• Member Since 22nd Jan, 2016
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Dr Freaky


All Hail Our Lord And Savior Cthulhu!

T

After being banished back to tartarus, Tirek is forced to ponder his fate. His thoughts of becoming the most powerful creature to ever exist and rule what he believes is right start to unravel as he thinks back to the rainbow beam of magic that sent him there.

Perhaps what he tried to do was far more insignificant then he thought and that he would never have succeeded anyway.

This story may be entirely rewritten as the author feels it is badly made but be free to read it as I love responses that are helpful.

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 8 )

Good story :twilightsmile:
But you mispelled Tirek’s name multiple times

9616141
Thanks! Unfortunately I think tirek keeps getting respelled because it isn't a real word, I am currently trying to fix that. If you see anything else like more spelling errors and badly made sentences then please tell me!

I liked this. You've got a knack for description and an introspective Tirek is a cool concept.
I know how stressful it can be to post your first story. And you're off to a good strong start errors and all. I'll keep an eye on you, I look forward to seeing more from you.

9621741
Thank you! I think this came off a little shorter then I was hoping but I think in the end it worked out. Im glad you liked it and it means a lot!

Oops I found a smol error

Suddenly there forms

The “there” should be a “their”
:twilightsmile:

9627218
Thank you for telling me! Also... have you been rereading my story?! Geez, I feel special!

You're aware that there are some grammar issues, so that's a good start. There are also some capitalization errors, especially with the names of places (Equestria, Tartarus, Everfree Forest etc. should all be capitalized). I also noticed right at the beginning you've got lines that contradict each other: You say that Tirek can hear Cerberus snuffling around outside his cage, then a sentence or two later you say that Cerberus is completely silent. There are groups devoted to proofreading stories, I'd recommend looking for someone to give this a once-over.

Honestly, this feels like it's just the beginning of what could be a very interesting story. Tirek's realization that the Elements of Harmony are alive and far more powerful than him is a great hook, but where does he go from there? Does he try to understand them, or does he just surrender to the idea that there are greater forces in the world? How does it all affect him?

9629041
Thank you! Those problems are now fixed and about it being a longer story... I can see what you mean but this was always going to be a short story.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!