I'm just a guy from Lithuania that likes writing and reading fanfiction, drawing, and exercising.
In this timeline, Tirek decided not to betray Discord. After the battle with Twilight Sparkle, Lord Tirek ascends to the throne and begins to rule Equestria with an iron fist. Little did the centaur know, however, that his kingdom was going to receive a certain visitor who had been banished by Discord 1000 years ago...
Constructive criticism is welcome and appreciated!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Now that I've finished, I feel the story has some potential, but I feel that there are some issues to be worked out. For one, I feel you could use stronger word choice to emphasize or exaggerate a moment. Also, I have the sense that the writing itself could be better.
This is just one example. It's okay, but it could be better. Try saying, "Before he could counter, Twilight's kick met his rib cage with terrifying force, shattering it instantaneously. The force sent Tirek flying at ever increasing speeds towards a nearby mountain. The conqueror crashed into the mountain side, and he let out a great cry of pain." This not only emphasizes the intensity of the attack, but greatly exaggerates it and makes the reader feel more involved.
Those are just some issues I had, but for what it's worth, this is pretty good, you've caught my interest.
8633304
Thank you for your input, I'l see what i can do to work on it
8688254
Should be out... in a week or a bit more, depends on how big the chapter is going to be
8704818
Nice!
While i'm a fan of Discord, what he is doing maybe beyond forgiveness. not even Fluttershy maybe able to forgive him.
When Tirek betrqys him he have nobody but himself to blame.
Even if they were willing to forgive him he have no moe secodn chances, the ponies and victims would go mad with rage if Celestia pardons him.
8742983
Indeed, that's what I am sort of trying to achieve.
I don't wish to spoil anything, but Discord's fate will be revealed much later.
8742994
Hmmm I love Discord really, but Tirek really pulled the wool over his eyes int he show.
this time he took it a step further.
8742996
I like the spirit of chaos myself. I believe that Tirek would actually take it many steps further.
Though, this may or may not come back to bite him, hard (and not in the way youd think). Considering that Discord is well... Discord
8743065
I honestly don't know which chapter it's going to be, SSJ2PinkiePie. I have a decent bit of stuff planned to write about during the one year wait, so that could prolong the time til i get to the first grand moment of this story.
Please Update this Good Story. Along with your Goku Black Story once you came back.
Hopefully you come back, and we won't have to wait forever.