Ahrazell
Joined 19th Feb, 2014 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Logical.
When you make the characters talk, don't do it in the way Glory of the Sun did.
8598641
Well I did say inspired by, but don't worry, I will be using my own writing style.
Thanks for the input!
I love where this is going
8841585
Thanks! Now if only this writers block would go away... I can't even work on my irl novels with it rn
8841719
Don’t worry, heck check my library I’m sure you’ll find something.
If you want
interesting
I want to see where this goes my friend
Maybe to many timeskips for my taste but it sounds interessting. Yep I decited to already take a quick peek at your other stories and this might be my taste.
Well I think once you reach a certain point it will slow down. I just hope we will get to see all the moments when she makes friends with important ponies and stuff like that. I never was a fan of a timeskip followed by the character and his random generated 500 new friends. I like all the stuff like bonding moments between the mother and the child.
Okay I will read this first thing in the morning, it looks good and short enough. If I get hooked up to this I will probably asked for longer chapters.
9278816
Heh, sorry about that. I will be adding more bonding moments in later chapters, I just didnt want it to take forever to get to the meat of the story
Since he is a fan character, I kind of hope that he is at least not telling her about the show for a while, but in this situation it is probably getting more interessting as soon as they maybe have a talk about his former life.
That can maybe work in that situation, but I hope his body isn't controlling his adult mind to much. I understand it to a certain point, but then I say it shouldn'T let's say force him to do stuff.
I mean like in one storie where the main char couldn't stop calling Luna mommy despite wanting to do that or a story in which it sounded the body raped someone much to the horror of the human being in that body and that just because the body was used to do that.
Hhhmmm I can't explain it, but I guess he should have some kind of reason why he is affraid and where he is. Well after looking again it seems he can't open his eyes.
Not bad, I mean they are still at the start but it happened somewhat fast.
9279619
It was more of a fear of everything in general. He was in an unknown place, everything he knew is gone, he has to live with the memory of dying, and there was nothing to ease his fears
I guess I'm glad not to have commander Fury as her dad here. Sometimes it's slightly easier to just have the mother and her child there for a while.
It depens on the situation, here I like this decision better.
Okay the chapter starts really nice, the first part is already really good.
still I can't help myself but wanting a few sentences more before the timeskip.
I hope Sombra isn't going to be her new daddy, it seems he does it for the wrong reasons and he already gives me an "I'm an asshole" feeling.
I get it that maybe being treated as a child and stuff like that could cause him to change the way he is thinking and stuff like that, however I hope you don't try to make it look as if there is some magic that is messing with his head and more than it should.
Okay not bad, but like I said I think the school friends and everything should happen slowly. If she is supposed to have important friends later that she is meeting in the story, I would say take your time with it.
In chase you will give her a romance later, i wouldn't mind it if for once someone shy and clumsy has a crush on her even if he should not act on it right now.
I can't really remember to have someone like that in romance stories yet.
What also would be funny, would be to have the school idiots if they exist in her school, to have a crush on her. I mean characters like Snips and Snail with that, that would be mostly for comedy reasons.
If you cover their friendship nicely in either one or two-three chapters, you could continue if you want in my opinion. I just want a moment for characters that will appear again and again in the story.
9279633
ahh yes, I admit I forgot that his death might be still in his mind, this already makes it a bit different.
9279647
Oh I plan on a few of her eventual friends strait up killing her. You'll find out what I mean in the future.
as for the child mind, it is because of the chemicals in the brain as well as the constant treatment as a kid. The chemicals in his/her brain are that of a child's, while the memories are that of their old life.
Oh and Sombra is not the dad. That is all I will say at the risk of spoilers.
9279652
Well Like I said I can image that much, not sure if you mean the chemical thing exactly like i understand it but if yes, then it should be okay.
I mean things like getting excited about her mother, having to grow up again for three years and feeling fear when she knows she doesn't has to are things I can understand. I think I just want to avoid this affecting stuff like her telling her mother should she not want that, I know she wants it so it's okay.
I think you understand what I mean, I think there are moments where her knowledge would help her and maybe even make her slightly more patient in some situations and then there are such situations, in which she has to let out her inner child.
I really hope that doesn't mean Sombra will join the familly. Right now that gives me the idea that it might look like something Nightmare Moon only did to stop the war and to be honest, I don't like such a relationship in a story.
If they should get together I hope it means more to them than that.
9279694
Oh no, nothing of That sort, though Sombra is trying to pull some strings via his son.
9279700
That could be more interessting, even if right now i still hope it won't really work in the end. Well I understand that I have to wait for what is going to happen.
Statement: A strange yet logical outlook.
Busy friend?
I see what you did here
Who's the necromancer who brought this story back to life? I want to thank them
I don't see Night mare moon ever letting those villains around and Sombra was taken out pre Nightmare Moon so. I am out.
9819975
That was going to be explained in a later chapter but oh well. I respect your decision
9819921
The dark lord of me lol
9820050
I thank you my good lord of darkness
Wonderful, keep up the good work
Definitely need more
9820050
Pokes dark lord with stick, "C'mon do it again."