The Daily Show presents: Equestrian Interviews

by Daily Show Ponies

Episode 4 [Ms. Cheerilee]: Please welcome to the show Ms. Cheerilee

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Ms. Cheerilee (Cheerilee)
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

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With the the last commercial just finishing up the camera made its way down the center of the stage to get a good view of Jon Stewart who could be seen pretending to read from his notes in an overly dedicated manner. As the roar of the crowd continued Jon found himself now looking at the camera making body gestures as if he's not quite sure where he is only to "realize" he's on air and begins to speak.

"Welcome back to the show, my quest tonight;" Jon said pointing to the camera. "She is a beloved citizen of Ponyville and a teacher at Ponyville Elementary School. Please welcome to the show, Ms. Cheerilee!

As the crowd cheers for their guest to reveal herself the camera switches positions to view the backstage at an angle in anticipation for the Earthpony's arrival. Finally, after short wait, Ms. Cheerilee emerges from backstage which causes the cheers of the crowd to increase with excitement. Jon, as well at others in attendance, noticed that it took a little bit longer than usual for the guest to emerge from backstage. This was simply because she took an extra few seconds to make sure she looked alright.

Jon lightly jogged over to greet his guest halfway on the stage, where he shook her hoof and guided her back to the desk. Upon their arrival Jon offered her a seat by manually lowering the guest chair so she could easily get one. A gesture which she seemed to be very appreciative of as she jumped on and thanked him with a smile. Jon adjusted her chair up a bit but not before giving her one last shake of the hoof. Jon, now back in his seat, sits and waits for the crowd to stop cheering before beginning the interview. An interview he was really looking forward to.

"Welcome to the show Ms. Cheerilee, it's great to have you here," Jon said extending his arms out.

"Thank you very much for having me...though I didn't have much choice in the matter now did I?" She said with a smile, not showing a hint of animosity or scorn.

"I...I have no idea what you're talking about." He replied, pulling his collar as if to let out some pent up steam.

"I think you do Mr. Stewart." Cheerilee said, giving Jon the same look she'd give a student who was misbehaving. "You basically turned my class against me in order to get to get me on your show."

"I did no such thing!" He said throwing up a lone finger, looking as though he was making a declaration.

"But don't worry Mr. Stewart...I'll remember this the next time your in Ponyville." She said placing a hoof on Jon's hand. Her 'threat' was made all the more unnerving by her giving him a friendly wink and smile.

"...SO! Your a teacher!" Jon said, in a comically transparent attempt to change the subject. Both Cheerilee and the audience laughed as Jon slowly took back his hand from the clutches of his guest. Before She could answer Jon spoke again.

"Oh and sorry again for interrupting your class." Jon continued now looking at the audience. "Oh yeah, for those those at home who don't know I sort of got teleported in the middle of her class while she was teaching some kids or whatever-- eh it's no big deal."

"It's quite alright Mr. Stewart." Cheerilee said. "I must admit you made quite an impression on my class. They, like most ponies in Equestria, have never seen a human before. So to see you appear out of no where and sweep me away really got their imaginations going."

"You know I've been wondering something." Jon interjected. "You uh-- you yourself say most people in Equestria have never seen a human before...but for one to appear in your classroom like I did...I'm amazed you kept your composure the way you did."

"Well I didn't think--" Cheerilee said before getting interupted.

"I mean you didn't even call the Pony Police on me or anythying," Jon said.

"Well Jon," She said clearing her throat. "The reason why I didn't panic is because...well as you know I am a teacher; my students look up to me and It is my job to always make sure I act appropriately in their presence. If I did panic or get scared at your sudden arrival then I would have run the risk of having my students do the same, and as their teacher I could not allow that. I had to act brave and in charge for them."

"Wow...well I must say that is very chivalrous and responsible of you. Had it been me I probably would have just used one of the kids as a distraction and head for the hills." Jon said sounding uncomfortably genuine to his guest. Cheerilee wasn't by any means a comedian but nevertheless she wanted to see if she could match wits with Jon.

"Besides that...another reason why I didn't panic is because in truth you don't look that dangerous or intimidating," She said, causing the audience to laugh at Jon. "I figured worse case scenario I probably could have handled the situation myself."

"So your saying you could've taken me?" Jon retorted, standing up briefly to display his height. "Because I'm like twice your size...you don't even know what I can do!"

"Well that may be true," Cheerilee responded quickly pointing to Jon's midsection. "But if I recall the last time you had a run in with an Earthpony it didn't turn out so well in your favor." The sound of laughter and eventually cheers prevented Jon from responding right away. He didn't show signs of waver from her last statement but he couldn't help but feel somewhat disappointed in himself for walking so easily into it.

"...Touche'," Jon said, lifting his mug to Cheerilee and rubbing his stomach. He took a sip and was about to say something but before he did he turned to camera once more.

"Oh and Applejack if your watching this: Round two is next week!" He yelled while standing up and flexing. "I'll meet you outback in the church parking lot!" Cheerilee wanted to comment on how Jon's goofy disposition proved her point on how he wasn't much of a threat but couldn't as she was too busy laughing at his performance.

"You know...when last I saw you, prior to this interview" Jon continued. "Your students seemed very happy about you going on this show. Tell me are...are any of them watching the program right now?" Cheerilee, still laughing, gave a worried look at the thought.

"Well, I certainly hope not. I mean nothing against your show, its great, but I don't think it's appropriate for younger ponies." She said. "Although I hear some of the adults are letting them watch this segment just this once... so long as you tone down the dirty words." Jon was about to respond by swearing purposely but decided against it.

"I see. So did any of your students do anything special for this occasion before you left?" Jon asked while fiddling with his pen.

"Actually yes they did!" Cheerilee said with a look of delight across her face. "They actually got together this morning in front of the schoolhouse to wish me luck before I left. They even pulled their allowances together to get me this!" Cheerilee reached down and picked up a small camera with her mouth and placed it on the table. Jon wasn't very knowledgeable about photography but even he could see that it wasn't that impressive. It was no where near good enough to be called a "professional camera" but at the same time it wasn't cheap.

"They want me to take pictures while I'm here and show it to them later," She continued, holding the camera in her hooves. "When I get back I'll have the photos developed in the school's basement and present it to them as a lecture on Human life. Which reminds me...smile!" With that she took a picture of Jon, momentarily blinding him with a flash.

"Wow..." Jon said rubbing his eyes. "Leave it to a teacher to take something as simple as a gift from her students and turn it into homework." Cheerilee found Jon's observation to be both humorous and slightly accurate; deciding there to just show it them as in class slideshow for fun.

"Now obviously your students are exited for you to be here tonight...but what about you Ms. Cheerilee?" Jon asked leaning forward. "You-- how are you liking your stay in New York so far?"

"Well all things considered I'd by lying if I said I wasn't excited to be here today," Cheerilee said with a giggle. "I don't leave Ponyville much because of my responsibilities to my students. Plus I love going to new places and learning new things. I must admit I never thought I'd get the chance to visit another world. And of course my students really wanted me to go so I didn't want to disappoint them...though a part of me feels they only wanted me to go cause they now get a substitute teacher."

"That's right you had someone fill in for you while you were away," Jon interjeted. "If I recall you...you had gotten Twilight Sparkle to fill in for you."

"That is correct Jon. She once told that if I ever needed her to she would gladly watch the class for me." She replied. "Shes probably the smartest pony we have in Ponyville so I'm sure she'll do a good job...though I am a little worried. My students can be a real handful sometimes."

"Aaah I get ya," Jon responded, nodding his head. "I remember when I was in their age me and my friends were always pulling pranks on our homeroom teacher. I'm guessing it's the same to you?"

"Well, I guess you can say that," Cheerilee said. "There have been the occasional prank or two."

"Like what?" Jon asked, wondering if pony pranks were anything like human ones. "Giv-give us an example."

"Well...there was this one time where the kids switched my sugar with salt an-- oh wait no, that Pinkie Pie..." She said rubbing her head. "Oh no wait I remember one: This one time somepony switched the signs on the "Filly" and "Colt" bathroom doors and I- oh wait that was also Pinkie Pie. Ok well uh, just the other day the town's drinking water...no that, that was Pinkie Pie too. Lets see, that was Pinkie Pie...that was Pinkie Pie...that was also Pinkie Pie..."

Jon watched as Cheerilee tried and failed to remember a single Prank that was pulled on her that didn't involve Pinkie Pie. It was a lot harder than she thought.

"Sorry Mr. Stewart," She said looking defeated. "It's hard thinking of a Prank that was pulled around town without thinking of her...she sorta does most of them."

"Ya don't saaaay?" Jon exclaimed giving her a look.

"OH! I just thought of one!" Cheerilee said. "And this one doesn't involve Pinkie Pie!"

"OK!" Jon said pretending to stretch. "Lay it on me!"

"Well I'm not sure if this counts as a prank but this one time During Hearts and Hooves day some of my students went and created a love potion," She said gaining the attention of everyone listening. "And while their hearts were in the right place they used it on me to try and get me a date. Turns out it was actually a love poison, and as a result me and a stallion by the name of Big Macintosh ended up falling in love with each other against our will." Jon was at a lost of words while the audience just laughed at the now blushing Earthpony.

"Why...I mean, whatever happened to simply putting a frog in the teachers top drawer?" Jon said in comical frustration. "Nowadays the kids have to invent new ways to alter with a teachers sense of reality."

"Oh it wasn't so bad," She insisted. "In the end they broke the spell and I forgave them."

"There are...so many questions I could ask about-- I mean for starters who gave them the idea to make that?" Jon asked.

"They actually got the idea from an old fairy tale book." She answered.

"Lesson learned! Kids! Don't read books!" Jon said whipping his hands. He waited for his guest to stop laughing before continuing. "Ok, so wh-where did they these kids get that book?"

"Oh well they got it from...Twilight Sparkle." Cheerilee said, raising her head in realization.

"Twilight Sparkle?" Jon asked. "You meeeean the same Twilight Sparkle...who is currently watching over your class?"

"Oh dear." She said, rubbing the back of her head. "I may not have thought that one all the way through."

"Ahem! Well I hope you have tenure." Jon said shuffling through his notes. "Also before we move one...you dated Big Macintosh?"

"I suppose I did," Cheerilee answered, still blushing. "He even had some corny pet names for me. At one point we even talked about getting married" Jon could almost count the seconds exactly for the audience to respond with an "Aaaawww."

"Wait, wait, wait...are you telling me that Big Macintosh actually said more than two words to you that wasn't 'nope' or 'yep?'" Jon asked, getting a nod in return. "Wow...he really must have been in love you."

Everyone in attendance understood the reference, and all shared a good bout of laughter as a result.

Jon always tried to avoid asking the most obvious questions, at least till the end, but this was one he couldn't avoid for much longer.

"So, Ms. Cheerilee, when did you first discover you wanted to be a teacher?" Jon asked, genuinely curious. The question caused her to tilt her head upwards as if to reminisce.

"Oh many years ago, Mr Stewart. I first discovered my love of teaching when I was younger, around the age of my students. And then one day I woke up and discovered this cutie mark," She said lifting her flank slightly so the people could get a view. "It represents the joy I feel whenever I cause somepony to bloom with knowledge! And ever since that day I knew I was meant to be a teacher!"

Her answer though very touching left Jon and subsequently almost everyone watching the program in a state of confusion. He took his pen out of his mouth and began tapping it against his desk, lost in thought.

"I'm sorry but...uh, 'cutie marks?'" Jon asked, looking around as if the answer was lying on the ground somewhere.

"That's right...Oh my," Cheerilee responded, noticing how lost he looked. "You don't know about cutie marks?"

"No. Can't say I do, talking purple pony from another world." Jon said, reminded her of the situation. With a quick laugh and a gleam in her eyes Cheerilee turned slightly to the audience and responded as if she was teaching a classroom.

"Well then allow me to tell you! You see back back in my world we ponies have a thing called 'cutie marks,'" She said once again raising her flank. "Now, as you can see a cutie mark is a symbol located on a ponies flank. It's a visual representation of a pony's special talent and in most cases what their profession is. Most ponies get them at a very young age once they themselves discover what it is that makes them unique. Everypony get's one eventually, its our right of passage as we grow up."

Jon found this to be interesting and at the same time hard to believe. Before asking his next question he tried to recall the cutie marks of his all the ponies he'd met at that point, though Applejack's was the only one we could remember for obvious reasons. He had certainly noticed that they had them but up until now he just assumed they were some sort of trendy fashion statement.

"So you're telling me that all ponies...eventually get this 'cutie mark' on their upper hips and it supposed to represent their career path?" Jon asked, raising one eyebrow.

"That's one way of putting it, yes!" Cheerilee stated, feeling happy she got to teach him something. "You humans don't have anything like that here in your world?"

"Not really," Jon said, sitting up in his seat. "The only thing even remotely resembling that here are things called 'tramp stamps' that some women get, and trust me when I say you don't wanna know what their special talent is." The crowd laughed at Jon's joke but Cheerilee was still focused on Jon, as this was her first time learning about human culture.

"I see. Well if you humans don't get cutie marks how do you know what your special talents are?" She asked. The question posed to Jon wasn't as easy to answer as he thought."

"Well..." he said, thinking carefully about the question. "To put it simply some of us just know. Others unfortunately go through most of their lives unsure of what their meant to do."

"That's sounds awful." She said.

"Yeah but in most cases, myself included, they have a dedicated role model to help guide them along the path of uncertainty," Jon said, sincerely. "You know, someone like you." His left field compliment caused Cheerilee to blush somewhat.

"Why thank you, Mr. Stewart!" She said. "So tell me, what's your special talent?" He didn't even have to think of how to respond to that.

"Being Jewish." He answered strait faced. Again her love of learning new things distracted Cheerilee from the sound of immense laughter coming from the audience.

"Very interesting. And when did you first discover your talent for being Jewish?" She asked.

"Well according to my mom i-it right around my circumcisions." He responded.

"And what exactly is a 'circumcision?'" Cheerilee asked rubbing her hoof against her chin.

"Well its a Jewish right of passage, much like you getting your cutie mark," Jon answered, determined to ride this joke straight to hell. "Only instead of gaining an ass tattoo I lost my forsk-- BUT that's neither here or there."

Jon now felt that needed to ask some serious questions while he could before her time on air ran out.

"So riddle me this, Ms. Cheerilee. You say that most ponies get their cutie mark when their around the age of of your students." He said. "So do you ever get a student or two who, for lack of a better term, 'freak out' over not getting the-- their cutie mark?" It was a perfectly valid question but nevertheless it caused Cheerilee to almost fall out of her chair laughing.

"Oh...oh Mr. Stewart!" She said, holding her sides. "Y-y-you have NO idea!" Jon had no way of knowing it at the time but somewhere in Ponyville at that very moment a certain young earthpony, and her two friends, were getting lovingly hazed.

In the interest of time Jon decided not to venture further into the subject even thought he very much wanted to.

"So tell me Ms. Cheerilee," Jon said scooting himself closer to his guest. "Well first let me start by saying that here in our country we're going through something of a debt crisis; unfortunately certain sectors of civil jobs have been cut financially as a result."

"Oh dear! Well that does sound serious." She said, holding a hoof to her mouth.

"Indeed it is," Jon responded. "Which is why I'm wondering, when was the last time budget cuts were levied at your level of teaching?" The question seemed to confused her.

"Budget cuts?" She said, looking as if Jon was speaking in foreign tongue. "You mean when funding is taken away from the school?"

"Yes exactly," Jon answered. "When was the last time it happened to you-- oh and how did you handle it." Cheerilee still looked confused, so she responded delicately as if saying the wrong thing could get her catapulted from her seat at any moment.

"Well Mr. Stewart..." She said. "I'm fortunate enough never have experience such a thing. The truth of the matter is in Equestria we don't take funding away from education...ever." The answer got Jon's immediate attention as well at the attention from millions around the world.

"Excuse me?" Jon said in shock. "Ever?"

"That's right," Cheerilee said surprised by Jon's being surprised. "Why in the name of Celestia would anypony cut funding to education? It's an institute designed to nurture and advance the minds of our children, that kind of service should be cherished above all things."

Her logic made a lot of sense to Jon yet at the same time he couldn't help but think of how impossible it seemed.

"If-- I mean if there's never any cuts to education then one can assume you are pretty well off," Jon said hoping not to offend. "Do you ever...think about retiring?"

"Well it's funny you should mention that," Cheerilee said. "I can actually retire right now if I wanted to. I come from somewhat wealthy family who guarantees that I could retire and go live with them."

"Then why don't you?" Jon asked almost knowing exactly what her answer would be.

"Well because Mr. Stewart," She said, pausing to gather her thoughts. "I love my job. I love the look on a child's face when they learn something new, I love telling parents that their child is doing well in my class, I love seeing students leave the classroom with more knowledge than when they entered, but most of all I love the feeling of knowing I'm helping mold the minds of future generations."

Jon didn't say a word. He just sat there and marveled at how much this stranger reminded him so much of his own mother.

"I mean, all this talk about education being cut and why teach in the in the first place just seems crazy to me," She continued with much fire in her heart. "If we don't care about the future of our children then they won't care enough to lead it."

There was a slight pause before the audience slowly then quickly began to applaud the Earthpony.

"You know what," Jon responded, nodding and giving a slow clap. "I couldn't agree more. But listen I'm sure you're more used to saying this than hearing it but would you mind staying after class for a few minutes to talk and we'll throw the rest up on the web?"

"Sure thing Mr. Stewart!" She said with a big smile. "Only if you agree to get a picture of me with your audience!"

"Done!" He said turning to the audience who was already cheering at the top of their lungs. "Ms. Cheerilee everyone! We'll be right back!"

The audience begins to stand and applaud as the camera shows Jon whispering something into Ms. Cheerilee's ear. The camera slowly paned away at a slightly different angle to see Cheerilee get up from her seat and pose in front of the audience as Jon snaps a quick picture. Soon the show fades into its next commercial.

Comments

[dlazerous]

Yay Cheerilee, you got that one right on the money.

[dafiltafish]

All according to plan.

[seeker of truth n]

Wow It's so beautiful