Terrible Short Story About Terrible OCs
A khaki colored earth pony with a scruffy brown mane and a cutie mark shaped like a mustache steps through the door of Morton’s, pausing to chuckle at the sign proudly declaring that the establishment is Ponyville’s premier dive. Glancing around, the pony’s stubbly face twitches into a smile as he spots his friends already at the bar and trots over.
“Howdy Hunter,” he says, slipping in between them and nodding to the bartender, “And Bug. How goes?”
“Aight,” says Hunter, a drab green pegasus stallion with a curly orange mane and a pronounced belly. His cutie mark is a stylized raccoon. Bug, a tall navy blue unicorn with a dark gray mane and beetle cutie mark, turns to his friend with a warm smile.
“Hi Friendly Uncle, how was your day?”
“Could have been better, could have been worse,” Friendly shrugs noncommittally and slides a few bits across the bar as the proprietor hoofs him his usual.
“Oh hey, that reminds me,” says Hunter, after polishing off his drink and while gesturing for another. “How’d your meeting with the rapist go?”
The bar is already pretty quiet, so there’s no appreciable alteration in noise level at this statement. Friendly Uncle and Bug both slowly turn to stare at Hunter. Bug’s jaw is hanging open in shock. Friendly’s eyes have widened very nearly to the size of dinner plates.
“What?” he manages.
“The rapist you were going to see today,” says Hunter entirely nonchalantly. “How’d that go?”
“I… what?” Friendly Uncle’s jaw is working continuously but he is producing very little actual noise. “I didn’t meet any pony like that. What in Celestia’s mane gave you that idea?”
“Bug told me. He said you were going to see the rapist.”
Hunter points a hoof at the unicorn, who rears back in surprise, looking even more horrified than he had a moment ago. Then his eyes widen slowly in dawning realization and he returns to all fours, eyebrows slowly knotting in irritation. Friendly and Hunter watch in rapt fascination as Bug removes his glasses so that he can facehoof properly.
”Therapist,” the unicorn groans, “I said ‘therapist’, Hunter.”
“That’s what I said,” replies Hunter, who is now grinning from ear to ear.
Uncle and Bug roll their eyes and go back to their drinks. Hunter chuckles for a moment before taking another swig of his own, extending one wing to prod Friendly in the side.
“No, seriously, how’d it go? Did it help?”
“I think it’s going to be a while before I know if it really helps or not,” says Uncle, frowning into the amber depths of his glass. “It’s only been one session so far, but she’s already made some interesting suggestions.”
“Anything you’ve been able to put into practice?” asks Bug.
“Well, she told me that if I’m going to make any long term improvements I need to stop treating my mood as something that’s outside of my control and start acting to change it,” explains Uncle, making vague motions with his hooves as he translates his thoughts into words. “For instance, when I find myself getting depressed, I’m supposed to consciously shake myself out of it by concentrating on something that makes me happy instead of thinking about how depressed I am. It’s actually been helping immensely.”
“So… you go to your happy place?” asks Hunter, one eyebrow raised. Friendly shrugs.
“Basically, yeah.”
“That sounds like it would help,” muses Bug, “are you focusing on any one thing in particular?”
“Yep,” answers Friendly cheerfully, “DJ P0N3’s ass.”
His friends look at him. Bug quirks a quizzical eyebrow. Hunter’s ears perk up.
“Vinyl Scratch? The mare that does all those techno remixes?”
“Yeah,” Friendly smirks a little, “Bug and I saw her in concert last year during her Pony After All tour. The only seats we could afford were the ones behind the stage. We were kind of upset about that at first, but after all was said and done I think we had some of the best seats in the house.”
“Oh yeah?” Hunter grins, “the show was better from that angle?”
“She spent most of her time behind a little turntable at the front of the stage,” says Bug, “we couldn’t see it from where we were sitting.”
“It was a full moon that night,” says Friendly with a satisfied sigh.
Hunter’s smile starts to fade a little as he happens to glance at something behind him. “This Vinyl Scratch,” he says, “white unicorn with a kind of stripey blue mane and tail?”
“And a rump like two basketballs made of marshmallow,” chuckles Friendly, “Why do you ask?”
Hunter doesn’t say anything. Friendly Uncle takes in his carefully neutral expression and the direction he’s facing and heaves a deep sigh.
“In defiance of all laws of probability, she’s standing right behind me, isn’t she?”
Bug, who has turned around for a better look, solemnly nods. Friendly Uncle rubs a hoof down the length of his face and turns around. Standing behind him are three mares, all of whom are apparently staring at him. He waves at the one on his left.
“Hiya Pinkie.”
“Hiya Uncle Friendly!” giggles Pinkie Pie, waving back energetically. Friendly turns to the rightmost mare and offers what he fervently hopes is an ingratiating smile.
“Rainbow Dash right? Nice to meet you.”
Rainbow nods, the bare minimum of acknowledgement. Friendly focuses his attention on the third mare sandwiched in between the two. She might be looking at him, it’s hard to tell with those sunglasses. She’s facing him, at least.
“And you must be Vinyl Scratch. I’m a big fan! Of your music. The soundtrack to Pron was amazing.”
They look at each other for a long moment. Uncle’s smile becomes increasingly strained as the seconds tick by.
“…Pinkie?” says Vinyl at last, “Can we… go someplace else?”
“Yeah,” says the pink mare, “I think that’s a good idea.”
They turn to leave. Dash goes with a roll of her eyes and an annoyed flip of her mane. Pinkie smiles apologetically back at them. Vinyl walks very stiffly, as if she is very carefully not swaying her hips.
When the door closes behind them Uncle slowly turns back around. He swallows the rest of his drink in one gulp, and then smacks his head down on the bar. Bug pats him gently on the withers.
“… so what are you thinking about now?” asks Hunter.
“How depressed I am.”
Stats
Page generated in 0.023 seconds
Total duration
1,144 users online
1,699,457 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
well...
that was improbable.
I really shouldn't be laughing.
Then again, it's a full moon.
What... what did I just read. I think I liked it because it was awkward and I've totally spoken about someone when they're right fucking behind me.
Yep. When it comes to OC, please, people, for the sake of sanity, leave it for a human or a story unrelated to anything else.
@the story name
Dat plot! (Sorry, had to say it)
That seems like something that would happen to me. Not with someone famous involved but with someone that i at least know of.........
i lol'd
Also, Pron
It was silly and predictable, but I still couldn't stop myself from laughing. Nicely done!
I get similar reactions like that a lot but instead of " theyre right behind me arent they" I get " AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" because apparently I am scary
1660690
.
But I love terrible jokes!
mehhh, it probably just goes into a septic tank.
......
safer to assume that. The question has had time run it's course through my subconscious now. I'm not sure I want to try answering it now
HEY SHE HAPPENS TO FANCY ME AN- wait, *checks calender* that's 16 years from now
ANDIAMO!!!
Hilarious
Pff. Vinyl.
Derpy is the top assleet in all of Ponyville. Where do ya think the cutie mark came from?
Not farting in the bath, that's for sure.
Wat.
FUN FUN FUN
Oooohhhh, this made me lol! Literally. Like, for real. IRL. Out loud.
Mistaking the rapist for your therapist can be an unpleasant experience, but it could always be worse.
You could be that farmer who broke into a genetic engineering lab hoping to steal some pesticide-resistant rapeseed. . . and made off with a crate of "THERAPSID" instead.
1660491
because reading discworld is an extensive and daunting undertaking
kinda like setting out to read Fallout: Equestria and all of its offshoots
1675160
work that bubble butt!
If Vinyl is gonna do shows where the audience has to stare at her ass all night she needs to accept shit like this might happen.