I am an aspiring writer, romance enthusiast, and a horrible over emotional mess. If you're here I hope you like homosexual stallions. If you enjoy my work and want to support me I have a Ko-Fi!
Big Macintosh didn't remember when it started, he didn't know just how long it had been going on, but for the past few years he began to hate the tan colored stallion named Caramel more and more. The way he acted, looked, and even talked angered Big Macintosh beyond reason at times.
Maybe it all started the first time he pressed his muzzle against his best friend's soft, tender lips... but that could only be a hunch.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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You don't need to put a disclaimer at the top of your story. No one else does, after all. If you're going to have an author's note, then put it in the description, not the actual story. You ruin your mood that way. Your formatting is also off. Some paragraphs are indented while others aren't. Both methods are correct, but you can't switch half-way through.
As for the story... I like the idea, but Mac's violent reactions and tendencies seem off. Your actual writing is quite crisp, yet I honestly don't think that Mac would be the type to unleash his frustrations in any form of violence. He'd withdraw into himself, certainly, but the entire point of his character is that he's a gentle giant. I can certainly see him having an internal conflict, but you need to seriously flesh out the prose if you want to try and justify an abusive relationship.
It doesn't suck, though. You've got the potential for something really awesome if you keep working at it.
Somepony sounds like he's on his period.
One thing that I'm sick of seeing is people saying "this story might suck." If you think it sucks, then why in Satan's glorious name did you post it?
I'm glad you did, though, because I liked it.
I disagree with Ginger on Big Mac's aggression, firstly because of artistic license to modify a character however you want, but most importantly because we don't see Big Mac very often. How are we to know that, in private, Big Mac doesn't take out his anger through violence? The whole premise of this story is that the relationship is a secret, so the idea that he projects a facade of gentleness while hiding his aggressive tendencies is not implausible.
A good read!
942462
Touche, Mister Pascal! I suppose it all really does boil down to interpretation, especially when it comes to technicolor ponies, especially ponies whose entire characters are based around one word.
942462 because every author should post things out, regardless of his opinion on them. Half of my most succesful stories people loved while I still hate them.
942400 trust me, I am much better at full length fanfiction, Oneshots to me are horrid to write, andy bog mac in this was ooc even for me. I jist wanted a caramac fic, and crapped this out without much editing or thought. As for indentation... My word document is very strange and doesnt indent when I copy and paste half the lines.
I have mcj better executed fanfiction, trust me. I really didnt like this, but posted anyway in a failed attempt to give a message that should have been spread over several chapters.
Seems legit.
Big Mac is not that aggressive
943988 Have you not been paying attention?
Oh, and that would be called "Opinion"
944417 and There's this nice big space under all your stories and blogs to put them in!!
You sir, are GENIUS!!!
944985 I am so damn tired, that everything I have said today sounds like I'm a bitch.
945752 Yeah exactly.
This is what or somewhat close to some lovers who prefers same gender go through, worrying what society would think of them. Even worse what would their closest friends or family do after they find out that they aren't straight as arrow.
Stormsoul, besides tightening up your wording or simply using stronger verbs/word choice/etc., I think what you need to work on most is being less blatant. You shouldn't always elaborate so much on everything so as to be redundant. You should leave just enough to the reader's imagination, just enough to allow the words the stew in their mind and allow them to understand the situation through getting a feel for things. Basically, as it's usually called, "show don't tell". Show what characters are feeling through their actions, don't always tell the reader exactly what's on everyone's mind through your words. This seems to be a common occurrence throughout the writing of yours that I've read and I feel that it seriously detracts from it. Being overly blatant has an effect of making writing seem less professional and more amateur, kinda cheesy, childish, even, especially when the writing concerns romance or any strong emotions. Hope this helps! I'd love to see you grow as a writer. :)
948781 I hate this fanfiction. I only posted it since people have been wanting me to make a Caramac forever...
I believe that I can explain this subject through several chapters, just not a OneShot... however I have a SoarBurn fic at the moment that needs my attention, and I don't want to start another story now... so... YOU GET CRAPPY ONESHOT!
952414 No, I wasn't just talking about this one shot, I was talking about your writing as a whole. I've read your other fics and that just seemed to be a common issue throughout them all. It's just that this was your newest post so I thought it was most appropriate to say this here.
942462 As someone who has written more than one fic starring Big Mac, you have no idea how much I wish there were more people who thought like you. A character like Mac can't be interesting of a writer were to portray him exactly as he is in the show. That makes him ridiculously one dimensional.
But alas, prereaders always seem to tell me that mac is talking to much or being too outgoing...
To that end, the fic I'm writing right now (which is sort of Fluttermac but not at all focused the shipping) contains no dialogue whatsoever. When I say that, I mean it. 3k words right now, no quotation marks.
1306132
You're talking about EQD?
I see no point in them. As far as I'm aware, they judge fics based on their own personal preferences. There's nothing wrong with that, of course. They have the right to have their own site and feature their personal picks, but too many people make the mistake of thinking that they have some kind of qualification to make them any kind of objective judge of what is or isn't good writing (if such a thing is even possible). They don't. They are no better than you or I. I've never submitted anything to them, and I never will.
If you're writing that fic for them, then I'd say you shouldn't bother (if you're writing it for you, then full steam ahead, obviously).
1306553 No no, not those guys. I'm just speaking of random folks from around the site who I ask to look at my work before I make it live.
Yeah, I'm pretty much done with EqD, they run a good site, but it's not for "ordinary" authors. Too much discrimination based on story type and such.
1307451 I hate that site so dog damn much...
And I agree, although I don't agree with the way I portrayed Big Mac in this story, I am attempting to flesh out his imaginary character in a work-in-progress fanfiction.
1307650 Well let's not get too hostile. They just aren't very author-friendly...
1307785 That's what I'm saying, they really don't seem to publish what people would like to read and more what they liked. And for some reason it's the most popular pony site around that EVERYBODY seems to hate.
1307801 Somepony really ought to start a rival site :D
Y there no Chapter 2?static.fjcdn.com/comments/Y+_77ae226ccbf8387498f4538f325ef3d3.jpg
1570690 Because it's a OneShot.
If you want more CaraMac go read Crossroads.
Yay, self promotion...
1572444
Yeah! self promotion ftw X3
Ow, this fic actually made me sad.
Don't get me wrong, that's what made it good, but damn...poor Mel =(
I know it's a Oneshot but damn I hope it works out in the end...somehow.
Christ...
I've been looking for a one shot like this forever.
Well Done. Favorited
2050198 I still can't believe people like this story...
I wrote it during a time where I had to write something and accept it would be awful.
2050399
Well, believe it buddy
I still have to get around to reading the rest of your stuff! I'm about 2 chapters into Winding Roads.
I don't know if I already mentioned in a previous comment on one of your stories, but it is very difficult to find well-written, enjoyable M/M fictions, such as this one. You, sir, have a talent for writing.
Consider me a fan
*Caramel at the time*
*reads Big Mac Confrontation*
"NOOOO WHY THEY KILL ME!!!!"
*cries*
*reads Pillow Talk*
"NOOOO WHY THEY ABUSE ME!!!!"
"WAIT, WHY THEY RAPE ME!!!!"
*cries*
I'm guessing something about some writers just don't like me that much.
i no like this story
why big mac so mean in this one?
2971902 Because I hadn't nailed down character yet?
Also it's old... and I think I didn't like it when I first posted it.
2971902 ikr wow abusive much
6068597 Oh god please read Melting Snow I don't like this story anymore at all he's really a big sweet cutie pie who loves Caramel with all his big heart and wants to cuddle and kiss him endlessly.
2050583 oh I did I read all your caramacs just going through your old stuff sometimes I hate myself I read so fast that as soon as I find something good it's already over