• Member Since 6th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 4th, 2015

Ascension Call


There and back again.

Comments ( 87 )

this is cool, but what abou your other fic "Here's to you"?

Finally! A clopfic without a story. To be honest, I don't like clopfics with a detailed story, I just want to get to the good stuff. Anyway, you have earned a fav and a watch. :moustache: :yay:

Thanks for the faves, comments, likes, and reads everypony! The next chapter for this story will be up soon. I promise. :ajsmug:

946222

Vidaldas, your concerns, as well as those of other readers, will not be ignored. I've just hit a bit of a mental block on it, but hopefully I'll have it worked out soon. Don't worry, for I fully intend to finish that story. :twilightsmile:

946539

Yeah, I ain't a big fan of clopfics with detailed stories either. Thank you for the fave and watch!

946588
In fact, I was wondering if I could do a reading of this on my Youtube channel. With your permission, of course. :twilightsmile:

946740

Whoa. I'd seriously be honored. :pinkiegasp: You have my permission, of course. Though, do you want to wait for the next chapter?

Either way, PM me a link to the video when you do the live read, please. I thank you! :yay:

:trixieshiftright:
:trixieshiftleft:
farm6.staticflickr.com/5178/5596136063_f812ece474.jpg

No, but seriously. That was good for a first. Well done.

946994
I can wait till the next chapter, as long as it won't take an entire year to compose. :rainbowlaugh:

946996

Thank you very much for the picture and your review. I thought it was bad, but I guess it wasn't in others' opinions. :twilightblush:

947011

Oh, definitely not. I'm starting work on it a bit later today.

Clopping like theres no tomarah!!!
great job, i never commented on a clopfic so yeah, great job. :derpytongue2:

I only comment on really good fics and rarely on clopfics. I'm looking forward to your next chapter.

PS: Aim for realistic, in-character clopfics are harder to make but are much, much more rewarding

948315

I'll keep that in mind for my future attempts. Thank you! :twilightsmile:

That last part with the parents!:rainbowlaugh:

Great chapter! You said you wanted a review, so here it is. Sorry if it may seem a little harsh, but I can only hope that it will help you in your writing. If not, show me and finger and I'll laugh it off :D

General writing: It's decent, not too repetitive and rather clean. A few mistakes here and there but it seems that they are the product of re-editing/tense switch. Skipped a few words as well but overall the number is low enough to stay under the radar and not distract the reader.
Your vocabulary surpasses the minimum requirements for a decent read and raises the story above the average.

Character development: "Seems legit" Is pretty much all I can say. We don't have a lot of info on them two from the show to make an accurate character profile, but overall it's believable. Cadance is a little bit on the extreme there, but justifications present throughout the chapter like "It contrasted heavily with the warm, gentle, and loving Cadance..." makes her characterization believable.

The cloppy aspect: Your style is clean and nice but unoriginal and boring. It follows a common pattern of "oral,vag,anal", quite typical in what I like to call pornfics.
For me, there are two types of clopfics: pornfics and romance scenes. A good example of a great romance fic with clop is "Romance reports". The sex is not the core part of the fic, but rather a filling for the story. Want to know if a fic is a good romance? take away the 18+ parts and if it makes sense and you still love it, then it's a good romance fic. Or the other way around: "Two's a Company, Three's a Crowd": a great story (my favorite romantic fic). The author published a separate clopfic filler for it, but that was it; just a pornfic.
Pornfics are just stories that most of the times pass by as porn movies with ponies scripts. They are dull, repetitive and unoriginal. Yours on the other hand (hoof :trollestia:), is a slight mixture between them. It could very well be a deleted sex scene from a great romance novel. Either that, or a fic that tries to be like "Like fine wine": a pornfic with great story. But then again, SleeplessBrony is a great clop author.
You also lose a lot of realism points at the 'losing virginity' part. You described with great detail pretty much every sexual act in the story, but skipped the 'first time' and went through it too fast. In one sentence Cadence lost her virginity, and in the next, Shining was pounding into her like a wild animal. I had high hopes that the 'first time' part would be the core of the fic. Instead, it was nothing above the usual, rushed pornfic, and that makes it lose a lot of marks.

Overall, it started out with an awful premise (oral sex, oral sex everywhere!), but gave the impression that it was actually a front stage for something actually good. It promised a lot but failed to deliver.
If you build up the story around it a little more, tone down Cadence just a tiny bit and re-edit the 'first time' part, it would definitely be something great.

But that's just my opinion. :D

Good luck !

more please .... the parents together would be nice as a separate story or chapter

953061

Exactly! :pinkiehappy:

953121

Now that there is a good review. I always appreciate good, constructive criticism, so firstly, I want to give you a big thank you for taking your time on looking at this story of mine. :twilightsmile:
Now, regarding your points:

General writing

Yeah, I re-edit awkwardly at times. Something of a bad habit of mine. :twilightblush:

Character development

The fact that there isn't much detail on the characters is what I was working off of when I was writing Cadance, so I did push her character to a more extreme side. You know, the idea that there are hidden, darker sides in everybody (everypony).

Cloppy aspects

Hm, wasn't really intending to give this a well-built story (as I stated on the description), but now you've got me thinking. The first time part was too rushed, but that was because I wanted to get to the more debased parts quicker. I've got another fic I'm working on (TwiMac!) which actually focuses on the romantic parts and, like you said, uses the sex mainly as a filler. This was just a little experiment at clop writing to hopefully improve my skill at doing so. Again, I must thank you for helping me achieve that goal.

I'll try to work out some ideas for an actual, decent story for this, but the actual point of this is really just the clop. I'm planning to write more romance-based fics in the future that are less-clop centric. Though editing the first time part here sounds like a very good plan.

Nevertheless, your opinion was appreciated sir, and I took your advice to heart. Maybe I'll get a bit better at this, eh? Again, many thanks!

953122

Hm, RagingSemi already covered that, I believe. It is not a bad idea, though.

great chapter. That part with the parents made me laugh :rainbowlaugh:

953410

Thanks! I figured it would be a good little bit of comedy. :twilightsmile:

You need more it's great the last part with the parents I was like:facehoof:then :rainbowlaugh:

I laughed so hard at the last part. You definitely need to carry on!

Made me laugh, well done. :twilightsmile:

Also, I almost feel embarresed to say this, but I kinda wish you went into detail with the anal, and more detail with the convential sex.

Now if you excuse me I need to consider what I juat said.:raritywink:

I already know what will happen next! BEHOLD!!

>>Later that week, Cadence feels terrible guilt! Guilt so great that at last she feels she MUST tell her aunt what she's done!

And so, she barges right into Celestia's chambers that very evening, "Auntie Celestia! I have a confession to... make..."

And there on the bed is the Sun Princess herself... with three Royal Guards... in various... positions...

Several awkward and silent moments pass. Well, silent except for some lewd squelching sounds as the guards 'removed' themselves.

"Ah... Cadence..." Celestia clears her throat, a necessary act considering what had just recently been deep inside it. "I suppose now would be a good time to give you 'the talk'..."

Cadence stood there slack-jawed for a moment, then shook her head as she recomposed herself. Smirking slightly, she turned and began to canter out. "No thanks, Auntie," she called back, and then looked behind herself and hoisted her tail coyly. "I already got plenty of firsthoof experience." Her magic closed the door with a slam leaving Celestia and the guards to assume a shocked expression of their own.

"Well," Celestia said at last. "I guess it really does run in the family..." And with that, she and the guards went back to their night of wanton, craven sex.

THE END!! :trollestia:

961654 Bwahahaha! That was funny shit.

I couldnt stop laughing while readin' that last part.:rainbowlaugh:
for your hard work, take 3 mustaches:moustache::moustache::moustache:

Enjoy and keep writin' and readin':eeyup:

The worse part is Twilight can hear them from her room and is clopping to it.

I actually really enjoyed this.

I found the story through the audio book recording, and I was very impressed.

I have to say, this was by far the most straightforward Clop I've ever read (or listened to) and the amount of detail you went into did a lot of justice towards the cloppy nature of the story.

Good job!

~Syn3rgy

961035

Hmmm, we shall see what the future chapters bring...

961654

That's awesome. :rainbowlaugh:
Might have written something like that if I didn't hate generic Royal Guards so passionately. :fluttershysad:

965080

Thank you for the 'staches!

969212

:twilightblush:

973762

Many thanks good sir! Glad you enjoyed it!
Danceswithbaglez is quite the man. :scootangel:

975758 Generic Royal Guards exist soley for abuse by the Princesses. :trollestia:

976894

That's pretty true, now that I think about it. :pinkiegasp:

978494 *nods!* And good lord, do I WANT to be a royal guard... mmmmmmm.... abused by two drop-dead-sexy princess alicorns... awww yeah! Princess Molestia! I'M ALL YOURS!! :rainbowwild:

979308

I like your way of thinking. Mmmmm! :rainbowwild:

979468 We can be Pervert Pals! Yay! :rainbowlaugh:

979508

HUZZZZZZZAAAAAHHHH!

Damn. Pervert Pals sounds so... right. :rainbowhuh:

979521 Pervert Pals... the new toyline from Peewee Herman... :twilightoops:

:rainbowlaugh: that's halrious! AND THEIR FUCKING BUSTED! Saw it coming though. Nice job, nice job indeed. :ajsmug:

...well this was awesome.

Sweetness, check.
Believability, check.
Sexiness, check.
Flaws or anything stupid, not check.

Great job ascension, you wrote something flawless.

979562

:rainbowlaugh:

980935

Yeah, I figured it would be funny. I may actually incorporate a decent deal of humor in here.

981983

You're too kind. :scootangel:
Thank you very much, sir! Stay tuned for more.

i.imgur.com/3Sz9j.png

Fun, lighthearted, hot, funny and not marred with grammar mistakes, unbelievability, or stupid stuff. This makes me not want to release my own Cading Armor because it pails in comparison. I'm not even mad that this has Cadance and Shining Armor shower sex when I had plans to write about them doing that as teens because this fic is just superb.

Candidate for best clopfic 2k12? Candidate for best clopfic 2k12.

I must say holy fuck no error its start makes me hard and no bullshit to lead up to the awesome sex I forever love you and I will look into some more of your awesome work.

Well, that's certainly entertaining. Especially the parents. :trollestia:

plz do one about twilight parents plz plz plz

983832

You're giving me way too much credit. Don't be afraid to release your story, of course! :twilightsmile:

984733

:twilightblush:

993254

Oh yes, they're a funny couple. :rainbowlaugh:

1005041

It may be a future story, but they won't be very significant in this fic. Sorry! :pinkiehappy:

1006272

No worries! I fully intend to. Just trying to figure out where to go from here, and I've been having a busy week. :twilightblush:

1006531 i like the way you made them her. extremely cut.

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