I don't want to be here anymore, I want to go home. How much longer until they find a way to send me back? Each passing day is agony and I can't take it anymore.
(Thanks to PeerImagination for editing!)
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 13th Aug, 2012
- offline last seen Sep 12th, 2022
Sarcastic Brony
Give me one reason Celestia isn't best pony. Pro tip: You can't
Sarcastic Brony
Joined 13th Aug, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Dustchu · 1.7k words · 319 56 · 13k views
- ScrambledCrackers · 8k words · 508 39 · 6.8k views
- Sarcastic Brony · 1.3k words · 590 24 · 14k views
- Fifty Shades of Yellow · 3.6k words · 153 22 · 11k views
- Sarcastic Brony · 7.1k words · 542 16 · 15k views
- Nobodyslament · 3.3k words · 143 7 · 5.9k views
- Synthetic Soul · 16k words · 870 31 · 11k views
- badassgrunt · 1.9k words · 365 8 · 19k views
Featured In11
Human in Equestria16,966 stories ·16,805 members
The Writers' Group56,344 stories ·9,285 members
One-Shots18,888 stories ·2,368 members
Anonymous in Equestria802 stories ·2,266 members
Completed Story Compendium21,017 stories ·1,702 members
Author Of The Weak Group3,099 stories ·359 members
The Shameless Self-Promotion Bureau49,181 stories ·5,454 members
TheBronyFiction1,787 stories ·239 members
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.16 seconds
Total duration
972 users online
382,712 hits today, 2,314,256 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Wow, all I can say is wow. It was extremely powerful, actually left my mouth agape at times and I couldn't stop reading.
The sad ending is, well, sad, but it's wonderful. Although he most likely will never be able to go back home, he makes it his life goal to go back and not commit suicide. Berry Punch's inspiration makes her such a likeable and three-dimensional character, that is actually a huge accomplishment, as I'm a harsh critic of stories.
Great job, best human short story I've ever read (yes, better than My Little Dashie and all the other popular ones, no joke).
Aw, it's a one shot.
Awesome story, you have done an amazing job on it. Are you going to write a sequel as well?
8598723
I think anything that happens after is best left unsaid. Perhaps he does return or maybe he doesn't? That's for the reader to decide.
8598689
well that says a mouthful the size of an ant
Ow. My heart.
Picture is slightly misleading but the story is well worth it
8598728
True, though I wouldn’t mind a short sequel focusing on his daughter growing up and being brought over to see him on his deathbed.
A little dark, but I liked it.
I didn't really like the character at first. Too edgy for my tastes.
But as the story progressed, I somewhat understood where he was coming from and when the horrible story for Berry's kid surfaced, it legit shocked me.
Well done, author. Well done.
The only thing i kind of disliked was the main character, but that is because ungratefulness is one of my biggest pet peeves.
He was however still sympathetic in his struggles and the ending to me showed his willingness to accept his situation and change.
Well written, dark and heartfelt, simply put, another really good Sarcastic Brony story
Damn… some strong tones in this.
I’d love to see Berry and John talk more. Or even his family getting the letters :)
Oh look, a button.
vpdm.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Blog3Image3.jpg
good lesson
Thank you.
-----------------------------
:\
I shout, rubbing my foot.
is enough
Delete the comma
I've
And then they...drank?
I was kinda glad to finally find an HiE story where the protagonist actually acts like he lost everything dear to him, but still, that edge needs to be a bit more blunt.
static3.fjcdn.com/comments/Blank+_9a43ac0e1bee592a0023e47c30e0e443.jpg
8599097
I mean, for some reason it is one of the most popular fan fictions of MLP. I just say that because everyone else likes it. Me? I really don't like it to be honest, it is very repetitive and giving a brony Rainbow Dash just seemed too stupid in my opinion.
I hope the writer got a lot better from that story.
OH YOU MOTHERFUCKER SON OF THE BITCH！ My fury devours me, there so many words left to say but it just to much, I can't say anything right now. The worst part is, it could actually happened. IN REAL LIFE
Good job, this is really can be called slice of life, thank you for teaching us this vital lesson
One question though, what were Berry Punch doing in the bar? and why she was there?
A very lovely storie I love it
I feel this could have been handled more maturely. I like the idea of someone ending up in Equestria and hating it for whichever reason (and this Anon has more reason than most), but honestly? He comes along as being edgy for the sake of being edgy.
Part of the reason is that you jump, without any buildup, to him cussing out ponies and repeatedly stating he's in a nightmare without really examining why. This character's actions need time to build up, or time to explore why he's like this, but you don't take the time here.
In fact, aside from him being an alcoholic, I find this character relatively dull. Yes, he doesn't like Equestria, but that's the premise more so than a character trait. Plus, you name him Anonymous because he has nothing to live for...
If this was the only story on the site with a character named Anonymous, I'd give you that. But come on, it's obvious you named him this just to fit in with the usual Anon HiE trope theme of naming characters Anon. At least give this guy a name to give some semblance of personality, or find another, more interesting reason why he's called that. Maybe ponies cannot pronounce human names, and he's given up.
Finally, I'm having trouble understanding why Celestia seems to care so much. You describe her-when she's been relatively regal and reserved, if kind in the show-as pleading and being upset about Anon here trying to kill himself.
Why?
I understand not wanting someone to kill themself. It's a basic principle, same as saying flesh eating viruses are bad and Hitler wasn't a nice guy.
But, Celestia treats this guy, in terms of how she react to his suicide attempt, like a family member. He's not. He's a random guy from another world who has been horribly depressed about being separated from his family.
She should be saddened he's trying this, and offer what support she can, but I'd expect her reactions here to be for Twilight or Luna or someone she's known for years. Not a random human who got sent here and can't go home.
This just so painfully edgy. I get what you're trying to say here, but this somewhat falls flat on account of Equestria having a host of problems. From giant monsters in the woods, parasprites devouring fields, the possibility of giant centaurs devouring your magic and leaving you weakened and likely to die...to name a few possibilities. This is his perspective, so I'll give you that, but the angst and edginess here is not fun to read. I was hoping Celestia would tell him off, or scold him for acting like a child.
Which, when it comes down to it, that's what this character is doing. He's acting like a child. Yes, he's stuck in a world he doesn't care for, and has given up hope on getting back. He's also an alcoholic who tries to kill himself. But, his actions lack maturity, and he seems more like someone upset that they aren't getting their way. Plus, I have seen unhappy kids get angry at other kids being happy, and yell and scream at them. This guy is unhappy, and he's generally trying to make other ponies miserable.
Honestly, I think a more subtle take on him would have been a better choice. Someone who is depressed, but not edgy or trying to make everyone around them feel like shit.
Still, this story isn't that bad. You have a grasp of language, and I think with practice you'll get better. And, I must admit I liked the ending. In fact, the moment someone calls him on his angst and they tell him he can send a letter, the story got a lot better for me. It's not that I dislike dark aspects of a story, but I think you handled the ending's relative hopefulness a lot better than the overall despair you were going for in the beginning and middle of the story.
8600790
I can understand what you mean. I think his whole "edgyness" was on purpose however. As you stated though, Berry punch does point out that he is acting childish and overly rash, regardless of his actual problems.
For a more nuanced and more fleshed out take of somewhat the same idea, I would say for you to check out his other story "How many Friends have you made today?!" and it's sequel. It still has some of that edgyness™, but it fleshes out the main character to a degree that you can really understand how he ticks, and why he acts the way he does. Granted, if you didnt like this one, its possible you wont like the one I suggested.
8600790
I'm a long form writer and it shows in my short stories, as telling a meaningful story in a limited amount of words is still a challenge for me. It's all good practice and something I'll keep in mind with whatever other short stories I create.
8598728
I think you meant "deter".
uhhhh
what is up with...
okay i'm sorry I tried to read this
WILL TRY to read more later
but this Anon dude is just...okay if someone stepped on my foot, AND if it was like a horse broke my foot, i wouldn't curse out the person.
I'd just yell expletives like Fuck, or God Dammit, or Mother ... you get it...
Ima try this again later because this uhhh main character is NOT endearing himself to me...maybe thats the point.
8601406
He's excessively drunk. Some people are like that.
8601159
really?
when i read through how many friends you made today, i never thought the main character or really that story had any edgy material in it....baring the end, but that's small potatoes compared to this.
The Anon there was actually doing pretty well for himself and was in a good standing with the town sans the main 6.
Even How many lovers/How many have you forgiven today. is no where Near this.
8601411
huh?...yeah i can see that...i Did read that much, but his attitude really just punched me.
I have seen people be this drunk, but i normally attribute people acting this way AS themselves.
See if you get drunk and you act a certain way; people will tell you about it, or say you were not yourself.
TO ME, that is warning enough, if you get drunk again KNOWING you act like a raging butthole you are consciously putting that unknown persona to the world.
Like unleashing a wild dog from its leash; it's not YOU who's hurting them, you just allowed the beast off its chain
This is missing the point of the story (a story whose structure was well made and concise and whose character motivations I found believable), but it's too bad John's daughter's name wasn't Bonnie.
It's too bad also that Humans are nulls and are therefore immune to temporary shrink spells
brilliant story
I knew it! His name is John!
I know this may offend and truthfully I only could stomach part of the story. I know you are aiming for sadness in this tale but truthfully he seemed to emo (god I hope I am using the word right) he seemed to bleak to the point I couldn't read anymore. Not cause it's sad but that this guy makes me want to shake him.
That was amazing.
That is all
Wow. This guy is a major pussy. His wife and kid dodged a bullet.
Every time I see this fic title and cover art, all I can think of is this song:
genius
My thoughts on this story mirror some of the ones expressed earlier, how it took a little too long for the guy to EXPLAIN why he hates everything. But after that, I feel the story should have highlighted his shock that something like that could happen to a pony more. I mean, he clearly thinks that stuff like that doesn't happen in Equestria, yet all of the sudden we find out that it does. I think the story would be better if it focused on the fact that he was assuming so much about how Equestria was paradise and that ponies didn't have problems. Of course, that probably would have extended things further than you intended them to go.
Wow, just wow.
This guy was so edgy I could have cut myself on his personalty alone.
Jokes aside, this story was pretty good, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I just feel that the main character was a little overblown. There are ways to write a depressed character without everything about him being typed in all caps and being dubbed by a metal rockstar. I think subtlety could have made this story much better.
This story was particularly moving for me because I have a wife and 2 kids. If I was thrown into Equestria like this with no hope of seeing home or family again, I would react in a similar manner. Granted, I would have told everyone about my wife, kids, family, and everything else I could share; beyond that, I would have acted like John here. I also loved how he asked the same things I would have: How would my wife and kids go on? What will happen? What did they think happened to me?
When I got towards the end, I was saying, "Why doesn't he put money with those letters?" I was pleased that he put a big bag of bits as ANYONE would/should do if they thought about it for more than 10 seconds.
Thank you, Sarcastic Brony, for this story about how some of us would react to being thrown into Equestria and I look forward to seeing more stories like this one to counterbalance all of the "I'm loved and accepted by everypony" wish-fulfillment Human in Equestria stories that have come before.
How did a man as childish as him manage to become a father? What, did he trick his wife or something? Did he screech that she just didn't understand him until she had pity sex with him while Crawling by Linkin Park played? Unbelievable.
I like it kind of. The part with berry punch I don’t like the reaction calestia gave about suicide makes no sense if stuff like that happens in Equestria if anything she would have let him kill him self but that’s just my opinion
That feeling when you feel like the whole world is against you, so you do your damnest to dissapoint everybody you can as if it were a high score game. See how many people you can piss off before one of them cracks.