The Daily Show presents: Equestrian Interviews

by Daily Show Ponies

Episode 2 [Derpy]: The book

With a heavy sigh Jon threw himself on his living room sofa, tossing his phone on the table in the process. His head was still spinning from the past 24 hours. It would be awhile before the final numbers came in but for the time being what he did know was his show was the most viewed program that day. "Comedic gold," "interview of the millennium," "best thing to happen to television." These were just some of the acclaims many professional reviewers were saying about the episode.

Jon had just finished taking the last of his phone calls. After his interview with Spike he was bombarded by calls and emails from newspapers, websites, and other TV shows begging for a quote or preview of what was to come next (To which even Jon didn't know). Shortly after, and even during, the interview fans were buzzing on Twitter, Facebook, and social forums about what they had witnessed. It had gotten so popular that when Jon (As a social experiment) typed his name in Google the first few suggestions were:

"Did you mean: Jon Stewart interviews Dragon?"

"Did you mean: Jon Stewart interviews Spike?"

"Did you mean: Jon Stewart Equestria?"

"Did you mean: Jon Stewart and the talking dragon?"

Reporters and fans aside, Jon was also getting the occasional call from family members and colleagues congratulating him on his impressive feat. Something that even he still had a hard time believing.

"A Dragon." Jon thought, laughing out loud. "I interviewed a God damned, dragon!"

Putting his feet on the table Jon placed both his hands over his face hiding his ever growing smile. He wondered if all of this was just some very realistic dream that, at any moment, he would wake up from with nothing to show for it.

To test this theory he leaned forward and grabbed the list he acquired from Princess Celestia. The list which contained the names of the many residents of Ponyville. He felt the papyrus in his hands, he saw the wrinkles in the pages, he could smell the distinct odor emanating from it, he heard it make noises every time he furled and unfurled it's pages, and he could taste the future possibilities.

Yep, this was very real and what Jon didn't know was it had only just begun.

As he continued to be lost in his own thoughts he realized that he hadn't spoken with Celestia since last night. He aimed to resolve this so he reached again for his phone, which was almost out of power. Before he could dial he noticed a fairly new text message that was unread. He must not have noticed it as not even a wild elephant couldn't break him away from his current daze. It was from none other than his good friend Stephen Colbert who (As a fellow host knew the importance of getting ready the night before) had simply said: "Saw the show. You were great!"

This made Jon smile as he made a quick, but heartfelt, response and continued to dial the number of the far way princess. Jon still needed to look at the princess' letter for reference as he hadn't saved her number in his contacts yet. Though in time he would be able to recite the number by heart.

After a few seconds of ringing, much like before, the same gentle voice once again greeted him.

"Hello Mr. Stewart," Celestia said from the other end of the line. "Its good to hear from you again."

"Likewise, your majesty.'" Jon said. "Also, like I said before please...call me 'Jon.'"

"Oh, my apologies," She said, sounding amused. "Very well but only if you call me 'Celestia.'" Jon felt somewhat awkward at the idea of addressing royalty with such a lack of formality but decided very quickly to just go along with it.

"Not a problem...Celestia." He said

"So what do I owe the pleasure of your calling me so soon?" She wondered.

"Well for starters I just wanted to thank you for loaning your dragon to me," Jon said, facetiously.

"Not a problem," Celestia said, with a giggle. "Spike had a wonderful time in New York, I do hope he wasn't too much of a handful."

"No not at all." He said. "As a matter a fact thanks to him our program saw a huge increase in viewership. He really made a big impact on the show. I guess you can say because of him our popularity really 'Spiked.'" As the words left his lips Jon felt utterly ashamed at such a transparently horrible joke. The princess however found it quite humorous.

"I'm so glad to hear!" She replied with a hearty laugh.

"Uh yeah, we haven't seen numbers this high since I got to interview Obama a few years back." Jon continued. "And even those pale in comparison to this."

"Hmm?" Celestia said. "I'm sorry, who is 'Obama.'" For a brief moment Jon was taken aback only realize that her question was a perfectly reasonable all things considered.

"Oh sorry that's right you're not from around here," Jon deduced. "Uh, I guess you can say he's the...'Princess Celestia' of our world."

"How fascinating!" She replied, sounding as genuine as always.

"Yeah, yeah, except instead of wings and a horn our guy has death drones and a seemingly endless supply of soldiers." He added, with a slight grin.

"Oh...I see." Celestia said, clearing her throat. "Now then I believe you had another reason for calling me." Jon was tempted to tease her some more but time was of the essence. It was time to get down to business.

"Yes actually, I wanted to talk to you about who I wanted to appear on my show for tomorrow." Jon said, holding the list of names in front of his face.

"Oh my," Celestia said. "So soon?"

"Well as I'm sure you know I do a show every day except for weekends," he explained. "And the fans really took a liking to my interview with Spike. So much so that they want more Equestrian interviews. I want to see if we can't make lightning strike twice."

"I see." Celestia said, impressed by Jon's tenacity. "Well Mr. St- Jon, I am very pleased to hear this and am more than happy to further assist you. So, have you decided on who you wish to interview next."

Ever since the overwhelming popularity of his last interview Jon had been wrestling with the same question over and over again in his mind: How am I going to top it? An interview with real life dragon wasn't going to be easy to beat. His next choice could go either way depending on how he handled it. Jon had an idea of who he wanted to interview next but to go any further he needed some background information first.

Celestia's voice, checking to see if Jon was still on the line, woke him up from his deep thought and he begun to speak again, picking his words carefully.

"Well I do have an idea but before I make my decision I want to ask you something, but you have to promise me you get offended" Jon said cautiously. This really got Celestia's attention.

"I shall do my best." Celestia said, truthfully.

"Well I've been thinking," Jon said, debating in his head if he should continue. "Do you guys in Equestria...have books?" To his relief his question wasn't met with hostility or malice but instead by a fit of laughter.

"Why Jon, of course we do!" She answered. "What a silly thing to ask." Jon wanted to respond by asking how then do people in Equestria hold them in their fingerless hooves but decided not to press his luck.

"Sorry," Jon said now embarrassed. "I'm still getting used to this alternate world of multi-colored talking animals thing."

"That's quite alright," Celestia said with a chuckle. "Why the sudden interest in pony literature?"

"Well as you may or may not know, whenever I get the chance, I like to interview people who've just published a book." Jon answered, informatively. "It's actually one of my favorite kinds of interviews because on the one hand the person I'm interviewing gets time on the air to promote their book, and on the other hand I get to make fun of them for writing such a terrible book. It's a win win. So, I was I was wondering if anyone on the list is a published author."

"I see...how efficient. Give me a moment to think about this," Celestia said, tapping her hoof against the floor in thought. "While I do know some ponies whose special talent is writing I'm afraid none of them are present on the list I provided." For a very brief moment Jon found it odd that she used the phrase 'special talent' but quickly dismissed it as mere colorful euphemisms.

"Well writing books doesn't have to their career." Jon added, not ready to give up on his plan. "It could just be some average Joe who wrote a book just for the heck of it. Those are usually the funniest ones."

"Yes well still I don't thin- Oh!" Celestia said, with a sudden realization. "Actually there is somepony on the list who wrote her own book not too long ago."

"Oh that's great!" Jon replied, now literally on the edge of his seat. "Who is she."

"Actually this is quite the coincidence," Celestia continued, amused by the circumstances at hand. "Because as I recall you've technically already invited her on your show."

"I have?" Jon wondered aloud.

"Indeed you have, Jon." she replied. "Does the name 'Derpy' ring a bell?"

Comments

[DiscordedWhovian]

Doctor: Miss Hooves? What is this? **watching Derpy's interview**
: UMMMMMMMMMM I went to the human world and was interviewed on national T.V.?
Doctor: Wat. YOU WENT TO THE HUMAN WORLD WITHOUT MEEEEEEEE~
: DOCTOR I DIDN'T TURN INTO A HUMAN I DIDN'T GET HANDS!
Doctor: Oh...