A Profound Sense of Emu-ee part 1: Winding down
With closed eyes and a content smile that looked very much like a feline that had just devoured a smaller, more delicious, house pet, Chrysi rested her massive black platform boots on a heavy oak coffee table. She took a long drag from a nozzle at the end of a transparent hose which was, in turn, hooked attached to a clear cylinder filled halfway with water and halfway with white smoke.
The water bubbled as the sweet apple and cinnamon-spiced smoke filled her mouth and lungs. Holding her breath for a brief while, her smile grew as a pleasant haze came over her. Radiating from her core and seeping out to her very fingertips.
Yes, this was a very rare moment of—
‘SLAM!’
“ALL OF MY HATE!”
…peace.
Chrysi’s eyes fluttered open as she gave her roommate a nonplussed look. This was hardly a rare occurrence, as it were. Sunset Shimmer was sweaty, haggard-looking, and covered in scratches. Chrysi took another drag from her hookah and mentally ran through the last few days to figure out if she was perhaps indirectly responsible for this. Having concluded reasonably she was not; considered informing her roommate that a leather jacket, as opposed to a VEST would have protected her arms from… whatever it was that attacked her. Though stopping Sunset from walking around looking like she was waiting for the world to finally go full cyberpunk was an action Chrysi knew Rarity had attempted once and the response was with screaming, threats of violence, and ‘Haxoring your shit, Rararar!’ … whatever that meant.
She elected to say nothing and instead watched as her roommate ran for the first object that apparently satisfied her primal urge to pick up and smash something to make herself feel better. In this case, the houses Ultra-Hd Blu Ray Player sitting next to a massive TV that covered most of the room on the far wall.
Sunset grabbed the rectangular object, RIPPED it from its power, and held it over her head.
“GRAAAAAAAAAAA—”
“Top of the line,” Chrysi said coolly. “Not easy to replace.”
Sunset took one of the world’s angriest sighs to date and set the device back where it was, taking the time to plug it back in. Standing back up with a crazed look on her eye and scanned the room for potential targets.
Chrysi noticed the angry turquoise eyes settle on the glass hookah briefly. “Also top of the line,” Chrysi said in the same cool tone as before. “I’m using it. Smashing it might start a fire, and I’d cripple your leg or legs temporarily before you got close enough to reasonably try for our safety and also because ‘no’.”
Sunset wrinkled up her lips as angrily as possible and continued to scan the room. “Chrysi! Everything in this room is either too heavy to throw or too expensive to throw. Mostly both!”
“You’re welcome,” Chrysi answered simply as she took another drag.
Sunset performed the one-woman act of ‘The most dramatic ‘Uggggghhhhh!’ of my life and walk over to my roommates massive leather sectional’. A production that ran fairly often to an audience of one and always ended in Sunset laying sideways, facing the massive TV as her head rested on a pair of firm thighs and ashen fingers, surprisingly affectionately, ran through her red and yellow hair.
“There, there,” Chrysi said plainly. Finally, she inserted some inflection into her tone. “Shall I contact your friends and tell them you require an emergency slumber party?”
Sunset shook her head.
“Are they part of the problem?”
Sunset nodded her head.
“Are they the cause of the problem?” Chrysi asked coldly.
Sunset didn’t respond and Chrysi could feel Sunset’s jaw move back and forth as if the woman was considering if she should answer or not.
Chrysi simply continued stroking Sunset’s hair. THIS exchange was also common.
“Emus…” Sunset muttered.
Chrysi’s lips contorted slightly. “What?”
“Emus!” Sunset repeated in a more exasperated tone.
Chrysi blinked. “As in the large… flightless birds that are native to the country of Australia.”
“YES!” Sunset replied.
“…”
“…”
“Pinkie Pie?” Chrysi offered.
Sunset grunted a ‘negative’.
Chrysi thought for a few seconds then let out her own tired sigh. “Sonata Dusk?”
“… Yeeeeeaaaaaah…” Sunset admitted.
Chrysi winced then looked over to a black cylindrical device across the room. “Computer!” she called out in a raised voice. “Play ‘Sunset’s relaxation mix’.”
Sunset immediately sat up, a smile on her face as the mixed sounds of guitar and brass filled the air.
“I’ll get us some drinks to relax with,” Chrysi informed which was met by a silent nod as Sunset’s tight features slowly melted into something far more tranquil.
Chrysi got to her feet and quickly shimmied past Sunset as the male band began to sing a repeating “Woahh Wa-ooo, Wa-ohhh-ohh-ohh.” Quickly, ice was added to glasses and an amber substance poured into each. With nearly inhuman speed, Chrysi was back on the section, sitting next to Sunset Shimmer who eagerly sipped her whiskey as the lyrics sang out:
♫ “I tried to forgive!” ♫
♫ “I tried to live my let live!” ♫
♫ “But everyone else is an asshole!” ♫
Chrysi reached forward and produced two square marble coasters, which she pulled closer to the girls, and a very large black remote and started pushing buttons. The massive TV screen flickered to life, bathing the pair in a white glow. “So, what would—”
“John Wick 3!” Sunset cried in elation. She took a deep breath and let it out, sinking back into the sectional. “I need something with a body count… a high one!”
Chrysi let out the slightest of chuckles as an icepick smile chiseled onto her face. “Death by anger and firearms… my favorite.”
There was the clink of a glass hitting stone as Sunset’s red-and-yellow locks once again fell onto Chrysi’s thighs. The hand holding the remote was suddenly ceased in a moderately forceful ‘pet me and tell me I’m pretty’ fashion. Before Chrysi could react or even resume her gentle hair stroking she saw an unworldly flash of light flood Sunset’s eyes followed by the woman’s smile going full demonic.
“I know…” Sunset replied in a tone hers, yet… somehow filled with reverb.
Chrysi swallowed and glanced away. Somehow, she got the impression Sunset just saw something she wasn’t supposed to see and her roommate’s reaction was one of elation instead of revile. This worried Chrysi far more than the reverse. She risked a glance down and wished she hadn’t.
Sunset’s expression had barely changed, in fact, Chrysi finally understood what must have been an experience not too dissimilar to the last thing MANY people Chrysi encountered must have seen. Sunset looked at her like she was looking at a perfectly cooked steak and said steak was going to enjoy being eaten. Chrysi’s heart all at once felt anxious, scared, and… excited… other parts were clearly feeling… aroused.
“Scareroused,” Sunset said.
“Ex…excuse me?” Chrysi replied.
“Scareroused,” Sunset repeated. “That’s the ‘vibe’ I’m feeling from you.”
Chrysi held Sunset’s gaze for a bit, somewhat at a loss of how to react, but she knew better than to look away from someone who had such a deadly look on her face. However, Sunset’s interest soon waned back to the TV and Chrysi could feel her roommate's body relax once more as the sounds of bullets fired and screams shout out from the sound system around them.
After some time Chryi also relaxed and resumed enjoying her beverage and smokables. “… Emus…?” she asked.
Sunset simple nodded. “Emus.”
“… Huh.”
Sunset’s body tensed briefly as she took in another deep breath, then let it out. “…Emus…” she said in a hollow whisper like a dying millionaire letting out his last word as he dropped a snow globe to the ground.
“…So many emus…”
To be continued in Totally Random!
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Hey, emus are nothing to laugh at. They won a war with Australia in 1932, after all.
9837944
Emus are everything to laugh at. Emu farms require fences with the posts built on the outside so they don't knock themselves out while running in circles.
They're just mean bastards. Mean.
At least it wasn't Cassowarys instead
9837997
Yeah those things can literally slit someone’s throat with one of their talons by jumping on you. Because everything in Australia is either designed to murder you or was imported and is now destroying the ecosystem.
9838132
Australia's wildlife is apparently filled with glass cannons that were minmaxed for a meta that no one else uses.
Also, the link at the end is semi-broken.
9838160
Fortunately, humans are playing a completely different game from everyone else, resulting in much the same effects as MUGEN fights where one character is from Marvel vs Capcom 2 and the other is from Scarlet Weather Rhapsody, and we're the anime girl.
Hmm, the dreaded emus.
Thank you for sharing this song with us. I shall endeavor to share it with my friends! Especially the troublesome ones!
Dear lord, emus. We got six of them when I was in middle school. Two of them died because they couldn't figure out that they should eat the food IN THE TROUGHS inside their pen, because they're just that stupid, and slaughtered one for food, because they are tasty. We and every other person who got suckered into "farming" them let those that remained free. Then for the next few years you'd hear stories from log truck drivers of big ass birds running down the road next to their truck... There might still be a few left even now.
Thanks for bringing back all those traumatic memories I had of having to deal with those fuckers, you ass. Sunset's actions aren't humorous, they're the truth.
I found this chapter emusing.
I like that it's wonderfully open to interpretation still if Chrysi's from Equestria or not. She could simply be a Terrestrial girl who's figured out enough from context that she's choosing to play to the Equestrian stereotype for giggles, or she could be the genuine article who's playing with their heads.
If it were the actual Chrysalis, I wonder if the early comics would play into this. There was an arc early on where Chrysalis had foalnapped the CMC's, and Twilight went to rescue them. Harnessing the power of a passing comet, she blasted a giant hole in Chrysalis' castle and scattered her followers. The rest of the Mane 6 looked on in shock, but Chrysalis' only response was what amounted to a wolf whistle of appreciation. Then she tried to recruit Twilight, offering to free everyone if the purple unicorn became her student. Which shows that Chrysalis certainly had a strong... appreciation for Twilight's potential... :P
9838132
Even the fuckin' Platypus is poisonous!
The most ridiculous looking creature in Australia is full of poison that will drive you to the brink of agony.
9838717
Only the men do. Also I’d say the pangolin is stranger looking because it looks like it could be in a monster manual. Heck it could be in Monster Hunter, people literally made armor out of its scales.
Well, if I didn't ship it already...
“Scareroused,” Sunset said.
Yep, really shipping it.
Seized. Seized means gripped or taken. Ceased means quit.
Revulsion. Revile is the act, revulsion is the emotion. Because you've got 'elation' you need 'revulsion' to match.
Emus (and cassoawarys), one feels, exist to remind everymammal that no, the birds haven't forgotten that they were once dinosaurs and ruled the world and given half a chance, they'd cheerfully do it again...
I find this chapter confusing and entertaining. And update! Yay!
Ssh! My ska sense is tingling!
YEEEEEEEESSS
Seriously, I really dig RBF, and that song in particular. One of my favorite things to think of is Sunset and Aria singing I Know You Too Well to Like You Anymore at a karaoke bar. Like...
S: "You're a slut!"
A "You're a dick!"
S: "You're a whore!"
A: "You're a prick!"
B: "You make me fucking sick~♫"
S: "You've got no tits!"
A: "Well you're a needle-dick!"
B: "I am so sick of your shit~♫"
S: "Well you're a hag!"
A: "And you're a drag!"
S: "You drive me fucking mad!"
B: "Well I wish you'd go to Hell, but I love you... oh well~♫"
Then Sonata, who's sitting with Adagio and the Rainbooms, stands up and shouts, "Wait a minute! Sunset has a dick!?"
All in all though, short as it is, I liked this chapter a lot, even if, admittedly, part of that is because I ship Sunset and Chrysalis too. Also, anything involving RBF gets a thumbs-up from me.
That's saying something, when a girl scared (and arouses) a possibly non-human hardass. That's Sunset Shimmer for you, everybody!
... which hasn't updated since 2018. <shakes fist>
Y'all might think this is funny but emus did win a war with the Australian government.
Well this was a nice little distraction, but I still need so much MOAR!!
If I was roommates with Chrysalis, I would think I may have went into the wrong room.
I need more of this.
I hope you continue this.
Man, it's been a while since this updated. Six months?
I miss this story, hope you decide to update it soon.
I think that chapter reminded me of that story https://www.fimfiction.net/story/448109/no-longer-living-in-a-van-down-by-the-river