldn't be a surprise when it happens, especially when the foreshadowing implies that exact ending from the very beginning of the story (e.g. "I'll never be a monster").

8716390

they asked her to bring a picture of him

They did That's some attention to details in writing

he's still Button Mash at the end

But why his first resort was using potion on her then? His preferences about village (and what's happening there) changed, but why his preferences about forcefully changing others' preferences changed too?

This is... eerie as fuck.

Nice!

I'm kind of confused on the ending. Did Button Mash agree to live in Innocence without the poison, and then give it to Sweetie Belle so she would stay? Or did he take the poison and is tricking Sweetie Belle? Either way, good story, and I'm hoping for a sequel!! Also, did anyone else get any "Get Out" vibes from this?

8719480
The latter.

I haven't seen that movie, but it looks creepy so I'll take that as a compliment.

8716887
Maybe experiencing it is all it takes to convince you it's right. Who knows...

I don't know what it is about stories that aren't meant to be erotic that have sexual vibes on the back burner, but they give me a certain kind of good bad feeling I can't explain. I can't wait for more of your stories.

8786205

stories that aren't meant to be erotic

Is the incense to somehow make them think he's using the poison? And why the lipstick? So Sweetie doesn't get too persistent about wanting answers?

8808971
The incense contains the poison, as does the lipstick. Sweetie Belle's family is being converted.

8809319
Aww, I was hoping rebellion.

Im not sure why but I have this feeling role reversal feel in love with button mash for some reason

I used it to make my parents fall in love with me so that they'd do my bidding. I didn't realize they'd use it on me later, but I'm glad they did.

The only thing better than the inmates running the asylum is when the asylum starts running itself. Spontaneous assembly!

i've read some of your work ,i must say .your quite the interesting writer

8715576
I just realized I need to add this to my wall of review quotes.

I hope there can be a sequel in the future to see if they can save themselves or not

This story is now under "new" management.