The Daily Show presents: Equestrian Interviews

by Daily Show Ponies

Episode 13 [Fancy Pants]: Table for two please

With Shutter Speed now gone Jon and Tracey were left to themselves, standing across the street from a massive building that had a large crowd of ponies clambering to enter. The building in question was, as it said on the sign out front, the 'Alimentaire Cheval,' the restaurant that they were to dine at.

"Well...we're here," Jon said as his wife admired the beautiful architectural properties, something which she had a thing for. "Last chance; are you sure you wouldn't want to go to McDonald's instead?"

Jon's jesting was met with Tracey lovingly punching him on the arm. It was playful but at the same time she was in much better shape than her husband so she could hit pretty hard. She was about to start walking forward when a thought crossed her mind.

"Shall we head in?" Jon asked.

"Wait I got to do something first," She said pulling her cellphone out of her purse. "I want to call Trixie and see how the kids are doing."

Rather than stopping her Jon just watched in amusement at what was about to happen. Immediately her call to the home phone could not go through, all she got was a voice telling her that the number she had dialed was either disconnected or that she had no signal.

"Sweet heart?" Jon said rubbing her shoulders. "These people don't even have airplanes...so they sure as hell don't have a satellite that can pick up phone signals...come on let's go.” A defeated Tracey put away her phone and agreed.

Hand in hand the couple found the designated crosswalk section of the road where they slowly made their way towards the grand building. While they slowly walked forward Jon got the chance to admire the new district of Canterlot that they were currently occupying. It looked even more elegant than where they just came from.

Its many features reminded him of central park. The street that held the restaurant carried many different stores, most of which were antique shops and even a clothing boutique. Behind him was, what looked like high end town houses and he could just barely make out a park just around the corner.

If Jon didn't know any better he would have guessed he stumbled back home and onto 5th Avenue. The one aspect of this area, and indeed all of Canterlot, that didn't resemble Manhattan was how clean it was. Even in the most lavish of neighborhoods in the great state of New York one could easily find its fair share of graffiti or occasional trash heaps, but in Canterlot everything was clean and sterile and if there was any trash it was properly disposed of.

Even the restaurant they were about to enter looked like it was trying to complete with the standard held back home. Without prior knowledge of its purposes one might mistakenly assume it was city hall or some other kind of official government building. It was white with columns on the front and two statues of an Alicorn; each on either side of the entrance.

As the two approached the building they noticed it was completely fenced off by ponies on all sides. Some trying to get in and others who just happened to be socializing in the area.

"Wanna see something funny?" Jon said to Tracey. She nodded and Jon made his way up to the edge of the crowd and behind a colt, complete with a tuxedo, top hat, and monocle.

"AHEM!" Jon leaned in to clear his throat right next to the ear of the dapper looking pony.

"I beg your pardon!" He said. "But do you mind not--" Stopping mid-sentence he yelped in surprise at the strange species that was now staring at him. The pony closest to him turned to investigate what was going on and did the same. This pattern, like a series of dominoes, continued till all eyes were looking up at him. Jon took a few steps forward and just as he predicted the ponies in the crowd stepped to the side as he gradually made his way forward.

"M'lady." Jon said in old British accent. He extended his hand out at Tracey who took hold, allowing him to escort her through the sea of ponies. Eventually they got to the front door where the doorpony usually stood and used his magic to let guests enter, at this time however he was too awestruck to even move.

"Don't worry I got that." Jon said before opening the door for his wife. The two entered without anyone saying anything to them.

Once inside they realized exactly why everyone was trying to enter in a hasty, though well organized and sophisticated, fashion. The 'Alimentaire Cheval' was in fact that finest restaurant in all of Canterlot and based on its interior it wasn't hard to see why.

The place was built almost like a theatre with tables set up in the center of the building and an upper level which held similar tables; all of which surrounded a stage located towards the back where a group of musicians were in the middle of a performance.

Much like Canterlot itself the inside was neat and pristine. Overhead one could easily see a few chandeliers and the walls were decorated with paintings of scenery and famous looking ponies, none of whom Jon recognized. Everything was candle lit and at the very center of the ceiling was a section made of class to let the moon light in.

One of the long stretches of wall that seemed to extend all the way around the restaurant had a very poetic mural painted on it of two Alicorns facing each other and in the very center of the establishment was a giant stone carved statue of another Alicorn pointing at said mural.

Not everyone present was wearing clothing but those who were had only the finest attire and they spoke and moved like they had been practicing for hours.

"This sure beats the Park Avenue Seasonal, huh Trace?" Jon said.

"Yeah...it...sure does." She answered still spellbound by everything. Jon and Tracey were in lobby like structure where on both their sides were benches and an more paintings. Just ahead was a maître d busily scribbling in her large leather book while simultaneously helping guests get seated.

"Alright let's do this." Jon said as he guided his wife over to the pony in charge of getting people sat. He approached the light green pony with baby blue hair and tried to get her attention.

"Um excuse me?" Jon said to the Unicorn whose eyes never left the book of names. "We're here for a reservation."

"Name." The hostess said bluntly.

"Uh, it should be under Jon." He said.

"Sorry, we don't have you." She said in a dry tone.

"But you didn't even check!" Tracey said sounding somewhat insulted.

"Trust me I would have remembered a name like that," The rude pony said. "Next time you want to sneak in try a more convincing name like 'Buttersquash' or 'Cloudburst.'"

Tracey was moments away from laying into her when Jon placed a hand on her shoulder and gave her a look as if to say, "I got this."

"It would really help us a lot if you checked again Ms....Ms. Majestic," Jon said, stopping to read her name tag. "Because I assure you we do have reservations...Princess Celestia told us so herself."

Hearing the Princess' name caused the pony to look up at them. Her first instinct was to naturally question them on the validity of their claim but when she layed eyes on the two her jaw dropped and she began to frantically think of what to say. Before she could utter a single word something exploded onto the scene nearly tackling her in the process.

"Majestic! Leave us une fois!" A creature said in a thick French accent.

This time it was Jon and Tracey surprised to see a new and strange species before them. The creature that quite literally flew in to help was a dark grey Griffon with light grey wings and mane. He wore a red ascot around his neck, a chef’s hat, and most noticeable of all had a large mustache like what one would expect from a 30s villain who ties nuns to train tracks.

The scared pony darted off as the Griffon took the podium that she had previously manned. After straightening out his accessory he began addressing Jon and Tracey.

"Monsieur Stewart I apologize zis inconvénients!...Allow me to introduce myself, I am the head chef and co-owner of zis établissement, Gustave Le Grand!” He said with a bow. “Welcome to the 'Alimentaire Cheval...again my deepest apologies!"

It took Jon a moment to respond, this was his first time seeing a Griffon and he found himself somewhat terrified.

"Oh well that's uh...that's alright," Jon said, his eyes drawn to Gustave’s large talons. "We uh...we're here tonight because the uh…the princess said she would set us up with a table."

"Ah oui oui Monsieur oui oui, we heard about your arrival and have prepared everysing!" Gustave said. "Please, please! Follow me right zis way!" The enthusiastic chef walked slowly into the restaurant, cutting right in the middle as Jon and Tracey followed close behind.

"More following." Jon whispered to Tracey who giggled. The building was very large and spacious even for humans so Jon took this opportunity to scan the room to see if he recognized anyone and to his surprise he actually did.

In one table clear across the other side of the room was a group of formal looking ponies conversing amongst themselves. One of whom was Mayor Mare who seemed to be doing most of the talking.

"Well, well, well," Jon said to himself. "Of all the restaurants, in all the cities, in all of Equestria."

Jon's hulking presence caught her attention and soon both their eyes met where upon she quickly motioned to her guests like she was saying "excuse me." She waved at Jon, prompting both he and Tracey to wave and smile back.

"Who're we waving at?" She asked, being all too familiar with being in this position.

"That's the mayor of Ponyville." Jon said as he continued walking. "I had her on the show once...nice lady."

"Ah I see," she said still waving. "What's her name?"

"Get this...Mayor Mare." Jon said, getting look of surprise from his wife. "...I know right!"

The couple continued walking and right away Jon noticed another familiar face only this time it was from one of the musicians up on the stage. It was none other than Octavia who, along with a band of five other ponies, were in the middle of performing a piece. Jon didn't wave to her since she was so attentive to her work that her eyes were closed shut. Though even if she did see him chances are she wouldn't have acknowledged him, not during a performance anyway.

From there on Jon didn’t recognize anyone else. All he saw was endless rows of strangers staring at him or very obviously talking about him. None of them tried to interact with him possibly because it would be considered unbecoming, but just when Jon and Tracey were almost to their table when a voice a called out.

"Jonathan!" A voice said. "I say, Jonathan over here!"

Ordinarily Jon would just assume whoever was talking was calling out to someone else since no one ever called him by "Jonathan" except his mother, and even then only when he got in trouble as a kid. But since this was Equestria he looked in all directions to see who was trying to get his attention. From his right side Jon could now see who was calling out to him; it was a white stallion sitting at a table with a mare of the same color.

The stallion was waving at Jon while his marefriend was busy laying her long neck on his back.

"Another friend of yours?" Tracey asked as she waved back.

"No actually…I've never seen them before in my life," Jon said. Before continuing Jon turned to talk to his Griffon helper. "Hey Le Grande can we make a quick detour over there?" Since one of his staff members had neglected Jon not too long ago Gustave wasn't in any position to say no. He quickly changed gears to escort the two over to the table.

Upon closer inspection Jon could now see the two Unicorns better. The male pony had a slightly longer than average mane of sapphire blue and his cutie mark was three golden crowns. He was also the only one of the two wearing any clothing in the form of a tuxedo, a matching blue vest, and a purple bow tie. His guest was a tall slender female whose mane was light pink with white stripes and her cutie mark was three Fleur de Lis symbols.

"Jonathan, so good to finally meet you!" The blue haired pony said. "And this must be your lovely wife Tracey! It's an absolute pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"Uh likewise I suppose," Jon said. "But I'm afraid you've put me in an awkward position...you know me but I don't know you."

"Oh I do hope you’ll forgive me; it would seem I have forgotten my manners!" He said now motioning to the pony next to him. "First and foremost this is my lovely confidante, Fleur de Lis...dear, this is the human I walk telling you about."

As if she was sick, or perhaps just didn't care, the slim pony lazily lifted her hoof for the two to shake. She didn't say anything nor did she look at them, she was too busy resting herself on the shoulder of her mate.

"It's nice to meet you." Jon said shaking her hoof.

"Likewise for me as well." Tracey added. When neither of them got a response back Tracey spoke again. "I really like your mane by the way...very lovely." Her compliment got Fleur de Lis' attention.

“…Thank you, my dear.” She said only to quickly go back to doing nothing. An awkward silence followed, though it didn’t stay for very long.

“Right then.” Fancy Pants said as he offered his hoof. "And as for me, my name is Fancy Pants."

Jon had to use all of his willpower to fight back the wave of laughter from escaping his mouth. His cheeks puffed and he placed his hand across his mouth. Tracey noticed this and covertly pinched his leg which was a warning she gave to her children (and on occasions Jon himself) to not act up, and to be on their best behavior.

"Pleased to meet you Mr. Fancy Pants." Tracey said in a friendly tone as she shook his hoof.

"Yeah..." Jon said with a large grin on his face, doing the same. "A real pleasure."

"Well then...now that we've gotten all that out of the way, Fleur de Lis and I would simply love it if you would join us for dinner." He said motioning to the two empty seats across from him.

"You mean…like a double date?" Tracey asked.

"Well I should dare say yes, exactly like one." Fancy Pants said.

"That's very kind of you to offer," Jon said. "But I'm afraid my wife and I had had plans to--"

"We'd love to!" Tracey said, causing Jon to look at her with confused eyes.

"We would?" He asked.

"Oh of course we would!" She reiterated. "Oh come on honey when was the last time we went on a date with another couple."

"Uuuh… I think Ol' Bubba was still in office at the time." Jon said, answering a question he knew wasn’t meant to be answered.

"Please honey...it'll be fun!" She said with begging eyes.

"...You're enjoying all this aren't you?" Jon asked.

"immensely!" She said with a laugh.

She noticed that Jon looked slightly uncomfortable with this idea so to help she decided to sweeten the deal.

"And if you do this for me when we get home I'll..." She leaned in to whisper something in his ear. Neither Fancy Pants nor Fleur de Lis could hear what she was saying but judging by how Jon's facial features changed from uninterested to astounded it must have been huge.

"SO!" Jon exclaimed. "About that double date!"

"Exceptional!" Fancy Paints announced. "Please won't you sit down?"

Jon and Tracey followed his hoof that extended towards the two empty seats; immediately there was a problem. Although the table and chairs scattered around the restaurant were very high fashion and well-crafted, with fine wood and adorned with the expertly woven tapestries, they were a few sizes too small. For a pony they were just the right height but for the average human it was kiddie table sized

Fancy Pants didn't notice this but fortunately the still present Gustave Le Grand had taken this into consideration long ago.

"Actually since you will all be dinning together I suggest everyone follow me." He said. All four of them followed Gustave to the very center of the restaurant where the statue of the Alicorn was located. It was then that Jon realized that the statue was that of Celestia herself. But most importantly from this new angle Jon could clearly see that as well as being a statue it was also part booth.

At the very base of the stone monument was a carved out section that held a half circle booth. It was larger than the other tables because only Royalty was allowed to sit there. But for this night only an exception was made in this case Jon and his wife.

The booth itself was made from mahogany wood and the cushions imbedded in it were bright red and made of silk. The table on the other hand was so shiny Jon could see his reflection in it, if he didn't know any better he'd say it was made of diamond.

"You're server will be with you in a moment." Gustave said. "Please...enjoy your stay."

Jon helped Tracey get onto the table with Fancy Pants doing the exact same with Fleur de Lis. No sooner did they sit down did a team of waiters, who were dressed better than Jon did on an average day, sprung from seemingly nowhere to give them their complimentary wine.

"My word this is a rather splendid turn of events isn't it?" Fancy Pants asked as he looked around. "I've been here a multitude of times but never have I sat in the Alicorn table...I admire the influence you have in our world Mr. Stewart."

"Oh please...call me Jon." He said not at all wanting to confess that the only reason he got the table was because of his large build. "And for tonight let's forget all about social statuses, work, and our responsibilities and just have a good time."

All agreed (with Fleur de Lis nodding instead of talking) and after a quick sip of their wine the dinner date have officially begun.

Comments

[Fishberry]

Huzzah! It's Flamboyant Pantaloons and Trophy Wife!

[Dustin Lange]

4624893
On the first episode of MLP Applejack gives Twilight a "handshake" with both hooves.