• Published 15th Dec 2017
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On Getting to the Bottom of this "Equestrian" Business - McPoodle



An exploration of the Equestria Girls setting in the year 1985, pitting Cold War tensions against Equestrian-inspired pacifism

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Chapter 30: The Greatest Markist

Chapter 30: The Greatest Markist

We didn’t start the fire.
It was always burning
Since the world’s been turning.

Gus Guiseman’s recovery was near-instantaneous. Within a week of being administered the experimental treatment, he was ready to be discharged. His story was covered prominently by the BBC.

Not all the news seen on the hospital TV recently had been as good. Three days ago, after the Soviet Politburo had finally admitted that Secretary-General Andropov was suffering from the same form of cancer as Pr. Guiseman, Arbus Rhiza had been flown to Moscow with his cure. Unfortunately, Andropov’s case turned out to be much worse that Gus’. All the cure gave him was a peaceful end to his suffering. So now the Central Committee of the Soviet Party was busy behind closed doors picking his successor.

The next day the Space Shuttle Challenger had blown up during lift-off. The explosion had claimed the lives of all seven astronauts aboard, including Christa McAuliffe, scheduled to be the first teacher in space.

And the day after that, a pair of videotapes had arrived in the mail from Canterlot, containing the recently-aired miniseries The Day After. By the time it was over there wasn’t a dry eye in the room—despite the fact that most of the watchers were aware that the catastrophe they had witnessed was now completely impossible.

Gus was already aware of the impact the program had had in America when it had been broadcast, in the form of heart-felt discussions and growing demands that the nuclear stockpiles of all sides in the current stand-off be reduced drastically before some accident or madman caused an event such as was depicted in the show from happening in real life.

In more positive news, Kim had managed to get a job for the former maid, Butterfly. It wasn’t much, but it promised to lead to something much better once she had earned her British citizenship. And the prominent Soviet defector Marshal Ustinov had converted to Markism in a public ceremony, taking the new name Stalwart Sentinel. As that particular news story ended, all eyes fixed on Gus.

“Oh, no! I’m too old to pick a new religion to reject,” Gus sputtered.

“With all you know?” asked Father Delver incredulously.

Especially with all I know!” Gus replied.


There was a frenzy of activity as Gus’ family helped him pack.

Standing at the doorway, Archbishop Shepherd was already on his way out. “I’m surprised that the whole of Marksistdom hasn’t collapsed in your absence,” he said facetiously to Celestia, causing her to merely shrug. He was getting rather disappointed by her lack of smart remarks.

“Have we missed anything?” Gus asked Gwen. “I’d hate to fly all the way back home, only to find we left a beloved toothbrush or waffle iron behind.”

“I almost can’t believe we’re going home,” mused Gwen. “I might have to chain you to the bed when we return, to keep you from going on adventures.”

“Believe me,” swore Gus, “after that last adventure, I’m finally ready to settle down and thoroughly appreciate the family I have.”

“Speaking of family, you’re all invited to our wedding,” announced Meridiem, her hand clasped in Gnosi’s. “It’s scheduled for the 15th at noon in the Canterlot Church of the Goddess.”

“So you’re certain this time?” asked Gavin. “After the last two cancellations…”

“Yes, we’re sure this time,” said Gnosi.

“Of course we’ll be there,” said Gwen. She was surprised by Gus reaching out for her hand. She turned to see that he was lowered on one knee.

“I was thinking…” he said shyly. “Gnosi and Meridiem’s wedding gave me the idea… Technically, I’m not the man you married twenty-five years ago.”

“Gus, we discussed this!”

“That’s not the only reason! I also want to make it clear, to you, to the world, to…God, I guess…that I take this marriage seriously. That it…gives me life. I’d like for us to renew our vows.”

“Gus, I…I don’t know what to say!”

“Well, if you’re going to take time to think about it, I think I’ll lower my other knee. I was kinda getting a cramp.”

Gwen roughly pulled Gus to his feet with a laugh. “Yes, of course I’ll renew my vows with you. You’re my life, too, as I told you ten thousand times during your coma.”

Gus waved a hand idly. “Stuff said during comas doesn’t count. I’m pretty sure it’s in the Talmud somewhere.” He looked over Gwen’s shoulder, to see an imposing woman in black standing at the hospital room door, pointing at him accusingly.

Then he blinked, and the accuser turned into his niece, Kim.

“I have to get back to teaching tomorrow,” she said as she crossed the room to reach him. “But this is for you.”

Gus looked down at the typewritten set of pages. “‘The Story of My Life’?” he read the title aloud.

“I figured you had some catching up to do, to get acquainted with the ‘me’ you created in 1945. From the looks you give me sometimes…”

Gus put his arm around her shoulder. “Thank you, Kim. I’ll be sure to read this on the flight.”

& & &

Meep meep!

Meridiem glanced over at the television, where the Road Runner cartoon character had just raced across the screen. This turned out to be the beginning of a commercial.

Welcome to the start of the Cellular Revolution,” a man’s voice announced as footage showed business people talking to each other with shoe-sized phones. “Those who think that getting a car phone is not for them haven’t kept up with the industry of Cellular Radio Telephones.

The day is coming when everyone on the go will be able to communicate with Cellular Phones, such as this model made by Unitec, which only weighs two pounds [1 kg]! Unitec envisions the day when people using cellular phones will be as commonplace as someone checking time on an electronic watch, figuring on an electronic calculator, or programming on an electronic computer.

So join the Cellular Revolution, with a Unitec Cellular Radio Telephone.

The commercial concluded with the Road Runner racing by, a cellular phone pack slung around its shoulder. A line of tiny print next to the Warner Brothers logo provided permission to use the character.

Meridiem pointed up at the screen. “Excuse me; does anybody know anything about this Unitec company? Is it British?”

“No, it’s Brazilian,” said Gwen. “Never could figure out why a Brazilian company would have an American road runner as their mascot.”

“I never heard of them,” remarked Gnosi.

“Me neither,” said Gus.

“Really?” asked Delver. “They’re only the number two semiconductor company in the world.”

“When were they founded?” asked Gus.

“I dunno,” said Delver. “Late Forties? They were making instant cameras in the 50’s and miniature TVs in the 60’s.”

“Anything else they’re famous for?”

“NASA uses them a lot,” said Goanna Guiseman. “I heard that both Voyager probes have Unitec chips for brains.”

“Don’t you think that’s odd?” asked Gus.

“What?”

“NASA using a foreign company for anything they could get domestically.”

“I never really thought about it,” said Goanna. “Are you saying that Unitec is run by some exceptionally-trustworthy American?”

“Probably not currently. But certainly founded by one,” said Gus.

“Are you saying…?” asked Meridiem.

“If anybody could pull it off, it would be a Celestia,” said Gus.

“What did I do now?” asked Celestia.

“Not you…your predecessor. We think we’ve figured out what she did with the rest of her life.”

& & &

Gwen looked at the clock. “Is that the time? We’ve got to go now!”

At that moment the room’s phone rang. Gwen raised up a hand to stop Gus, then picked it up. “Now’s not a good time,” she said.

There was a lot of excited talking on the other end of the line.

“Well yes, that does sound important, but surely you can get…”

More excited talking.

“I see…hold on a moment.” Gwen put down the phone and lowered her head in defeat. “It’s William Graham, a former student of yours from Caltech. I don’t suppose you remember him?”

“Graham? William Graham? Hm…no,” said Gus.

“He also worked at Hughes when you were giving your lectures there.”

“The same place Steady Ship heard about me? Doesn’t strike a spark somehow.”

“He’s the current head of NASA.”

“Oh that William Graham! What does he want?”

“He wants you to join the committee investigating the Challenger disaster.”

Gus was tempted for a brief moment, but he managed to resist. “A committee? That’s politics. And don’t we have a flight to get to?”

Gwen put her hands on Gus’ shoulders. “Gus, people died. They had enough time to know that they were doomed, and that there was nothing they could do about it. Nothing like that should ever happen again.”

“But…I thought you wanted me at home.”

“I can’t really change who I married. I married a scientist who wanted to change the world. And I doubt that even saving the whole world once would be enough for him. Go say ‘yes’ and get a flight to Washington. Hopefully we’ll get to see you on TV.”

Gus smiled broadly and pulled Gwen into a bear hug. “Did I ever tell you that you’re the best?”

“Not often enough.”

Gus picked up the phone and began talking with William Graham. His friends and the other members of his family took their turns giving him a hug as they left the room.

“I don’t care what he says,” Celestia told her sister as they walked out. “Gus Guiseman’s the greatest Markist of our time.”

We didn’t start the fire.
No we didn’t light it
But we tried to fight it.

—Spoken like a true Markist.

Author's Note:

...And that's effectively it. There's still an Afterward to catch things up with the first Equestria Girls movie, and then the Credits/Acknowledgements/Bibliography to finish things up--I might be a week or two late writing that out, and I'll post them both together.

What I will do between now and then is post Kimiko's little essay on my blog, for the completionists out there.

Thank you all for following along so patiently.

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