The Middle Chapter
We meet with the mane six as they arrive at the top of a cliff overlooking a clearing in the Everfree Forest. Below them, they watch as a stampeding herd of Bugbears move swiftly through the foliage...
Fluttershy peeked out from behind Applejack, who peeked from behind Rainbow Dash, who, in turn, puffed out her chest out proudly, and peeked out from behind Twilight. “So, um...” she said, eyeing the forest closely. “What do we—”
One low, heavy, growl caught them off guard, cutting Fluttershy off as one of the Bugbears broke off from the group, barrelling past the cliff. Each of the mane six jumped away from the edge, barely dodging as several bright green and gold stripes, and one particularly large, particularly poisonous, meter-length barb passed inches from all their snouts.
There was a thin trail of spittle, and what everypony hoped wasn’t deadly venom that trickled in its wake as the Bugbear disappeared over the far side of the hill, plummeting down to join its kin further down the line.
Fluttershy, Rarity, and Twilight were left trembling. “I-I-” One of them said, and then Twilight grimaced.
“I’m...” She adjusted the strap of her saddlebags, then scanned over the scene to be sure there weren’t going to be more surprises. There was no doubt about it. This year’s migration was a big one, and if they continued their current heading the whole of Ponyville might be put at risk.
That meant multiple things for her, of course. One: no more Lyra Heartstrings. That mare is bucking insane. And two: a heaping pile of new paperwork for herself. As Ponyville’s resident Princess of Friendship, it was her duty—and any of her friend’s she chose to carry along with her—to keep the town and its residents, no matter how she felt about the latter, safe.
Naturally, they were all looking to her for guidance and—Twilight glanced up from her thought, and to the five mares gathered around her. Each one was leaning in with their faces inches away from her, eagerly waiting the master plan of perfection the Princess would come up with for them to save the day, again.
“... not quite sure.”
“Darling, please,” Rarity swooned. She and the rest of her friends let out a heavy sigh, deflating as they slumped away from Twilight.
“Well that’s just a gosh-dang pile ‘o horse manure,” Applejack added, with no small amount of blush for sake of her colourful tongue. “We came all the way out here, ah’ brought my shovel, and we don’t even have a plan.”
“Yeah!” Rainbow nodded, “For once I actually agree with AJ.” She pulled Fluttershy to her side, and spread her wings, pressing a hoof to her chest and lifting her nose as she took them both to the air. “Just watch, me an’ Shy’ will take care of this in two seconds flat.”
“Um...” Fluttershy squeaked. It pained her to speak above a whisper. “...Rainbow Dash, don’t I h—“
“Come on, Shy, let’s fly!” Rainbow Dash practically dragged Fluttershy into the air as they dived from the edge of the cliff.
“—Oh, okay. I guess if you—”
“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight shouted, stopping the both pegasi in their tracks—not so much from her tone, but more from a short blast of telekinesis that had them strung up, and frozen mid-air like a couple of marionettes “Rainbow, don’t!” She added, pulling both mares back to the –kind of—safety of the cliff’s edge. “It’s too dangerous!”
“Pfft...” Rainbow shook a dismissive hoof. Shaking off Twilight’s magic, she pulled herself and Fluttershy back to their hooves. Then, holding ‘Shy close at her side, Rainbow stood to her full height, puffing her feathers and fur out with pride. “Don’t worry, Twi,” she said, and beat a hoof to her chest, “Danger is my middle name.” Then, pulling Fluttershy along with her, Rainbow turned back to the cliff to resume her jumping-headlong-into-trouble. “Come on, ‘Shy, we’ve a Bugbear or a dozen to slay!”
“Wait.” This time, it wasn’t Twilight, or Rarity, or even Applejack that stopped Rainbow Dash. Nor was it her sense of danger. No, it was Fluttershy. The mare pulled back on Dash, halting her in her tracks. “I-” She stammered slightly, then cocked an eyebrow at Dash. “I thought your middle name was Daring?”
Now this Rainbow Dash didn’t expect, and she faltered. “Oh... well,” she turned bright red. She turned away from the edge for a moment. The bugbears could wait. Right now she had a much more important crisis to take care of. “You see...” She started towards ‘Shy. Then, noticing the looks from the rest of the mane six as Fluttershy’s words slowly began to dawn on them, she slunk back away. “Y-” Her eyes darted to the side nervously, and Rainbow gulped. “Y-y-Yeah. It is. It’s Danger and Daring.”
Twilight glanced to her friends, each frowning at this. She deadpanned. “You have two middle names?”
“Eeyup,” Rainbow chirped. Growing more confident in her explanation, she quickly began to nod. “That’s me, Rainbow Danger Daring D-”
“Now hold on one cotton-picking minute.” Rainbow went pale as Applejack, of course, couldn’t buy this for even a second. The farmpony wasted no time in pushing to the front line to prod Rainbow in the chest. She huffed. “Yesterday you told me it was ‘Reliable’, after I asked ya’ to watch Apple Bloom.”
Rarity then stepped up beside Applejack. “And just last week you said-” She cut herself off to turn to Applejack, with a look of surprise and mild shock, but more than ever, a little bit of horrification painted across her face. “Did you really let Rainbow Dash watch a foal?”
“Well...” Applejack nodded half-heartedly. She tipped her hat back to scratch herself behind the ears. “Yeah... Come to think of it, maybe that weren’t such a good choice...”
“’Such a good choice’?” Rarity mimicked, “You do know this is Rainbow Dash we’re talking about? With a foal? Unsupervised?”
“I know,” Applejack rolled her eyes and inched herself further away from Rarity’s side, keeping a keen eye to the poker on the top of her head, and wherever that mare chose to point it. “But it ain’t so bad as it sounds. I didn’t leave them alone, Granny Smith was there t’ watch Rainbow, and—”
“You do know I’m right here, right?” Rainbow Dash butted in between them, using one hoof to divert Rarity’s horn, and Applejack’s razor-sharp wit.
“Right.” Rarity pulled away from them, and turned her attention back to the topic at hoof, prodding Rainbow Dash. “As I was saying,” she turned on Rainbow, pushing her back with a hoof as she advanced. “Last week, you said it was ‘Dependable’ when I had you watching the Boutique. And”—she punctuated her pronunciation with a deep prod to Rainbow’s chest fluff—“You still have to pay the bill for the fire damages.”
“Hey!” Rainbow turned defensive. Spreading her wings, she crossed her forelegs and turned away from them. “It’s not my fault! You didn’t tell me not to let you sister cook.”
“You know she can’t cook!” There was a loud cluck as Rarity’s teeth seemed to crack in her mouth. “Why did you even let her in!?”
“Yeah, so what is it?” This time, it was Twilight’s turn to intervene. She pushed the rest of her friends away, forming a cleared circle around Rainbow Dash as she trotted up to grill her herself. “They can’t all be your names,” Twilight said. “How many other things have you lied to us about?”
Everypony glanced around, and focus naturally gravitated to the back of the group, where Pinkie Pie sat with box of popcorn, her cheeks puffed out as she chewed vigorously. “Whash?” She spat. Then, shrugging, and swallowing, Pinkie repeated. “What? I know Dash well enough not to trust her with anything.”
“Uh... uh,” Rainbow’s ears drooped, as attention turned back to her. Each of her friends—Pinkie excluded, who kept up a grin as she returned to watching this soap-opera unfold—glared over her.
“Come on, Rainbow.” Applejack said.
“Tell us the truth,” Rarity added.
“I’m—” Gulping, Rainbow Dash started to retreat away from her friend’s advances. “Uh...” She beaded with sweat, her puff slowly losing steam as each of the four ponies advanced on her.
“What is it?” Fluttershy squeaked from the back, before retreating behind her mane. “I mean—I-if you don’t...”
“Tell us the truth,” Twilight unintentionally sounded slightly like Applejack as she joined the rest of her friends, forming a small circle around the pegasus. Together, they slowly forced Rainbow back towards the edge of the cliff.
“I-I it’s...” Rainbow Dash was sweating bullets. She glanced from one side to the other, as each of her friends loomed over her. She gingerly took another step back, and momentarily stumbled as a piece of the ground crumbled away behind her. Glancing back, Rainbow gasped, and trotted forwards, away from the edge of the cliff.
Several feet below them, still rumbling with a fury, were the ocean of Bugbears, ready to take anything that fell in the wake.
Rainbow Dash instinctively spread her wings, and was about to fly off the edge, when another, this time with blue and gold-stripes, Bugbear flew over the edge, cutting off any chances of escape.
“I—“ Rainbow gulped. Her ears flattened, and heart racing, she turned back to her friends, each of them glaring, and no longer looking anything like friends. Rather, more like a pack of wolves, and she was the freshest piece of pigeon meat they had seen in days.
“Tell us!” Twilight barked, and was mirrored by Applejack and Rarity.
Fluttershy barely made out a tiny whimper. “...please...”
“Meurice!” Rainbow Dash’s defences crumbled, and she screamed the name. Crumpling to the ground, she rolled into the foetal position between the other ponies. “It’s Meurice! Meurice, okay?” Rainbow cried, “I never told anypony because it’s a horrible name, and I have to keep making up new ones to keep up with my self-esteem!”
“Huh?”
All five ponies—including Pinkie Pie—stopped cold. They shared several confused looks. “What?” Applejack said.
“... my-my middle name,” Rainbow sniffed. She snorted, and wiped her nose, then rolled onto her hooves. She slowly advanced away from the edge, her usual confidence and arrogant demeanour now all but forgotten. “...is Meurice.”
“I- I was too afraid to tell you guys. You are all so awesome, and I’m supposed to be the cool one. What would you think if you found out I had such a lame name as Meurice.”
“Oh. Rainbow...” Fluttershy spoke up. She dashed to the front, and pulled Rainbow into a warm embrace. Holding her close and comforting the mare, Fluttershy brought out a tissue and wiped Rainbow’s nose, then stroked her mane as she comforted her. “I’m so sorry, we had no idea....”
Twilight agreed. Her head low, she retreated away in silence with the rest of her friends. Each of them looked on mournfully, Applejack especially who removed her hat, and shuffled awkwardly on her hooves. “Ah—” She coughed, “I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have pressured you like that.”
Twilight and Rarity nodded in agreement, whilst Pinkie—behind them—shrugged and did an ‘I told you so’ movement.
Fluttershy cuddled Rainbow against her side. “I think Meurice is a lovely name,” she said.
“You really think so?”
Fluttershy nodded.
“Quite true,” Rarity agreed. Regaining some of her composure, Rarity brushed back her mane and took a seat in the circle. She scooted closer to Dash, before taking a hint and moving back with a blush. “Besides,” she said, before quickly frowning, and adjusting her posture as she extracted a particularly pointed jem from beneath her thigh. Rarity glanced to it, turned it over in her aura, and stowed the stone in her right saddlebag-pocket before continuing to address Rainbow Dash. “We all have names we wouldn’t be proud of. Why, my middle name is Marshmallow. I’m Rarity Marshmallow Belle.”
“Aye,” Applejack nodded. “And mine’s Apple.”
Twilight frowned. “Apple Apple Jack?”
“... yeah. My pa weren’t none the imaginative type.”
“Mine’s Butter,” Fluttershy added, with a blush. “‘Cause, um, my parents thought I’d grow up to be a milkmare.”
Everypony nodded, with some mumbles of “that’s okay” and “I like that”, and “what’s a ‘milkmare’?”.
“... also,” Fluttershy continued. “They thought I looked like a little stick of butter when I was born.”
Pinkie Pie bounced up between them, and hugged both Fluttershy and Dash as she screamed, “Well duh, my middle name is Surprise!” Then she paused, and tapped her chin. “Or, actually it’s not. It’s really Diane but I’d really like you all to call me Surprise, ‘cause then for every new friend there’s a ‘Surprise!’ when they come to talk to me!”
“What about you, Twi?” Applejack asked, and several eyes turned towards the princess. “What’s your middle name?” Everyone turned their attention to the purple Alicorn who, if no pony were mistaken, might have just turned several shades darker.
“Uh... It’s...” This time, it was Twilight’s turn to stutter. Turning several shades more purple, she stumbled back doing her best impression of Fluttershy and hiding behind her bangs. Unfortunately, unlike Fluttershy, this didn’t work quite so well and everypony could still see her shuffling as she mumbled, “M-ffm fmr.”
“What was that?” With a quick glance to Rainbow, Fluttershy rubbed her ear with a hoof and pointed more towards Twilight. “Sorry, we didn’t quite catch that.”
She and all of her friends leaned in to Twilight, listening more intently. “Darling,” Rarity added, “Could you repeat that, please?”
“Um...” This only caused Twilight’s blush to deepen. She covered her mouth with a hoof, and said, “It’s M—ther— —f—...” Removing the hoof, Twilight grinned sheepishly, which only caused her friends to share a few concerned looks.
“Uh...” Rainbow Dash began, rolling her eyes, “Twi, we can’t hear you if you cover you mouth.”
“Go on” Rarity encouraged. All five ponies—this time including Pinkie Pie, who found this suddenly very interesting, encroached around Twilight. “We’ve all shared ours,” Rarity said. “It’s only fair that you do you.”
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Applejack said, then quickly added with a tip of her hoof, “Unless your name’s ‘Apple’, then that’d be a might awkward.”
“Nothing could be worse than ‘Apple’”, Rainbow jested—much to Applejack’s contempt— “Come on, spill it.”
“Well, you see...” Twilight took another, hesitant step back .She glanced over her shoulder to the Everfree behind, and then to the group of friends in front of her. “It’s just, you know”—she glanced to her fetlock. “Look at the time, we have to—“
“You don’t have a watch, Twi.”
“Oh, so I don’t.” She grinned, her blush spreading to her ears. “I—uh, I left a cake running!”
“Tell us, Twilight!” Rainbow insisted. There was the sounds of several agreements, and nods from her friends.
“It’s—” Twilight grit her teeth, biting the bullet so to speak. “It’s ‘Mother Fucking’. My name is Princess Twilight ‘Mother Fucking’ Sparkle!”
Silence.
Twilight received several blank stares, and out-of-tune blinks in response as ponies slowly absorbed this new information.
Rainbow Dash and Applejack shared a quick glance. “Did she just—”
“Pfffft—” Rainbow cracked a smile, and slapped a hoof to her face. “Pffft- Ha!” She collapsed to the ground, followed shortly by Applejack as they both broke down into uncontrollable laughter.
“O-o-oh my Celestia!” Rainbow screamed, between gasps. “Is- is she—“
“I can’t stop—” Applejack froze in the middle of getting back up, and tumbled to the ground, clutching her side as she doubled over in another fit of guffaws.
Rarity’s blush burned bright red, and her ears flicked back as the revelation hit her. “Oh-oh my—” She snickered slightly, before biting down on her hoof to stop it in its tracks.
Fluttershy, all the same, seemed frozen in place, her wings spread at full mast, as she seemed to tremble on the spot. The occasional squeaky, giggle escaped her every few seconds, and then she’d retreat slightly further behind her mane.
As for Pinkie Pie...
Pinkie Pie didn’t seem to find it funny at all. “I don’t get it.” She looked around in confusion at the four, giggling, guffawing ponies, and the very much tomato-tinted Twilight Sparkle. “Really”—she frowned, and turned to as Twilight. “What’s so funny?”
Twilight ‘beet-red’ Sparkle, coughed. “It’s—” She was interrupted by a sudden bout of giggles from the crowd and, wincing, started again. “It’s not funny,” she shouted, “My dad was a—” All at once, the absurdity of it dawned on her, and Twilight couldn’t help but crack a smile. “He was a—” She giggled, muffling it with a hoof—“He was—when I—and then—”
Eventually, she couldn’t take it anymore, and Twilight broke out into laughter herself. “O- Okay,” she coughed, “I- I guess it is pretty funny...”
Twilight collapsed into her pile of friends, laughing as they pulled her into a rough hug, and suddenly there were five ponies—and Pinkie Pie—giggling at a mountain top, overlooking an empty clearing in the middle of the Everfree Forest.
“...Hey, where’d the Bugbears go?”
“Oh, shit.”
“Whose middle-name is that?”
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Marvelous. You fucking genius.
I always thought it was Applejack Apple Apple. Never enough apples.
8629196
That's what their parents said!
The Mayor, Mayor Mare, forbade it though. Something about legal trouble in misusing the name Apple.
8629188
Thanks.
That was great! I loved the bit at the end!
"Why, my middle name is Marshmallow. I’m Rarity Marshmallow Belle.”
I love you, author.
wait twilights middle name is mother fucker? BWAHAHAHA
8629293
It makes for some embarrassing family reunions, yes.
8629296
i would like to know the back story behind that name
Twi's middle name here is believable in my books. I could see that being her name easily. Her life has been too ridiculous for that not to be her middle name.
8629354
That's true! She's been the center of attention for way too many weird catastrophes and coincidences!
8629300
It would be. I don't know if explaining it would remove some of the comedy factor, though.
8629378
not if the story behind it is funny as well
8629405
Maybe, maybe. I'd have to channel my inner Aragon for that.
I wonder just how adventurous Twilight Velvet really is...
So, Sequel: The Middle Finger.
Chapter name: Flipping them the bird.
Contains Iron Will and Gilda in luchador masks wrestling with each other.
8629484
8629475
id read it
If that's really Twilight Sparkle's middle name, that prolly explains why Ponyville's the current chaos capital of Equestria. Rarity's explains so much, Applejack's redundant (as is tradition with earth ponies) and Rainbow's is embarrasing. Though, Rainbow's middle name will always be Miriam to me.
@shardikku @sollace
what are you two up to this time ???
(xoxo sunsetto)
8629206
Mayor Mare's middle name...? Maire!
and Spike?
Spike Nomiddlename Sparkle?
Spike Dreamsmasher Sparkle?
Spike PrincessesCelestiaisthebestprincessever Sparkle?
Spike Twilight Sparkle?
Spike Spike Spike?
I must know
8630034
From Harsh Whinny
Seems like Twi should have anticipated that question and not pressed the issue in the first place.
New headcanon accepted.
Well, except for RD. She's always going to be Rainbow Miriam Dash to me.
8630034 For me, Spike's middle name will always be Kengrowth, partially as a Gen 3 reference and partly because Kengrowth sounds like a name for a refined badass. Unless Twilight does something and gives him a very stupid middle name like Cow or Mutt.
8629947
"Mayor Maire Mare"?
It certainly fits with the Earth Pony tradition.
8630578
I hadn't heard of that one. It was almost Murial, though. It seems everyone tends towards the M sounds for Dash.
8630034
8630134
What he said ^
Spike's middle name is The. Just The.
However there was a short time when his last name was Fax-machine. Celestia had him change it because he kept having paper jams.
8629665
Notin'.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/7/6/33923__safe_artist-colon-chir-dash-miru_applejack_bust_earth+pony_female_freckles_frown_hat_liarjack_liarpony_mare_nose+wrinkle_pony_scrunchy+face_simp.png
8630811
"Miriam" is an old one for the fandom. Like, really old. Folks just haven't spent many words on Rainbow Dash's middle name in awhile, in my experience.
8630893
Huh. I... actually kind of like it.
Actually it's Twilight Mary Sue Sparkle. Canon.
Makes you wonder what Shining Armor's is...
8631059
*Princess Twilight Mary Sue Sparkle
8631280
Corndog.
8630811
I don't know where it came from, but for a long time it was pretty common in the fandom.
Having been present at the birth of our first child, I can testify the conversation went like this:
Doctor: So, have you given any thought to a name?
Wife: Christopher.
Me: Huh?
Wife: Yes, we discussed it.
Me: With who? (eyed wife, who was still on a lot of medication, but within easy striking range. Considered just what she had just gone through, how strong she was, and how I planned on living with her until I died. Nodded knowingly.) Yes, Christopher.
Besides, *one* middle name is trivial for Oz.
The words came pouring out of Oz in one rapid-fire cascade. “She’s Such An Awesome Filly With A Really Cool Mane And Such Tiny Little Hooves And Look Dear She Has A Horn, because my parents were like, weird when I was born and my uncle Wheat Grass was like, writing like the stuff down for the birth certificate and the dude at the city clerk office said it would be like ten bits to get my name changed and like mom said “No way!” and dad said “Yes way!” and they decided to save up the ten bits and wait until my cutie mark but I really like the name now and didn’t want to change after we blew the stump to smithereens so we kept it and everybody just calls me—”
8630811
The trouble with Spike is that Celestia had Twilight name her, and she was kinda young at the time, so she thought "Spike the Dragon" was a good name.
8629252
There are worse middle names...
--Sweetie Adora Belle
8631280
well given Twilight's is "Mother Fucker" I'd Wager Shining's is "Son of a Bitch"
Rainbow Meurice Dash
Apple Apple Jack
Rarity Marshmellow Belle
Flutter Butter Shy
Pinkamina Suprise Pie
TWILIGHT MOTHER FUCKING SPARKLE *Guitar solo*
Pinkies middle name is already canonically Diane.
8631942 That's like how Sonic's named. Well, at least Spike doesn't have multiple embarrassing middle names.
8632177 Then their middle names are either badass or very unfortunate, as I've explained Twilight's in a previous comment. Shining on the other hand, yeah, explains why he sucks. Honestly, was Twilight Velvet high, drunk and/or horny when she named her foals!?
Another thing, I'm really hoping that Flurry Heart doesn't have a middle name like her father and aunt. I really don't. On a random note, I can imagine Big Mac's middle name to be Steven.
Want some of my headcanons?
Twilight- Twilight Sparkle Princess Symbolic
Rarity- Rarity Diamond Topaz
Scootaloo- Scootaloo Loftwing Belltower
Sweetie Belle- Sweetie Belle Thrackerzod Topaz
Littlepip- Littlepip Chevalier Starbright
Blackjack- Go Fish Herringbone Symbolic
Puppysmiles- Puppysmiles Raincatcher Biscuit Days
8631942
I thought Sweetie Belle's middle name was Thrackerzod, and her last name was Topaz.
8629300
I assumed it was something like in Carpe Jugulum (of the Discworld series) where whatever the person naming the kid says (in the book, it's a priest, but that doesn't seem to make much sense in MLP) irrevocably becomes their name.
Leading to such names as "King My-God-He's-Heavy the First", "James What The Hell Is That Cow Doing In Here Poorchick", and "Princess Esmerelda Margaret Note Spelling of Lancre"
8632370
oh kinda like what happened in meet the fockers
man, all those great comments about the mane sixes names and meanwhile i'm just sitting here, wondering what a milkmare is. or rather if it is what i think it is....
8633084
Hey! I'm sure milkmares are a highly respectable occupation in Equestria!
derpicdn.net/img/2012/12/1/169032/large.png
8632192
Yes, but she really wants ponies to call her surprise, for aforementioned reasons.
Luna damn it!! I look like Markiplier during a try not to laugh challlenge
8629607
Yeah. That's what stuck with me the most. Rainbow Miriam Dashery.
8634389 I don't remember the fic, but I remember THAT full name.
holy shit, this has to be the CUTEST FUCKING THING EVER
And damn, go twilight. Badass battle cry complete in the name
ba dum, pssshhhh
Pfft, Rainbow, we only know one who's middle name is danger.
Ponies with middle names like that shouldn’t pressure others to reveal theirs. :)
8634406
I think it was loyalty to the creed. That's where I saw it first