Wandering Sunrise remembers Equestria as it once was: a land of harmony, broken by strife. She was sealed in a Stable-Tec stasis pod the day the Megaspells hit... and she wakes up in a pool of water, surrounded by strangers.
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Is it weird that I feel nostalgic reading through these, even though it wasn't all that long ago? It feels like so much has happened in character that it seems like forever since Las Pegasus.
8827883
A whole lot does happen to our characters between! You just don't realize how much till you realize this 1 game session is 51 pages of work before edits! Now it's 57 and broken off into 2 separate chapters!
Fuck, that last part hurt, just wanted Nyota to walk in and comfort you.
8828224
Oh the next chapter after this weekend, will bring you to tears.
The authors note at the start being the same is really annoying because I use TTS while at work and it reads the whole thing.
1-2-3-4-5
I love references.
Your zebra rhyming doesn't flow right, it's forced and not natural.
I like it still!
WoW for what you think was going to be a fill in chapter the last part just blow me away.
Question is this part right? "Chifundo continued speaking in a language I did understand," is this right as it is. or was it supposed to read language I did not understand?
8828383
Hmm I use the TTS as well and it dose not read the authors note for me at all. Now I am using a PC and not a phone app for this so maybe that why. If so not much the author can do about that. The info is simply the same for each story. And this is more a mechanic of the app. I will have to try it on my phone some time and see if that the trouble. On my PC all I do is click on the first paragraph and then read and it follows the story down to the end.
8829638
I actually download the book into Google books and play that way so I can listen at work and pause when needed as I can't do that using the TTS option on the site.
And after chapter 7 or something it seemed to have stopped.
All caught up.
I like, it's got a lot of grammar issues closer to the end that are a glaring reflection of the sun into my eyes. Burning into my retinas, trying to sear themselves into my brain!
Besides that, I can't wait to see what happens next.
8835618
I will be answering all your comments from this weekend at the airport. I just finished up at Babscon.
As for the grammar errors near the end. Chapter 14 and the first 1/2 of 15 did not have an editor. So it was only my eyes on them.
That will hopefully be fixed soon.
8837228
I can help out, but I'm a bit of a fixer as well as editor.
8833023
Was a mistake on my part will fix the name soon.
8832462
Chapter 13 had no editor. Chapter 1-12 did and Chapter 14+ has one.
8839502
Sentient tail is best tail!
8839539
It really is, til it tries to kill you! Oh right that part is coming up for yall.
This was a good companion to 15. This is good emotion yanking stuff, everyone I think wants to hug and protect Sunrise. Liking the other characters as they are fleshing out, and new side characters appear. Good job!
8869796
really?
She does a bit of back-and-forth jumping in this chapter, but it's clear now that she's not relegated to simply being in one host or another. She can haunt a location, even if she's not explicitly physical. It's likely that she can't go far, or that it's temporary and that she needs a specifically prepared host.
Reading back, there's also this nice statement.
The phrase "put with you" implies that this haunting isn't something the Pink wandered over and initiated, which reinforces the idea that Pink's presence is probably 43's fault.
8942100
I promise you this! You are close! But all of Pink will be explained in Chapter 20.
While having the text-to-voice play, I noticed at some points some paragraphs were being read together as if they were together rather than their own paragraphs. You can see from this screenshot how it is highlighting multiple paragraphs at ones (normally it highlights 1 paragraphs at a time but it doesn't seem to do that when the paragraphs are so close together).
But otherwise, this story is pretty interesting 🙂
9283906
I'm glad it's still interesting this far in and I hope you will continue.
I will let the website staff know about the TTS.
“Nyota help me" - commafter nyota
"together, here Sunrise." - the phrasing here seems odd, not sure what it is. Maybe "here"?
"what do you mean, names?”" - pair of apostrophe marks around "names" & before the question mark
"want to know,” my reply" period at the end of the quotes & capitalization of "my"
"Pegasi soldiers of the Grand Pegasi Enclave" - should be in apostrophes
" a long silence cheer" - a "silent" instead of "silence"
"Then i took out another" - capitalize "i"
" 'I'm Sorry it came" - when begining with apostrophe, end with an apostraphe (no quote after "Wandering Sunrise")
"up! Earth pony not on ground." - given what comes after, you may or may not want to change the period to an exclamation mark
"horse noises later my ribs" - comma after "later"
"and our breath rolling over " - either alter "and" to "with, or "rolling" to "rolled"
"grinned—before" either an "and" before "----before", or change "before" to the start of a new sentence & capitalize it.
"The Pink possessed" - not sure if it's just my computer, but the spacing seems off here
"something else that I yet to" - could be "yet was to" or "I had yet"
9469040
Fix them all after the FoE STream Tonight.
A very well Made plushie. Guess She would Take pink's role for You.
And nice to See her having a nice Dance. And i can't blame octavia for wanting Peace, it's Natural
Is the name picline is pronounced pickline or pike line?
9791169
Pickline
The lore bomb of Pink saying this is not the first time Wandering Sunrise's in the wasteland feels skipped over. It'd work well as a chapter ender, something to ponder on. But here, it is placed near the beginning. And I don't feel like we did a big enough deal of how Pink just possessed a zebra out of the blue.
Pink is also inconsistent in how much knowledge she is sharing with Wandering. On the one hand, she keeps saying Sunrise needs to discover stuff on her own. On the other hand, she does reveals like this. Earlier, she casually mentioned how she is the one controlling Sunrise's tail. There were no questions from Sunrise over it, she just accepted it as a fact