Fair enough, just figured I'd point it out. Anyway enjoying the read so far~

8608853
Glad you are enjoying both the game and reading :) If you find other stuff please do point it out. I know the first thing you pointed out I fixed.
Also I re-wrote chapter's 1 and 2 significantly.

the above your pay grade lines were pretty good

8613104
They oddly were when we had them come out.

You should add "I need duct tape!" for box pony.

8614836
You really do, need a lot of it!

Expensively if the "Box" Pony wants to stay as "Box" Pony OR just let Box delusive and let "Box" Pony become "Box-less" Pony, it would be more funnier in my Opinion.

8663725
Perhaps one day she will.

Somehow I never imagined molerats could be so...vicious and problematic. But congrats! YOU JUST MADE IT OUT OF THE TUTORIAL AREA!

8665536
Tutorial area? if that is a tutorial, I think the real of the world is going to turn into dark souls.

Communist mole rats ... LOL .
Also is it just me or did the zebras talk in rhyme in the first chapter then stopped riming in the other chapters ??

8687354
I need to fix Chifundo's speaking in chapters 2-4 but after this he should be talking in Rhyme again.

This story unfolds better and better with the input from inside Sunrise's head. Maybe she is going nuts, maybe she is just learning to cope with a world she has trouble recognizing? The mind is a interesting thing.

8859487
Her mind is getting more and more warped as the world around her changes her.

I hope they keep the Mover i mean BlackJack had Deus

8885264
Oddly enough something else is coming.

Interesting. Character development.

8955245
You mean you read stories that distinctly lack character development?

I was kinda hoping they'd keep the earthmover. Its no Chryslus Highwayman or Sky Bandit, but those are still some sweet wheels! Treads. Whatever.

8974119
We considered it heavily and decided it would work out better if we had actual gear to work with and drew a whole lot less attention.
Which later, there are very good reasons to not draw attention.

IMPERIAL SYSTEM REEEEEEEEEEEE.

Also why wouldnt anyone want to be interested in a giant mover, you can at least crush people with it^^

9339174
This is true, they should take a very heavy interest in such a device.

On this chapter the picture is shown Without Trouble.

And the Indiana Jones qoute Made me chuckle. And her cursing isn't so Bad, considering she used b not f, like litlepip does.

9466284
actually she doesn't curse out loud for the longest time, Old World Value.

Alright, fine, I love Corners, I hope you're happy with yourself...
Actually, I love the depth you've put into Corners in particular. At first, I thought she was gonna be a gimmick in this and on occasion looked set for the chopping block. Yet, you really built a strong character out of her, particularly in the last two chapters where you saw her prove her bravery and consideration for her comrades. She's not a damsel in distress character as I was expecting her to be. You've created a great voice in each of the characters, including in smaller part characters like Sunrise's father and Waffles, and that proves talent in a writer.
I could add yet more quotable lines I like but in particular, I love the reminder that this is a relation of FO:E.

Oh, buck me with Luna’s HORN! How could I screw it up that bad?

brilliant work,
all good things,
Scara

I hope not all NPC's will be this dumbed down.