• Published 24th Jul 2012
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The Daily Show presents: Equestrian Interviews - Daily Show Ponies



Jon Stewart interviews various MLP: FiM characters at the end of an episode of 'The Daily Show'

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Episode 12 [Iron Will]: Please welcome to the show Iron Will

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Iron Will
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART


On the day of the show, that would feature Iron Will as a guest, Jon found himself reminiscent of his very first Equestrian Interview with Spike.

On the paper to two had a lot in common: Both where mythical creatures, both were male, both were non-ponies, and both had seemingly uninteresting occupations. But most importantly Jon had no idea what food to put in their gift baskets.

Like before, Jon pondered as to what exactly constitutes a proper meal for a Minotaur and if they had any dietary restrictions. He was part bull yes but if the book he read on fantasy monsters was any indication he was also human. Last time he let something like this pass without a second thought his personal assistant lost her necklace but with Iron will the consequences had the potential to be so much worse.

In the end he just had his interns, who were stuck between grass and the discarded corpses of his defeated enemies, figure it out.

The first two segments of show went smoothly with very little problems or mishaps...at least on stage. In the back however the stagehands were having trouble dealing with the guest of the night. He wasn't causing trouble but rather was getting anxious for his debut.

For the convenience of those who were scheduled to appear there was a monitor in the waiting room so they could see the entire show up to their appearance. It only made him more anxious.


As the crowd's deafening cheers escalated in anticipation the camera switched gears from its last commercial break to a quick zoom in on Jon who was distracting himself by twirling his notes against the smooth surface of his desk. When he looked up at the incoming camera two of his notes flew from his grasp and onto the floor.

Jon looked over to see them one last time before speaking.

"Welcome to the Daily Show my guest tonight!" He said over the crowd. "A Minotaur and motivational speaker who travels all over Equestria giving advice on how to be more assertive." Directing the fans attention Jon proceeded to point to the incoming video.

"I bet he's a real nice guy in person," Jon said with a hopeful smile. "Please welcome to the show, Iron Will!"

The crowd began to cheer as the camera switched to the left to show the backstage entrance. At first someone did appear but it wasn't Iron Will but instead a goat. It briefly popped its head out to have a look around before disappearing back into the dark.

Jon was about to go investigate when the actual scheduled guest finally made his appearance. With a powerful leap a tall creature made its way to the center of the stage, striking a pose in the process; it was Iron will himself being followed by five goats ranging from black, white and various shades of middle grey.

Just as he predicted Iron Will had the head of a bull and the body of a human, though it's worth noting that he was part bull from the waist down, and was covered with blue fur.

Both he and his goats were also wearing some accessories. The goats looked like secret service members with their neckties, and tiny headsets while Iron Will himself had roughly the same outfit but with a pair of sunglasses which he used to counter the many flashes of light from cameras.

Instead of walking across the stage he instead took giant steps by way of flexing for the audience. Jon met him half way where he hesitantly offered to shake his hand. The Minotaur stopped posing for a moment to oblige him with a powerful hand shake and a hardy slap on the back; then it was right back to flexing.

This brief moment of interaction left Jon with an idea of just how big his guest was. Though he was large Iron Will was around Jon's height but his horns and muscles created the illusion that he was taller.

After a small amount of time passed Iron Will took his seat at the desk with Jon who was ready to begin. For the first time in an episode of "Equestrian Interviews" a guest actually sat down in the chair normally, as opposed to needed a boost or using a cloud.

After the crowd's cheers began to die down the interview officially began, but not before Jon self-consciously adjusting the height of his swivel chair to look even taller by comparison.

"Nice crowd you got here." Iron Will said giving them one last quick pose.

"Oh yeah they're great...but you...Y-you know I-- just once I wish I'd have a guest from Equestria...who wears pants." Jon joked to set the mood. "Seriously I'm not sure if we should put a sensor bar on you or not."

The Joke went over well with everyone in the room, but the goats, having a quick laugh.

"Thank you for joining us here today Iron Will," he continued. "You know uh, we don't normally get you Minotaur types here on the show."

"Oh really? And why might that be Jon?" Iron Will asked clearly willing to play along. "You afraid of us or something!"

"Not, not at all! I love your kind," Jon said switching now to an aristocratic voice. "I just wouldn't want my daughter marrying one of your kind."

Both shared a laugh with Iron Will using much more volume in his voice.

"But really it's great to have you here," Jon said shaking his powerful hand once again. "Also this is very interesting for the show because this-- you are the third non-pony I've gotten to interview from Equestria and--"

"Oh is that right?" Iron Will interrupted.

"I--yes, yes it is." Jon added. "Which is great because I think...if I interview seven more I win a free sub."

Iron Will laughed with the audience while at the same time slamming his hand against the desk.

"So Will...by the way can I call you will?" Jon asked while extending his arm forward. "So will, I wa-want to ask...uh who-- what's with the goats?"

"Oh them?" Iron Will, said looking behind. "They're just Iron Will's stagehands what help me from show to show, but right now their acting as sort of my body guards in this new world."

Jon didn't answer right away but instead stared at his guest, which earned him a slight chuckle form the audience.

"...I would think you'd be the last person who needs a body guard," Jon said, motioning to his muscles. "You know cause...for a second I thought they were like...you're groupies or something."

"HA! Trust me Jon someone like me..." He said pausing to flex his arms. "Could get somepony much better looking than them."

Jon peaked over to see if Iron Will’s claims would get a reaction out of his followers but they instead just stayed in place, occasionally tilting their head to look around.

"It's like Iron Will always says," he continued, his voice rising in volume. "'If you want the ladies to check you out, all you need to do is flex and shout!'" To show he meant business during his rant Iron Will leaned over to get closer to Jon.

"Ok I'm going to stop you right there," Jon said, still reeling from being yelled at. "If you're thing is rhyming I should warn you we already had a guest who did that. A young lady by the name of Zecora and she's waaaay better than you."

"No need to worry Jon!" Iron will said too much enthusiasm. "Iron Will's words of wisdom are but a smaaaall part of Iron Will's program!"

"Speaking of your program," Jon said making a gesture with his hands on the desk. "It, it involves...it's where you go from...uh, town to town advertising your services, correct?"

"That's right!" Iron will said, pointing at Jon with both hands. "Looking for something to fill the void in your otherwise dull, dull lives? If so come look me up! Or as it says on some of my leaflets: ‘Looking for a thrill? Come and learn from Iron Will!'"

For reasons that escaped Jon the audience began to cheer at Iron Will, almost as if they were trying to match his own level of intensity.

"Could you explain what exactly it is you teach in these different towns?" Jon asked. "What do you-- what exactly does your program entail?"

"Well Jon my program, which I advise you all look into, are lessons on how to be the very best 'you' you can be!" He said, addressing more the audience than Jon. "For years I've been going place to place all over Equestria teaching ponies the skills needed to more assertive, through workshops and day to day lessons."

To emphasize his point he flexed at the audience, earning him frightened looks.

"Do you teach them through common household chores, Mr. Miyagi style?" Jon asked now throwing is hands up in a comedic stance. "Are you out there just going lik; 'Pony-san, paint the fence?'"

"Well I don't know who this Miyagi is but we aint having them paint no fence." Iron Will answered. "When I'm up there my goal is to get them to be true alpha males...you know to be more like me."

"And when you say more like you," Jon said hesitantly. "I'm guessing you mean--"

"I mean more like this!" Iron Will said now standing up and looking straight ahead. "HEY CAMERA GUY, GET A CLOSE UP OF ME RIGHT NOW OR ELSE YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF IN A WORLD OF PAAAAAAIN!"

Immediately the cameraman who was the closest made the necessary adjustments needed to zoom in on Iron Will, giving him exactly what he demanded. He would have ordered a close up that got his good side but he felt it wasn't necessary; since to him every side of him was his 'good side.'

"Now then...since I have your attention I would like to briefly talk to the audience, if I may. I'm going to list a few key words and I want you all to raise your hand if any of them accurately describes you." Iron Will continued, stopping to clear his throat. "Weak, pushover, cowardly, frail, powerless, flimsy...now if any of you raised your hands at any point then I suggest you enroll in one of my 'POWER CLASSES'...patent pending...where I will teach you the secret techniques to stop being a loser and start being a bruiser!"

"How...interesting," Jon said from off camera. "Hey can I--"

"For example! In one of my 'Power Classes' you get to learn you're ABC's!" Iron Will interrupted. "But these aren't your Grandma's alphabets OH NO! With Iron Will you'll learn how to be Aggressive, Bold, and Confident."

Standing up Iron Will took a step forward in the direction of the audience.

"And that is Iron Will's ABC's!" He added. "Common folks! Say it with me! Aggressive, Bold and Confident!"

In an act of showmanship Iron leaned forward and placed his open hand behind his ear so he could hear the audience better. When no one responded he began to flare his nostrils in anger.

"I said...SAY IT WITH ME!" He yelled in a way so everyone could hear him.

"Aggressive, bold, and confident!" The audience yelled back in almost perfect unison.

Satisfied by their participation Iron Will sat back down and the show went back it its original wide angle view to get both the quest and host in the same shot. To try and make light of the situation Jon was hiding under his desk, intimately peaking up to see if it was a safe like a groundhog checking its shadow.

The crowd found it humorous but Jon's now aching back told him it was a bad idea.

"Is it over?" Jon asked after sitting back down.

"And that is just lesson one of my assertiveness class," Iron will continued. "In lesson two I really delve into the idea of--"

"Alright, alright we get the idea!" Jon insisted as he lunged over like he was trying to grab any more words from escaping his guest's mouth.

"HA! Sorry Jon but Iron Will can't help it!" He confessed as he once again leaned forward to yell in Jon's face. "It's just the way Iron Will is!"

"Ok two things," Jon said waiting a second for the audience to stop chuckling. "One: why do you...feel the need to go around...and,and,and teach people to be more domineering....and two..."

Instead of finishing his thought Jon reached into the inside of his sports jacket, eventually finding what he was looking for in one of his pockets.

"...you need of one these." He added, offering Iron Will some of his breath mints.

For the first time in his life Iron Will felt an audience turn on him; instead of submissive complacency they were now laughing at his expense. It might have been a humbling experience were it not for his massive ego which would not allow it.

After shooting the audience an intimidating look, which did very little in stopping their laughter, Iron Will continued to address his human friend from across the table.

"To answer your first question Jon," He said giving the audience one last look. "The reason why Iron Will does all of this for a living is because the good folks over in Equestria could use a little toughening up...I don't know if you've noticed but the ponies back home...well they're not exactly the rugged type."

"I know exactly what you mean." Jon said nodding in agreement. "I mean all these ponies walking around with their rainbows, heart shapes everywhere...purple hair, and pink bodies...why one could almost get away with saying they're rather...effeminate."

"Tell me Jon!" Iron Will demanded as he slammed both fists on the table. "Do you humans have your own version of wimpy ponies in your world?"

"Yes we do," Jon answered. "They're called the British."

"Hmmm good to know!" Iron Will, thought out loud while the crowd laughed. "But tell me this...are there a group of humans who are...JUST LIKE ME!" To further perpetuate his point he made sure to yell as loudly as he could while showing off a variety of poses.

"...Yeah," Jon said, nodding somewhat dishearteningly. "...Americans."

By just mentioning the country alone the audience began cheering with a few of them trying to initiate a "USA" chant, though it never got past a few people.

"Even...even thought it would seem our two worlds...are similar in many aspects are there--do you find yourself a little out of your element?" Jon asked. "I'm guessing you're more used to talking to ponies instead of--"

"Well...it is very different," Iron Will admitted. "Iron Will has never been in front of a human audience before...nothing in my life has trained me for this which, I suppose, just makes that more impressive that I, Iron Will, am so darn good at it!"

Like a boxer taking a victory swig Iron Will then proceeded to finish off the remaining water from his complimentary "Daily Show" mug.

"How bout you, Jon?" He asked, oddly taking attention away from himself. "Have you ever had to perform outside of what your're used to?"

"You mean have I ever done comedy in front of an audience of ponies?" Jon ascertained.

"Yeah, have you?" Iron Will pressed. "From what I hear you've spent some time in Equestria."

"No I haven't and I don't think I'll be doing that any time soon. I mean I don't...I don't think it'd be very pleasant," Jon continued. "As a comedian I've dealt with hecklers...before in my life...but being heckled by something that can control the weather or casts spells...no thanks."

Both the crowd and Iron Will laughed at Jon's whimsical assertions, which gave him just enough time to think of a new joke to try out.

"Although now that I think about it this makes for some pretty good material." He added. Before continuing he changed his voice to that of a bad Russian accent to try and imitate Yakov Smirnoff. "In America you throw rotten tomatoes at comic...but in Equestria they use magic to turn you into rotten tomato!"

Even though the cultural references we're lost on him, Iron Will still found himself laughing at Jon's comical impressions.

"Well I'll tell you this, brother!" Iron Will said. "If you do find yourself in front of a pony audience here's my advice...get yourself some goats."

Leaning to the side Jon caught a quick glance at Iron Will's followers who were still standing around, looking in pointless directions.

"Yeeaah well...thanks but again I don't think it'll ever come to that," Jon said offhandedly. "Besides here in the entertainment industry we have our own legion of mindless drones that'll do whatever we say...we call them 'interns.'"

The ones who found the joke the most humorous was the interns themselves since they knew it was true.

"So you...uh, tell how all of this began," Jon said trying to turn the attention back on his guest. "Tell us how you began your career as a motivational speaker...give us your back story."

"Jon...I'm glad you asked that," Iron Will said with a devious smile. "Because you and anypony else can now know everything there is to know about Iron Will by simply purchasing my new 'tell-all' book!"

Signaling for assistance my snapping his fingers caused one of this decked out goats to hand him a hefty book which he promptly slammed on the table, almost causing Jon's mug of water to spill over.

"Right here is Iron Will's first official published book entitled 'Putting your hoof down: How Iron Will used intimidation as motivation,'" he continued. "In this book you the consumer will have the chance to learn my techniques on life while at the same time getting to know a little about yours truly and how Iron Will got to where he is today! Go ahead Jon give it a look."

Jon wasn't at all eager to pick it up. Not because he had any qualms about its content but because there was a thin layer of drool on the spine from where the goat assistant had passed it via its mouth.

"This is...impressive." Jon said, hesitantly picking up the large book. "So...so,so,so is it more of a book biography or a kind of self-help book?"

"It's both if ya think about it! In this book Iron Will uses examples from Iron Will's life to show how even the wimpiest of ponies can be strong and fearless!" He answered. "For example, in chapter three Iron Will tells the readers tips on how to not get pushed around by strangers in public...for example...let's say somepony bumps into you and doesn't say 'excuse me'...what do you do?"

"Well..." Jon said taking a moment to think. "Since it was an accident I'd probably just let them go about their business but if it was intentional I'd use my words and calmly explain to them how--

"WRONG ANSWER...words are for nerds!" Iron Will yelled. "When someone bumps into you then you get in their face and bump them right back! Iron Will tip number 57: "If somepony tries to push you around, grab them back and knock em to the ground!"

Never before had Jon hoped that his kids weren't watching his show.

"Another example!" Iron Will continued. "Let's say somepony is standing in the middle of the hallway and refuses to let you pass. What do you do?"

"I'm guessing the answer isn't to walk around him?" Jon asked.

"Tip number 45," Iron Will said. "Get out of my way or I'll make you pay!"

During his explanation Jon was multitasking by skimming the pages of his book till he came upon a chapter that caught his attention.

"Soooo about this section," Jon said, pointing to page in the book. "This chapter is called 'Origin story,' what's that about?"

"Oh that? That's just the story of how Iron Will first discovered who Iron Will was meant to be." He answered looking somewhat nostalgic. "You see it all started back when I was in school...it was in the first grade and I just finished taking a math test. When I went to have my teacher grade it she gave me an 'F.' When I asked to her to let me retake it she said 'no' but that didn't stop me...Iron Will remembers it clear as day. Iron Will looked her in the eyes and said, 'Give me a bad score, this means war!' And ever since then I've devoted my life to helping others."

As much as Jon would have loved to pick his story apart bit by bit he felt it would have been in poor taste. That and the interview was almost over.

"That...was a very touching story." Jon said in an unconvincing tone. "Thank you for sharing with us."

"No problem little man!" Iron Will said. "But Iron Will's career hasn't been all success and fortune...there have been some hard times as well."

"Is that-- what kinds of hardships did you face?" Jon asked.

"Well for example Iron Will's very first official performance didn't turn out so well." He admitted.

"Why? What, uh, what happened?" Jon asked.

"Well this is what happened...Iron Will had finally gotten permission to set up his stage in the park of this one town." He explained. "It was to be Iron Will's first time addressing the masses. Everything from the lighting to the pyrotechnics was in place and Iron Will even had some posters for the goats to put all around town...but when the time came for Iron Will to do his thing--"

"Let me guess," Jon interrupted, "Low audience turn-out?"

"Worse actually," Iron Will corrected. "Nopony showed up."

Iron Will chuckled at his own past misfortunes which made Jon feel better for laughing so hard at his story.

"Wh-wh-what happened!?" Jon asked. "I mean...uh, uh, how--"

"Well remember when Iron Will said the goats were in charge of putting posters all around town? That was the first mistake." He explained. "Turns out while I wasn't looking they ate them all."

At that point Jon had just calmed down from his last onslaught of laughter when another one came causing the host to spin to the side of his desk to laugh to himself.

"And that...is when Iron Will learned to never have the goats do anything that requires average level intelligence." He said causing his coats to slump their head in shame. Once Jon had regained his composure he was right back to asking questions.

"So...so I noticed...I noticed that you uh, you said you needed permission before you had the chance-- before you could do your performance." Jon ventured. "Who did you need permission from? Was it like...you had some legal issues or, or, or, like what was it?"

"Oh no you see for Iron Will to perform in a town he first needs to either get permission from city hall or a special kind of license that allows for a stage." Iron Will explained. "Some towns are harder to get into than others but for the most part they don't like Iron Will's style of performance...something bout being too loud and disturbing the peace or something."

"Yeah I can see where they're coming from." Jon said with a straight face. "Seriously the last time you addressed my audience I think a car alarm or two went off."

In Jon's experience setting up a joke that involved the crowd was a quick and easy way of getting some laughs and this time was no different.

"Now I've come to learn that you've also spent time in Ponyville," Jon contained. "I've uh, actually been there a few times myself, lively place great uh, great people...but did you, uh did you have any problems performing their or like…was getting a zoning permit just as bad as other places?"

"Not all at all, Jon." Iron Will said rather proudly. "Getting into Ponyville was a piece of cake! Iron Will didn't even need to sign papers or nothing?"

"Is that so?" Jon asked.

"You betcha," Iron Will added. "And it's all cause Mayor Mare...she handled all the technical stuff and told Iron Will to set up wherever he wanted."

"Oh wow how nice?" Jon said. "Why did she go to such great lengths to have you?"

"Oh don't you know? Iron Will and Mayor Mare are good friends...we go waaaay back." He explained. "When Iron Will was younger he attended school to learn the art of talking in front of a crowd. At one point Iron Will took a public speaking class and that's where Iron Will met Mayor Mare...she was studying to be a politician and we really hit it off...so when she found out that Iron Will was trying to set up a show in her town she was more than happy to accommodate...afterwards we even met up to talk about the good ole' days."

"Oh well congratulations," Jon conveyed by doing a slow applause. "You know I had her on the show before and she was just...a delight to have."

"Iron Will saw that interview actually," he confessed. "Iron Will remembers thinking at the time how much good if would do for me if Iron Will got to be on your show too...I mean if she can hijack your show why can't Iron Will!?

"Oh I...uh I see?" Jon said as he thought back on how she indeed turned the interview into her own personal ad campaign at one point. "I would...I would love to hear more about how you two were friends."

"Well actually you can!" Iron Will exclaimed as he pointed to his own book. "All you need to do is go to fifty four where Iron Will talks about his life in school!"

Taking his suggestion seriously Jon turned to where the chapter would have been only to quickly double take back and forth between pages. His look on concussion caught Iron Will's attention.

"Something the matter?" He asked.

"Yeeeaaah there is," Jon answered as he continued to shuffle through page after page. "You seem to be missing some pages."

"WHAT!?" Iron Will screamed as he ripped the book from Jon's hands.

After looking at it intensely he made a shocking discovery.

"What a minute," He said. "Are these...bite marks?"

Turning around he looked at his goats who said nothing and gawked blankly. Iron Will didn't back down but instead narrowed his vision to a grey goat who was trying to look away. After a lengthy and uncomfortable silence the goat in question burped.

"NOT AGAIN!" Iron will screamed

Everyone in attendance began to laugh, even Jon who finished much sooner than they did. To keep things going he called out for Iron Will to sit back down so they could finish.

"Iron Will it's been great having you here today!" He yelled over the crowd, standing up to gesture for a handshake. "Thank you very much for being here and sharing with us your life experiences."

"Hey no problem!" Iron Will responded while still keeping a watchful eye on his goat assistant.

"And I think if we've learned anything here today it's this," Jon summed up. "If you scream loud enough you can have whatever you want."

"Now you're getting it!" He said as he shook Jon's hand.

"Again thanks for being here," Jon added. "The book is 'Putting your hoof down: How Iron Will used intimidation as motivation,' it's on the bookshelves now. Iron Will everyone; we'll be right back!"

The crowd stood and cheered as Jon leaned in to whisper something in Iron Will's ear. The camera panned away at an average speed to get a final shot of the stage where Iron Will was now striking some more poses, with Jon clumsily imitating for comedic effect. Soon the 'Daily Show' logo appeared on the screen for those watching at home and disappeared with the cheering of the crowd fading in favor of another commercial break.

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