Starlight Glimmer hasn't completely gotten over her dark and troubled past.
Every so often, she still gets troubled dreams, whether asleep or awake.
Burdened by the guilt and uncertainty, she hurries to teacher Twilight Sparkle,
desperate for comfort and guidance.
But can such a wonderful pony as Twilight understand the old wickedness of Starlight?
~ ~ ~ ~
It's been a long time since I posted a story here, or since I wrote anything over 500 words.
This all came out at once in one night, but much of the concept has been in my mind for awhile,
so I'm glad I got it off my chest and into a story.
Chapters (1)
I like the concept of this story. My main criticism is that the pacing seems a bit off. On the whole, very little happens in terms of action and character development, which is fine as this is marked as "Slice of Life," but the writing feels like it is trying to move the story somewhere as quickly as possible. It's like it has the pacing of an action story with the heart of a slice of life piece.
The emotions Starlight displayed are certainly understandable, but it would be nice if they were established more thoroughly in the story. I wasn't really able to experience them alongside her, because instead of reflection in-story, references to the show fill in for such exploration. This would be fine if it needed to take the plot somewhere else, but it doesn't need to.
Overall, I do like the story. The writing style is good and it points to some interesting ideas. I just would have liked it to examine those points more completely before it ended.
8622507
Thank you for the feedback!
Your description of 'pacing of action with heart of slice of life' fits perfectly, because that was pretty much my intention. I wanted to make an intense rush of emotional drama exploring Starlight's inner conflicts.
There was definitely a presumption of show knowledge on behalf of most readers. I did specify what was troubling her, but those out of the loop may not understand some of it.
It's true that it could be a longer story to elaborate more on what's going on for her, there wasn't much chance to establish anything, since she went straight to Twilight right away. I'd enjoy writing more detail for Starlight in the future, in this or another story.
Great story was an enjoyable read will you continue by any chance?
8624058
Thank you!
Maybe I won't write more for this specific story,
but I will probably do a longer Starlight story in the near future.
I've also written other Starlight and/or Twilight stories before, if you want to browse!
8624089
Thank you I will have a look