Stray Thoughts and Small Fires

by Tale Swapper

ASC: ...and if you can find them...

Schadenfreude looked up from his desk, glancing across the group of people gathered before him. Four figures stared mutely back. Schadenfreude wasn't certain which surprised him more; that he knew two members of the group before him very well, or that he had never heard of the fourth member of the gathering, despite the credentials his boss had given him.

He gave a grim smile and pressed his intercom button. "Blueblood? I think the team is ready."

---

Blueblood looked over the five people gathered before him. Not for the first time, he wondered if he was making a mistake. Then he remembered what had happened to his aunt, and what might happen to the girls under the care of his cousins. Sure, this may be a strange little group, but someone has to move the gears of bureaucracy in those girls' favor. And if that means leveraging some of the more underhanded tactics one can, well...

Taking in a deep breath, he spoke. "Ladies, gentlemen-" catching the hurt look on his secretary's face, he amended his opening line, "-and Schadenfreude, thank you for agreeing to meet with me today. Before we begin, let me introduce everyone in this little group."

"Schadenfreude is my assistant, and one of the most competent organizers, law clerks, and researchers in the region. He is also an insufferable prick, who joined my office to torment the asshole who led it." He motioned to his own chest. "Thankfully, we've since come to an accord, and he is one of the best in the business for either obstructing or fast-tracking any policy he sets his gaze on, entirely within the rules. He is also well versed in causing personal discomfort, psychological trauma, or irritation-induced madness, if need be."

"Dotted Line" he motioned to an older gentleman dressed in a tweed jacket, bow tie, and slacks, graying hair over discreet spectacles, "has come out of retirement for this little project. He was one of the most effective ministers in the English parliaments' managerial staff, mainly through his understanding of people. He knows how to leverage greed, rage, enlightened-self interest, and the other foibles of man, as well as many of their virtues, to getting policy rammed through and forestalling conflict. He also knows how to manage blackmail material."

"Unity LeJean," he continued, "was one of the "auditors" of the Faust Affair. She has an intricate knowledge of the laws involved in bureaucratic affairs, including exactly where each line is, what lines have loopholes which can be exploited, and what lines only exist when public scrutiny is or is not present." The tall woman passed her yellow eyes across the group, her sharp grey suit not detracting from her classic looks.

"Chrysalis, one of the best crackers and hackers in the business. She recently left behind a viable career with the NSA due to conflicts with the new management, and is an expert in data security, forgery, life-building, and code-breaking." He scolwed at the black-skinned woman, who gave a lazy wave of her hand. "She is also an expert in physical disguise- so if anyone is behaving strangely, please double check to make certain it's not her playing another prank."

"That meeting was boring." Chrysalis drawled. "Showing up looking like your boyfriend made it far more interesting."

"And finally-"

"Harshwhinny." the yellow-haired woman interjected. "I'm retired."

"...from being one of the best administrators and media manipulators in the Faust administration." LeJean adjusted her glasses. "I wondered where you went. I was quite surprised to find you as a schoolteacher- less so when you turned out to be working for Faust's daughters."

"Which beings it back to me. And to the events covered in the files you all have perused." Blueblood straightened. "I am Blueblood Darling, cousin to Celestia and Luna Everfree. Recently, unusual events are-"

"Unusual events?" Schadenfreude let out an exasperated sigh. "Blueblood, we're talking about magic, for crying out loud. If it weren't for the fact that I did some research when you first started asking me to look into it, I'd call you a crackpot." He grinned. "I mean, no one here expected this-"

Dotted line let out a small cough. "Actually, Mr. Schadenfreude, magic is not entirely unknown to the British Government." As faces turned to look at him, he smiled. "Granted, the only artifacts which confirm its existence are carefully kept state secrets-"

Chrysalis chuckled. "The crown, the sword, and the book." As Dotted's eyes widened, the green-haired woman grinned. "As soon as Schadenfreude mentioned magic, I did a quick walk through your servers. Let your buddies in the Office of Information know that looking at porn can leave embarrassing backdoors, alright?"

LeJean grimaced. "That's a... cavalier attitude towards data security."

"Maybe. But then again, you don't seem surprised, either."

"I'm not. Did you know there are old laws on the books prohibiting unlicensed necromancy? And forms to become a licensed necromancer?" LeJean reached into her bag and stared digging through. "Granted, only one person actually claimed a license, but as claiming it requires "A demonstration of skill verifiable by a priest and a man of science," I thought it might be genuine." She removed a photocopy of an ancient document. "Bone Marrow, registered two hundred years ago, with his licence confirmed by three priests, an Oxford biologist, and a judge. It is not a state secret, but it is kept... quiet." She paused, then continued. "Especially since his birth was well-documented, but I've yet to find any proof that he ever actually died."

Schadenfreude swallowed. "Well, that's going straight into my nightmares." Turning to the last person in the room, he hesitated. "And you? Why would you-"

Harshwhinny grunted. "I teach the kids involved in this meeting." She glared at Blueblood. "So- you brought the five of us together. What do you want?"

"In short? Protect those students, and with the recent developments at Canterlot High School, prepare for magic to become far more commonplace." He sighed. "Celestia and Luna have informed my office that magic may be spreading- it is only a matter of time before the events in this city draw unwanted attention. Until now, magic has been extremely rare, unpredictable, and limited in scope. However, that is changing, and the government must have procedures in place to prevent... undesirable outcomes."

Schadenfreude grinned, overcoming his previous disturbance. "So... you want us to be the ones to establish those rules, keep those kids safe, and thwart any bureaucratic tangles?"

LeJean gave a wry smile. "Keep individuals from taking rash acts, and restrain them with laws and limitations?"

Dotted frowned. "The Office of Reforms is the right place to start. However, this will necessiate the creation of a new department..."

"It's just going to be the six of us for now, though." Chrysalis looked pensive. "For now we can handle anything."

"Indeed. For now, we are simply going to... audit old files, and determine what can- or should- be adapted for magic." Blueblood smiled. "We know how to work with bureaucracy, to wield it one way or another. We are auditors."

Harshwhinny groaned. "An Auditor Team. An A-Team." She sighed. "Fine. We'll make that pun. I'm hired, I guess." She scowled. "We've already got one brown-nosed bureaucrat digging at us, but Celestia and Luna have asked me to shred him." Glancing around. "Chrysalis, I'll need your assistance finding out just how much he knows."

Chrysalis grinned. "Gladly, old lady. So, we are getting paid for this, right? A girl's gotta keep her self in trashy romance novels somehow..."

Blueblood raised an eyebrow. "You're getting paid fifteen percent above the standard specialist fee."

"Excellent." Unity snapped opened her bag, reaching for a cell phone. "The game is afoot, I suppose."

Blueblood turned, a grin settling onto his own face. "Indeed. Let those girls play with magic and battle demons- it's up to us to handle the monsters in plain view."

Author's Note:

...someone tried to nominate the next reference or cameo for this universe.

It's far, far too late for that, my friend. The A-Team have arrived; and only two of them belong to the main canon.

Also, an internet cookie who can identify the three new cameos in this chapter.

LET THE BUREAUCRACY COMMENCE!

Comments

[Scholarly-Cimmerian]

Dotted line let out a small cough. "Actually, Mr. Schadenfreude, magic is not entirely unknown to the British Government." As faces turned to look at him, he smiled. "Granted, the only artifacts which confirm its existence are carefully kept state secrets-"

*Line*.

This was awesome. The A-Team is here, hooray!

[EchoWing]

I'm okay with bureaucrats so long as they're badass. And if this group includes Harshwhinny, then they qualify by proximity.

[Eroraf86]

If I wasn’t in class right now, I’d be giggling like a madman. I am SO looking forward to seeing where this goes.

[River Road]

OH CELESTIA BUCKING DAMN IT, IN TRIPLICATE WITH A DENTED THERMOS OF TEA!

Of course you had to bring in Dotted Line. And just when I'd gotten over seeing Idol. You are an evil, smarmy bastard who thinks he's smarter than he is, only we both know you're exactly that smart and then some, aren't you?

...I'm keeping my eyes on you.

[WhitewolfStormrunner]

Excellent new chapter, Tale, and I'm looking forward to more.

And as to this?

"We've already got one brown-nosed bureaucrat digging at us, but Celestia and Luna have asked me to shred him."

Oh, I would just love to be a fly on the wall to witness Harshwhinny taking Stayn apart, and the aftermath.

I almost feel sorry for the poor sap.

Almost.

[Menelaus Redz]

Also, an internet cookie who can identify the three new cameos in this chapter.

Three new cameos? Who's the third? There's Dotted Line (from something I'm unaware of], Unity LeJean [from Discworld?], and who?

[Tale Swapper]

8861309
They're mentioned, but not present.

Also, identifying Dotted Line is not going to be too hard; his story appears on this site.

Good eye with Unity, though.

[Noctis Prism]

Oh my Lord, beauracracy actually being used secretly for good instead of greed. I approve.

[Menelaus Redz]

8861349
Oh duh, I can't believe that I forgot about Bone Marrow. Although I also can't place his source, he certainly sounds like he has become a Lich (doubt it is from WoW or Adventure Time).

[Vaguely Demented]

8861493
Amusingly that can have the most disastrous results at times. The Great Depression was caused by a consortium of bankers and similar that agreed to alter the gold rate slightly to prevent all the money in the world going to the US which was becoming wealthier than most of Europe combined.

[Noctis Prism]

8861913
Huh, honestly forgot that one. I was referring to the more modern sense. This is good intentions that are thought out, the gold issue was with good intentions but not thought out to account for other market reactions to the shift in immediate. Still, nowadays most times it seems gov can only help itself by ruining others.

[Vaguely Demented]

8861931
On that I can’t disagree. There are a few gems but they seem very much in the minority regardless of party affiliations.

[Noctis Prism]

8861934
Best lines for it-"The Devil you know and the Devil you don't", "All actions are seen the same in the end, regardless of why they started. All anyone will care about is the end", "Poison or a bullet. You die either way, but only one can you make be an instant.", and "The road to hell is paved with good intentions, but the plans were made by the ones who couldn't care either way,"

All point to the view I have. Nothing is black and white, it's all about perspective of where you stand and awareness of where others are in the path you cut.

[The Wind King]

8861349

Is that "Whom the Princesses Would Destroy" for Dotted Line?

Discworld for Unity LeJean as previously mentioned.

And Delinquency by Daemon McRae for Bone Marrow

[LostArchivist]

"Especially since his birth was well-documented, but I've yet to find any proof that he ever actually died."

Oh, this just keeps getting even better! So many awesome people here. I wonder if Mr. Lich is going to actually show up at some point...

[LostArchivist]

8977453
Yeah. I love stories with clever politics and not-so-clever scumbags getting a not-so-fun surprise.
I'd recommend David Weber for published science fiction with those features. (Best part is that if you google Baen CD, you'll find a bunch of free copies of his books and others from the publisher. baencd.thefifthimperium.com is a good source)

[Midnight_Hellfire]

8861561
Necromancy for Foals 1-2

[DarthRevan12345]

"Especially since his birth was well-documented, but I've yet to find any proof that he ever actually died ."

umm......

[FancyFan]

Got the first two, my mind went to Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norell for Bone Marrow