ASC: You Don't Have to be Mad to be Hired Here...
Principal Celestia sighed as she looked over the paperwork in front of her. Glancing up, she found herself looking into the golden eyes of her erstwhile janitor, who was whistling softly, causing his clip on tie to lazily dance back and forth. While Celestia was used to Discord's new habit of having inanimate objects dance around him, she really didn't like his new tie.
Especially since he somehow attached a clip-on tie to a ratty t-shirt. Celestia glanced down at the paperwork he'd presented to her, and decided for once that her "new hire" script could be scrapped. "Discord, before we begin, I need to discuss how you learned about these... openings."
Discord grinned. "Are you implying that I hacked your computer? Evesdropped on your office? Read through your personal files after one of our study sessions?" He shook his head. "I didn't have to. You dropped both the personal letters attached to their resignations into the trash can before you headed home last week. If you want to hide something, don't leave it where the janitor is obligated to dispose of it."
Celestia sighed. "And do you dig through everyone's trash?"
"Just the people with interesting secrets. You'd be surprised what you can learn through people's garbage. For example, Harshwhinny is a a recovering smoker, Cheerilee has three secret admirers she doesn't appreciate, and someone is using the third floor janitor's closet for trysts." He groaned at that last part. "I swear, they knock over everything whenever they hide in there."
Celestia blinked. "I don't want to know how you know about the third one. Regardless, both Dr. Bunsen Burner and Mr. Parabola resigned last week. Both refused to continue working in an institute which-"
"Violates the laws of physics on a daily basis." Discord grinned. "I know my... activities haven't helped matters, but they're going to need to go very far away to escape magic, if Ms. Shimmer is at all right, magic is going to spread. They're going to need to toughen up, if they can't even handle my pranks."
"True." Celestia sighed. "Most of the faculty are adjusting to the feats our students are capable of. However, Bunsen and Parabola want the world to make sense."
"When it really doesn't." Discord leaned back in his chair. "And now, you need a new physics teacher."
Celestia groaned. "And you want to fill the position."
Discord straightened up in his seat. He stopped drumming his fingers, causing his tie to settle back into position on her throat. With a quick motion, he pulled his plaid jacket off the back of the chair behind him, and pulled it on, buttoning it securely. The transformation was remarkable; although a close look would reveal the wild inconsistencies in Discord's attire, at first glance he might actually pass for respectful. "Well, yes. I taught for five years in grad school, and I have a Ph.D. in Physics-"
"And a master's in applied Math; with a focus on chaos theory." Staring at Discord, she groaned. "It's not that I don't trust your credentials, Discord. And it's not as though I don't trust you. It's just that I've never thought of you as someone who would want to submit lesson plans and the like." Her eyebrow arched. "You do realize that you'll have to act somewhat like a mature, reasonable individual if you want to stay employed, correct?"
"It's not my first choice, Celestia." Discord leaned back in his chair. "But you need the help among the teaching staff. Most of the faculty are adjusting, but most are trying to ignore magic as much as possible, not work with it. And, when something big goes down, I'd rather have some real authority. Being dismissed as "just the janitor" was what I wanted when I took the position, but we're on the cusp of something amazing. I'd rather be along for the ride then left in the dust."
Celestia pursed her lips, then sighed. "I can't fault you for that." Glancing down at the documents on her desk, she frowned. "And these four- you think one of them might be able to replace Bunsen?"
"Cipher is kookier than I am, but he's used to weird, and he's undeniably brilliant. It might be hard to get him away from the North West, though. He's actually an alternate physics candidate, in case you don't want me around."
"And the rest?"
"Valence Frizzle is the only "normal" educator of the bunch, but she's got enough kooky ideas to keep up with any of the kids. Turner is more of a prodigy than anything else; he's more of a tinkerer than a teacher, but he does know his stuff. Finally, Sadi Au'nyssia is probably the best classically trained chemist I know. He's devious and clever, but would be willing to keep his silence about anything he might see."
"I see." Celestia bit her lip, then nodded. "Cipher is out. Discord, I expect a proper lesson plan on my desk by Monday. I have substitutes lined up through Wednesday, so you'll start teaching Thursday. I'll make a decision about our other position tomorrow."
Discord stood up, grinning. "Thank you, ma'am. I promise that you won't regret hiring me; though I can't say the same for your students." He spun and began to walk out, only to hear Celestia respond from behind him as he approached the door.
"The only thing about this interview I regret is having to see your choice of clothing. Next time you go to a formal interview, wear a kilt with a pattern something other than purple-and-green paisley."
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Bill Cipher from Gravity Falls
Ms. Frizzle from the Magic Schoolbus
Turner is obviously Time Turner, aka Doctor Hooves.
4th one I am drawing a blank on.
"Dr. Bunsen" makes me think of the Muppets. Which is just ironic, given the experiments that Dr. Honeydew got up to there. XD
Uh... no, don't hire that guy. Something tells me he'd be seriously bad news.
Ms. Frizzle, Dr. Who/Dr. Whooves, and - I have no idea who that last one is. XD Discworld reference? I have no idea.
Damn, love the teacher line-up....but I PRAY that Cipher doesn't gain anything close to his triangular counterpart in powers.
8854618
If he was anything like the real Dr Honeydew he would have lost his job immediately when his TA got shot through a wall or blow up or similar.
"I'd love to come over, pi tweed, really I would, but I don't think you understand the Gravity of the situation I'm in. Let's just say that there's some weirdness going on here in Oregon that's keeping me pretty solidly anchored. Gotta hang up now, business to deal with, kids to teach valuable life lessons, arrivediscord~"
8855006
8854871
...now you're just tempting me.
8854616
8854618
As I said, Candidate #4 is quite obscure; he's a supporting character from an under-appreciated book series. I suspect no-one will recognize him.
As a hint, however; calling him a "him" may not be entirely accurate. In his original story, he's a eunuch.
8854871
8855331
I suspect he would end up much like Mr. Discord: high but not unreasonable power level, and certainly nowhere as broken as their more infamous counterparts.
8855436
I'm considering, if I ever add Cipher to the story proper, making his power Deal.
Essentially, he has substantial reality warping powers- but he can only use them to fulfill or collect on a deal made with another person. And he has to obey the will of the deal-maker. Kind of like a mutual genie.
I'm going to give this a try.
Cipher - Bill Cipher from Gravity Falls
Turner - Time Turner
Valence Frizzle - Ms. Frizzle from The Magic Schoolbus
Sadi Au'nyssia - Sadi from The Belgariad Series
8856777
DING DING DING! You got it!
Now, who should be the new Chemistry Teacher?
8856959
Oof. This is a tough decision. I guess I'll have to go with a childhood favorite.
Ms. Frizzle!
8857091
Excellent.
Now I just need to figure out what power I should give her...
8857557
It's connected to her bus, obviously. She can do anything and go anywhere as long as she's in the driver's seat.
8860011
I'm going to have to rein that in a bit, but I like the concept.
I think I'll call it Drive.
I actually caught three of those. Yay!
This ought to be terrifying, if even ONE of those is hired. :D
Been browsing this worldline when I heard the first story praised as the opy Anon-a-Miss fic on the site that treats every character with respect. Before, you had my curiosity. With making Discord a physics teacher, you have my interest.
And yes, I'm spoiling myself on a lot of the broad details, but I need to know there's a light at the end of the tunnel before I read an AaM fic.