One Decision
"Liar"
"False friend"
"Traitor"
"Demon"
Those are just some of the words of contempt that haunt the mind of Sunset Shimmer.
The fire-haired girl sits on her bed with her back stooped and her head down. Her hands cover her face while she listens to the sound of her cell phone, indicating more and more messages coming from the whole school.
How did this happen? A few weeks ago, everything was perfect in her life. She had friends, she was loved in the whole school, she had finally overcome that doubt and fear that her conscience carried since that autumn night. But then, one night, she went to sleep loved and appreciated, and when she woke up the next morning... everyone hated her.
Her phone does not stop ringing, but she does not bother to take it. She knows what those messages say: more and more signs of the hatred of the whole school.
Why? That was all she could ask herself. Why did everyone despise her and assault her all of a sudden? But the truth was... she knew the answer...
"Anon-A-Miss"
Such a simple name, only three tiny words. Nobody could ever expect that those three sounds, put together, could destroy a whole life.
She looks up, dried tear tracks on her cheeks, her eyes, reddened and completely dry, unable to produce more tears. She looks at the phone on her bed, still notifying her of new messages.
A sob escapes, and she wipes her face with her arm.
Unable to withstand the endless pinging from the phone, she takes it and angrily throws it at the wall. She hears the bang of the impact and the sound of the pieces of plastic clattering to the floor, and finally, silence... Her ears can finally rest.
She takes a deep breath and starts trembling.
The auditory torture finally ended, but nothing will save her tormented mind.
She stands up and walks to her bathroom. Letting the water run, she fills her hands and launches the liquid into her face. Raising her head, she looks into the mirror.
There, she sees a young woman... No, she used to be a young woman. A beautiful, strong, intelligent young woman. Now, she is a tangle of tears, grief, pain and confusion.
Even her friends, those who had come to know her, to love her, have turned their back on her. They accused her of something she did not do and left her...
'Why?'she asks herself again and again.'Why would someone do this to me? A few months ago, I would have understood, but now...'
She thought that the school had accepted her. She thought that she had made friends. She thought... that they loved her...
But they accused her, they rejected her, they abandoned her... She did not have friends, she never had...
"It was all a lie..."
*S*A*S*
The sun shines upon a new day, and while the winter wind is blowing calmly, it is still enough to force people to bundle up.
The moment the Equestrian girl arrives at school, she is immediately attacked by the looks, the same ones she had received the last few weeks.
But today, they have no effect on her. She ignores them and walks through the corridors.
More than one push and shoulder bump welcome her to the school, and her gaze quickly becomes poisonous as she endures them.
She finally arrives at her locker and prepares for her first class, but when she turns to leave, she feels a shove on her back that makes her fall and release her notebooks. From the floor, she turns around to see her attacker. Sandalwood stands over her and glares at her.
"Watch where you're going, you idiot!"he snaps.
Sandalwood leaves after saying that, but Sunset can see how his face changed to a smile of satisfaction. This makes her patience run out. Before he can react, he is whipped violently against the lockers. He looks up to see a pair of emerald eyes bathed in anger.
"Say that again,"Sunset says in a voice as cold as her gaze.
Sandalwood does not answer. His eyes are fixed on hers in fear.
Those eyes. He had seen those eyes before.
"Say. That.Again!"
He begins to tremble as he remembers this scene from months ago. The memories do nothing but heighten his fear of the look the former bully is directing at him.
"Come on! What's wrong with you?! You were so brave a moment ago! What happened?!"
There is still no response. The girl, seeing his pathetic expression, chooses to give him one more push against the lockers before she moves away from him.
She returns to pick up her things and notices how everyone in the hall is looking at her. The hate is gone. Instead, their eyes display amazement, and fear...
Once again, she ignores them and walks to her class. There are no more pushes or shoves. In fact, many move out of her way.
*S*A*S*
The class was boring as usual. Cranky Doodle's attention was dedicated to explaining theorems and equations on the board, while a group of students tried to understand what he was saying. Most had already given up and preferred to focus on anything else.
Sunset was not totally focused, either; they were topics that she already knew or that were easy to understand. She focused her mind instead on solving a bigger problem.
Something hits her and pulls her out of her thoughts, something small and somewhat soft against the side of her head. She turns her head and discovers the object, laying on the floor next to her seat: a small, triangular piece of an eraser.
Her eyes scan the room. She can hear a couple of stifled snickers, and turning her head, she sees three students a couple of seats behind her looking at her. Her eyes focus on the desk of one of them--Brawny Beats. There it is: a formerly square eraser with a cut corner.
She watches the teacher for a moment, and when he turns to write on the board...
Brawny gives a loud scream as an object collides with his face. Cranky immediately turns around.
"What's going on?"Cranky demands, upset about the interruption to his class.
Brawny holds his face in an attempt to soothe the pain, Sunset's notebook laying flat on his desk.
"I repeat, what's going on?"
"It was her! Shimmer threw a notebook at me!"he accuses.
All the students turn their attention to the situation except Sunset, who seems very interested in a page of her book.
"Class is not the time for clowning around!"Cranky says sternly.
"Say that to Shimmer! She assaulted me for no reason!"
The whole class focuses its bitter gazes on the Equestrian girl, but she does not seem to notice. Cranky Doodle approaches Sunset.
"Miss Shimmer, care to explain?"
The girl continues staring at her book for a moment before realizing the presence of the teacher. She looks at him, smiling innocently.
"Oh, sorry, Mr. Doodle, could you repeat the question? I was reviewing chapter six. I think you made a little mistake; you wrote 121, and it should be 112."
Cranky looks puzzled before turning his eyes to the blackboard.
"Oh my, how careless of me. Thank you for pointing that out, Miss Shimmer. It's good to know thatsomeoneis paying attention."
After giving a look of reproach to Brawny, Cranky returns to his lesson.
The boy growls and glares at Sunset, who looks back with a superior smile.
*S*A*S*
The morning gives way to noon, and with it comes lunch hour.
The student body mills into the cafeteria. Sunset checks her pockets, only to discover that she forgot to bring money to buy lunch. She sighs in defeat and goes the opposite direction of everyone else. It's not like she can sit down with anyone, anyway.
Looking for a place to wait out the lunch break, she arrives at the library. As expected, it is empty, so she decides to sit down and devote herself to her thoughts once more, thoughts about a certain anonymous person, and the mystery behind it...
*S*A*S*
Sunset's semifinal class ends, and Sunset makes her way to her locker to prepare for her final class. As she reaches her locker, the sound of hushed snickering catches her attention. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees three girls pretending not to pay attention to her. It doesn't take long for Sunset to connect the dots. Acting natural, she discreetly unlocks her lock and moves away from her locker and instead tries to open the one next to her, noticing that the three girls' snickering turned to looks of confusion. A minute goes by while she stuggles with the lock before one of the three, Aqua Blossom, approaches her.
"Hey, what are you doing?"she asks, annoyed.
"What does it look like?"Sunset responds with some displeasure."I'm trying to open my locker."
"That's not your locker."
"Of course it is. I think I can recognize my own locker,"Sunset says, rolling her eyes.
"Well, that's not it. Your locker is next door."
"Uh-huh. Sure."
"It is! You even unlocked it!"the girl asserts, pointing to the lock.
Sunset looks at the lock and shrugs."Wasn't me,"she says.
Sunset once again fiddles with the lock in an unsuccessful attempt to open the locker. Aqua grunts impatiently.
"You're an idiot!"she says, jabbing a finger at Sunset's locker."That's your locker."
"What doyouknow?Thisis my locker!"Sunset says dismissively, pointing at the locker she is trying to open.
Her patience gone, Aqua places herself right in front of the locker and slaps her palm on it.
"No, it's this one!"she snaps loudly.
Sunset does not respond. Instead, she quickly opens her real locker. Something inside activates when the door opens, and the would-be prankster is splattered with a bucketload of paint.
"Wow, you were right,"Sunset says, smirking."Thisismy locker."
Her smile of satisfaction is maintained as she passes by the newly painted girl. The girl in question clenches her teeth as she watches Sunset smugly leave.
"You are a despicable bitch!"she yells.
Sunset stops walking. She turns around, eyes ablaze. The culprit gulps, knowing she screwed up, and her fear only deepens when Sunset slowly walks towards her.
"Say that again,"Sunset commands.
Aqua freezes in fear when Sunset stops right in front of her, the girl's friends similarly petrified. The eyes of the former equine remain fixed on those of her prey, anger against terror.
"Come on! I dare you."
By now, a crowd had formed as the rest of the students wait to see what fate awaits Sunset's newest victim.
"Hey, what's going on here?!"
The sudden voice wins Sunset's attention. Aqua Blossom, snapping out of her terrified trance, turns and runs for her life alongside her friends.
Rainbow Dash stands in front of Sunset, arms crossed. Unlike the other students, she is unfazed by Sunset's glare.
"What do you think you're doing, Sunset?"Rainbow asks impatiently.
Sunset does not respond, instead staring coldly at the athlete.
"So it's not enough to expose everyone's secrets? Now you're gonna attack us, too?"Rainbow demands, her anger deepening.
Attack them? Where was this girl looking? It was Sunset who had been the victim of aggression--the aggression of the entire school.
The rest of Sunset's former friends approach. Applejack shares Rainbow's angry expression, while Rarity bears a look of reproach. Pinkie Pie looks in confusion at the mess of paint everywhere, while Fluttershy stares at her own shoes, avoiding eye contact with everyone.
"Well? Say something!"Rainbow demands.
She could answer, but what good would it do?
Without saying anything, Sunset pushes past the group and heads to her next class. Rainbow, livid at getting the cold shoulder, decides to give one last call.
"Nobody wants you here! Why don't you just get lost and let us live in peace?!"
More than one student nods in agreement with Rainbow. Sunset stops her walking for a moment and looks into the void as she turns those words around in her head.
*S*A*S*
Principal Celestia is sitting at her desk, reviewing the forms and records of the school as on any normal work day. This normal routine is interrupted when she hears the door to her office open as a student enters unannounced. Celestia looks up to see Sunset Shimmer in front of her.
"Sunset Shimmer? What are you--"
"Principal Celestia, I want to ask you something,"Sunset interrupts seriously.
The principal looked at the young woman for a moment. It is not often that a student enters unannounced, nor is it appreciated, but the look on Sunset's face convinced Celestia to let this pass.
"What do you need, Sunset?"Celestia asks calmly.
"I want a transfer request. I'm going to change schools,"Sunset replies matter-of-factly.
The answer stuns the woman. Her eyes widen and her jaw falls.
"You're... going to change... But, Sunset, why?"she stammers.
"I've had enough of all this. The school hates me, nobody wants me to be here, and honestly, I don't want to be here, either,"Sunset replies, shoulders slumped.
"Sunset, I know things have not gone well since Anon-A-Miss appeared, but... I know we can fix the whole thing,"Celestia says pleadingly.
"That's what you told me weeks ago, and so far, nothing happened,"Sunset said, exasperated."Nothing's changed, except for the fact that every day, they torment me more."
"Sunset--"
"It doesn't matter anymore. I don't have friends, I don't have anyone to support me or believe me, I have nothing left at this school. I want to start over somewhere else."
"Sunset, please think about this a moment--"
"Ihavethought about it, and I came to the conclusion that it's not worth it."
The older woman is speechless and never loses eye contact with the former equine. Sunset, in turn, keeps her eyes on the principal, but every second, her serious face slowly breaks to give way to a desperate, pleading gaze.
"I tried for weeks, but I can't take it anymore. I've endured their hatred, their rejection, their aggression, but... I can't. This is torture, and I don't want to go on. I want to have a new life, look for a place where, even if no one accepts me, then at least... no one rejects me."
"Sunset..."
"When I came to you a few weeks ago, you said you were going to help me. Well, you can help me now! Let me go! Free me from this hell you call a school, and let me find a new place."
The principal's hand rests on her chest, her heart pounding with despair.
"Please, let me go…"Sunset pleaded, tears finally welling up.
Celestia has to bite her lip and close her eyes to resist the urge to cry herself. When she opens them again, her only focus is the young girl's desperate gaze.
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Quite interesting to read a Anon-A-Miss story where Sunset fights back a bit before neither leaving or finding out who Anon-A-Miss actually is. Usually Sunset fights back near the end of the story, so to see it happen in the beginning is new. I can't wait for more, this has potential.
A nice start indeed. Can't wait to see what happens next, for I see a promissing and well-structured story within.
8611139
Thank you.
Yes, I want to try to make a story where Sunset is stronger and resentful, instead of just hurt.
I hope you like the story
8611505
Thank you very much
I hope to fulfill the expectations, I promise to give the best I have
8611591
You're very welcome, Red!
Looks awesome, can't wait to see more of it.
Hope ya have a wonderful day
Sincerely,
Sar Meister
You're having a good idea here (one that I've considered myself a couple times) and you seem to have a good enough plan of how to write and express it... so it's a real shame that your formatting and editing is all over the place.
Aside from understandable typos, you seem to switch between past and present tense every few paragraphs, or neither of both in the parts where it looks written more like the script to a play rather than a story. And while using bold text for the text messages looked good at first, the fact that it's used for every line of dialogue kind of threw me off.
I'd like to follow the story, but as it is right now I end up skimming over parts of it just because it's a chore to try and read it in detail. I hope you take this as constructive criticism and that it helps you, because I'd like to see this story become something great and reach a wider audience.
8611595
You are welcome!
Is this the same one that's on Fanfiction.net that's in Spanish?
How often are you gonna release chapters?
8611851
Thanks for your criticism, I really appreciated it
. And yes, I apologize for those mistakes in writing, I speak Spanish and I'm not good at transcribing into English, so, it's a problem I have. I am sorry 
.
I'm glad you like the idea, and I understand that you can not follow it because of those mistakes, but I appreciate your help
.
8611838
Thank you, im glad you like it
8611946
hehe you know the story
.
.
Yes, it's my fanfic, but now I decided to do an English translation, I know I have mistakes when it comes to translation but, I do what I can, I hope the story will please in spite of that
8612017
I'm not sure, maybe a chapter every week.
8612102
It'll be great to read it again,
8612112
THANKS
Now this is the Sunset I want to see more often in these stories
8612109
Sweet!
8612165
I also!
that's why I made this story.
I hope you like it
8612084
Follow or not, I'll make sure to check on the story again sometime. And as I said, it's not so much the translation as that it just seems strangely formatted... and the tense confusion, yeah.
And don't worry; I'm German and I manage, too, all you need is a bit more practice in writing in a foreign language and it'll flow.
So, is the story in Spanish already complete or how far are you in it? owo
Intriguing, but you need an editor. the grammar is very Second Language. Also, speech is depicted "like this," and thought is depicted 'like this.' But the fastest way to fix this would be to just find en editor to look this over.
I just have a question.
Will the CMC come clear about being Anon-a-miss or are they gonna live with the guilt and keep the blame on Sunset?
8612932
I would like to have an editor, but I do not want to bother anyone for that work
8613059
if you follow the story you will find out
8613590
Ah, but there is a whole group of people who are willing to be editors. Don't know if they want payment or what, but i'm sure someone in that group can help.
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/801/proof-reading-pre-reading-and-editing
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/200289/editors-r-us
Interesting, indeed. I'm all for not even bothering with those guys anymore. I wonder where this choice will take her...
8613838
We will discover it very soon
Its shimmer threw a notebook at me and i do t think every spoken word is need in bold. That more used to convey feeling like anger but not normal anger extream anger and you have a few time you call sunset a he. Good idea for a story tho
8617520
Better trick, rather than bolding text,is to assign certain characters their own colored text when speaking.
I think bolded text is better suited for aggressive speech. Sort of like how italics are better set for strings of thought or to show case word emphasis in speech.
Ex
"You are so dead!"
How could this happen? She thought sadly.
"This is why we have rules!"
Ah, present tense, the bane of suspense and drama in literature. Seriously, I really want to get into this story, but the awkward formatting and way it reads like a screenplay just keep throwing me out of it. It feels like there’s a good story in there; I just hope I’ll be able to push threw the writing to see it.
I have never actually read the comic either all of what I know comes from fanfics like this after hearing so much about it I'm not really interested in reading it
With these stories usually it's either she deals with the shoves and heckling by just walking away thinking she has the moral high ground or it's a complete 180 where she beats said bad guy into the floor that they need medical care. But your version i like. She turns and faces it with intimidation and cunning. Both by how she handles sandalwood and the eraser "dweed" and the pranking "bitch". Good opening top marks all around
You accidentally your spaces.
In fact, you accidentally a lot of spaces, especially around italicized text.
You also have all of your dialogue in bold, and honestly, it's really jarring to go from bold dialogue to regular narration and so on. I also don't think the present tense is offering you any advantages over the easier-to-read past tense.
This also feels like it's a drifting a bit into the same revenge fantasy trap many Anon-a-Miss stories fall into, but I think I'll give this one more chapter.
When life goes down don't get angry. Get maaaaaaaad. YES!
Huh, so far no complaints besides bolded text but i'm sure many other share that so i'll hold my tongue. But regardless, Sunset is using my tried and true method of dealing with asshats(albeit to a very low level). I call it 'Gasoline'; 'Fuck with me, and i will personally ensure you will not walk, talk, or sleep right for years to come'.
There are some minor grammar issues, but the story is cool.
Sunset really seems to be taking Cave Johnson's words to heart.
Why is the dialogue also bold instead of just in quotations? Also you say its edited but there aren't spaces around the italics.
Anon-a-miss is 4 syllables
Srry dont kno y that irks me so but there it is