• Member Since 8th May, 2015
  • offline last seen Apr 9th, 2020

Oldtakufanboy


Original username Zoddtheimmortalone. I'm a fan of anime, but I enjoy the classics more. As for My Little Pony, I may not watch it as much, but I do like the show and I also love EG

Comments ( 99 )

Ah, i was actually just waiting for a HumanxSeapony romance, it's finally here, Happy New Year :trollestia:

Is Queen Nova gonna turn Travis into a merman?

8638056
I want to read this :raritywink:
Good first chapter, will be looking forward to an update

P.S. I know the description says that he will have to remain in Seaquestria, but it would be fun if the royal Hippogrif family got invited to the Grand Gallopin Gala, Travis and Skystar would be an interesting pair of guests

8638063
They're not in Equestria

8638082
Eh, even if i was wrong about that, i still want to see where it goes from here

8638094
Thank you, though i think i am gonna stop replying now for this chapter :rainbowlaugh:
Untill next time, have a Happy New Year :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by Phantom Night deleted Dec 30th, 2017

I haven't read this, but when I saw it in the feature box this is the first thing that came to mind:

This serves as a reminder that simply because a story hits the feature box and has an interesting title image and premise doesn't mean it will be at all good: Subpar writing, grammar and dialogue, boring characters and shoddy pacing make for a bad read overall, especially given this is the first chapter. If you haven't yet read, I can't say it is worth your time in this state. I hope you continue to write, author, so you can improve upon this.

Disliked.

8638558

8638670
At least you guys are honest about my writing and I agree, my writing isn't the best, but I do enjoy making them. I would like a personal editor, but I don't know where to find one.

8638747
You would? Last editor I asked for didn't do jack for me.

I'd recommend a rewrite, make an cliff hanger at the end of the chapter, go into more Dept and well make the characters more interesting. I'd like the idea but please make it better, it was hard for me to read due to the paseing and several other things.

8638755
I won't write your story for you, but I'm willing to help make it more presentable. You'll need at least two editors for this task.

8638764

8638763
I like the suggestions. I can try it out on the next chapter

8638769
Ok, just make it so that it brings the reader in. Don't rush it like you did and put more Dept in the characters.

Very good start Story. :pinkiehappy: I'm really curious to see how it goes on and what will be the story between Princess Stystar and Travis. :twilightsheepish: I will immediately put this story in the favorites. :yay:

I like this. I'm a big fan of the Abyss, one of the first sci-fi movies I ever watched so it holds a special place in my heart. Love the reference and I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes. keep up the good work.

8639416
Thank you. It’s one of my favorites

8639501
Have you heard of "The Core" ? it's another one that is really good.

never knew seaponies where real

looks like you have some little grammatical errors, it’s usually a bad sign when your summaries have errors in them. It looks like you have rogue h there.

8639687
Thanks for spotting that. Got it fixed

I thought I left a comment, but it seems I didn't.

This is really cool, I would really like to see more, you have the style of Writing stories I like. I'm not an English speaker and I do the same error you do, so I don't mind.

this looks quite interesting. I keep an eye on this one.

Well, I had hope for this. The dialog is just too in-your-face about the characters' "this thing about me because I feel like you need to know this and I can't fit it into my own inner voice or show it with my actions". Seriously, if not you, then your editor needs to check out some books on dialogue and other story related structural nuances. I'm not trying to come off as an ass or anything, I want to enjoy this story, but I can't when the character exchange is sooo poor.

Check these out:
How to write dazzling dialogue.
Busy Writer’s Guides by Marcy Kennedy
And of the Busy Writers Guides, I suggest "Showing and Telling", "Grammar", "Internal Dialogue", and "Point of View".

Not that what you have is horrible by any means, it just needs a little polish. These books have helped me sooo much! I still have a lot I need to work on, but my writing (if you look at my latest story and compare it to one of my older ones) is exponentially better.

Your one hundredth like from me, please let there be more chapters, in really loving this story!!!

8676614
Next chapter is coming. I'm looking through it now then having it proofread

8677207
Not a bad story. Would have liked to have seen him get some action with Novo. But, maybe you can make another story with her. As well as redeeming Queen Chrysalis in another story, and she falls in love.

Huh, you didn’t just turn Travis into a seapony?

8678316
I was more wondering why you didn’t go all the way since there was transformation anyways :derpytongue2:

"I really like to think your mother for the hospitality."

Change think to thank

This was an interesting chapter. Was curious as to why you made him go all Thirteenth Year and made him a merman. Wondering in the future he would get his legs back if he ever decided to go on land again.

Anyway I enjoy this story so I look forward to the next chapter.

You're movin' too fast, mate. Step off the gas a little. Met on the first day and on the same day Novo is thinking Travis is trying to get in Skystar's pants...scales...tail?

Whatever, just dial it down, man. It's like you're trying to bake a pie, but you set the stove on 2000 degress.
Other than that, so far so good.

So Travis is now a merman with a tan fish tail and a brown flipper? That just looks weird when I imagine it in my mind.

Wouldn't it make more sense for him to have a more colorful tail?

8679766
Like what? Multiple colored scales? Sounds cliche

8679808
I don't mean a rainbow tail. I mean a different color, like red, blue, orange, green or any other color. Not the same color as his skin tone.

8679890
I gotcha, but I like it the way it is. Sorry if it’s not a good picture, but I didn’t want it to be a colorful color, like green for example. It’s been done before, but never have I heard of a fishtail of a mermaid that matches his skin tone, so I went with that.

8679954
Careful with the use of the word mermaid. Don't get it confused with merman.

8680291
In a story like this one, that's the last kind of mistake you want to do.

I like this story. Travis and Skystar nice couple. btw. I have the impression that something that Travis has lost could come back out and I think the sea mares could hypothetically center. :pinkiehappy:
obviously Travis will have to settle and it will not be easy being a stranger. we will have to see how it will take history in the future.
keep it up.

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