• Published 16th Nov 2017
  • 4,633 Views, 327 Comments

Spoiled Milk Returns - deadpansnarker



After an unfortunate accident, Spoiled Rich wakes up thinking she's her old self before her marriage to Filthy, and boy isn't she different. The whole town is shaken up in the process, and Diamond is about to uncover some long lost family secrets...

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Chapter 6: The Search For Spoiled Part III

Absolute pandemonium. Complete shambles. Utter chaos.

A very fine selection of two-word descriptive phrases, all of which failed to do any justice to the unmitigated disaster that awaited Diamond Tiara and her loyal 'steed' once they approached the periphery of the spa location.

Hot towels hanging outside from every bush and tree in sight like sticky decorative cobwebs. Openmouthed customers, apparently unceremoniously evacuated in the midst of treatment in most cases, looking either very confused or just plain apoplectic. And the trained staff, who should be hard at work relieving pent-up tension in the temples of their stressed-out clientele, milling around talking in hushed voices about what'd just gone down in their usually uneventful workplace just a few minutes earlier.

The consensus seemed to be: 'our union will hear about this disgrace. We don't get paid enough to deal with this kind of...'

Luckily, Diamond had already leapt off her parental ride here at this juncture, so it was a simple matter for a panicking Filthy Rich to block her earholes with his rapidly grasping hooves. His daughter had come such a long way in a short space of time, he didn't want the acquirement of foul language to be the harbinger of a slippery slope back to immorality for her. Especially with everything else that was going on. It would be much more than his precious singular executive stress ball could cope with, surely.

Amongst all the fast chattering, loud grumbling and dangling fabrics overhead, one oddity stood out to the newly arrived pair (Scootaloo having already made herself scarce) as they scanned the disorderly scene with a growing sense of disbelief. It was the sight of a forlorn seeming Lotus Blossom, one of the most popular beauticians there, standing around just by the spa entrance. The generally happy-go-lucky blue mare was in a quite the distressed state, but the strangest thing about her status was the fact she appeared to be... alone.

"Oh, merci! Thank Celestia you've finally arrived!! And you're looking so healthy, too! If a little tense around the haunches." Upon clapping eyes on Filthy Rich, having obviously been waiting an age for his appearance, Lotus galloped over and engulfed the mollified stallion with her customary tight hug and kiss on each cheek greeting. "It has been so long since I've seen you! Surely those long hours at the office must take a toll on your nervous system, no? Why don't you come in once in a while, so that I may remove some of that pressure? We've just taken delivery of some new mystical oils from The Old Country, which would work wonders on..."

"E-Erm, while I appreciate your concern for my well-being Miss Blossom, weren't we called here on matters besides your no doubt excellent relaxation therapy?" Filthy exclaimed anxiously, and Diamond, despite the seriousness of the situation at hoof, found herself chuckling a little at her dad's cringing discomfort. "An issue relating to my somewhat disoriented wife, perchance? Wasn't it Rainbow Dash who gave us the summons... where is she, anyway? I suppose it would be difficult to spot anypony in this giant huddle. Come to think of it, where's your charming partner, the pink mare who looks just like you? I swear, I see the pair of you together so often, it's like you're joined at the hip."

At the mention of her closest friend in the whole wide world, all of Lotus's professional spiel broke down completely, and soon floods of tears began erupting from her engorged eyes. In terms of blubbering expertise, she must've taken lessons from one of her favourite customers Rarity, as between the duo they could probably drown the entirety of Equestria under the sheer weight of their spewing tear ducts.

"O-Oh oui, Monsieur! A-And young Miss! I-It was terrible! J-Just terrible!" If Diamond thought she'd be missing out on the 'fun', a quick grab from the sobbing Lotus put paid to that futile notion, and the squirming filly found herself pressed against the beautician's soggy midriff.

"Okay, okay. Please try to calm down. We're here now. We'll make everything alright, you have my honest vow as a businesspony. Now, why don't you tell us what happened from the beginning, and then we'll see if we can't clear up this slight kerfuffle?" Filthy gulped slightly as Lotus's other forehoof snaked it's way around his neck in the midst of her anguish.

It was a good job his wife wasn't here either in body or spirit to see this impromptu display of unrequested attention, or she'd have his guts for garte... actually, no. She'd never use anything so disgusting for clothes. She'd just knock him out as punishment, and then steal his chequebook to buy 'proper' attire. Yes, that sounds a lot more like her.

"O-Oh oui, oui. I shall do as you say, although there isn't much to tell." Lotus's loud snivelling began to peter out a bit, as the downcast mare composed herself just enough to describe earlier events. "It was just a normal, ordinary day at the spa. Okay, so maybe Mr Bulk Biceps was being a little over the top with his 'YEAHs' while massaging, but we're used to that by now. Then all of a sudden, my partner and dear friend Aloe spotted your lovely lady wife outside, looking very tired and exhausted like she'd been on a long run. Naturally, seeing as she's one of our best clients, Aloe went to meet her and invited her inside for some extensive therapy. 'Aloe', she told Mrs Spoiled, 'would you like our best service at the lowest possible price?'. Because, you see, Aloe sounds very much like Hello. Good joke, no? Hee hee hee!"

Having not elicited a single flicker of emotion from the stony-faced Diamond (who'd now been deposited back onto terra firma now, thankfully) and a bemused Filthy, Lotus frowned a bit before carrying on. "A-Anyway, she asked moi what I was referring to, and when I explained more... Sacre Bleu!! She went absolutely loco! Before any of us knew what was happening she rushed inside, running about while asking all of our valued customers 'why they were busy steaming themselves dry as lizards when there was work to be done.' And when most of them told her to 'get lost'... mamma mia! You should've seen her tear the place apart! Cosmetics and talcum powder smashed everywhere! Chairs and tables overturned! Ponies unwinding on their day off being thrown out of windows! It was a full scale one mad-mare riot! Where did she get all this strength from?! None of us knew what to do, so we just escaped outside. Fortunately, Rainbow Dash was on the premises having her hoofs filed, or as she calls it, her 'usual patrol'. She arranged to have Scootaloo come and fetch you, while she flew off to assemble the rest of the Wonderbolts to tackle this new deadly threat. In her own words, 'between your wife and Tirek, it's a pretty close contest'."

Diamond and Filthy swallowed deeply in unison upon hearing the destruction wrought by the deranged matriarch of their family, glancing over at each other in sheer horror at what'd been unleashed by a simple playground accident. Who'd have thought that so much town-wide upheaval would be the resulting aftermath, to the extent that specialist troops were apparently being assembled, with the probable assistance of the Princesses if the situation deteriorated even more?

No, this would not do at all. Something had to be done this very instant, and there were only two hapless ponies present who could possibly stop the tumult from spreading any further. Spoiled Milk was part of their family, for better or worse, and therefore their responsibility one hundred percent. Tragically.

Despite all the risks involved from dealing with a pony in such a fragile state of mind, both Diamond and Filthy reached the same conclusion at almost exactly the same time. Addressing each other with a final decisive nod, it was the crowned filly (though why it hadn't fallen off in the middle of the long chase with her mother is anypony's guess) who next uttered her first words since arriving on the apocalyptic scene. After all, she was known as a 'take charge' kind of filly. Maybe it was about time to start proving it in situations that didn't only benefit her agenda.

"Lead us to where the target is please, Ms Blossom. We'll take it from there. You have nothing further to worry about. We'll be leaving here with Mrs Mil-Rich, or we won't be leaving at all. It's as simple as that."

As Filthy went back to stare with concern at his daughter for her troublingly unchildlike rhetoric there, Lotus quickly responded negatively to the smaller pony's firm words. "Oh dear me, sweetheart... I cannot do that. I'm not sure what's going on with your mummy, but she's really on the warpath in there. It's taken the combined power of Aloe, Bulk Biceps and a few of our stronger clientele just to subdue her until further help arrives, it certainly isn't a place for a sweet filly such as yourself. I'd hesitate to even let your father go inside, if I didn't think he could help negotiate the prevention of the oblivion of our wonderful spa. The way things are right now though, maybe even that isn't such a good idea. Oh... what to do, what to do? I have no wish to see Mrs Rich be arrested like a common criminal, after all the money she's pumped into our place over the years. But it's going to take just as many bits to fix things back to the way they were, and we can't allow such blatant vandalism of our establishment to go unpunished, whatever her personal circumstance might be!"

Diamond Tiara grimaced at being treated 'like a kid' when she'd thought so highly of her ability to solve the problem at hoof, while Filthy felt even more nervous than before about the scalding headlines that would no doubt erupt from his wife trashing such a popular local landmark. Both were still fretful for the precarious mental condition of Spoiled of course, and wondered if perhaps they could elicit a bit more sympathy from Lotus if she knew the true extent of the deluded mare's fantasy regarding her current age and background. It was just a matter of who'd tell the beautician first...

...Before either had any chance to bring Lotus up to speed with earlier events however, a sound close to the ground could be heard just behind them. It was the hoarse noise of a throat being cleared, and it surprised father and daughter alike so much that their current train of thought was interrupted irrevocably, and they spun around as one to see the identity of the mysterious stunted interruptor.

With her long, white braided ponytail and thick-set glasses, it could only be one filly. For none other than Silver Spoon was there in the flesh, and she stood out like an oasis of calm in the middle of the fraught surrounding atmosphere. She'd eavesdropped carefully on everything that'd been said the last few minutes, and combining that with what the rumour mill had told her earlier, now thought she had a decently sized grasp on the situation.

"Silv!! What are you..." Diamond started to speak, understandably perplexed at the unexpected appearance of her bestie. She'd purposefully kept the grey filly out of the infirmary earlier on after the hubbub in the schoolyard, not wanting to involve any more ponies in her familial troubles than was absolutely necessary.

It would appear though, that Silver had decided to make it her own business to entangle herself up in Diamond's affairs, for now she seemed to have something to say.

"It doesn't matter what I'm doing here, Di. What counts is that I think I have a solution to your problem, if you'll hear me out. So, are you ready to hear my suggestion?"

Author's Note:

I decided to inject certain random European words into Lotus's dialogue because I thought it would be amusing. Also, sorry for the delay to this chapter, I had a few 'life problems' to sort out. Hopefully, normal service should be resumed now with this and the rest of my stories.