10: Most Valued Customer
Schadenfreude was enjoying some fine wine in front of his lair’s fireplace. His residence in Lower Canterlot was about as close to safe as he could feel. Safe enough for his more discreet research and experiments. For it was not mortal spies he feared most. Plus he had a business to run; and this was the only place that had a gateway to the ‘shopfront’ his mortal clients knew about.
Grogar’s last tome floated in his dark red magic and would duck in and away from his face every time he took a sip of wine or wrote his own notes on separate paper. The results of an accidental splash on the pages were… best avoided.
He was reading a rather captivating chapter on lost artifacts. His brow was raised almost permanently since starting it. “A dozen imp souls fused with twelve damned murderers can do that? Oh, my old friend, if only I had asked for more than just one tome of your knowledge.”
The warm fireplace in front of his most comfortable velvet chair crackled even louder than usual, and a disfigured pony-ish face appeared in the flames. The noise grabbed his attention. “Massster, two delicious mortals are here to sssee you. Changeling hybridsss by the scent of their sssoul.”
“Them?” His mood brightened, but he checked himself and kept a stony face. This messenger was somewhat new, and he wasn’t completely sure it didn’t have ties to other demons. Not to mention there were still other queens out there, and it wouldn’t be the first time his new doorman was deliberately vague. It was a game he tolerated. “See them in.”
He closed the tome and hid it away in a pocket portal on the floor next to his chair. He got up and faced a blank brick wall expectantly. Soon enough, blue ripples broke upon its surface as a pair of minotaurs stepped though. As with his sentry, Schadenfreude saw through the disguise as if they wore paper plate masks that had crude bull faces drawn in crayon.
It had been years since he saw this pair last, but he remembered the look of this soul quite well. Anyone with soul sight would be hard pressed not to. He dipped his head in respect after the ‘minotaurs’ finished stepping through. “Queens Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash. It has been far too long.”
He expected a faint, brief smile out of at least one of them, but he was disappointed by the slight deepening of a frown on both of them. They dropped their disguises to reveal a sight that prompted him to dim his soul sight to look upon them normally as a curiosity. What he saw left him dreadfully bewildered. Their fur was different, being the first thing that was noticably amiss. Twilight’s fur was slightly brighter with a faint bluish tint to it, where as the opposite was true for Rainbow Dash. Both of their manes had matching styles, but the colors and patterns were off in the same respect thier fur was. Lastly, the red in Twilight’s wings were softening, while Rainbow’s prismatic ones were gaining a redish tint.
“I’m afraid it will have to be a little bit longer,” one of them said, but for the life of him, Schadenfreude couldn’t tell which queen was which. “May I sit?” asked the other body.
Schadenfreude’s eyes narrowed in confusion, but he was a reputable host, and ultimately nodded and loudly clapped his hooves. Out from the only visible exit, a pair of animated chairs started walking over. As the furniture walked in, he turned back to the queens. “I’m afraid you have me at a disadvantage.” He waved at the new chairs, prompting them to take a seat before him. “I must say I’m highly impressed. Incorporating a soul mask with your disguise could prove astoundingly useful in my line of work, on both sides of the rituals.”
The queens sat down, allowing Schadenfreude to do the same with his original seat. “You are mistaken,” said the queen on the right. “I am not using any form of disguise at the moment,” continued the left.
Schadenfreude arched an intrigued eyebrow. Is that so? Are you saying when you stopped looking like minotaurs, that you didn’t just switch to a new disguise? He wanted to voice that very question, but the businessman in him kept quiet. Perhaps he could get his answer indirectly. He poured a new glass of wine for himself, not bothering to offer what he knew would be refused. “If that is the case… then my original identification was both right… and wrong.”
The twin queens nodded. “Yes. I’m afraid the fusion of Twilight’s and Rainbow’s souls had more consequences than they originally hoped.”
“You keep saying ‘I’ instead of ‘we’.” Schadenfreude sipped his drink to try and hide his mounting fascination. “I assume that means you are literally a single mind instead of two working in unison.”
“Correct, and is the reason I’ve come,” the left queen said. “I was hoping you would have some artifact or at least the knowledge of how to split my soul back in two, and allow Twilight and Rainbow to live again.”
“You continue to surprise me,” Schadenfreude said after nearly choking on a sip of wine. “I would have thought you’d want to continue existing, Miss…”
Both queens sighed at the implied question. One started nervously scratching a foreleg, while the other’s wings buzzed lightly. “Names have power, Schadenfreude, something you are no doubt familiar with. I felt naming myself would make me more… irreversible,” she elaborated while rolling a hoof. “But ultimately, it was Aegis’ label being rather distasteful that motivated me to have a proper name.”
When she didn’t immediately give that name up, Schadenfreude chuckled politely. “Ah yes, I have heard of Queen Aegis Altair’s proclivities. I can only imagine what deviant name she gave you, eh?” he added with a waggle of his wine glass.
The two queens fumed, but refused to pout. They most certainly did not pout. “Yes, well, when I broke the news to Rainbow’s parents, her -” the two queens hesitated on the wording. “Mom felt like I was still her daughter, not granddaughter or usurper or brain thief. Just that I was still Rainbow Dash, just with Twilight gum and Awesome daughter gum chewed up in the same mouth for a day. So she gave me a new name: Light Rain.”
Schadenfreude nodded diplomatically. “As good a name as any, Queen Light Rain. Or would you prefer queens plural?”
Light Rain gave a low croak of indiscion for a moment. “I have two bodies, sure, but I only have one mind. So just ‘queen’.
“As for wanting to be split back into Twilight and Rainbow…” Light Rain’s purple body continued. “My - eh - I don’t really see myself as an entirely new person anymore. I share all of Twilight and Rainbow’s memories and desires. That includes being two separate beings. The philosophy of my hive demands two separate queens. It doesn’t matter if I can think with two brains at once, I am still only a single mind. Not to mention it’s causing a lot of problems with the hive mind trying to adjust to this.”
“I see,” Schadenfreude traced a hoof along his wineglass. “I must say, you’re really throwing away a golden opportunity here. Should you succeed.” He fixed Light Rain with his best salespony grin, an effort weakened by him not exactly knowing if he should focus on one face or both.
Light Rain huffed with both bodies, but only crossed her forelegs with the left one. “I’m well aware one mind in two bodies opens many avenues of advancement, but I can’t do it.” She cast her expression in stone. “My… separate selves, wished to remain individuals once they realized what was going to happen.”
“More’s the pity then.” Schadenfreude set his wine down and spared a moment to think. “What you, or they, ask for is possible, strictly speaking, but I doubt you are willing to pay the cost.”
“You’re going to start charging me souls this time around?” Light Rain replied evenly. Barely worth being shocked over if she was honest with herself.
“If you are indeed an amalgamation of Twilight and Rainbow, then I already know you could never pay such a price. Unless perhaps… your own,” Schadenfreude added with a playful glint.
She winced at being called an amalgamation, and it tinted her reply a touch more hostile than intended. “You can forget about studying my soul! And selling anypony’s soul is out of the question.”
Schadenfreude grinned widely. “If you possess as much of Twilight’s and Rainbow’s morals as you claim, then that is hardly a surprise. No, the price I speak of is not the cost for my services, for the moment, but in what spliting you in two would require. You would be reduced to foals, not too dissimilar to what Grogar did to himself.”
Light Rain furrowed her brows. “But I already have my bodies right here. I wouldn’t be moving into a different vessel.”
“Ha! I would like to see a foal’s soul try to keep an adult’s body alive and well. You would lapse into a coma from which there would be no return. A soul’s strength grows with both age and experiences, memories and trials. Hard to do that in a coma, don’t you think?”
Light Rain opened her mouth to reply, but she stopped herself. Her expressions sank as she mulled over his explanation.
Schadenfreude stared at Light Rain as an art starved aesthete. To his eyes, Light Rain’s soul was a beacon of beauty. It glowed strong and powerful, and now that the conversation had lapsed, he was able to take it all in. As soon as he became hot and bothered, he had to shake himself away from trying anything. He cleared his throat. “Besides, no amount of payment could make me do that anyway. I have never seen two souls merged together so beautifully before. Not even the master soulsmiths can achieve what you have become.”
“Soulsmiths?” Light Rain piped up, deciding to completely ignore the horrid imaginings she had of what he’d do to her soul if it ever became his. “Could they have something? If you can’t split my soul, what about keeping Twilight’s and Rainbow’s minds separated? Like a…” She buzzed her wings trying to find the right word. “Like a crown or amulet to keep me from forming in the first place?”
“A mind split eh…?” Schadenfreude got up and cantered over to his stone altar. It had stacks of chemicals, mundane and supernatural both. He ducked under it and snatched up a scroll. “I actually think something like that already exists. Soul merging is not a clean science, and sometimes a compound mind cannot access some of the memories its forming intelligences once possessed. I know a smith who could help. For a nominal fee, I could get him to craft something for you.” He unrolled the scroll and searched for the right name. By now, Light Rain had joined him, but stayed a safe distance from the altar. “It will cost extra to purify it from demonic and dark magic, and I’m sure you’d rather…” He gave a razor sharp smile. “Avoid certain symbols and runes.”
“You will have your money, Schadenfreude,” Light Rain answered with little hesitation. “But only if I become Twilight and Rainbow again.”
“That’s the rub.” Schadenfreude found the name and tapped his hoof on the floor. “I would trust this to work so long as you wore the artifact, but the moment Twilight or Rainbow takes theirs off, you would reform again. Without the process I mentioned with Grogar, there is no reversing this. At least, not in the prices you’re willing to pay.”
Light Rain took a long deep breath. “Or what you’re willing to show me.”
Schadenfreude gave off an unnaturally wide grin, flashing more teeth than equinely possible. “You’re more than welcome to look to others for aid, but - something tells me I am your only real resort, no?” Light Rain revealed nothing in her stoic mask, but that alone was an admission in of itself. “I’ll even accept a rough design for what form you want this to take. So…” His magic flared and a piece of contract parchment and ink quill manifested. “So, shall we draw up a bargain?”
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Damn the fine print! That was a dirty trick and you know it.
Clever though.
Isn't their problem that they found too much common ground?
Let the betting begin. Does everything work out as advertised? Whacky shenanigans with the mind separation crowns? Or my personal favorite, will Lite Rain become a permanent "third queen" within the Hive Mind, puppetting the occasional drone to interact with the outside world? So many ways this can go sideways, so little time.
9965314
I stopped reading it, then realised that whether I read it, or not, I was screwed, Law Abiding Pony must be taking notes from Schadenfreude.
Uuuuuuuuhp dooooooooot!
Yay, you fixed it. You is a good people.
Makes so much more sense when put in order, I may have already said it but this is a good chapter. I would have liked to see more bartering but if they are desperate enough to find a solution I can see why they agreed so quickly.
Hrmm, for this to work without accidental re-mergings, they'd have to incorporate the artefacts in question into their bodies somehow. Like Tony Stark's arc reactor.
9965852
Nah, just use it to split them back up, and isolate the memories of the method in Rainbow's Jock-Corner. The part of Rainbow that Twilight can't merge with since it's just sweaty gym leggings and weight-lifting gear. It won't want anything to do with magical egghead knowledge.
Stud ear piercing charms! That way they can be worn around the clock!
Why do I read Schadenfreudes line in the voice of "Mr. Gold / Rumple" from the show Once Upon a Time (Robert Carlisle)
Just read the entire series, and it was awesome!! Looking forward towards the next update. Keep up the good work!
I'm still here, will always be. Saw your update on shadowrunner, glad to see your still here as well.
10132740
Same. Feel kind of bad that IRL kept us from reading till recently, but LAB is an amazing writing.
Will this be continued on? Anxious to see how this progresses.
10181430
Next update should be this week.
I'd love him to fall in love(?) with Light Rain.
So a shared Hivemind is to dangerous after all?