Mental instability at its finest and aspiring punk rock musician. PS: Buy a creator a coffee to keep him awake? https://ko-fi.com/firerain
''And if you save yourself, you will make him happy. I'll keep you in a jar, and you will think that you're happy. You're in a laundry room.''
It's where some mysterious things are said and kept, and some of said things yearn to be released.
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Well, this seems like a good beginning to a longer story, but then I noticed the completed tag.
8615271
Hey, there might be hope for it yet! Depends if people like it enough for me to write a sequel or extend it from where it currently stands. Besides, I'm not really sure how I'd evolve it if I do decide to make it a longer story.
8615387
I mean, well, it really feels incomplete now. Sure, the person/thing/creature escapes at the end, but at what obstacles? It was just released from captivity, with no explanation why.
And if it wasn't about escape, then the other themes don't feel complete either.
The muse on whether the protagonist is happy where she is?
Why it is locked up in the first place?
If you're going to extend this, then perhaps exploring these avenues will make it complete.
But that's just my two cents.
By the way, the language is nicely written, so props to that!
8615466
It's really weird and hard to explain this, but there wasn't really much of a point to the story, to be honest. It was inspired by Nirvana's Sappy, so I included what was in the song.
The pony that I mention is upset is, of course, Scootaloo, and the thing in the jar was just a breezie. I won't say what I had on my mind when I was writing this, but I was going to go with a different approach to it. I was actually hoping that this would work out as a one-shot seeing as I don't really like writing long stories.
To answer both the position of the protagonist and the breezie in captivity, my initial idea was that Scootaloo isn't entirely happy with her family life, but I can't really disclose the exact reason, but I will mention that I picture her as a lonely child with no friends that came across a breezie one day and managed to capture it, trying to befriend it, but her approach in doing so was all but friendly.
Hopefully, that helped somewhat with explaining some of my ideas and stuff, but I'm not really sure that making this into a larger story would work out all too well.
I mean, most of my stories have some of the same or similar aspects because when I write things, I like to intentionally not answer some questions just for the sake of making the reader think about it, but I suppose that method has its limits and flaws.
Interesting short tale