• Member Since 4th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 24th, 2016

FiddlesticksThePony


I like turtles

T

After a near fatal accident, John is left in a comatose state with nearly no hope of recovering. Mutilated in both body and mind, John creates a tiny province in his head in order to deal with the harsh reality of the world around him. Trapped in a world of his own making, John finds no reason to leave his otherwise ideal world. While dealing with the cruelty of life may be hard for a few, sometimes you just need a helping hand.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 22 )

If anyone is interested, I am in dire need of an editor. I hate commas with a passion and would kill to have someone help with grammar. Otherwise, you can ignore this plea and (hopefully) enjoy the story. And before anyone asks, yes the title is a pun, and yes the mutilation is essential to the plot.

Wow, this seems to be something I'd defiantly want to read.

I'll take a peek later, when I have some time.

O_o.... woah.

My mind is...somewhat blown by this.

I'll be keeping an eye on this series.:twilightsheepish:

when do you think you'll get another chapter up, because the idea for this fic is definitely new for me. The idea of a human being brought into equestria but not as a whole and trying to figure out everything sounds great. Hope the next chapter comes out soon.

1165472

Judging by the angle of the sun and my severe lack of Ritalin, I'd say. . . I have no idea.

1165491
eh good enough for me, can't wait for next chapter though :twilightsmile:

“It has been three months since John’s entered into a coma.

“It has been three months since John’s entered a coma. -OR- “John has been in a coma for three months. -OR- “John has been comatose for three months.

“Is that another one of your pony toys John?”

“Is that another one of your pony toys, John?”

“By god John, your fourteen, fourteen!

“By god, John, you're fourteen. Fourteen!

all the dreams unfairly crushed by an oh so cruel world.

all the dreams unfairly crushed by an oh-so-cruel world. -OR- all the dreams unfairly crushed by an 'oh so cruel' world.

John passed out in a pool of his own blood crying out but one word, mother.

John passed out in a pool of his own blood crying out but one word: mother.

“Your son may be missing a limb or two.”

Suggestion: I think doctors would be a little less blunt and cold when informing a grieving parent something like that. This comes off as inhuman, and comical.

nullifying spells on it with no results.” responded Luna

nullifying spells on it with no results,” responded Luna

her notes. “What we do know

her notes, “What we do know

Let me go you fuckers!

Let me go, you fuckers!

Sprawled on the pavement lied a single bloodied

Sprawled on the pavement lay a single bloodied

he said but one word, mother.

he said but one word: mother.

“Fortunately no my faithful student,”

“Fortunately no, my faithful student,”

“So Quicksilver I believe, have any idea what I’m getting myself into?”

“So, Quicksilver I believe, do you have any idea what I’m getting myself into?”

“Actually I do, Princess Celestia tasked me with debriefing you when we got there, but better now than later,” he said, making sure to keep his gaze locked in front of him to avoid the risk of getting lost within the labyrinth contained within the castle walls.,

“The princess entrusted you with the task of caring and potentially studying the mysterious creature we recently found right in the middle of Canterlot Square.”

Should be one paragraph.

“Yeah. . ., about that,” he said, his voice filled with disappointment. “We aren’t even a quarter of the way there yet. So yeah . . ., how’s the weather?

“Yeah... about that,” he said, his voice filled with disappointment. “We aren’t even a quarter of the way there yet. So yeah... how’s the weather?

In a moment’s notice, John found

In a moments notice, John found

“Let us stop with the pointless questions and engage in what they call chit chat.”

“Let us stop with the pointless questions and engage in what they call 'chit chat'.”

“You are somepony relevant to my interest.”

“You are somepony relevant to my interests.”

“Simply John will suffice.”

“Simply 'John' will suffice.”

“If my calculations are correct. . ., I have absolutely no idea.

“If my calculations are correct... I have absolutely no idea.

John announced, trying his hardest to retain a straight face.

Has some other errors regarding show vs tell, but for the most part it's well done. I'll keep an eye on it for the time being.

1165531
Thanks for the corrections, I'll get right to it.

1165571 Try and get yourself a proofreader. It helps.

dude. I'm normally not a big fan of stories with humans in Equestria but this was actually very well-done. I look forward to more.

Thanks for the compliment. Though I don't know when I'll finish chapter two, I'll try to get it out as fast as I can.

This chapter is substantially shorter, but hopefully the quality is still intact. Either way, I hope you enjoy the story.

PS: The previous offer still stands.

I'll be your editor! :pinkiehappy:

Only if you want me, that is... :fluttershysad:

That's the second time Discord has spouted profanity...

I like it!

1249881

Never really thought of the word 'hell' as profanity, but either way, having him say tartarus, hay, marshmellow, or steve would kind of take away dramatic effect. However, let's get back on topic about editing. Do you have any problems with lets say 'sex' or 'gore'?

PS: Thanks for the fave!

Shorter, but still awesome. Oh and I like how you made the ending part deliberately ambiguous. I think I can name at least a few scenarios that what you wrote might apply to, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

1253063
Tried making it ambiguous by not naming the caregiver, but it's pretty obvious who it is if you simply think about it.

1249914 Erm... that depends. I'm in my house, surrounded by parents and a younger sibling. I think it's okay, but I need to watch my back.
As for me, well, do whatever you want. I'm cool. :pinkiecrazy:

1254721
Might not be a good idea to have you edit my 'other' work if the possibility of getting you in trouble is there. However, I will send you a copy of my more serious works for further aid when I get around to finishing them.

1256545 Alright, that's fine. I'll send you my email.

Finally read this chapter. Took me a while to get to it.

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