The Daily Show presents: Equestrian Interviews

by Daily Show Ponies

Episode 17 [Rarity]: Waiting room

“How did it come to this?” Jon thought, as he made another look around the room to make sure he was indeed where he actually was. “Just... how.”

Maybe his current whereabouts said more about his future guest than it did about him, but Jon was having a hard time figuring out how his trip to Equestria, which he originally made to see his potentially dying friend in the hospital, could end up with him instead at a local spa waiting for his turn. This was not the waiting room he thought he’d be occupying by this time.

Somehow Rarity had convinced Jon that they were to have a little Spa date as part of a non-existent plea agreement. When they walked up to the counter she got them both penciled in without making an appointment by the patrons who knew her by name. She was determined to convince him to have her on her show; and this was just the beginning.

He and Rarity took to seating towards the back of the room, giving them both a good view of the entire area. Jon took the first seat he saw which was a ugly looking chair with bumpy cushions; who’s only qualifying factor being it was large enough to accommodate Jon’s size. He would have picked a pink fluffy-looking beanbag chair resting in the corner but he knew better than to even try and sit in it; his knees and back would never forgive him.

Rarity didn’t have the same problem as Jon about where to sit, all she had to do was clap her hooves three times and nearby worker rushed over with a series of pillows for her to rest on.

Looking down he laid eyes on the piece of paper which he had nervously been fiddling with for awhile now. On it read the number 82; it was given to him by the desk pony who also gave him a pamphlet on some of the services they provided. Jon took the number while Rarity took the pamphlet to see what specials were going on at the moment.

Jon had unknowingly passed this particular establishment a few times but his eyes always glanced over it. From the outside it didn’t exactly look a place of business let alone a spa. The exterior of the place looked more like someone tried to make a house in the shape of circus tent with a purple funnel shaped roof and white surfaces decorated with gold painted on designs.

The lobby of the spa acted as sort of a waiting room with some tasteful light fixtures hanging from the ceiling and potted plants hugging close to the magenta wall. The room was round and matched the color of a pink and purple spiral rug on the ground. Pictures of celebrities hung on a wall that seemed to have been designated for that purpose alone.

There were three doorways from where Jon stood. One led to a series of interconnecting rooms where ponies either got massages, facials, or their manes tended to while the other across from it led to rooms designated for mud baths and steam rooms. The third and final door was the one and only exit which was far enough from Jon to make it feel like escapse was impossible.

Unknown to Jon at the time, there was an unspoken rule that the waiting room had to be absolutely silent, or at the very least whisper slightly like you're in a library. This rule seemed to be completely lost on Rarity who was spending the majority of her waiting time listing her credentials as she was still determined to seal the deal.

“...Now then, reason number 55 as to why you should have me on your show. I’ll have you know I haven’t been to the dentist in almost a decade.” She explained, blindly unaware that Jon had been zoning in and out whenever he could. “The reason being that the good doctor proclaimed that my teeth were the most perfect specimens she had ever seen! According to her there was no reason for me to even make an appointment... speaking of which did I mention that this place allows me to get serviced without making any consultations. Which brings me to reason number 56 for why I should be allowed on your show... my connections in this town are some of the best...”

And with that Jon was now back to idly retreating back to his own mind, leaving Rarity’s explanation to fade into white noise. No one present seemed bothered by her constant grandstanding, even the two owners of the spa, a pair of twins who occasionally peeked into the waiting room, saw her making a commotion but did nothing. For Jon this just meant that Rarity was right in her saying that she was well known here... a regular Jon had to guess.

Slowly he looked around at some of the other pony patrons present in the waiting room to see if they were annoyed by Rarity ramblings, but their attention was elsewhere. It seemed that for all her loud banter she wasn’t the most notable person in the room.

The guests waiting alongside them were a random assortment of ponies, some male, mostly female, but all either looking at Jon or pretending to do something else but very obviously looking at Jon. As many times as he’s been to Equestria Jon was still not used to ponies gawking at his mere presence but in this case since none of them were climbing over each other to talk to him he could, for the time being, deal with staring eyes.

Coincidentally, though understandable given his only occasional visits, Jon didn’t recognize a single pony in this building, though they varied in shape, color, and race.

One Earthpony was the same shade of dark blue from tail to body to mane. Her color ballet gave the impression that someone dunked her in a vat of blue paint; an apt comparison since her Cutie Mark seemed to be a Inkblot of some kind.

Another pony that caught his attention was a grey Pegasus who was one of the only male ponies present in the room. The reason Jon noticed him was for two reasons, one being his Cutie Mark, which looked to be a film camera and his short messy mane which were the same color scheme as his tail; three even streaks of red, white and blue. It reminded Jon of the American flag.

Though out of all the ponies currently staring at him there was one couple that really stood out to Jon. A pair of “Unicorns” sitting next to him. The thing about them that got Jon’s attention more than anyone else was the fact that, like the owners of the spa, they were both twins.

Both were a light grey with their only distinctive difference being that the one sitting right next to him had orange hair while her sister had blue hair. The orange one had a Cutie mark depicting an orange arrow pointing up whereas her sister had a blue arrow pointing down.

What also set them apart from each other was their facial expressions. The orange sister seemed joyously happy, whether it be because she was about to go get some beautification done or that she was sitting next to Jon. Whatever it was her smile would not go away.

Her sister on the other hand looked to be in a bad mood. Her face looked like she just saw her worst enemy eating the last piece of chocolate that she herself had set aside. Her eyes looked angry and her frown only deepened when Jon looked her way.

The only reason why he was staring at them both was because of their horns. He’d noted that in Equestria some horns looked different in length, and that was usually it. But these sisters both had horns that eventually dipped downward, ending in a tip that wasn’t pointed but a ball of mass like someone had put an ornament on a car antenna and bent it down halfway.

Was it a deformity? A Spell gone wrong? A fashion accessory? Jon had no idea but he would have a chance to ask since the orange haired sister leaned and placed her hoof against the opposite side of her mouth.

“This your first time here?” She whispered. Before answering Jon looked over to his left at Rarity who was still blindly talking about herself to herself; still unaware of Jon’s lack of attention. He rightfully assumed she wouldn’t notice him talking to someone else.

“First time to a pony spa... yes, yes it is.” Jon leaned to his right side to answer. “Is it that obvious?”

“I’m afraid so. You look absolutely lost... plus most ponies who come in here don’t pick that chair to sit in,” the strange unicorn motioned towards his seat. “It’s really uncomfortable.”

“Oh so that’s why everyone's staring at me.” He chuckled, causing his new friend to do the same before extending her hoof for an official introduction.

“Hi, my name is Karma.” She giggled. “Sitting next to me is my sister, Disentia.”

“Hello, Karma.” He said, grabbing her hoof for a firm shake. “My name is--”

“Oh, I know who you are.” She interrupted with a slightly guilted expression for doing so. “Everypony here in Equestria does!”

“Then you’ll understand I don’t usually... well let’s just say this isn’t my scene.” He admitted as he glanced over at the many ponies still glaring at him, in between stifled whispers. “I’m only here because of Franny-Forceful over here.”

Peeking over his shoulder Karma got a look at the purple haired unicorn talking like she was giving a speech.

“Who, Rarity?” She asked.

“Yeah she took me here to convince me to have her on my show.” Jon explained. “I told her that wasn’t necessary but she somehow managed to drag me here... you ponies are surprisingly strong.”

“You're going to have Rarity on your show!?” Karma gasped. Looking back Jon caught a glance at Rarity who was busy talking about something which made no sense to him out of context. Before answering he made a face like he was reconsidering.

“Yeah... at least, I think she’s going to be my next guest.” Jon answered much to Karma’s delight. “I tried to tell her that myself, but like I said, before I could she insisted on treating me to a night of pampering and well... here I am.”

“Oh that’s so good to hear!” She exclaimed, making everyone in the room look at her for a moment. “I hear she’s always wanted to go on TV.”

“Yeah but I can’t help but feel kind of guilty.” Jon fretted as he rubbed the back of his head. “I mean she already got the part; can’t help but feel I’m taking advantage of her by being here or something.”

Before their conversation continued a bell rung from across the room, followed by a pony sticking his head out from the lavender curtains to the rest of the building. He was an Earthpony with broad shoulders and golden brown hair which matched his even lighter brown coat. He was helping that day by calling out names of ponies who were next to be treated off a list his eyes never left.

He'd been doing this all day but this time he called out someone named “Raindrops” which instantly got the attention of a nearby mare. A yellow bodied Pegasus with teal hair then proceeded to get up and walk towards the helper pony that called out the name. Presumably this Raindrops had just finished some kind of grocery shopping since she carried a brown paper bag with a baguette jutting out of it.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better I’m sure even if Rarity knew she got the part she’d still treat you to night on the town.” Karma stated. “That’s just the kind of pony she is.”

“I’ll take your word for it but still, she didn’t have to.” Jon decided. “Besides, like I said I’ve never been to a pony spa before... I have no idea what to expect here.”

“Well don’t you worry I’m sure you’ll enjoy yourself here.” She assured him. “This place is the best Spa in all of Equestria!”

“Hmph. This place is highly overrated as well as overpriced.” Karma’s sister, Disentia added.

“Aloe and and Lotus are true professionals!” Karma continued. “They’re really great at what they do!”

“They’re both really annoying and stupid.” Disentia added once more.

“Oooooh I can’t wait to see your interview with Rarity!” Karma beamed as she fidgeted in her heat. “I’m a huge fan yours by the way; I just love your work!”

“Your show sucks!” Disentia barked.

A silence promptly hung over the three parties with both sisters continuing to wear their trademark expressions. A joyous smile and morose frown respectively, like they were legally required to do so.

“I’m... uh... I’m sorry but did I do something to offend you, miss... Disentia was it?” He asked.

“Oh don’t mind her.” Karma interjected after it was clear that her sister would not answer.

“What wrong side of the bed did she crawl out of?” He whispered.

“Don’t worry.” She assured him in an overly loud tone. “She’s always like this.”

“And by ‘like this’ you mean?” He ventured further in a hush voice.

“Like a total bitch.” She said as if reading Jon’s mind.

“O-oh don’t you-- isn’t it that... I mean, your sister is sitting right there.” He whispered and pointed.

“Oooh she knows I’m just kidding!” She said in a tone one would use for addressing a baby or a puppy. For visual emphasis she leaned in to lovely nuzzle her sister’s mane, much to Disentia’s discomfort. “Isn’t that right, sis?”

With scrunched nose the unhappy of the two sisters just looked away and grumbled to herself.

“Hey, Jon?” Karma whispered. “Wanna see something funny?”

As a comedian he was bound by code to see this through. Looking over at the blue haired unicorn Jon leaned in to match her level of whispering.

“What’d’ya got?” He smirked. What followed was the sound of rustling caused by Karma sitting straight up in her seat and clearing her throat like she was ready to unveil something.

“Gee! The weather sure is nice today!” Karma announced.

“It’s really cloudy and cold; we should have stayed in.” Disentia added.

“So how bout them Wonderbolts, eh? I hear they’re going to be flying through ponyville this week!” Karma continued.

“I hate the wonderbolts, they always make too much noise!” Disentia added.

“By the way Jon you look great; have you lost weight?” Karma complemented.

“I think he’s put on a few pounds.” Disentia added.

“Oh golly gee willikers, I sure do love things!” Karma went on.

“I hate things.” Disentia added.

“Left!” Karma said.

“Right!” Disentia added once more.

The more Jon listened the more he theorized that maybe Disentia simply had a thing for disagreeing with her sister Karma; or perhaps it was the other way around. But for whatever reason it seemed that for all intent and purposes the two sisters were complete opposites.

“So let me get this straight... you two... have virtually opposite opinions on everything?” Jon guessed, as a wide eyed Karma swung her head back to look at Jon.

“Not really; there are some stuff we can agree on.... the best way I can describe it is there is so much about life that I love.” She explained. “Even in the darkest of hearts or the most wretched of souls, there is still something good that I believe should be expressed. The world is filled so many wonders and beautiful things that I just can’t help but love it all.”

“And your sister?” Jon asked, causing both to look back at Disentia who was shooting daggers at anyone foolish enough to make eye contact with her.

“Yeah, not so much.” Karma chuckled.

“So you like everything and she hates everything.” Jon hypothesized.

“Again not exactly.” She answered. “There are some things Disentia likes.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Jon challenged.

“Oh it’s true!” She urged. “Watch!”

Jon caught Disentia rolling her eyes as her oranged sister leaned back over to her side once again planting her face against her shoulder.

“Psst, hey pouty face guess what!?” Karma chimed with eyes like a begging hound. For good couple of seconds neither sister said anything till the orange haired better half opened her mouth. “I love you, little sis!”

Rather than the normal quip of negativity Disentia turned to the side with scrunched nose in protest. Much to Jon’s curiosity she then began to mumble something in a low and hate-filled tone, to the point where it sounded like she was growling like a wild animal.

After her gnarling came to an end Karma left her now blushing sister alone to herself as she went back to address Jon who had already leaned in to speak.

“What did she say?” He asked.

“She said ‘Grumbublegrrarack’” Karma playfully mimicked in a tomboyish tone to try her best to sound as much as her sister as possible. ‘

As funny as it was Jon was still spellbound by general curiosity as to what she said, but before he could request a more direct translation she spoke again.

“Nah, just kidding! She actually said, ‘I love you too sis!” Karma revealed trying again her best to sound like Disentia. Despite his best efforts to not sound like his own audience Jon couldn't help but vocalize how cute he thought all this was.

“Awwwwww, that’s adorable.” Jon commented, making Disentia blue and red.

“Yep that’s my sister!” Karma added as she gave her pouting sister a hug that she seemed to want no part of.

While Disentia tried her best to break free from Karma’s loving grip the same brown helper pony working his rounds stuck his head from behind the curtain with a clipboard. He scanned the room while occasionally looking at his list. The moment he laid eyes on Jon he froze, something Jon was completely used to seeing. This was the first time that he noticed there was a human present. The sturdy Earthpony’s attention was seized once again by the two sisters rough housing next to him which caused him to look back down his his clipboard.

“Uh... Number 80... Is Ms... Karma and Disentia still here?” He announced while looking directly at the two sister’s direction. “Number 80’s Karma and Disentia we’re ready for you.”

“Hey that’s me! Come on sis, let’s go get our hooves done!” Karma announced before jumping off her seat and accidentally bringing her sister crashing along with her. “See’ya Jon! It was nice meeting you!”

“Likewise carrot top.” Jon waved as the two sisters disappeared behind the purple curtain; with a sigh Jon leaned back in his seat. With his talking buddy now gone Jon found the room eerily quiet again, even with the continuous blabbering of Rarity listing her credentials, and was probably already in the triple digits.

“Hey Rarity?” Jon asked, “How you holdin’ up?”

“.... And then there was the time I, and I alone, was tasked with designing the new outfits for the local Ponyville Hospital! They just wanted plain green scrubs but I made sure to add a little pizazz to the their uniforms!” Rarity blindly bragged. “Needless to say the doctors and nurses over and Sacred Hoof Hospital have never looked more fabulous. Also did I mention that I was voted most popular mare at Saddleworth’s school of culture and design? Quite flattering when you consider I didn’t even attend that college... which brings me to my next point...”

“Yeah you’re fine.” Jon commented as he leaned back in his seat.

Jon twiddled with his fingers while contemplating how much longer it would take for his and Rarity’s name to be called so they could attend the appointment that he didn’t even want in the first place.

At this point anything would be better than the nightmare he was currently having to endure; it wasn’t Rarity’s constant talking that that was taking a toll on him. At this point, unless he was actively trying to listen, everything that passed Rarity’s lips just faded into the background. Not really a good sign for someone he was scheduled to interview.

No, the thing that was driving Jon crazy was having to sit here in this waiting room... he hated the anxiety that came with waiting for your name to be called, which he ironically made his guest do every single episode of his show. He just wanted something to happen; anything really.

As if the pony gods themselves answered Jon’s prayers something did occur. Once again the same brown shaded Earthpony poked his head from behind the curtain to the rest of the establishment. This caught Jon attention much in the same way his presence caught everyone elses. Was it finally his turn? Or someone elses?

This time the large pony didn’t even look at his clipboard or have to scan the area, his gaze just immediately went to the corner of the room at seemingly nothing.

“Number 81. Fluffle Puff, we’re ready for your hair appointment now.” He said. For a second nothing happened and no one moved leaving Jon wondering just who we was addressing. The answer came in the form of something moving in the corner of Jon’s eyes. When he looked over he saw some rustling come from the pink beanbag chair he had originally decided not to sit in when he first walked in. It was only when said chair grew a pair of legs; Jon realize it wasn’t a chair at all.

“What the hell!” Jon thought as he clenched his heart in surprise. The giant ball of fuzz stood up on all fours and a head rustled it’s way out of a forest of equal fuzz.

Based on it’s hooves and the face it was definitely a pony, a pony that by all rights looked like it was made from cotton candy. Without wasting any time it scurried across the room to the colt that summoned her. Before it would exit the room it quickly turned to look at Jon, whereupon it stuck out it’s tongue to blow him a raspberry, curled it’s feet back up, and rolled away out of sight.

“This place if fucking weird!” Jon thought, his heart still racing with the scenario of himself sitting on that pony now fresh in his mind. Just then, as if life wanted scare him even further, Jon began to feel something vibrating in his breast pocket followed by the sound of chirpy music. The tone was low enough that it didn't bother anyone but loud enough that it surprised him, causing him to thrust his head back and against the wall.

With an aching head he quickly grabbed his phone answer it as quickly as possible so as to not disturb the other ponies. He sighed a most long a depressed sigh of regret. It was work. With a swipe of his finger he picked up on the third ring.

"What is it?” Jon asked in a harsh tone.

“Jon, it’s me,” Selina said. “Where are you? Morning rehearsals have already started.” The last thing on Jon’s mind, and indeed the last thing he wanted to be on his mind was work but even now he couldn't help but feel guilty for not calling in sick.

“Oh right,” he blurted. “Sorry but... an emergency came up so I’ll... look, just tell them to go on without me I’ll try to come in as soon as possible.”

“... Alright,” she said. “Will this take long or should I have a back up episode on standby?”

Before answering Jon looked at his clock, a somewhat redundant thing to do since he wasn’t sure what time it was here in Equestria.

“Pssssh um... yeah I should be back in time but keep one handy just in case,” he said.

“Are you alright... you sound... perturbed,” she commented.

“I’m fine, I’m just... I’m sorta on my way to a hospital... the pony one, I’m trying to see if I can get an update on Trixie,” he explained, causing Selina to pause for a second. She, like everyone back home had no idea where he had went and now she was even more worried.

“O-oh... I see,” she stuttered. “You okay?”

“I already said I’m fine,” Jon snapped. “Now unless there’s anything else I really should--”

“Actually... there is one more thing,” Selina interjected.

“... And that would be?” Jon sighed.

“It's about tomorrow’s show... I don’t know if you recall but two weeks ago you made that announcement,” she reminded him. “That you’d be interviewing a pony guest for another segment of ‘Equestrian Interviews.’”

While Jon could wish for the luxury of being ignorant here he knew all too well what his assistant was referring to. Last week he promised the world that he would interview a pony on Thursday to end on a high note before his week long break.

“Oh... right,” Jon squirmed.

“So... who’s it going to be?” she asked.

“Uuuuuh... I don’t know,” he answered in frustration.

“J-Jon I... I need to know,” Selina urged. “The interview is tomorrow and we already made a promise to--”

“I said I don’t know!” Jon barked, silencing his assistant and in the process making him feel guilty for doing so. “I’m sorry I’m just... okay look, just put up a poll on our website.”

“... A poll?” she echoed.

“Yeah, put up a poll asking the fans who they want to see the most,” Jon explained. “Let them do the footwork. Whoever they pick I’ll get to come on. Okay? Good, I need to go.”

“W-wait a minute!” Selina argued. “How are they going to--”

“Sorry Selina can’t hear you I’m going through a pony tunnel!” Jon rushed before hanging up. With a sigh he turned off his device and threw it back into his pocket. Again there was only silence, leaving Jon to concentrate on more pressing issues. He was so distracted by this sudden turn of events that he barely noticed that a new pony had taken the seat that Karma once occupied. Looked was all to eager to see his new pony neighbor as he was desperate for a distraction.

This newcomer was a red Earthpony with dark brown mane and tail. Oddly enough even though Jon noticed her she didn’t seem to have noticed him. When she sat down her attention wasn’t on anything in particular, she was just gently rocked back and forth while humming to herself; like she was in her own little world.

“Huh,” Jon thought. “Who do we have here?” Again this was a pony Jon had never seen before, but if today was any indicator she would at any moment recognize Jon. One thing about this pony that caught Jon’s attention, aside from her blank faced staring into space was her Cutie Mark.

Ever since his first arrival to this new world Jon like to play a little game where he would try and guess the occupation of any given pony by only looking at their Cutie Mark alone. Sometimes it was easy; like a camera meant they were a photographer or a rolling pin meant they were a baker... or angry housewife. Others were more obscure and harder to identify like a scroll with a heart over it or table being flipped over.

But when it came to the cutie mark of this red mare it went towards the obscure end of the spectrum and kept going.. A black bar; the Cutie Mark of the pony sitting next to Jon was a black bar.

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” Jon thought. “Does she censor things or something?”

Ever since the initial shock of having a beanbag chair walk away Jon was still trying to catch his breath, a good sign that maybe he needed to take better care of himself, as his wife always told him. What this also meant however was that his constant gasping for breathe finally caught the attention of the carefree pony.

Looking over to her side Jon’s new neighbor finally noticed that she was sitting next to someone rather than somepony. Her eyes widened and she dropped the pamphlet that she had been given when she first walked in. Jon was a little disheartened to know that when this mare saw Jon she just looked surprised but when he saw a strange pony he nearly had a heart attack.

This new pony had her mouth hung open like she was about to speak but in actuality it was simply because she was surprised. To help speed things up Jon smiled and offered her his hand.

“Hi” He said. “How are you?” Without speaking the pony grabbed his hand and gave a tentative shake. A moment passed and a smile found its way to her face as she worked up the nerve to speak.

“Hey!” She said. “Aren’t you--”

“Yes, yes I am.” Jon interjected.

“O-oh wow!” She exclaimed. “What--”

“Am I doing here” Jon once again interrupted. “Basically it’s for the show; long story.”

The red Earthpony was caught slightly off guard, mostly by the fact that the famous Jon Stewart was sitting right next to her and because his work for some reason required him to be at the same spa she frequented sometimes.

Despite his best efforts not to Jon was still intermittently staring at her Cutie Mark. When she followed Jon’s gaze downwards she herself discovered something as well.

“Huh. This your first time here at the spa?” She asked.

“Is it the chair?” Jon asked.

“Yeah, it’s the chair.” She responded with a subtle grin. Both shared a quick chuckle as Jon once again glanced at her Cutie Mark. Starting this long at another person's backside still hadn’t lost it’s sense of awkwardness, but Jon was determined to find out what it was. At this point it had gotten into Jon’s head that it was rude to ask about one’s own Cutie Mark so he decided to try a different route.

“So,” Jon said. “What’s your name?” Another thing Jon picked up on from his occasional visits to Equestria was that a pony’s name could be a pretty good indicator of their profession; almost as much as their Cutie Mark itself.

“Oh right how rude of me!” She stated as she rubbed the back of her head with embarrassment. “Everypony calls me Pun!”

“Pun?” He asked.

“Yessiree!” She acknowledged with pride. “It’s a real pleasure to meet you!”

“Uh, likewise.” He retorted, unsatisfied with her answer since he was no closer to understanding her profession than before. “So uh... If I may be so bold?”

“Oh by all means!” She responded.

“What kind of a name is ‘Pun’?” He asked. Even though Jon warned her she still looked slightly surprised that he would ask such a question. But for all the lack of subtlety on his part she didn’t look offended.

“I sometimes get this... I’ll tell you but I warn you, the answer isn’t going to be spectacular or anything like that.” She advised.

“Let me be the judge of that.” Jon offered.

“Okay... my name is Pun because... I like puns.” She revealed, leaving Jon only slightly less confused. In the end her warning was right.

“T-that’s it?” He asked.

“Yeah! I know it’s not much but I find them funny.” She explained. “You know like the ones you have on your show.”

“Oh ho, ho so you’re a fan, huh?” Jon asked.

“Well of course I am!” She said, sounding astonished that Jon would again even ask such a question. “I’ve been following your show for years! Do you want to know what my favorite parts are?”

“Uuuuh,” he moaned, “Is it the pu--”.

“It’s the puns!” She announced, surprising no one who could hear their conversation. “But hey now that I got you here do you mind if I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.” He said.

“Okay, you’re here because your show, right?” Pun asked.

“Yes, yes I am.” Jon answered.

“Okay, okay... in that case why are you here in Aloe and Lotus’ spa, of all places?” She asked. “And why is Rarity talking to herself?”

These were good questions, questions that Jon himself had occasionally thought of himself.

“In that order: I’m here because... well to be honest I’m not even entirely sure myself.” He answered, causing Pun to raise her eyebrow in bewilderment. “You see I originally came here to... I came here to uh, get Rarity on my show but before I could even explain things to her she forced me to come here... against my will I might add.”

“Oh wow she forcing you to enjoy an all expense paid trip to the spa? How horrible!” She quipped in a sarcastic tone. “You know I bet....”

Before she could finish her latest thought Pun silenced herself as a look of epiphany slowly found its way onto her face. If this were a cartoon this would be the part where a light bulb would materialize over her head.

“Saaaay... you’re Jewish right?” Pun asked.

“...Yeees.” Jon hesitantly answered, since this line of questioning, historically speaking, usually didn’t lead to something good.

“You know what Jon now that I think about it I agree with you. It is rather bothersome that Rarity forced you to come here.” Pun admitted. “Why one could almost say that what she did was a real Hoot-spa!”

From there the room was now left silent with only the sound of Rarity’s continued talking and the sound of nearby eavesdropper slapping their hoofs against their face filling the void. As someone who worked the entertainment scenes for as long as Jon he knew that the unwritten rule of comedy was that puns were some of the lowest forms of comedy, next only to prop acts.

For Jon however they were his bread and butter. For the first time that day Rarity wasn’t the loudest thing in the room, not with Jon having to catch himself from falling down as he nearly laughed himself over the side of his seat.

“Oh that’s... oh that’s great!” Jon complemented in between fits of incoming giggles. “Oh god please tell me you have more!”

“Uh I might.” Pun tried to assure Jon who had now fully put her on the spot. “Let’s see... um you never did answer my second question.”

“Your what... OH! Oh that’s right!” He said, now remembering what she was referring to. “Okay... the reason Rarity is talking to herself is... the best answer I can come with, only having known her for about an hour is that she’s fucking crazy.”

Normally Pun would have scolded Jon for using such harsh language when regarding a friend, but once again she saw another opening and her instincts were too great.

“I can see what you mean.” She acknowledged. “Maybe we should put her in an asylum... I hear that’s where most mane-iacs go.”

Again she effortlessly knocked out a cheap joke and again Jon met it head on by laughing hysterically. Were it not for Jon’s towering presence a nearby pony or two would have approached him and begged him to stop encouraging her.

“Oh please tell me more!” Jon begged while other silent begged for her not to. “I’m taking mental notes.”

“Okay, okay!” Pun said, now getting more into the swing of things. “Uuuuh, OH! Ok I got it... Did you hear about the time Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash went camping? I hear it was really in-tents!”

The same look of joyous expectation creeped it’s way onto Pun’s face moments after delivering the punchline, and never wavered as Jon still bellowed with laughter at the joke that everyone else was groaning over. In an un-ironic gesture he leaned back to slap his knee and wipe a tear away from his eye.

“Oh man... thats... how do you come up with these things!” Jon chuckled.

“It just comes to me!” Pun explained. “Also I practice everyday because as I always say... ‘seven days without a pun makes one weak.’”

This time it took a good few seconds for joke to make sense to Jon but once it did he promptly leaned forward while simultaneously grabbing Pun’s shoulder for balance. As if the punchline was an actual punch to the stomach he was unable to speak or make any vocalized noises; he could only struggle to breathe from the immense humour relevant only to himself.

“Oh... oh man, f-f-forget Rarity!” Jon blurted, having now caught his breath. “I should just have you on my show!” The thought alone made a few nearby ponies cringe.

“Oh I couldn't do that. This is her big day, not mine.” She pointed out, lowering the tension in the room. “Besides having Rarity on your show is a great opportunity not just for her but for you as well. Until recently I actually used to live in a place not too far away from Carousel Boutique, we didn’t really talk much but she was always very nice and generous towards me. Best neighbor I ever had.”

“HA! Another good one!” Jon laughed. “Betcha thought I wouldn't notice huh?”

“S’cuse me?” Pun asked.

“Common you know? Best Neigh-bor.” Jon snickered to himself.

“Oh... OH!” Pun exclaimed, now fully understanding that Jon meant. “No, no, no I actually just meant she’s a good pony, that’s it... I would never make that joke... too easy.”

“Oh” He said, now feeling embarrassed.

“On the other hoof.” She continued, immediately grabbing Jon’s attention. “Ever since I moved I haven't really gotten to know any of the nearby residents... why one could almost say that finding a good neighbor is a... rarity!”

This time the room filled with the sound of both parties sharing a hearty laugh together, breaking several undocumented rules in the process. In fact, they were so busy enjoying themselves they didn’t even notice the same helper pony from before emerging from behind the curtain at almost the exact same time Jon and Pun engaged in a high-five.

“Ahem; number 82” The brown colt said. “Now calling Mr. Stewart and Ms. Rarity.” For the first time since entering the entire room went silent, followed, once again, by the most talkative pony Jon had ever met raising her voice.

“Oh that’s us!” Rarity exclaimed. Jumping from her seat she used her magic to yank Jon from his chair and across the room with her, his feet dragging since his brain hadn’t yet registered that he was in motion. “Come along Jonathan, we mustn't keep Aloe and Lotus waiting.”

“O-o-oh yeah, uh s-sure.” Jon stumbled both with keeping his balance and adjusting his mind to what was going on. Jon was almost to the curtain when he realized he had left his new friend without a proper goodbye. “Uh, bye Pun, I have to go to work now... It was nice meeting you!”

“You too!” She called back. “Good luck in there.”

As Jon waved to his friend he was inches away from the curtain that led to the back of the buildings. It was only when he looked back at Pun did something he had previously forgotten about crept to the foreground of his subconscious.

“Oh wait that’s right!” He yelled, as he arched his neck to address his almost out of sight friend. “Pun! I forgot to ask about your--”

But it was too late. Before Jon could finish his inquiry he had already vanished behind the thick spread of curtains and into a new world of hygienic fixtures and odd shaped chairs.

“Well, here we are, darling!” Rarity announced. “Welcome to... Oh dear, Mr. Stewart are you alright?” For the first time in quite awhile she was now looking at Jon directly at his face, it was only when she did this that she noticed he looked to be in a state of dismay.

“Um... wha-- yeah I’m alright.” Jon forced himself to admit as he rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s just that... it’s just I never got to ask what her Cutie Mark meant.”

Comments

[Rhulain]

Ha. Pun cameo. Molto Bene.

[Cantankerous]

Though out of all the ponies currently staring at him one, or rather two that really stood out to Jon

What?

maybe Disentia simply had a thing for disagree with her Karma

disagreeing

as a wide eyes Karma went back swung her head back to look at Jon.

?

to break free from Karma’s loving grib

grib?

Once again the same brown shaded Earthpony poking his head from behind the curtain to the rest of the establishment.

Should be “poked”

Oddly enough even though Jon noticed her but she didn’t seem to have noticed Jon.

Why is the word “but” in this sentence?

“Who do we have here.”

Forgot the question mark

it went towards the obscure spectrum at kept on going.

Should be: “it went towards the obscure end of the spectrum and kept going.”

a good sign that maybe he needed to take care of himself more as if wife always told him

“as if wife”

part where a light pulp would

Wrote “pulp” instead of “bulb”

keeping his balance and adjust his mind

adjusting

[dafiltafish]

Pun AND flufflepuff? Sorry, but the number of OCs in this fic is TOO DAMN HIGH.

[Frission]

Where is Pun from? Now Jon's got me all curious. Or is the mystery cutie mark one of her running gags and I won't find out by looking her up regardless?

[David Johnston]

4636806
http://askpun.tumblr.com/