• Published 11th Dec 2017
  • 4,619 Views, 527 Comments

Pony-Me™ - TheMajorTechie

What happens when you realize that your life is a simulation? Well, you put the headset back on.

  • ...

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E̸̳̻ͣṙ̞̳̝̩͇̻͔̿ͤ͢r̊̐o͔ͮ̋͊̿͐̇ͥȓ̼͔̜͙̠̗̟́ ̟̗͉̘̂́̍̇͊̊͡4̢̫̮͉̠͔̫̏̔̽́ͬͅ0͉̰̃ͩ͡4͙̭͖̌:̵ͭ̿̉ ̨̩͚͒͑̿̌C̼̫̋ͮh̺̳̃̂̿ͪͨ̑̃́a͚̠͓̅ͥ̚͝p̥̖̰ͯͭ͞t͍̬̫̝̳͇̟̏̓e̙͔̺̖̻̥͍̾r̸̼̲̰̭̊̐ͪ ͚̳̙͔͌ͫ̐͛̔ͣ̚̕n̦̥̰ͧ̐o͙̬͔̦͎̫̻͞t̬͓̪͕̳̲͌̉ͧ͞ ̪̹̳̤̲̼̱͑ͧͪͨͦ̀̾f̲̲̪ͧ̓̋̅̔ơ̯̬̲͍̫̻̈́̉ͩü̼̠̭̂̈́͟n̠̗̘̤͎̣̥̓̓ͯͤ̄̾̂d͂ͣ͊̀.̧̝̝

Author's Note:

April fools... again? :unsuresweetie:

First ~600 words written by myself, the rest generated by Botnik using Pony-Me, What If... and an essay I wrote for English as source material. Combined. Though, I did add a few words by hand just to keep the story flow going.

I really need to finish this story. For real.

A low rumble rocked Equestria as the ground began to shake.

"Aah, wh-what's going on?" Lisa stammered, her character falling to her feet, "I don't remember earthquakes being coded into the game!"

"Look, look outside!" Rainbow Dash yelled, pointing a hoof out the window.

In the distance, a massive, undulating cloud materialized high in the sky.

"It's the wolves," Twilight shrugged, "Every now and then we get a cloud of them over Equestria. They clear out after a couple of days if you leave them alone."



The world around them fizzed for a moment, random stripes of color and noise intruding onto the walls. The fizz stopped, the world returning to normal before another surge of glitches rolled through the room.

"S-Samantha?" Lisa stammered, "What's going on?"

She turned just in time to see her friend vanish into a puff of pulsating ones and zeroes.


One final flash of light filled her vision before the Equestria vanished from view.

"Twilight!" Pinkie yelled, lightly smacking the mare with a hoof, "Wake up! Wake up! Something weird just happened!"

Twilight groaned, raising a hand (hoof?) to her head. The ground beneath her scraped her back as she rolled to the side.

"Come on!" Pinkie yelled again, "Whatever that wolf cloud earlier was doing, it was bad!"

Twilight opened an eye, staring first at Pinkie, then to her unconscious friends laying nearby on the pavement.

Wait... pavement?

The mare jerked awake, eyes wide as she took in her surroundings.

"This... this isn't Equestria, is it?" she murmured, fearfully glancing about.

Pinkie shook her head.

"Where's Lisa? What about Samantha? What happened to them? Last thing I remember... um... Samantha... dematerialized."

"That was just her character, but I'm not sure about her."

Twilight paused, seemingly lost in thought as she stared at a hoof.

"They're probably gone, Pinkie," she concluded, glancing back up, "I can feel Lisa's thoughts in my head. Somehow, sometime during whatever the hay that was that happened earlier, they got merged with us."

"...Oh. So what about the others?"

Twilight shrugged. "They didn't have anything to merge with, so they probably are fine."

A streak of fizz pierced the scenery yet again, the buildings surrounding them offsetting for a brief moment before returning to normal. A distant howl echoed through the empty streets as a looming cloud soared overhead.


Lisa shrieked, chucking the headset across the room. The dull thunk of plastic hitting the wall pinged through the room.

"Wh-- what was that?!" the girl heaved, catching her breath as she leaned closer to her screen.

"Um... Lisa, why am I in your bedroom?"

The girl turned to see Samantha sitting on her bed, a decidedly more recent model of headset dangling partway off her face.

"This is just getting weirder and weirder..." Lisa grumbled, standing up from her chair to fetch her battered headset from across the room.

She took a step and fell through the nonexistent collision box of the floor.

Twilight coughed, wheezing as she drew a ragged breath. She spat dirt and grass from her mouth, wavering on her hooves as she stood up in the pit she'd just fallen into from the sky.

"Okay, this really needs to stop." she groaned, taking to the sky with a powerful flap of her wings.

She yelped as a wolf rocketed straight into her back mid-flight.


The clatter of her phone hitting the floor woke the girl after several unsuccessful attempts to snooze the alarm.

"How... many... more... times..." Lisa grunted, draping an arm over her bedside in defeat, "...I guess I'm just gonna wait and see..."

A screech pierced through the air as the bed ate her.

~~{Welcome to the world of AI-written funny nightmares.}~~
:twilightsmile: Have a nice trip! :moustache:

Twilight Sparkle opened her eyes, choking from the ozone and something. "Hey, Rares... Um... Who was that baby back there?"

Rarity the industrial microphone marked her driving assistant. Clearly, there was something wrong in the world of Kirby Butter. There was nearly double the number of jobs and privacy after the internet market developed. However, with more than half of the battlefield sinking into the pothole, Twilight instead resorted to the simulation machinery.

"Ohmygoshit'sahuman!" Pinkie squealed, flipping a nearby table and narrowly missing the public system of ethical technology. "... can I pet it?"

"No," Twilight sighed, "just... don't, please."

The simulation machinery continues to progress closer by the day, the development pace of artificial intelligence improving faster than ever before.

Samantha grinned awkwardly, her eyes trained on the next swarm of parasprites. "Spike and I can discover the truth about jobs and privacy," she began carefully, "There's hardly ever 2.948666 seconds before more than 300,000 victims of smart technology are victimized by scandals such as Facebook and data harvesting via the city gates. "

A large pile of humans screeched collectively as Twilight burst into smoke and glass.

Lisa screamed from underneath the stallion of light. "What do they want from mah family and friends with tiny alligator tentacles?!" she cried, "what experience do I even have with the door hinges?!"

"You have no reason to make yourself technology worker devices," Professor Argall cut in, "I do remember that you were paranoid of mountain scanners and intelligent machinery noises."


"Yes my identity!" Celestia suddenly screamed from underneath the crystals of peanut brittle, "I'm something productive again!"


The development of ethical interaction must utilize lethal force against the worn floorboards. Therefore, the issue of killing one may be drawn from behind rainbow dash's cheeks. The mare followed closely behind her hooves across the oily screen. Lisa watched silently as the strange men began to emanate from the mirror of Twilight's technology.

The strange men paused, noticing the author who was currently doing nothing suspiciously. A few golden coins and gems lured them all away, their specialty weapons - devices that went into Samantha's ears - dragging bodysuits of Twilight's face to Cthulhu.

A massive beam of doom butter screamed "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--" before being introduced to Lisa's face.

Slowly, Twilight lowered her head. "This is not what I wanted," she mumbled, "I never wanted a self driving car to steal information and read juice rules to you."

The universe imploded with a huge explosion of buttsharks and pebbles. There was little to be found of the remains of the world. Also, Flurry Heart was gurgling about the sudden layout change of the potato wars of equestria. Obviously, it was twice as tall as she was and legend still tells to this day of the ponies that had little jars of honey butter coated wingtips.

The end(?)

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