The Daily Show presents: Equestrian Interviews

by Daily Show Ponies

Episode 14 [Queen Chrysalis]: A battle plan

A sudden look of realization found its way onto Trixie's face. Queen Chrysalis had severed any hope Jon had of calling in reinforcements from Equestria. Unaware of the fact that Trixie had been living with him for months now, Jon's only chance of survival was now squarely in the hooves of Trixie and Trixie alone...it didn't exactly put her in the right mindset.

"Stewart I...I don't know," Trixie said. The weight of the situation began to take form in her head. "I mean...I want to help, really, I do, but I don't think I'm the right pony for this."

"Trixie please," Jon said with begging hands. "This is a lot to ask of you and I understand that, but you—"

"NO! No you don't understand!" Trixie yelled, surprising Jon. She was noticeably scared, made evident by how she was shaking like a chihuahua in snowstorm. "I'm sorry, but you don't understand! You didn't grow up in Equestria, but I did! You have no idea what Queen Chrysalis is capable of. Trust me, I've heard the stories, and I've seen what she can do."

"That's why I need your help now more than ever! You know what to expect," Jon countered. "Please, Trixie you're the only magic user in this world that can help me."

Maybe it was because she was still nervous about helping Jon, or just as an excuse to be confrontational, but for whatever reason, Trixie decided to take what Jon had said too personally.

"Oh I see," Trixie said with a forced level of annoyance. "You only need my help because I can use magic!"

"Trixie, that's not what I meant" Jon said. "I just—"

"No I get it," Trixie continued. "You don't need my help, you just need somepony who knows magic...I guess if some other pony was here you would—"

"For the love I god why won't you help me!" Jon said in a loud, but not threatening manner.

"I'm just...look I'd like to help you Stewart, really, I would, it's just...you know," she said in an unconvincing tone.

"No...no I don't know, so please explain it to me," Jon said, but despite his best efforts, Trixie now remained silent. She nervously looked in all directions as if an answer would materialize before them. "Come one, I've always been there for you, so why won't you help me now?”

“Look…I just…I can’t do it,” she said as she turned to expose her back.

“Buy why!?” Jon asked. Why Trixie...why!?"

"Because I'm not strong enough!" Trixie yelled back surprising both Jon and herself. "There! You want me to say it! I'm just...I'm just not strong enough to go up against somepony like her...if I help I'll only mess things up like I always do."

"Oh I...c’mon that's not true," Jon pleaded.

"Oh isn't it? Face it, Stewart, I'm a failure as a magic user," she said, trying her hardest to fight back the emotions that came with having to face her own self-actualization. "I know...I know I say stuff like I'm great and powerful or that I'm the most powerful unicorn ever, but I'm just...not...look I would love nothing more than to help you, but I'm scared I won't be able to."

"Trixie," Jon said in a pleading tone.

"I'm...I'm sorry," she said. To avoid eye contact, she bowed her head down and looked away. "I'm sure you'll think of some way to—"

"Trixie, please I can't do this by myself!" he exclaimed. Without even thinking about it, he dropped to his knees and grabbed her shoulders. "For god sake, she threatened my family!"

Instead of pushing Jon away or complaining that she was once again being handled, Trixie couldn't help but stare back into Jon's sad eyes.

"W-wha—...she what?" she asked.

"She had my phone so she knows everything," he explained. "She knows where we live and where me and Tracey work...she even knows the kid's names...Please Trixie; the kids need you...Tracey needs you...I need you."

"…She threatened to harm Maggie and Nathan," Trixie asked after a lengthy pause.

"Yeah," Jon answered, determined to bring her home. "She said if I didn't do exactly as she said, that I'd never see my family again."

After he was done explaining Jon took a step back to give his unicorn friend some space as well as time to think. Without saying a word, she ran to the door of Jon's office and opened it slightly so she could hear the kids playing downstairs. Their voices could be heard all the way from upstairs; a combination of laughter and the game's soundtrack.

Closing the door, Trixie turned to face Jon with a determined look about her. She was still nervous about the prospect of going up against Queen Chrysalis by herself, though Jon couldn’t tell.

"Okay, I'm in," Trixie said. Falling back in his seat, Jon took a deep sigh like he'd been holding his breath.

"Thank you, Trixie," he said. "I knew I could count on you."

"Don't thank me just yet." Trixie sighed as she walked across the room. "Before we go on any further, I need to know the details of what she's planning...refresh my memory. Did she mention why she's here or what she wants?"

"Well...I know what she wants I just don't know why." Jon said.

"Elaborate," she said as she turned around to talk in the opposite direction, going back and forth occasionally, stopping and going like a cheap dell laptop.

"Alright, alright...When she arrived in my office, her one demand was that I have her on the show as my next guest," Jon explained. "And...that's it. Other than telling me to my shut my mouth about it that was her only demand."

This sudden news caused Trixie to stop pacing in place. Quickly, she turned to look at Jon like a deer caught in someone's headlights.

"Did she say that she wanted the interview to be live!?” she asked with concerned eyes. "And that she was to be disguised as somepony else."

"What, were you there or something? That's actually what she wanted," Jon said, throwing up his arms in surprise.

There was now a moment of silence and stillness. Trixie was looking in Jon's direction, but her gaze suggested she wasn't looking particularly at him but rather into the void of space.

"Hey, Trixie...you alright?" Jon asked Trixie who took a second to respond.

"I'll be honest with you, Stewart; this may be more dangerous than I thought," she said with a very concerned look on her face. "I know what she's planning...but for you to understand, you need to know exactly...what Queen Chrysalis is."

"She said she was uh, something called...a changeling," Jon said.

"Yes she's their queen," Trixie said. "But do you know what a changeling is?"

"No," he admitted. Jon was now much calmer than when he first started, and was now more willing to listen. "I've heard about them, but I don't know anything about what they are."

Jon's confusion for such a prominent topic was how Trixie felt a lot of time when she first moved to the human world, and was met on all sides by cultural entities that she did not understand. For her, having to explain what a Changeling was to someone was a very odd concept, since virtually everyone she knew back home knew of them.

She sat down on the couch next to Jon and began her lecture.

"Okay try to keep up...there are a lot of theories about their origin, but the way I was taught when I was but a young foal was that the changelings used to be a species of ponies that lived centuries ago. Their leader wanted only the best for her loyal subjects, so she made a deal with a powerful creature to grant herself and her subjects immortality." Trixie explained while Jon listened intently. "However, the powerful creature tricked her and as a result she and her subjects became corrupted by the magic. As a result, they turned into evil, raving monsters with the ability to change their appearance whenever they wanted."

"Okay, but what does all that have to do with my show?" Jon asked.

"I'm getting to that...so as I was saying, they have the ability to turn change their appearance to look like anypony they want, which they needed to counter another aspect of their curse. You see, a changeling's immortality comes with a price. While they can't be killed, they need energy to survive; they feed off the love of other ponies; that's the only way to get their power back." Trixie explained while, at the same time, trying to separate what she knew as fact and what she knew only by myth. "When I was in the orphanage, the house mother and father would tell stories about how Changelings would sneak into the house and gobble up misbehaving young foals who didn't listen or do their chores, and take their place. Before they got desperate, changelings would actually sneak into towns and assume the form of a friend or family member in order to absorb the love from those around them."

"Well if this thing is trying to get me to love it, then it's doing a pretty fucking terrible job at it so far," he grumbled.

"It's not your love she's after," Trixie said, pausing for a second. "It's your audience's"

"Wait...what do you...” Jon’s eyes widened in realization. “Oh shit!”

"Exactly. Stewart, she wants to be on your show because she wants to devour the love she'll get from audiences both here, and Equestria," Trixie said. "You've said it yourself before, 'Equestrian interviews' is your most watched episodes...everypony who watches those segments falls in love with the guest. If Queen Chrysalis goes up there, she'll be watched by who knows how many ponies and humans."

"Millions…maybe more," Jon answered, placing his elbows on his knees and a hand on his forehead. "If she goes up there, she'll be watched by millions of people...and that's just here in the states...we broadcast all over the world and from what I know this show gets out to all corners of Equestria."

Slowly, Jon leaned back in his seat so carefully one might think he was made of glass. He was trying his best to recollect what the average census was for amount of viewers per episode. For the ones that had an Equestrian guest the numbers were extremely high, and that was only counting viewers from the his world. Averaged out the least popular 'Equestrian interview' was more watched than his most popular 'regular' episode.

After running the numbers in his head Jon began to panic, causing him to go into denial.

"M-maybe it won't so be bad?" Jon thought out loud.

"Excuse me?" Trixie blurted.

"I mean maybe she won't be that powerful," Jon explained while rocking back and forth in his seat. "Yes a lot of people will watch but who can say for sure how strong she'll be?"

His theory did very little to make Trixie feel better about the situation. She shook her head at Jon with a face like she knew something that he didn't.

"I hate to tell you, Stewart but you're very wrong. This idea that she might not be that strong is foolish...you don't understand, so allow me to put things into context for you," she said before taking a long painful sigh. "I wasn’t present, but from what I've heard, the last time Queen Chrysalis tried something like this was when she tried to invade Canterlot disguised as a royal member of the family. When she did this, she managed to take over the city for a brief moment and defeat Celestia in battle...she did all this with the love from a single stallion."

At this revelation, Jon got up and began to walk around in circles, using his hands to massage the side of his head.

"Oh dear lord," he said. "Oh no...no, no, no, no, no, no."

"Do you now understand what we're dealing with here?" she asked in a grim tone. "If we allow her to get up there, she'll be unstoppable...if she gains the power from your audience, she'll probably try to take over Canterlot again in round two. And she won’t stop there, she'll probably try to take over all of Equestria...maybe even this world too."

"FUCK!" Jon roared. "Why does she have to come to me though? Didn't you say they already had a good system going for them back home!?"

"Like I said their livelihood depends on how much love they get...that's how they survive." Trixie explained. "I'm no expert, but the way I see it...after her failed attempt to take over the throne, I'm guessing Chrysalis and her subjects are severely weakened and getting desperate."

"If that's her being weak, I fucking well don't what to see what she's like when her batteries are fully charged," Jon said with a frightened look on his face. Taking his hand, he began to rub his neck where she had previously choked him. "Jesus, we can't keep something that dangerous here any longer, we need to get rid of her!"

"What do you suggest we do?" Trixie asked. She already knew what Jon had in mind and was already equipped with her answer.

"Okay so...my original idea was to somehow get a message to Celestia about our problem...but the more I thought about it the more I don't like that idea...according to Chryaslis, she has contacts back at Canterlot Castle...I don't want to risk tipping her off while she's still here and putting my kids in danger...so now I'm thinking that our first priority is getting Queen Chrysalis out of my world and back in Equestria," Jon said. "I figure since she's in a weakened state, now she can't come back since she needed to trick Celestia into getting here in the first place...so why don't you use your magic to teleport her out of here?"

"It's not that simple," Trixie said. "Already there are a lot of flaws in your plan."

"Like what?" Jon asked.

"For starters, as I've said I'm not...that proficient in the type of magic you're talking about." She explained. "Remember when I tried to teleport you to Cloudsdale?"

"How can I forget?" Jon said with a cringing expression. "You nearly killed me."

"Yes well...if you'll recall it took me awhile to stabilize the massive amount of magic necessary to get it done at all." She continued. "It was difficult to conjure that much power let alone control it for very long. What I'm trying to say is if I try to use my magic to force her back home it would take a while and we'd run the risk of her finding out we tried to stop her and rest assured she'd retaliate. If she sees me and thinks for a second that there's a chance we'd stop her she'll won’t think twice about killing me."

"Well then...we'll give you time! I'll just...I don't know...ok how bout we let you prepare you're spell from like across the room or something?" He said. "That way...that way she doesn't see you. I'll just ask her to follow me or something and bam! You got her."

A new wave a hope within Jon made him stand up, and smile at Trixie. She didn't share Jon's new found faith and expressed it by shaking her head which caused him to sit back down.

"Better...but that won't work either; as I've said my magic isn't as powerful as I'd like it to be. For me to cast a successful teleportation spell I need to be close range and preferably for my target to be still." She explained.

"Something tells me she's not going to obligingly stand still for that long for us." He said. "Maybe we could knock her out or try to get her to go to sleep."

"Good idea but I don't think Chrysalis would fall for a trap like that. This is her chance to reclaim her power so she’s going to be on her guard for sure." She said. "Which brings me to my next point...even if I do managed to successfully cast a teleportation spell on her she could just use her magic to negate it before it takes it's full effect. We need to strike when she's at her most vulnerable but at the moment we don't have anything as leverage so we're just fishing with no bait."

In Jon's head he imagined what it would look like if Chrysalis sat in one spot not moving for a period of time. The concept was silly and unrealistic to him at first but in an instant he realized such a scenario wasn't so farfetched.

"Wait...yes we do...we do have a way of making her to that!" Jon said. "What if I told you I could get Chrysalis to sit perfectly still without moving for a decent amount of time. With her guard down and you'd be very close by?"

"If you said that...I'd say you’re crazy." Trixie said.

"N-no hear me out!" He stammered. "What if...you teleport her back to Equestria...while I'm interviewing her."

"Excuse me." Trixie said with a look of shock on her face. "You want me to teleport her during her interview...now I know you’re crazy."

"No, no think about it! Since it's the interview she'll have to stand still...also she won’t expect this during her segment." He continued. "She'll be too busy concentrating on what to say instead of what's going on around her."

"That's...actually not the worst idea I've ever heard of." Trixie admitted. To some degree she liked the idea but there were still some flaws that she felt needed to be pointed out. "There's still a problem though...where would I be? Remember I need to be close by for it to work."

"Simple. You'll be backstage." He suggested with a look of confidence like he found the answer to everything. "She and I will occupy the main stage and you'll be just a few feet away behind the backdrop...that'll work right?"

Once and for all Jon finally thought he had a fool proof plan but like before Trixie didn't seem convinced.

"This is a sound plan to be sure...but if I can't see my target it'll be very difficult for me to pull it off." She said with a guilty look. "Even if they're not that far away I can't teleport someone I can't see...that and the backdrop might be too thick for me to send my magic through."

"But...b-but whenever Celestia sends myself or a pony to here and back she does it form her throne…from another world." He stated.

"...Ok, yes it is possible to a teleportation spell without seeing you're target or being very close...but all depends on capable the pony is." She admitted. "In the case our princess she can do that because she's had a countless years of experience...I on the other hand...well let's just say I'm not at...accomplished as she is."

"So...my idea...not going to work." Jon said with a sour face.

"Doesn't seem like it." Trixie answered.

It was so silent the two could hear a penny drop but instead Jon dropped himself on the cough. He looked to be depressed while simultaneously anxious. Time was running out and he was a back and square one...this made him desperate again.

"Can't you just...I don't know, try to do it anyway?" he asked. "I mean, I mean have you ever tried to teleport someone from another room? Go outside and try on me! I know you can do it"

"Look, I appreciate the thought" Trixie said with an uncomfortable sigh. "But I don't think--"

"Ok, ok but how about this!" He interrupted. "How bout we forget about teleporting her and try something else! Yeah do you know any other spells that can help us? Maybe one that can--"

"Stewart, listen to me," She said in a stern tone. "I know this is very stressful for you but what you're asking for a lot here. I only know so much. At present I only know a small selection of magical abilities off the top of my head...most of which are very basic."

Having been shot down again Jon buried his head into his hands, still as frustrated as ever. He appreciated her willingness to help but never before did he wish that she was more proficient in magic.

"So...I'm guessing you don't have a 'magically fix everything spell' do ya?" Jon asked with a sigh.

"I'm a wandering magician; not the elements of Harmony." She answered. "Right now the only way I see dealing with her is for me to teleport her back home...I just need to think of a way of doing that without getting myself killed...if I had some of my spellbooks that might help."

"Spellbooks?" He asked.

"Yeah back home I had some magic tomes I picked up on my travels...they’re not much but they helped when it came to preparing magic." She explained. "Heck, some of them even had some spells I've yet to try."

"Could any of those alternate spells have been useful to us now?" Jon asked.

"Perhaps but I'm not entirely sure." She answered. "It's no good to think about it now...I left them back in my roaming wagon."

"Yeah along with everything you owned." Jon said. "Dammit...if only there was some way we could—"

Suddenly Jon stopped. Trixie noticed this and looked over at him, only to see that he now had a look on his face like he had just seen a large spider. She'd seen this look before; it was a look of epiphany.

"Oh my god," he said. Were it not for the fact that Jon was under an incredible amount of stress due to his present situation, he would have thought of this earlier. "That's it."

"What's it?" Trixie asked. Without answering, Jon jumped from his seat, yelling as loudly as he could.

"That's it!" he roared. Once again, Jon had another idea, an idea so powerful he almost trampled Trixie as he ran across the room. "I've got it!"

Comments

[ClosetKnight]

you don't need magic. you just need a muffin stuffed with horse tranquilizer.

[Fishberry]

It's 'chihuahua'

This is a fantastic story, but it's full of errors.

Please, get an editor.