When You Fall
Scootaloo shivered and wiped the small trickle of blood from her forehead. A crack of thunder split the air as the thick sheets of rain continued to fall.
Rainbow Dash looked up into the sky, blinking against the bright flashes of lightning before turning back to face her biggest fan. “Come on, Scoots, we should really get back inside. This storm is gonna get a LOT worse, and we should probably rebandage you.”
The orange filly shuffled her hooves and gazed at the ground. “Are you sure? I mean, it’s still early.”
“Yeah, I know. But it’s not like we can do much in this weather.”
Scootaloo squirmed in place, working her brain uselessly for an excuse to stay out and coming up with nothing.
“What’s wrong? Are you... okay? You fell pretty hard yesterday.”
“I... don’t think I can make it.”
“What are you talking about? I’m gonna carry you! I don’t expect you to be able to fly that high when you’re injured. Especially not with your wings soaking wet AND with all this wind!”
“Are you sure it’s okay?”
“Your parents are already super angry at you, right? Yelling about being careful, the accident could have been worse, blah blah? They told you it was too dangerous, and you snuck out to try again anyway. When you go home, they’ll be pretty upset. You’re not really running away or anything, you just don’t want to get yelled at any more. I get it, squirt. I did the same thing a few times. It’s actually pretty useful. They’ll get really worried about you and start to forget how mad they are, and when you come back they’ll just be really glad to see you. Just... don’t make ‘em wait too long. A pony can get pretty worked up if they don’t know what’s happened to somepony they care about. Get all emotional and crazy. Your parents don’t deserve that.”
“Yeah, I know. I’ll go home tonight.”
“Good. Alright then, let’s get flying!”
---------------------------------------------------
“So, you wanna do this at the same time next week?”
“YEAH!” Scootaloo bounced with excitement, gradually slowing as a frown overtook her smile. “If my parents don’t kill me first.”
“That won’t happen. They’re cooling off right now, you’ll see. And besides, we’ll just be more careful from now on,” Dash said, turning to look at Scootaloo’s fresh bandages. “How’re ya holding up?”
“I’m fine. Pretty sore, but I don’t think anything’s broken.”
“Glad to hear it.” She stared down at the filly’s face, wearing a slight frown. “I just wish your forehead would stop bleeding.”
“It’s not a problem. It’s just a little trickle, and it doesn’t even hurt.”
“Alright,” Dash said with a sigh and a shrug, “if you say so. It just doesn’t seem healthy for a wound to keep bleeding, even if it’s only a little. It should’ve scabbed over by now.”
“So,” the filly said, her eyes excitedly scanning the room, “what are we gonna do now?”
“No idea. What... uh... what do you usually do for fun?”
“Crusading or practicing, but I don’t think those would work very well without the other Crusaders or a lot of open space. I would,” she scratched the back of her head with a hoof and blushed lightly, “probably break your stuff. I... break a lot of things. What do YOU do when you’re stuck inside?”
“I dunno. I’m not usually alone when I’m inside. I spend my time up in the sky out there or hanging out with my friends. Nap, I guess?”
“That doesn’t sound like the AWESOME Rainbow Dash I know!”
“Hey! It usually isn’t, ‘cuz I’m not usually stuck inside. Most of the time there’s a storm, I’m either out there working on it or being awesome up ABOVE it.”
Scootaloo’s eyes grew wide and glistened with excitement. “What’s it like way up there? Can WE go above the storm?”
“Sorry, Scoots. I don’t think so. It’s pretty dangerous flying up through the top layer, and you already got hurt once today. It probably sounds weird to hear ME backing down from something risky since danger and awesome go together like Twilight and books, but I’m worried about what might happen to you. It was kinda scary to watch you fall like that, and I’d never forgive myself if anypony got seriously hurt because of me.”
Scootaloo frowned.
“Aw, come on. Don’t be like that. It’s all cold and wet out there anyway, and we’d have to go through it twice - on the way up AND down. I saw you shivering. You really wanna go back out there?”
“...I guess not.”
“Cheer up, squirt. We’ll find SOMETHING cool to do for a few hours, I’ll take you back home, and then you can do whatever you normally do with your friends until next week. And then? We’ll crank the radicalness up to eleven. We’ll get you flying AND doing some basic tricks.”
---------------------------------------------------
Rainbow Dash knocked on the door to the small two-story house and waited. It was raining heavily, and she was shielding Scootaloo with a wing. Nopony was answering the door, and the lights were off.
“It’s fine. I’m sure they’re just still mad at me.”
“No way. They’re way past mad by now. Definitely really worried about-”
The door creaked open and an orange pegasus stallion peered out with droopy red eyes. It looked like he had been crying. Scootaloo dashed inside and galloped up the stairs without a word. Dash followed her with her eyes, eventually looking back at the filly’s father once she could no longer be seen. His eyes were pointed in her direction, but he wasn’t looking at her. He was staring into the distance, as if in a trance. After a brief, but awkward, silence, she cleared her throat. “Hehe... probably should’ve come by sooner. Sorry. I used to pull a lot of the same crap with my parents, and I know how worried it always made them. It won’t happen again.”
His eyes snapped open and his wings flared. He threw a punch, landing squarely on the side of her muzzle. Rainbow Dash went spiralling to the side and slid into the mud. “If I see you again,” he snorted, trotting forward until he was uncomfortably close to Dash’s face, “you WILL regret it.” The stallion turned and stomped angrily back inside before slamming the door violently. Dash laid still for several minutes, shocked into silence.
Eventually she decided to move and rose slowly to her hooves. The pouring rain washed the mud off of her coat within seconds, leaving the dark bruise as the only sign anything had happened. The sound of hoofsteps echoing down the street became audible, but Dash was still too stunned to react to her surroundings. Sure, she had played a part in the MINOR injury of his daughter and helped her ‘run off’ for a few hours, but that had been a DEVASTATING punch. It was as though he hadn’t held back at all. As though he had wanted to KILL her. His filly was home, happy, and mostly unharmed, but the stallion was positively FURIOUS.
Maybe that was why Scootaloo had been worried about her parents being angry. Maybe they had anger issues. Or maybe she was just trying to avoid feeling responsible by blaming others. It WAS her fault. Scootaloo hadn’t been ready, and she’d pushed her to try anyway. Dash hadn’t noticed, but the hoofsteps had been getting louder. They stopped a short distance behind her.
“Rainbow? That you? Rainbow, what in tarnation are ya doing out here in this weather?”
She shook her head and looked toward her friend. “Oh. I was just... this is Scootaloo’s house. What are YOU doing out here?”
Applejack frowned. “Ah’m just on mah way back from Rarity’s place. Had some business ta take care of with her,” she said, patting the slight bulge in her saddlebag. She looked at Dash’s face and winced. “You okay?”
Dash put a hoof to her bruise and rubbed gently. “Yeah. I’m... I’ll be fine.”
“Are ya sure? That’s a pretty nasty bruise... Ya wanna talk about it?”
“Nah. I’ll be fine. I’m gonna go take a nap or something.”
“... Okay then.”
“Hey Applejack?”
“Yeah, sugarcube?”
“What... what would you do if Apple Bloom got hurt? And it was an accident, but somepony was sorta at fault?”
The farm pony trotted up gently next to her friend and put a hoof on her shoulder. “Ah don’t rightly wanna think about it. Ah know you must feel completely AWFUL about this, but Ah’m afraid I can’t bring mahself to contemplate the scenario. I’d be so gosh darn mad Ah wouldn’t be able to see straight. Apple Bloom is mah SISTER. Mah flesh an’ blood. Scootaloo-”
“I know, AJ, but I’m not asking for me. I just... I guess I don’t understand what it’s like for her parents,” Dash said, pointing a hoof at the unlit house.
Applejack and touched Dash’s bruised muzzle. “Is that what this is? Go home, Rainbow. Go home and sleep, and don’t come back ta this house. Everything’ll be fine.”
---------------------------------------------------
“I said NO! You saw how mad your dad was. He’s probably right, too. It was stupid of me. You weren’t ready. You shouldn’t even be here! Go home and change that bandage. You’re STILL bleeding.”
“Pleeeease? Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle won’t come out of their rooms, so I can’t go crusading. It’s almost my birthday, and I REALLY want to be able to do this by then!”
“Other ponies are supposed to do things for YOU for your birthday, not the other way around.”
“It’s not like that. If you can help me do this just in time, then having taught me is your present to me and finally doing it is my present to myself! I’m not gonna quit. Wouldn’t it be MORE dangerous if I was practicing by myself? Yeah I crashed last time, but you were there to keep me in line. Making sure I was staying at a safe height and doing everything right.”
“And I FAILED. You didn’t get it right and you got hurt and I put your parents through something terrible. AJ was telling me that if Apple Bloom got hurt, she would-”
“If I was alone it probably would’ve been worse. Being reckless and risky is the key to being radical! My parents will be fine.”
Dash pointed a hoof at the bruise on her face.
“Some ponies have problems. Ignoring them doesn’t help.” Scootaloo crouched low, paused, and took of into the air. She slowly rose, beating her wings furiously.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m flying. Maybe we both messed up, but you have to pick yourself up when you fall down. Are you going to stand there and gawk or are you going get up here?”
Loud hoofbeats and furious shouting came from just over the nearby hill. An orange pegasus ran over the crest of the hill, his head whipping about as his eyes darted across the landscape. He spotted them. Dash froze in place and craned her neck upward. Scootaloo was still climbing higher, the her wings growing more unsteady with each flap.
---------------------------------------------------
Rainbow Dash pushed her way through the door, and the bell chimed brightly.
“Just a moment. I’ll be right with... oh! Rainbow Dash, whatever happened to you?”
“Nothing. I’m here for-”
“I know what you’re here for, dear, but please. Those bruises do not look like ‘nothing’ to me.”
Dash let out a long sigh and her shoulders slumped. “I... I was out with Scootaloo, and-”
“No no no, dear, please. I know about the accident. But your bruises...”
“I was standing at the door to Scoot’s house last night and... I guess some ponies take it harder than others when something bad happens.”
“Stay right here. I’m going to get you some makeup to cover those.”
Rarity trotted out of view and Dash’s eyes began to wander around the boutique. Everything was a terrible mess. While the back rooms could look quite disorganized at times, Rarity was usually careful to maintain an air of orderliness for her customers. She always valued appearances, and the impression the shop itself made on a client could prove vital. The alabaster unicorn returned, carrying a small bag with her magic.
“Do you... know how to put it on?”
“Yeah, I’ll figure it out.”
“Alright then. You’re sure you’ll be okay?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well then,” Rarity said, floating the little bag and a larger one that had been on a shelf toward Dash.
Dash leaned down to pick up the bags, but stopped a few inches short. “Hey Rarity?”
“Yes?”
“What would you do if... you know what, nevermind. I’ll see you later.”
“Are you positively certain you’ve got everything under control?”
“Don’t worry about me.”
---------------------------------------------------
Rainbow Dash landed gingerly on the soft, swaying grass. The dress fit perfectly, as expected of one of Rarity’s works. It looked like it hadn’t started yet. Lots of ponies were here, but they were a bit scattered. They were in small clusters, talking amongst themselves. Looking around, Applejack, Big Macintosh, Apple Bloom, and Granny Smith were sitting quietly under a tree. Fluttershy and Rarity were conversing softly some distance away, with Sweetie Belle standing next to her sister. Pinkie Pie was visible in the distance, unusually subdued, trotting rather than bouncing toward everypony.
A gust of wind rattled a few leaves across the ground, and Dash turned her head in response to the sound. She spotted Scootaloo’s parents. Her father looked directly at her. He was wearing the saddest expression she had ever seen, and somehow that was worse than the anger from before.
“Rainbow, you look terrible! What happened to you?” Twilight Sparkle had snuck up behind Dash while her eyes were caught on the melancholy stallion’s.
“Oh, is it that bad? Rarity gave me some makeup to try to cover it, but I guess I’m no good with that kinda stuff.”
“Makeup? She should’ve sent you to the clinic! Where in Equestria did you get all these bruises?”
“Really, Twilight, I’m fine,” Dash said, scanning the area again before frowning. “I don’t see her. Why would she be late?”
“Pinkie’s right over there, Dash,” Twilight said, pointing a hoof.
“Not Pinkie. Scootaloo.”
“... Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, I just don’t get it. Her parents are here, and Ponyville’s pretty far away. She can’t still be back there. I don’t get why we had to do this way out here.”
“Dash, her parents have been here for a few days. They moved back here? Right after the accident?”
“Oh come ON Twilight, I know her dad’s a jerk, but they wouldn’t just LEAVE her like that.”
Rainbow Dash seemed to be ignoring her environment now. She was staring, empty-eyed, into the space in front of her. Slowly, she lifted a trembling hoof upward. As it rose, it steadied. And then she hit herself. Hard.
She tumbled over backwards and shot upright almost instantly. Her eyes were still pointed forward, but were glazed and without focus. “What in the HAY did you do that for?”
Twilight grabbed her and shook vigorously. “DASH! Snap out of it!”
“Huh?” She blinked several times before her eyes returned to normal. “Some party this is gonna be if that’s how things get started,” she huffed.
“Dash, where do you think you are?” Twilight looked down, her eyes glistening with tears. “This isn’t a party.”
“Of course it is! Today is Scoot’s birthday, and we’re all here to make sure she has a good time. I think she’s even gonna pull of the trick I’ve been trying to teach her!”
Everypony had grown silent and turned to stare at the commotion with bewildered looks on their faces. Scootaloo’s father trotted gently to Dash. His face was stained with tears.
“I don’t blame you.”
“W...what?”
“She absolutely adored you. She was happy. The doctors said... they said she didn’t feel anything. It was too fast for her to even realize what was happening.”
“What are you... what are you talking about?”
Scootaloo nuzzled up against her, eyes closed and forehead bleeding. “You have to pick yourself back up.”
Rainbow Dash wept.
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...Oh.
OH.
I dont get it....
Explain please
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
53947
Basically, Scoot's father never touched Rainbow Dash. All of her wounds were self-inflicted out of grief, Scootaloo actually died not long after her first accident.
The message is lost if I have to explain it.
5/5. Well done.
Oh, goody......usually it's Pinkie who's playing Queen of Denial but to see RD go nuts is kinda chilling. Forgivable given the circumstances
but all the same.....
53960 Thats what i thought....
I jsut thought it was something else. D'ho well, Sad fics arent really my thing anyway.
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
I'm not understanding EVERYTHING, here. I get that it's a funeral, but was she hallucinating or something, that Scoots was still there? I'm so confused
Ooh... That really hits hard... Bravo on that story but still...
This is a good story just...a major buzz kill.
...Ouch. Didn't expect that.
53993
RD wasn't really hallucinating, she was unable to come to terms with what had happened to Scootaloo, what ended up happening was that her mind made her think that Scootaloo was fine (besides the injuries from the accident), the bruises that were on RD were self-inflicted even though in her eyes is that it was scoots dad who did it.
What happened to RD is what usually happens to a person who experiences something extremely traumatizing, they know what happened, but their mind would play out a completely different scenario so they wouldn't have to deal with the truth.
Good. More delusional ponies and drama!
Damn. The moment it became clear what exactly was going on, even though Dash didn't realize it, was like a shot to gut. As far short stories in this fandom goes, this is up there with Forever is Forever in terms of execution and sheer emotional impact.
Your writing is too sporadic. I read the comments and was able to figure out what happened, but you need to make it clearer in the story. I think this story could be a quarter longer than it currently is if you added more descriptions and ideas of what's going on. SHow more scenes. I was left very confused at the end. You need to be more clear with what's going on. Otherwise the impact of what you're going for is lost on the readers.
Either this story doesn't do it for me or it's just not well written enough. Meh
54144
Weird, I didn't have any problems piecing together what was going on myself despite the necessary amount of ambiguity in the story. Was there any specific things that threw people off?
54043 Thanks, got it.
Good one. I had a pretty solid guess at how the story would end, still that final sentence really got to me.
53993
She was hallucinating. Its also why she kept hitting herself
Third one of these (exact same) fics I've seen, but still good. Dash does seem to be the one to pull the Scrubs ending on, doesn't she?
Uh... huh?
O o..... o shit wow ok damn that was good i thought scoots dad was a bitch but now i understand
O o..... o shit wow ok damn that was good i thought scoots dad was a bitch but now i understand
Holy shit, the ending brought out a massive emotional response for me.
Oh god, it's like that one Scrubs episode. Manly tears, activate.
why do we fall ? so we can learn to pick ourselves up
it was a great read, even though i don't really like tragedy stories there's enough of that in the world already
well written, it kept me reading, which is all you can ask for in a story, keep up the good work
A Rainbow Dash coaching Scootaloo fic?
Are these even written by people any more or is there a factory somewhere dedicated to shipping this out along with every other overused genre such as shipping and background pony stories.
This type of story steals the spotlight, undeservedly so from other stories.
The story itself? Lacks creativity, that compiled with the fact that this type of story is about as common as hay in a haystack. The writing is nothing special. This gets a, in my mind, deserved 1.5/5
54414
I don't want to be seen as the kind of guy who can't take criticism but HOLY SHIT I am pretty sure you didn't actually read this. This is absolutely NOT another Dash trains Scoot fic.
54414
?!?
I'm not trying to change opinions here, but it's pretty obvious you didn't read the story at all
54445
Doesn't matter what I call it.
It's all the same, creativity lacking repetition at the end of the day, isn't it?
54455
By your logic, you can literally say that for every single fanfic written out there
54458
Not really.
Whether it's a dash training scoot, Dash dealing with death, Scoot recovering. * Yes, I skimmed to the end, and I stand by my rating* It's all the same grinding repetition that's usually very highly prized by the community we're a part of, unfortunately so.
Why be innovative when you can do the same as everyone else until you copy their results?
Oh. I... Hang on a minute.
...
...
Okay. Wow. That was intense. You totally had me going through the whole thing. I admit, I was a bit confused at first, but that may have been because I skipped over a line that indicated Scootaloo's father was talking at the end. I get it now. This is... so sad. I can hardly imagine the pain... to cause your mind to lie to you like that. I mean, I've heard of such things, but... I never had any siblings. Or anyone who was LIKE a sibling to me. This got me closer to understanding that sort of feeling. Thank you.
54460
No, you don't get it and this is not the same. For one, I took a big risk and gave this story a decidedly UNhappy ending. Spoilers, Scoot is dead.
Berate me for my low quality writing all day, but do NOT accuse me of doing something I did not do.
54475
I'm not accusing you of doing something you didn't do.
I'm accusing you of doing something uncreative.
You killed off a side pony / CMC much to the grievance of one of the mane six.
Congratulations, you are the 99%
54479
Okay then, just as long as we're clear on the part where you accuse a story you didn't read of being unoriginal for being about X, then get called out on it when it's really about something else, THEN stick to your guns and claim Y is also unoriginal, without having read the story to know whether or not it's about Y.
54491
I read the story. I know what "Y" is.
It's also unoriginal.
You haven't got a creative bone in your body.
It doesn't matter though.
As I stated previously, the patrons of this site pride themselves on their unbound love of all things repetitive.
You'll be fine.
And no.
You totally don't look like the guy who can't take criticism.
54479
I like hamburgers (stick with me here).
Now, a lot of places make hamburgers. Some places make them better than others (Hardee's, Culver's). Some places make them worse (McDonald's). When rating burgers, something like a 1.5/5 describes a horrible burger... take the McDouble (please). Palatable, technically a burger, but it tastes like the oversalted crap it is.
My point? A 1.5/5 is a bad story. Not one that's a genre you've seen overdone; not a plotline that you don't like. A bad story, something that is a poor example of its niche. Personally, I thought this story was rather decent. Not an incredible story, no. It could have stood to be longer, perhaps with more of a "mystery" to it, and to what's happening. More like The Machinist, perhaps, or Session 9. However, it's head and shoulders above some of the real crap I've seen out there in terms of stories with twist endings like this one has. It had well thought-out hints as to what was happening, enough there that you could piece things together fairly, and was a "pony goes crazy" story that didn't go Cupcakes or Rainbow Factory on everypony.
What's more, if you don't read a vast quantity of fics like this one (which I, at least, don't), then it's doubly novel.
Am I going to change your opinion? Probably not.
But I hope that, in the future, you'll think about more than "does this concept irritate me?" before rating. Rating fics prior to reading them - even if you're right - cheapens rating systems.
CL is troll.
54530
Tl;D-fucking-R
54530
I'd also like to point out to everyone I did read a portion of it. I did rate before I was done reading. I then read it and I stick by my rating wholly.
You're going too much for the "Woooo I just fucked your mind" Aspect.
That, combined with the fact this is uncreative, nothing special, and another god damn fic based around Rainbow Dash. I'm depressed to see this rate above the 2's.
54533
54542
So... uhm... were you commenting on the part that was TL, or the part that you D-fucking-R?
54556
I said I didn't read it.
I skimmed that bitch.
>>CL
If you aren't going to read the fucking story, you can't say shit about it.
Writing from the point of view of someone who is in this much denial would be difficult to say the least.
And >>theworstwriter did pretty well.
Was it an original idea? Not exceptionally. But from the perspective? It's new to me.
54568
Hmm...you'd think that.
I got the general theme of the story, and after reading it I, as said, stuck by my rating.
If anything I didn't rate it harshly enough.
54571 Is this the part where I get to call you out for writing an OC pony story? Like the majority of writers here? Not very creative...
54414 Do I need to mention why I consider your reasoning bullshit, or can you figure it out on your own?
At least it's good to know you're perfect. It's also nice to know that this story, which actually can at least do grammar and spelling decently deserves a low mark because you don't like the theme. Might I ask who was whipping your ass to read this then? Oh wait, you didn't do that either, right? You're putting down an actually competently done fic, all because you're bored of the premise, refuse to read it and just go for the knee-jerk. Congratulations, you're attained the level of fandom troll, because there is no other way I can summarize the way you're acting.
CL, you're coming off sounding like those automatic contrarion types who instantly declare anything popular to be utter shit. Words like "theme" exist because if every single story had to be absolutely 100% unique, people might as well have stopped writing centuries ago.
"Star Wars is crap because there were already stories about space, war, and good vs evil!" If a story is bad, say so based on its own merits, not because someone somewhere has done something somewhat similar at some point in time.
And any story about Rainbow Dash is bad by default? Seriously? I shouldn't have even bothered saying anything, because you pretty much made my point for me with that comment.