• Member Since 17th Dec, 2017
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ElDee


T

In the wake of the havoc wrought by the events of Operation Cauterize, a born wastelander named Roulette must come to terms with the bitter realities of what happened that day. She remembers the days before the Sun, and contemplates her life choices in a changing Wasteland. As a rookie mercenary joining up with the New Canterlot Army, she can at long last make something of herself and be like the hero she once admired in her foalhood. Like the greatest hero there ever was!

But when her hero's name comes calling again at Outpost 52, it brings up painful memories and questions from her wasteland days.

Sometimes you have to take a gamble.


A Fallout Equestria Side Story
Original FO:E by Kkat
Edited by Basic, Relentless
Cover art by Jowy
Font by Calistomaniac

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 30 )

Time for this grumpy neighing horsey to turn her life around.

We shall see how she pulls it together soon, hopefully!

Nice start! Well written and engaging look forward to seeing more!

8649877
Thanks! I appreciate the feedback!

8631047
Indeed we shall!

Good beginning. It introduces us well to what kind of pony we are about to learn about and what her upcoming mission might be.

Also points for the choice of timeline spot. I don't see many stories handling the time AFTER Littlepip's adventure. Showing us it wasn't all happily ever after right after her big adventure. Ponies will still be struggling, the Wasteland is still harsh and the Wasteland life still stuck with the ponies.
The struggles with the pegasi now having to live on ground along with the tension between fractions is a good element too. Not too in your face, just a mood setter of what kind of world this story will be exploring.

Looking forward to more.

Ooooh~! Can't wait for Chapter two! Well I mean, I can but, y'know what I mean! I hope this goes uberly well and I'm giving it my support! Awesome so far! :heart:

8684599
Thanks! I really hope you enjoy it! I saw your comment when you posted it not too long ago. Sorry for taking so long to respond!

8677586
Thanks Raven! You know I've been sitting on this story idea forever, so it's a kind of surreal to finally be putting it out after all this time.

Keep hammering them keys, my man!

8715826
Thanks man, I will! Much appreciated!

So I finally finished this narrative piece currently at it's infancy, and the best way to describe it is that it's the 'nicest' thing in this sub-fandom I've read so far.

Why 'nicest?', that's because it's highly creative, yet very grounded for it's universe. While there are other stories that are more creative, this story hasn't jumped any sharks so far. So you end up getting this soothing feeling that this narrative just flows in the universe already set. What makes it creative is the vast amount of themes and re-contextualised elements presented here without them conflicting or causing the narrative to be convoluted. As a matter of fact, all these elements are so intertwined with the plotline and characters it's quite hard to separate for analysis.

Some re-contextualised elements include the 'fan-to-idol' relationship where instead, Routette's idol is long gone and regarded as a past thing for her, rather then the typical "I want to be like you, please make me be like you," central focus other media like to present.

Another is the 'raised to be a x' plot line, but it's kinda far more then that, instead of the 'I'm gonna be as I was raised,' it's more that while Roulette was raised to to be a good merc and survivor of the wastes by her cold hearted father figure, she develops to crave excitement at her and her companion's expense but in the end cares for the well-being of her figurative siblings (who all left together), had an idol, and due to her experiences, has hatreds and bitterness. Not only that, but the father figure develops to contradict his own fundamentals because new experiences for him gave him a new purpose. Instead of survival, he aims to assist in helping the wastes (though of course, he still maintains some rules). Also because of Roulette's new developments they both tend to have an unstable but still close dynamic. From what I've described here, she is rather multi-dimensional and very interwined with the story elements and themes.

Other themes include the difficult acceptance of Pegasi in the Wasteland, and vice versa. Varying individuals will treat each other badly in this regard as shown in this story, but it's basically a conflict to the protagonist. She doesn't hate Pegasi cause her idol was one but generally doesn't hold the same value to them as a species compared any other because of what they done to her. It's more a battle of sub-conscious being the best way to describe it.

Then there's the transition from Wasteland to civilisation which is it's own conflict and very impactful to the protagonist and her father figure because they were built on the wasteland, the two focuses being 'Are we becoming a Wasteland no longer,' and 'Can I adapt to civilisation.' Utilising the 'Day of Light' as the cataylist for this conflict, which essentially enhances some of the actions Littlepip done in FOE regarding the cloud layer.

On a side note, I like how we're seeing the New Canterlot Republic in stages now rather then "Oh we're the NCR now." And in conjunction with all the setting and character themes I've established already, It shows that the world is growing up with varying new conflicts arising and getting re-solved. I.e Good world building.

---

To conclude, what this story does very well is that it started off with developed characters in a developed world rather then simple blank slates other stories like to do, then develop them further from there like Roulette's bitterness and hatreds, her perception of change in the wasteland, or Fair Trade's revelation of changing his purpose in life. A lot of the story elements and themes have been utilised in new manners, like an 'idol relationship' as a past thing, or the 'raised as a merc/survivalist,' as also a past thing but when revisited is changed and slightly altered on both the protagonist and father figure. Then there's the other themes like the dilemmas of racism on both sides even as the protagonist seen the best and the worst of both ends, the struggling transition of wasteland to civilisation on the protagonist and the setting itself. The world building is superb since some of the conflicts the protagonist has are also what the wasteland is already facing, the acceptance of Pegasi and civilisation being the examples.

But I think most important aspect is that all these themes have huge relevancy to the characters, the plot-line and to other themes.(E.g Irony seems to fit a little here because the begrudging father figure Fair Trade is more reliable then the desirable idol Radar in a sense since one is alive while the other is kinda gone). These elements all feel laid out where they feel so central to character and plot that they don't at all feel confusing or convoluted when you read through this. I think this is mainly due to how contrasts are fairly minimal so one theme and element just flows or contributes into the other.

This get's a 9.5/10 for me so far, I haven't really detected any issues with the story that pipes down it's quality.

8751240
Thanks for this huge review post! I'm glad you liked it, that means a whole lot to me!

Another good chapters, furthering the story and already providing more crossroads for Roulette has to pick a direction from. It's an interesting theme focusing on a pony who has more than one path she keeps skipping between. Who does she wanna be? Radar. But who taught her how to survive? Fair Trade. She wishes to be wise, she wishes to be right, she wishes for revenge while wishing to be better. Seeing these things come up a few times already after only two chapters sets up a story about picking who you want to be but also what is right to do. All while also having to survive on terms that doesn't allow you the luxury of choosing.

If I have to make a nitpick... I know it's still early in the story and I'm not one to dictate someone's writing style, but I find the narration style too heavy on narration. It misses a better balance between ongoing thoughts from the main character's pov and the action. It's hard to explain, I just miss a better feel of being right there in the moment. Like the conversation with Cotton Tail would skip between the here and now talk, and the overall narration of Rou that felt like jumping around a bit much.

But I do love the use of the conversation with Cotton to get to know her, get her story, make her no longer just a background cut out standing around. Just to make the sudden loss of her that much more effective. Both for Rou and the reader. Feels like a warning and assurance that things are for real, even characters we care about are at risk of dying and not necessarily has 'main character protection' where you just KNOW no one is at risk.

But these are just my thoughts on this second chapter. Looking forward for more.

8767848
Hey, thanks for the feedback Raven. That's definitely something I've been hearing from some of my readers, and I'm trying to work on that a bit more in chapter 3. I also want to go back and clean up things between 1 and 2 just so it reads more easily. Not change the overall story, because i don't want my current readers to have to go back and reread those chapters. Only quality of reading suggestions, like paragraph flow, word choice, formatting etc. I like the way the story paces itself so far, but I feel that my technical proficiency writing-wise could still use a bit of refining if I'm being completely honest.

I'm working on chapter 3 and 4 atm. Got hit by a number of medical issues in February (which was also a short month) that made it difficult to get words down on a page, so I'm playing catch up.

I could understand it better if it was coconut 56

8890720
Thank you for your feedback. That's what the sequel will be called though.

That was an excellent read!

Roulette has a grudge and got a past with the Enclave she needs to avenge. But does she realize it may be affecting her to a point of delusion? It takes some guts to come up with an extremely arrogant main character, because it's very easy to make them unlikable, but you've pulled it off very well.

Sunny looks like a very promising addition too. A good contrast to Rou's anger, (Rou is a cute nickname.) and again a very well imagined character with great potential. Everything was described beautifully and I have to say other than the occasional spelling error, of which there were only just a few, this is one of the more solidly written FoE fics out there. Up there with the likes of Gardner or Murky Number Seven.

I can't wait to see what happens next in that town! Got a feeling there'll be some fun stuff to come.

8894324
Wow, that's some huge praise! I appreciate the comment!

Thanks for letting me know. I'll take another look back and try to fix them soon, I was doing frequent nights writing up to 4am trying to get all three chapters out by the end of April so some things slipped through the cracks. In regards to Roulette, that was one of the exact things I knew I'd need to focus on when I decided to write her. Arrogant hotheaded characters can get really annoying if you don't do them well, so it means a whole lot to hear that. I think that when you have a character like her there has to be some reason that the audience will want latch onto her and support her goals, otherwise it's highly dependent on the supporting cast. Like in chapter 1, Fair Trade wouldn't put up with any of her garbage and it's clear they have similar personalities. When you're a jerk to people who don't deserve it, that doesn't really get the audience on board with the character. However, I'll still show her as being kind and gentle from time to time, especially when dealing with her family so we know she's capable of being more than one note. I hope this upcoming chapter is as good as the other ones and I live up to your expectations! Thanks for the support!

Why did you make the chapters so long?

Go Rou-Rou show everypony who's the boss. XD

Finally got around to reading the remaster.

The dialogue and Roulette's thought processes are way better, in that they often have a cause and effect rather then just being dumped from nowhere. The start of the story is an instant awe emitter, utilising the shining solar reflection from an SSP tower to not only establish the setting but start Rou's train of thought. The world seems to be established more clearly, in that the New Canterlot consists of dedicated personnel and contract staff, the Coalition is established as an alliance consisting of all of Littlepip's allies, including New Canterlot, and how the titles are presented for broad ideals like 'the Effort,' and 'fight the good fight'.

The fact that the protagonist share's the world's struggles in accepting the Pegasi makes the world building very well intertwined and relevant to the audience and focus, yet has a twist in it to make it more special in that Rou's role-model is a Pegasus, making her have this sense of conflicting trust with the species. It's funny irony actually, she easily lashes out against Pegasi for them dissing a Pegasus, though I think it just establishes how she despises the Enclave specifically and how some civilians might end up representing them. The role-model trope, itself is partially subverted in that it's more a long past role-model that she suppressed when she grew older, manifesting itself in interesting ways to provide refreshing inner conflicts for her.

Honest to god, the meaning and depth in this story is truly brilliant, yet surprisingly not convoluted.

---

Of course, like with every story, mistakes can happen.

One thing I'll note is that Mags seems to lack visual description, in that we don't know her biological appearance and what pony species is she. And what colour is Fair Trade's coat.

The rest are just potential grammar errors I've picked up though, I'm no professional editor so just choose what seems to be mistakes from the not-mistakes.

Wasteland ponies were hardy, that was to our credit.“You have to be strong, otherwise the wasteland would just leave you behind.”

Input a space between ‘credit.’ and ‘You’.

The place I was headed to was a trader’s postcalled “The Outpost 52”.

Input a space between ‘post’ and ‘called’.

Spotters were posted inside a pair of Security Stations on either side of the bridge to keep an eye on the roads.

Remove capitals from ‘Security Stations’.

“What’s your name by the way? So I can report your sorry flank?”

Replace the question mark after ‘flank’, with a full stop.

I could overhear ponies whispering amongst themselves. Mistaking me for for one of them?

Remove one ‘for’.

“I’d recognize that Auburn, White-striped mane anywhere…”

Remove the capital letters in ‘Auburn’ and ‘White’.

The whiskey glass nearly spilled over as he slammed his hoof down on the table.“When I found you kids,…”

Input a space between ‘table.’ and ‘”When’.

“You’re talking about the Stable Dweller’s Coalition, right?” I asked. “You were always the who told me never to get involved in big moral crusades like this.

Input ‘one’ before ‘who’.

“Okay,” I relented,“but, ‘The Coalition? “Fight the Good Fight”? That doesn’t sound like you at all...”

Input a space between ‘relented,’ and ‘“but,’.

That was back when you were just a filly, and I don’t even what to think about what you can do now!

After ‘even’ replace ‘what’ with ‘want’.

I furrowed my brow, curious about something. “Wait, why can’t you just get one of the Pegasi oustide or a Griffon to deliver this?”

Replace ‘oustide’, with ‘outside’.

‘He caught me staring, and glared me back at me with contempt.’

After ‘glared’, remove ‘me’.

8912292
I'm glad you like it! Also oof, that's a lot of errors. I was up doing frequent all nighters to get all this done by the end of April, so I'm not too surprised that some things slipped through the cracks. Wasn't expecting that many though. Thanks for pointing all of those out!

Red 36, standing by!

Hey, I wish I'd gotten to this sooner! I enjoyed what you've written thus far.

The first chapter felt like it took a little while to find its footing, and it didn't hook me right away, but the second chapter was a big improvement in my opinion; the brahmin Steve was fantastic, the raider attack unfolded in an entertaining and sufficiently brutal fashion, and the conversations between both Cotton and the raiders were solidly worded. I also liked the sighting of the Enclave ships and the effect that had on Roulette. The flashback felt a little lengthy for the middle of a firefight, but hey.

Your descriptions are excellent. I always had a strong sense of place and felt that all the environments so far have been well-detailed. Dialogue is fun and the line "Celestia damned cloudfucking flying turkeys!” was just... mmm. 👌:ajsmug: Roulette's characterization and ambitions have been well-written, though I am embarrassed to say that I'd actually forgotten about Radar until I read this and his name kept popping up again and again. :facehoof: Nice way to further tie it into the original story, though!

I did find quite a few typos, most of them punctuation-related. For instance, in the first paragraph:

“Ugh. It’s bright” I grunted, squinting at the bright ball of light in the sky.

Missing comma! :twilightoops:

Then, just a little further on:

"Maybe I should’ve thought about buying a pair of shades first." I griped, shielding my eyes with one hoof.

A comma should be used instead of a period when a direct quote is immediately followed up by a verb. The correct punctuation would be:

' "...shades first," I griped...'

There were also some sentence fragments, but while I noticed these issues, they were never enough to derail the story. I'm just cursed to forever read like an editor, I can't not spot typos :pinkiecrazy: If you'd like, I can PM you everything I found, since I'd rather keep your comments section free of mundane editing work.

All in all, keep at it, my dude! I think this story has a lot of potential, especially since it's one of the more uncommon post-FoE stories, and I will definitely be tracking it and staying up-to-date!

8930581
Heya thanks for the feedback, I'm glad that best pegascribe enjoyed it! Don't worry there's more to come soon! Also thanks for pointing those out! Oof! Yeah Radar was a character with not a lot about him, that I felt like I had room to play around and give my own take on a lesser thought about FO:E character. In my head, he's a character who's been on a ton of adventures throughout his life, so tying him into Roulette's backstory a bit wasn't too hard since she's just a minor chapter overall. I'm planning to expand on the nature of their relationship as the story goes on. It also makes a nice contrast I think to what's going on between her and the Enclave, vs her childhood hero being a pegasus.

Thanks and sure thing, feel free to PM me anytime.

Finally managed to get around to reading the second chapter of this remaster.

Ah, I see the wasteland won't go down without a fight to Gawd's influence and words. I quite like how the attack shows the wasteland's defiance to change. Nice theme of gambling brought in this chapter, success and emotions tend to make people cocky, and that is their downfall and a Casino's rise I suppose. I especially love just the effect the end has, mainly how we got to know the caravan only to pop out of existence. The lonliness is quite impactful and thus, quite impressive.

---
As always, mistakes happen, but even lots of potential needles can't break quality writing as I'm seeing here. I'm not a hundred precent with what I picked up so take what you will. (Side note, I think 'Service' in Service rifles as a capital letter is fine after all, might have made that an issue in the previous chapter but I realise now it seems to be like a brand).

We wouldn’t have to deal with Raider attack there,

Remove the capital letter in ‘Raider’.

As we passed by the Salvage Operation of the old ruins,

Remove the capital letters in ‘Salvage Operation’.

I managed to get a brief got a look over part of the Canterlot Valley as we passed.

Remove ‘got a’.

“Guns and Supplies for the Coalition!” she answered, “Just doing our part down here, to help those who are busy fighting the Good Fight! So, mostly IF-15 Service rifles. Semi-Auto. Not the best weapon around, but they get the job done. ”

Remove the capitals in ‘Supplies’, and the ‘A’ in ‘Semi-Auto’.
After ‘job done’ remove the space between the full-stop and the quotation mark.

Hold up a sec’, Cotton said putting a hoof to my mouth,

Hold up a sec’, is missing quotations.

Eventually something came up and Cotton had to go check on the rest of caravan.

Add ‘the’ after ‘rest of’.

“Finally, something interesting. Looks like you got your wish after all.” i congratulated myself, with a hint of sarcasm.

Before ‘congratulated’, make ‘I’ a capital letter.

Steve turned to Cotton and mooed anxiously,“I don’t like us sitting here, Cotton. Let’s move it.”

Input a space between ‘anxiously,’ and ‘“I don’t’.

I thought What the Enclave had taken from me was something I could never get back, and that feeling still fuelled the anger burning inside me.

Remove the capital in ‘What’.

Cotton shouting was shouting at the two of us.

After ‘Cotton’ remove ‘shouting’.

It overlooked the village, Starlight Bay. Ponies once called it that before the war. The only to know this was by the old decaying billboard advertising a local beach resort, although what remained of that had been partially reclaimed by the sea.

After ‘The only’ input ‘way’.

and a quick glance at his flank would reveal his Silver Shield cutie mark paired with a lightning emblem.

Remove capitals in ‘Silver Shield’.

Once all this blows over if you want to go and find Radar, or go back to those Mercenaries then you’ll have to do it without us.

Remove the capital in ‘Mercenaries’.

“Fuck it all.” I hoofed through my saddlebags frantically, most everything was accounted for.

Replace ‘most’ with ‘mostly’.

I prayed to the Lightbringer that I’d be able find Cotton’s coach gun somewhere closeby.

Input ‘to’ after ‘able’.

‘he pointed his pistol back at me again and reiterated,“Why don’t you…’

Input a space between ‘reiterated,’ and ‘“Why don’t you…”’

he snarled.“We’ve got you outnumbered…”

Input a space between ‘he snarled.’ and ‘”We’ve got you outnumbered…”’

I grabbed him by the shirt with my teeth, and him backwards into the smiley faced raider behind him.

Input ‘threw’ before ‘him backwards’.

This one looked more advanced than model any model I’d previously seen in the wasteland.

Remove ‘model’ after ‘than’.

Plenty enough firepower to raze a small village to the ground Armor-clad soldiers rained from the sky…

Remove the capital in ‘Armor’.

We all hoped that were far enough away from the action.

Input ‘they’ after ‘that’.

If I stayed here, a New Canterlot patrol eventually come along to take me to Junction Town.

Input ‘would’ after ‘eventually’.

If I were to for a patrol to come and take me to Junction Town,

Input ‘wait’ after ‘were to’.

I gathered up what ammunition I could scrounge together in my saddlebags, and slung the Service Rifle over my shoulder.

Remove the capital on ‘Rifle’. (I think Service is a name of a brand of rifles, so I think that’s fine).

You gain a +10% Bonus when fighting Enclave and Unique Dialogue Options with certain NPC’s.

Remove the capitals on ‘Unique Dialogue Options’.

8946261
I'm slightly embarrassed that I missed so many obvious errors in the rewrites, but I appreciate you pointing those out. I'm grateful for the feedback as always, thanks.

Must say, this chapter already shows writing improvement. The first chapters had a few problems with the flow, too much on the thought pattern which made the feeling of action lacking and felt a bit jumpy at places. This one had a perfect flow though.

I'm fascinated by Sunny's introduction and how this mare manages to get under Rou's skin just right to be trusted instead of cussed out and sent running. Rou is very impulsive and as witnessed in the story, can turn nasty quick if the situation demands it, even if she feels bad after. Sunny balances that well.
It does feel off the way she acts in a world like the Wasteland, even Rou can feel that. But her happy go lucky and sweet demeanor is effective to disarm for sure. Looking forward to see how this goes.

Learning Rou to know better as we read, I do like how she's not a Light Bringer 2.0 like with some other fics. She's obviously acting on selfish reasons, barely excusing them to herself. She's not a hero, just another soul in the Wasteland getting by with her own making-it-as-she-goes agenda, with no saint complexes or gritty dark anti-hero attitude. It's refreshing. She's petty, impulsive, bad tempered and stubborn like a mule.

I also like the detail of the bullet now stuck in her shoulder after that healing potion without risky surgery, in the past chapter. It's an interesting lasting injury. Instead of letting her just heal up without a hitch to resume to full HP with no issues, she now has to deal with whatever comes with an object still stuck inside of her. She can still function, but with the occasional complications. And stuck where she is during what she is, who knows when she'll ever get a chance to have it removed? And what lasting damage it might cause until then?

Looking forward to more of this story, things are still cooking up.

8956248
Thanks for the read, I appreciate the feedback. Question though, did you read the updated chapter 1 and 2, or are you referring to the old ones? I know there were a couple of parts where I flashback and broke up combat, but barring those I ended up cutting a lot of the exposition that was there originally. I was trying to address that critique in the newer versions of 1 & 2 , so I'm wondering if you're referring to the old ones.

I'm also really glad that people are liking Sunny! More to come with her! Also pay attention to that bullet in her shoulder. Originally it started off as a ballistics mistake that Belmor informed me of, and so I treated it as a character building trait. Pay close attention to it though! It may not be exactly what you think ;)

8957307

Oh yeah, definitely referring to the old version of the chapters. Haven't had time to reread the edited versions yet, sorry about that.
If the flow has been fixed to match how it's written in this chapter, they are definitely better.

And oh I shall keep an eye on that bullet and Sunny as well!!

8958026
Lol phew, you had me worried for a second! Yeah, I knew if I left 1 & 2 as is it'd just bleed into the rest of the story, so best to just get it out of the way early on to a point where I'm satisfied. I took all the criticisms you gave me last time and tried to take all of those into account during the rewrites. I imagine there will still be problems here and there, but hopefully a notable improvement ;) I've heard as much from friends and prereaders anyways.

Either way I'm very happy that 3 met your expectations! Here's to hoping 4 is even better~! Thanks for the read Raven, and stay tuned! Ch. 4 is just around the corner, so I'm going to get back to hammering away at it!

Another nice chapter to add to my collection. *Makes General Grievous coughs.*
Ah I see we have another travelling companion, A fine contrast to Rou and quite helpful in curbing Rou's anger and volatile emotional issues. I also like how we get to kinda see the Enclave from the lens that they're becoming echos of history now. This might be my faction/civilisation obsessiveness talking but I love how they continue to influence the story and world in such memorable lights if you ask me. Such as the chemistry of the pilot's exasperation, or Rou starring into the remains of her arch enemy's helmet.
---

Sneaking past the Outpost 52 without them noticing was also way easier than I thought.

Remove ‘the’ after ‘past’.

So if it turned out he was somehow involved in the attack, then I wanted to answers straight from the horse’s mouth.

After ‘wanted’ remove ‘to’.

“I said I’m not with the Enclave anymore”

“Answer me! How many?”

That doesn’t necessarily clean your hooves of the past though, does it? Otherwise you’d have no problems heading to New Canterlot to stand trial! Tell me the number! How many innocent ponies have you killed?! Five? Ten…? Twenty?!”
After a short pause he hung his head and almost shamefully admitted, “...I don’t know.”

I think you need to remove the line, “Answer me! How many?” because the paragraph underneath is Rou responding to his first quote “I said I’m not with the Enclave anymore”.
Also, a full stop needs to be added after ‘“...anymore”’.
Input a quotation before ‘That doesn’t…”’
And a paragraphing ENTER needs to placed before ‘After a short pause...’

True Blue turned to me with a solemn look on his face,“There’s no way I’d ever leave you behind, you’re my sister.

Input a space between ‘face,’ and ‘”There’s no way…”’

Remember all those stories we heard about him at the Compound?

Not sure if ‘Compound’ a name or not, but just in case it isn’t, remove the capital.

“Quite the ray of sunshine to way up to.” I thought.

Replace ‘way’ with ‘wake’.

Sunny looked looked somewhat dejected by my answer.“-But, wouldn’t it be respectful to at least hear her final thoughts?” She asked. I scoffed.

Input a space between ‘answer.’ and ‘“But, wouldn’t…”’.

It was like had been done at Starlight Bay.

Input ‘what’ after ‘like’.

“What about it?” I questioned looking down at myself.
“What’s with the shoulder pads?” she stifled to hold in a laugh. It’s true that I got it off a dead raider, but it wasn’t too far off from normal wasteland gear!

After ‘myself.’ add a paragraph space between that and the next sentence.

It was done up to look exactly like the double chevron designs on my Special Jacket.

Remove the capitals in ‘Special Jacket’.

“Trying to be useful and not get in your way.” she answered.
Her response forced me to raise an eyebrow,

Join ‘she answered.’ and ‘Her response forced…’ as one line. Replace the comma in ‘eyebrow,’ with a full stop.

I let out a breath slowly, remembering all the places Of all the places I’d visited with my family, none were as beautiful as this. I bet they would’ve loved this.

Input a comma after ‘places’.
Remove the capital in ‘Of’.

It appeared to have been repurposed into some sort of weird Cathedral, and had some structures built up around it.

Remove the capital in ‘Cathedral,’

I say again, carrying Precious Cargo…” ,

Remove the capital in ‘Precious’.

Per Contingency Protocols all assets of interest are to be transported to a backup storage location.

Remove the capitals on ‘Contingency Protocols’ (thought it might refer to a name of an Enclave policy, in which there would be no problem with it).

It felt as if there was as if there was some sort of presence stalking us from just out of sight.

Remove one ‘as if there was’.

The two of us had strayed far from road, and most of the surrounding area looked the same.It was too dangerous to go back the way we came.

Input a space between ‘same.’ and ‘It’.

Sunny ducked and looked around.“Is something wrong?” she asked.

Input a space between ‘around.’ and ‘”Is’.

“…Let’s just it’s personal.”

Input ‘say’ after ‘just’.

Also Roulette might get a bit old after a while, so how about a nickname? What about Rou? Oh! Can I call you Rou-Rou?” Her eyes beamed.

Input a quotation before ‘Also’.

She must’ve taken as a sign of agreement..

Input ‘that’ after ‘taken’.
Input another dot after ‘agreement..’ to form ‘agreement…’

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