The Daily Show presents: Equestrian Interviews

by Daily Show Ponies

Episode 14 [Queen Chrysalis]: A battle plan 2

When Jon ran across the room Trixie practically had to combat roll to the side to avoid getting stepped on. When she pulled herself up, the sight of Jon frantically pulling out volume after volume of literature from his bookshelf greeted her. One by one he'd grab a book, look at it briefly, and then toss it behind him. Some fell on the floor while others landed awkwardly on his desk or chair.

"Stewart, what are you doing!?" She asked. Again Trixie was ducking and dodging, this time to avoid getting hit by a random novel or textbook.

At one point an encyclopedia found its way onto Jon's desk, knocking over his lamp and breaking the bulb.

"Stewart, calm yourself!" Trixie begged. She was concerned that perhaps he'd finally snapped. "What are you looking for!?"

"THIS!" Stewart yelled while holding a book in his hand. Turning around he walked up to her and slammed the large object in front of her like a football player spiking the winning touchdown. "You wanted a spellbook? Well BAM! Here ya go!"

Looking away from Jon's overly pleased face Trixie slowly lowered her gaze to the large leather book in front of her. It was very thick, and by the looks of it very old as well. Bookmarks sprang up from its pages like a crop field and based on how weathered the spine was it had been read multiple times.

Her eyes were now drawn to the front of the ancient looking tome. The image on the front was almost completely worn out but she could just barely make out an image of two Alicorns intersecting one another. Just below that was the title of the book as well as whomever it was that wrote it.

This heavy textbook was called "Advance spells and Enchantments" and according to the inscription toward the bottom it was written by someone named Starswirl the Bearded. Reading this attribution caused Trixie's mouth to hang in disbelief.

"What in the...S-Stewart...where in Celestia's name did you find this!? She asked as she flipped to a random page.

"I borrowed it." He answered with a grin. "From the personal library of Twilight Sparkle. You weren't here at the time but I once took a vacation in Equestria...that's when I found Twilight, and that's when I rented this book from her."

"Oh...this is no ordinary book." She said as she carefully turned page after page. Even the mention of her arch rival couldn’t distract her from this great find. "This is an ancient lexicon of high level magic...only a few ponies in existence will ever get to see something like this."

"Well then if there's a spell out there that can help us out then it's gotta be in here." Jon said. He waited till Trixie shifted through a couple more pages before addressing her again. "So what do you think? Have you found anything useful?"

"Well yes but...some of these spells are indeed useful though quite a bit of them are extremely difficult to use. There are some that would probably give Celestia a run for her money." She said as she went from page to page. "Give me a minute, Stewart. I need to categorize a list of spells that are within my difficulty range. And then from there I need to eliminate those that can't help us and those that require any ingredients...please be patient."

Patience was definitely not something that Jon had at the moment. He looked to his clock and worried if Selina was doing okay back at the office. The show wasn't scheduled to air just yet but it was getting uncomfortably close. Time was of the essence and even though things had taken a turn for the better they still didn't have solid plan yet.

Jon prayed that Trixie would find some kind of spell to make this all right. Maybe an incantation that can neutralize Chrysalis, or maybe something that can shrink her down to size...or at the very least a good recipe for bug spray. But so far she came up with nothing. He was tempted to again ask how it was going but he didn't want to interrupt her.

In practice Trixie would, on average, find at least two or three spells, per page, that would be more than helpful in defeating Queen Chrysalis. The only problem was that, like she predicted, most of them were far beyond her comprehension. Some spells were too advanced for her to even attempt while others took time to prepare and needed ingredients to complete; none of which they had.

Once she had exhausted almost every option for an offensive spell she worked her way to support magic on the off chance they could help

Of the few that Trixie could use, a lot of them were either defensive spells, or non-lethal ones. Useful yes, just not for what they had in mind. She didn't give up hope, though. Again none of them were helpful...that is until she got to a chapter on fortification.

"Eureka!" She shouted. "I think I got it!"

"No kidding!?" Jon said as he dropped to his knees and sat in front of her. "What’d you find? Please tell me it's some kind of pony death beam."

"Uh not quite...I couldn't find any attack spells that were easy enough for me to use." She said with an embarrassed cough. "But I did find...this!"

Turning the book around Trixie showed Jon a picture of a circular around a hexagon with an odd language written around it, as well as interconnecting lines and figures in the center. There was another circle next to it with roughly the same pattern just inverted somewhat. When Jon read its description it said something about magical transferal properties and long range usage.

"I don't understand...what is this thing?" Jon asked.

"This...this is called a ‘Transfer seal"' She answered. "Basically think of it as a...portal."

"You're going to open a portal to Equestria?" He asked.

"No, no, not exactly...here let me explain." She said as she cleared her throat. "See these two hexagons? Well it's like this...they are designed to absorb magic like a sponge...if one circle is infused with a spell then it gets transferred to the other circle."

"Ok, I understand so far." Jon said. "So...how will this help us?"

"Well it’s used for support like if you wanted to do long range magic spell. But see here's the thing...anypony standing on the outgoing circle will be affected by whatever magic goes through it." Trixie answered. Her explanation was enough for Jon to get an idea of what was being hinted at. "Remember your idea of teleporting Chrysalis back home during her interview? Well you’ll see, with this, I think we have a shot."

"Oh I get it!" Jon said. "So you're saying we can have one of these circles under Chrysalis' chair and another one backstage being handled by you."

"Exactly! That way all I'll have to do is transfer a teleportation spell to her side and WHAM! She's gone!" Trixie explained.

"Sounds great!" Jon exclaimed. "You'll do your thing and I'll do mine!"

"Which reminds me...Stewart I'm more than willing to do this for you." she said.

"Uh oh." Jon replied. "I don't like where this is going."

"Just listen to me...I'll do this but remember I'm still a pony...Equestria is still my home-world." She explained much to Jon's confusion. "What I mean is we're basically going to be sending a very dangerous creature someplace in Equestria...I want to make sure, wherever we send her, the ponies there won't get hurt."

"Ok, no problem. We'll send her to wherever the Changelings live." Jon said, getting a shake of the head from Trixie in return.

"Never been there." She answered. "I can't teleport somepony to a place I've never been to."

"Alright then send her to...uh...OH, I got it!" He exclaimed. "Send her to Canterlot Castle! That way Celestia will be able to restrain her! It's perfect! You'll send her right to the Princess, and with all threats gone from my world, I'll call her and warn her about what's going on...please tell me you can do this."

"Well, yes and no...I mean it's possible but, like with the Changeling's home, I've never been to Canterlot Castle either." Trixie said. Again their plan hit a snag but this time it was Trixie who had a solution. "But...you have."

"What are you saying?" Jon asked.

"I'm saying that, once I infuse the hexagon with a teleportation spell, it's going to need a destination point." She explained. "And that's where you come in...all you'll need to do is think of the princess' throne room, at some point during the spell's development, and I'll make it so the seal will automatically set that as the desired destination."

"So you're saying...I'll have to be in this transfer seal as well?" He asked.

"Yes but only long enough to set the waypoint." She answered. "After that you'll need to exit its radius so only Chrysalis will be affected."

"Then from there, she's out of our lives." Jon added. "We pull this off and she'll have a one way ticket to a royal beating. I love it!"

Getting up from the floor, Jon made preparations to leave. They only had a couple hours till show time and Jon wanted to hurry up. Trixie on the other hand had one last important point to go over with Jon.

"Stewart...before we head out we have one last issue to cover." She said.

"Oh what now. Please don't tell me there's still more bugs in our plan?" He said. "I know we're not working with very much but don't tell you still can’t do this."

"No I'm not. The plan...though risky, should work. In fact I'm certain it will, if we all play our parts right." She said assuredly. "The only problem is all of this will mean nothing if she gains any power from the audience."

As much as Jon was getting annoyed by Trixie’s constant second guessing he had to admit that she brought up a good point. Up until now they'd forgotten about the fact that while she's on stage she'll be subject to a serious amount of love.

"For me to pull this spell off I'll need some time...time in which she'll be growing in power." She continued. "And in that case we wouldn't really be accomplishing much...if anything we'd probably help in speeding up her invasion plan."

"Ok well, what if...what if I turn off the video feed so we aren't live?" Jon submitted. "Or if that doesn't work why don't I just make myself more interesting to draw attention away from her."

"I don't think that'd work. If you made it so her interview wasn't broadcasting she'd find out once she realized there was no love coming in." She said. "As for making yourself more interesting...no offense but if it’s between you and a talking pony I think she'll have you beat in terms of popularity."

Her explanation, though sensible and technically correct, was still a major blow to his ego.

"Ugh...you're right.” Jon said. “If I had to decide between an old fart and a talking animal I don’t think I’d choose any differently.

“This is a very complicated issue.” Trixie said. “Redirecting love isn’t an exact science.”

“No kidding…If only there was some way to make all the attention that would normally go to her fall onto...something...else." Jon said out loud while a thought was materializing in his head. Trixie saw this and asked if he was alright. But she got no response right away. Though in time a smile slowly crept onto Jon's face. "Trixie...this spell of yours...how long will it take?

"Oh uh...now that I think about it...how long does an interview usually go for?" She asked.

"An entire episode, including commercials, is a half hour with an interview taking up about five to seven minutes." He answered. His estimate frightened Trixie at first. On her best day it would probably take twice that long. But due to what was at risk Trixie threw away all doubts from her mind and spoke with confidence she never knew she had.

"Give me three minutes into the interview segment and I'll have it done." She said. "I'll prepare the spell for the first two thirds of the show and see if I can't get it done sooner...the real trick will be stabilizing enough magic to actually get it to work."

"Good." Jon cooed as he picked up his phone. "That's exactly what I wanted to hear."

"Who are you calling?" Trixie asked.

"A good friend of mine." He answered. "Someone with the ability to help us."

"W-wait a minute you're not trying to call Celestia are you!?" She urged. "Chrysalis will know, remember?"

"I'm not calling her." He said as he waited for his friend to pick up. "I'm calling someone much more powerful than Celestia...someone who has the ability to absorb love and attention even more than Chrysalis can."

This new and sudden declaration surprised Trixie to no end.

"You...you know a creature was such power?" She ventured.

"Of course I do." He said. "We go back a long ways." After a moment of continuous ringing a voice came from Jon's phone. It was one that Trixie did not recognize.

"Hello, Jon?" The voice said. "Shouldn't you be getting ready for your show?"

"Hey, uh yeah I know but listen something has come up." Jon said back to the voice. "I know this is last minute but...I need your help."

For the next couple minutes Jon and the person on the phone exchanged words with one another. Both of them threw out names and phrases that Trixie did not understand but as time went on she understood what was going on. A few swapping of ideas later and the two finally came to an agreement.

"Alright so we understand each other?...Good! When I give the signal that's when you come out." Jon reiterated to the person on the phone. "Alright I'll see you there. Oh and one last thing...I know I don't need to tell you this but...bring your 'A' game."

With a click of a button Jon put his phone away and faced Trixie.

"So...what do you think?" Jon said. "Will this work?"

"Honestly...I think it will." Trixie said. "It's dangerous...but I know we can do it."

"Good...but Trixie...on the off chance that this doesn't work..." Jon said with a deep sigh. "If this doesn't work I'll try to hold Chrysalis back as long as possible...if that happens I want you to get Tracey and the kids and--"

"No." She said. "Don't. Don't talk like that...this will work. I'll make it work or die trying."

"And I appreciate that...but...but if it doesn't I want you to take my family and hide." Jon said pausing to crouch down in front of her. "Also...just in case I don't see you again...I'm really glad I had the honor of knowing the Great and Powerful Trixie." Without asking he stretched his arms forward and wrapped them around Trixie in a powerful hug. Although she tried not to, the worst case scenario did creep up in her mind, causing her to hug Jon back.

"Don't...don't be stupid." Trixie said holding back tears. "We're going to win...dammit we are going to win!"

The two of them stayed in a loving embrace till the sound of a car pulling up to the driveway got their attention.

"That must me my mom." Jon said signaling that it was time to leave. "Alright Trixie...you ready?"

Using her magic she levitated the book of magic spells to her side and conjured up her cape and hat to appear neatly in their correct locations.

"Yeah." She said. "I'm ready."

Following Jon, the two ran downstairs where the kids were already greeting their grandmother. Jon briefly explained to her that she needed to watch the kids while he and Trixie went to the office to take care of business. Neither of them revealed what was really going on though Jon's mother had her suspicions when Jon took an extra minute to say goodbye to his kids.

As to be expected, the kids didn’t like that Trixie was leaving them for the time being, but she assured them that she’d be back before they knew it. From there, Jon borrowed his mom's car and, with Trixie sitting in the back, set off back to work with what little time they had left.

By the time the two actually arrived at Daily Show headquarters, it was uncomfortably close for Jon to go on air. Before they left the house Jon called Selina and, at his request, she kept Chrysalis busy and most importantly away from the stage.

The time leading up to the actual show was spent reformatting the stage to appropriately handle having a pony guest on the show; or at least that's what was told to anyone who wanted to enter early.

Even before the audience members were allowed in, Jon's staff and some interns were busy on set with painting the hexagon from Twilight's spell book onto the floor. Trixie assured everyone that as long as the transfer seal was close enough to the subjects they would be affected. So to that end the entire set, on which Jon's desk was bolted to, was turned upside down and the symbol was painted underneath it.

A few of the more artistic interns did the same behind the backdrop. They painstakingly drew the same hexagon as was displayed in the book right down to every design and symbol. It was now almost time for the show to begin and, in preparation for this, everyone parted ways with Jon waiting just outside the entrance to the stage and Trixie behind the backdrop. By this time, the crowd had already swarmed in and taken their seats, each ready for the show to officially begin.

But perhaps the most anxious was Queen Chrysalis who was still in her Lyra form. To pass the time she was in the waiting room where she watched the TV in the corner and counted the minutes till her segment was up. Selina however was not with her but instead backstage delegating some last minute issues.

The plan had already been explained to her but she was still iffy on some details so for her own sake she decided to sneak behind the backdrop and consult with Jon's pony friend to help her understand. The space behind the backdrop of the show was narrow and dark with many loose floorboards and low hanging wires. Eventually she came to the spot that would be located directly behind Jon's desk and there, standing on all fours complete with a cape and magician’s hat, was Trixie.

She had the spell book spread out in front of her and directly on top of a circle that matched the one under Jon's feet. Her eyes were closed and she was taking look deep breaths, inhaling through her nose and exhaling out of her mouth. She was so focused she could even hear Selina coming over the sound of the audience making noise.

"Do you need something, Selina?" Trixie asked.

"Yes actually." She answered. "I'm still a bit confused about this plan."

"You needn't worry." Trixie said. "Stewart and I have it under control."

"Yes, well...it'd help ease my nerves if you'd run me through it once more." Selina retorted. It was understandable for someone like her to want some closure, so to help Trixie turned to the human assistant and gave her a look of empathy.

"Very well...here's the plan. This circle here in front of me will magically connect to the one under Jon's desk." Trixie began. "Once I properly activate it both will act as two halves of the same entity. When that happens, any spell infused in one will eventually be infused with the other. Anypony on top of, or directly interacting with, either circle will be affected by whatever spell is set within it."

Nodding her head Selina listened, occasionally writing down a note or two in her clipboard.

"Once I set a teleportation spell in here it will need a destination and that's where Jon comes in." Trixie continued. "All he'll have to do is visualize Princess Celestia's throne room and that spell will accept that as its destination since he'll be in the circle as well. From there all I'll need to do is stabilize enough magic in my horn and transfer said magic into the hexagons...it may take a little while for that much magic to calibrate itself into the two circles but once it does, it'll activate, fully sending Chrysalis back home."

"Forgive me for asking but do you really need the entire episode to pull off this spell?" Selina asked trying to sound respectful. "Seems like an awful amount of time."

Although it sounded mean Selina was right. Any other competent Unicorn with experience could probably have the spell activated much sooner. For someone like Celestia or Twilight activating the circle, infusing it with a spell then jump starting it with magic would take only a few minutes individually.

"It seems like a long time but that's mainly because...I'll be honest I'm not as proficient in magic as I'd like to be." Trixie admitted. "But the reason why this'll take a while is because I'm combining two spells together at once...in Unicorn terms it's called ‘binary casting’ which eats up magic at a much higher rate...so I need to pace myself here, less I pass out."

To signal that she was finished explaining herself, Trixie went back to her meditation. Though Selina was not yet done with her.

"One last thing," she said. "You said anyone in the circle or in direct contact with it will be affected by its magic."

"I did say that." Trixie said, her eyes still closed.

"But then won't that mean both you and Jon will be get sent away with that...that thing?" Selina asked.

"No...the hexagon on Stewart's side is mostly surrounding Chrysalis' spot...all Jon has to do is scoot back slightly in his chair and he'll be outside it's grasp." Trixie answered. "As for me, I'm going to stabilize a large amount of magic and then I'll put in the circle instead of sending a constant stream within it...by the time it registers my magic and fully activates, me and Stewart won't even be close to it...any more questions?"

Shaking her head, Selina turned on her expensive heals and made her way back to the to the entrance of the main stage, leaving behind only a bottle of water in case Trixie got thirsty. A few interns and stagehands were gathered just outside the main stage. Upfront was Jon getting ready for his cue to go on stage, take his desk, and begin the episode. She cut through the employees and walked up ride beside him.

"Jon, this is insane." She said bluntly.

"No, insane is when we invited Ralph Nader on show back in '08’" Jon said. "Talk about boring...the man constantly looks like his dog just died."

A couple of the interns behind him chuckled which caused Selina to look at them with glaring eyes. They quickly stopped after a stifled cough and, right away, she was back to talking with her boss.

"How...can you be so blasé about this?" She asked. "Jon...you could get seriously hurt out there. I talked with Trixie and for god's sake this plan of yours...what if it fails."

"It won't. I won't let it." Jon said. "And as for why I'm acting the way I am, well...it's almost show time."

His answer did very little to impress Selina or put her at ease. She responded by giving him an odd look.

"What?" Jon asked. "Someone around here needs to take charge...plus I need to set a good example for everyone in the office."

"Jon...I appreciate you're wanted to keep moral high, but I think you might be over your head here." She said. "I don't wish to nag but...but all this about magic and spells and incantations, I mean...is there no other option here...these creatures are dangerous and we know so little about them."

"You know what Selina?" Jon said as he counted the seconds till he had to go on stage. "You're right...I don't know much about magic or how it works. And yes Chrysalis may have an advantage over me in terms of power but at the same time...just look at where we are?"

Making a sweeping motion with her hands, he presented her with a view of the stage, his desk, and the audience while the humming of the cameras and machinery turning on filled their ears.

"She may have her magic." Jon said as he slowly made his way on stage. "But she's in my world now."

Comments

[Always Breakfast]

Oh God, he just called in Colbert.

[ClosetKnight]

4163975 please explain.

[Frission]

4163975 That's what I'm thinking too.