Shape Up or Slaughter Out!
Captain Shining Armor paused right outside General Spanish Steel's office, readying himself for a moment. Easy, Shiny, this is nothing. It's a simple meeting going over the Royal Guard's performance these past few weeks. He looked to one of the guards standing by the door, a unicorn mare wearing the bronze-colored duty armor of the regular infantry. “Captain Shining Armor reporting as ordered,” he stated to her.
The unicorn nodded. Her horn glowed and the door opened. She turned and stepped inside the room. “General, Captain Shining Armor is here to see you,” she said.
Shining Armor followed her inside, his eyes looking around Spanish Steel's office. The Chairpony of the Joint Chiefs of Staff sat behind a large, oak desk that was rather well-organized, with two stacks of papers in trays, a cup of quills, an inkwell and a desktop telephone. He wore his duty uniform, the four stylized suns denoting his rank standing out on his shoulders. Two chairs were in front of the desk for visitors. The entire back wall was glass, offering a magnificent view of Canterlot below. A balcony could be seen right outside, perfect for a pegasus like Spanish Steel to land on or take off from. One wall had a series of shelves with various mementos from the past, while the other was covered with various maps of Equestria and surrounding nations. Shining Armor winced as he observed troop movements outlined along the northern border with the Griffin Empire, but he pushed it to the back of his head as he snapped to attention. “Captain Armor reporting as ordered.”
Spanish Steel glanced up at him. “Thank you. Have a seat, Captain.” He looked to the guard. “You're dismissed, Sergeant. Please see to it we're not disturbed unless it's an emergency.”
Shining Armor sat down as Spanish Steel reached out with his right wing and slid a clipboard across the desk towards him. “I must say, Captain. I didn't think you'd be able to get the Royal Guard back into shape, let alone so quickly. They really proved their mettle during that little 'unpleasantness' around Ponyville and the Everfree Forest.”
Shining Armor smiled “Thank you, General.” He paused for a moment, waiting for Spanish Steel to say something. When nothing came, his ears tilted forward. “But?”
Spanish Steel snorted. “Good catch, Captain.” He jabbed at the clipboard with a primary covert. “There's still a number of Royal Guard who are still not performing up to spec. It's a fairly small fraction, but after what happened we need everyone in the Equestrian Armed Forces performing at their best, Royal Guard included.”
Shining Armor nodded. “Understood, General.” He leaned over as Spanish Steel slid the clipboard over to him. His horn glowed and it floated up to him. His eyes moved back and forth. “Ah, yes,” he finally said. The clipboard floated back to the desk and Shining Armor met Spanish Steel's eyes. “What's to become of them?”
“There are two options,” Spanish Steel replied. “Either they're dismissed with general or dishonorable discharges, or there's the possibility of one last chance for each of them.”
Shining Armor's eyes scanned the names written. “General, most of them have tried their best. I've personally observed them during Project Philomena. I know if they have one more chance, they can make it up to spec.”
Spanish Steel's wings flapped slightly against his barrel. He nodded to Shining Armor and a tight smile formed on his muzzle. “With that attitude, you just might be the first Colonel of the Royal guard in Equestrian history.” His right wing unfurled, opened a drawer on the desk and gingerly pulled out a manila folder. “I think there's a solution to this problem. Or at least, if this doesn't work, nothing will.” He continued to speak as Shining Armor's telekinesis 'grabbed' the folder and floated it over. “President Abernathy of the United States of America spoke highly of this man back when he was the leader of Delta-Six.” He stared across the desk. “I feel this might be their last, greatest chance, Captain.”
The folder slid down after a few minutes, allowing Shining Armor to lock eyes with Spanish Steel. “If this doesn't work, I don't think anything will, General.”
One Week Later
Activity at the Equestrian side of the Rainbow Bridge had picked up since the initial 'incident' connecting Earth and Equestria. A survey team was off to the side. Humans, ponies and Zecora all were gathered around measuring devices, tables laden with computers and other odds and ends. Temporary barracks for the Equestrian Armed Forces, the United States Army and the Earth Defense Command had been set up. A large communications tower festooned with antennae, bullhorns and with wires trailing down from it loomed over everything, close to the Rainbow Bridge itself.
A bullhorn on the tower suddenly came to life. “Attention, all personnel! Incoming teleportation in five minutes! Please clear the landing area. I say again; incoming teleportation in five minutes. Please clear the landing area!”
Six ponies and one baby dragon stood in front of the 'landing area', which was little more than a bare patch of dirt marked off by rope. All seven were clad in military clothes of some sort.
Twilight Sparkle swallowed, sweat covering her brow. “I'm not so sure this was a good idea,” she said. She wore the dress uniform of the Equestrian Armed Forces, the Royal Guard version. She wore a red jacket with a plain gold collar, gold trim on the sleeves and the symbol of the Royal Guard on a badge right on her chest. Her hooves had been polished and were gleaming. Even her mane had been trimmed down to regulation-length for new recruits, barely more than bristles on her poll.
Rarity chuckled. “It will be fine, Twilight,” she said, reaching over and patting her friend on the shoulder. “I'm sure he'll see the effort we put into greeting him and appreciate it.” She too was clad in a dress uniform, this one of the regular Equestrian Armed Forces. It was structurally identical to Twilight's uniform, save for a blue jacket instead of red and the symbol on front that of the Equestrian Armed Forces as a whole. Her mane still flowed down her neck and crest, coiffed and teased to perfection.
Rainbow Dash and Applejack exchanged glances. “I just did it to look awesome,” Dash said, spreading her wings out. She was covered from muzzle to dock in the basic flight armor of the Royal Air Corps, minus the loin-mounted rifle and other combat gear. She looked herself over, pausing at the gauntlets covering her knees and fetlocks. “This is maybe... fifty percent as cool as the Wonderbolts uniform!”
Rarity let out a snort. “Oh, please! Your armor, shiny as it is, pales in comparison to how I look!” She stepped forward, swinging her head back and forth and letting tossing her mane about.
Spike, standing on the far end, clasped his claws together and let his tongue snake out. “So divine,” he muttered, seeming to float after her. He wore a simple white undershirt, an unbuttoned olive-green shirt, a matching pair of pants and what greatly resembled an M1941 knit cap.
Applejack held out a foreleg, holding him back. “Easy there, Spike,” she said, winking at him. She wore a simple olive-green jumpsuit of a maintenance mare of the Royal Tank Corps. Her gaze slid to Fluttershy standing next to her. “You okay, sugarcube?”
Fluttershy's entire body vibrated. Her teeth clacked together and her eyes were locked onto the landing pad. She wore armor much like Dash's, save it was bronze-colored instead of silver. “He-he s-sounds so-s-so scary!” she finally stuttered out. Her wings folded over her head as she crouched onto the grass.
Pinkie Pie patted her on her dorsal armor plates. “Oh, don't worry, Flutters! I'm sure he'll be nice as a bunny rabbit to you when he gets here.”
The other five mares stared at her. “Pinkie Pie... what are you wearing that for, again?” Twilight asked, cocking her head to the side.
Pinkie Pie looked herself and the wedding dress she wore over. “Oh, this? I got the idea to wear this from that really super-cool television show Danny showed us over the weekend. You know, the one about the potatoes?” She moved her bouquet from one hoof to the other, moved aside her veil and scratched her forehead. “Although I don't remember seeing any actual potatoes in the show. Weird.”
Dash's head slowly turned to her. “You mean... MASH? Pinkie Pie, you're dressed as that Klinger guy!” She suddenly looked to the sky. “Actually, that makes sense.” The pegasus looked to Spike, standing next to her. “So that means you're Radar?”
Spike nodded, grinning. “We're both the same guy!” he exclaimed, spreading his stubby arms wide. “We're both great at our jobs-”
“The shortest of the group,” Dash interjected, smirking.
“And oftentimes we're the only ones keeping our respective friends out of trouble,” Spike finished, smirking.
Any retort was interrupted by a bright flash of light and loud pop on the landing pad. It faded as quickly as it appeared, leaving behind two unicorns and a human male kneeling between them. He wore a pair of black boots, pants with a camouflage pattern on them and a green shirt. Thick spectacles covered his eyes, and he wore a wide-brimmed brown hat. He stood up, quickly towering over the two unicorns. Time had begun to wear on him, as evidenced by the gray creeping at the edge of his crew-cut hair, but he was still muscular and carried himself with confidence. “Thank you, gentlemen!” Sergeant Slaughter barked out, saluting the two before grabbing a suitcase next to him and quickly marching up to Twilight and her friends.
The two unicorns stared after him. “Those recruits are dead meat,” one observed.
Twilight's jaw dropped as he stood in front of her, over twice her height and staring down at her. “H-hello, S-Sergeant. I-I amam-”
Slaughter slowly dropped down to one knee. “Miss Sparkle,” he began, voice dropping to a 'mere' thunderous growl, “It's an honor to meet you and your friends. My name is Sergeant Slaughter, formerly of the United States Marine Corps and Delta-Six. I'm here as requested by Captain Armor of the Royal Guard,” he said, pulling out a folded sheet of paper from his pants back pocket and holding it out to Twilight.
Twilight's horn glowed and she floated the paper over. Her eyes scanned the information on it. “Everything seems to be in order, Sergeant,” she said, returning the paper. “Thank you very much.”
Slaughter nodded. He slowly looked to his right, down the line at them. “Let me guess, wanting to make me feel welcome?” He barked a laugh, sending the remnants of Twilight's mane standing on end.
He stood up, pacing back and forth along the line. Each pony and dragon straightened up as he passed. “Class A's of the Royal Guard and Officer Corps, maintenance crew, Royal Air Corps and...” Slaughter paused at Pinkie Pie and Spike. He adjusted his glasses. “What the heck?” He leaned over, looking from one to the other. “A wedding dress and those clothes... Max Klinger and Radar O'Reilly?!”
Pinkie's head bobbed up and down. She reared back on her hind legs and threw her forelegs up, but suddenly paused and looked at Slaughter, her expression switching from joy to seriousness. “Sergeant, just to warn you, I'm about to produce a stream of confetti and ribbons seemingly out of thin air.” She leaned back. “On your signal?”
Slaughter nodded. “Proceed, Corporal Pie!”
Pinkie snorted. “He was a sergeant before the end of the show's run, but alright!” Streamers and confetti exploded from somewhere behind Pinkie Pie while trumpets sounded from somewhere. She tossed her head back, the wedding veil flopping back. “Yay, you guessed it!” she cried out.
Slaughter's free hand came up on instinct, but slowly lowered. “Interesting. I'd like to find out how you did that, but later.” He straightened up and adjusted his glasses. “I've got a lot to do to prepare for meeting up with these near-washouts.”
Dash suddenly flew up and around the drill instructor, finally stopping a half-foot in front of his face. “Hey, you don't really seem all that tough to me,” she said, jabbing her hoof at Slaughter's face. “I mean sure, you're big and you've got a chin that could break stone, but you seem awfully nice for a drill instructor!”
Applejack rolled her eyes to the sky. “Dash, I don't think that's too smart of yah.”
Slaughter stood there, unmoving. Dash's head bobbed from side to side. She looked to Applejack. “Ah, he's not even any bark, Apple-”
“You will address me as 'Drill Instructor'!” Sergeant Slaughter suddenly barked out, leaning forward and jabbing a finger at Dash.
Dash twisted back to face Slaughter. Her mouth curled up in a snarl, but it quickly faded as she locked her eyes with Slaughter's glasses. “I... I...” She swallowed, slowly floating back to the ground. Her wings folded back against her body as she stared up at Slaughter staring down at her.
The drill instructor stood over Dash for a few moments, staring down at her. “Now, give me fifty wing-ups,” he half-whispered.
There was a mild thud as Fluttershy tipped over and fainted, legs sticking straight into the air. Rarity trotted over to her, but the others stood still. Dash swallowed before dropping to her belly. Her wings extended until the primary coverts touched the ground. With a grunt, the pegasus pushed herself up, using only her wings.
Slaughter performed a flawless left-face and stepped over to Twilight. “Miss Sparkle, could you please escort me to Ponyville and the train station? I have a train to catch to Canterlot in two hours.”
Twilight's spine locked into place. “Of course, Sergeant!” she barked out, spinning about. She walked off, Slaughter following her.
Pinkie's head twisted around as she watched the pair leave. “Ooh, he's good!” she said, her head corkscrewing back. She looked to Dash. “Ah, Dashie? I think you can stop, now. Sergeant Slaughter's gone.”
Dash shook her head. “No, way! If I do, he'll know. And then...” She sucked in air as her tempo increased.
Spike shook his head. “He is good.”
Fluttershy merely kicked the air, squeaking.
One Week Later
It was a cloudy day in more ways than one for Private Square Peg. The unicorn mare stood at attention with the other seven members of her squad – the unofficially named 'Last Chances'. She stared straight ahead while others chatted or glanced around at the training field they had assembled at.
Motion at the corner of her eye almost caused her to glance, but she kept stock-still at attention. Please, I pray to the Mag'ne I can get through this. I pray to the Herd. One more chance. If I blow this, then alright. But let me try my best here.
Captain Shining Armor and a rather tall and well-muscled human walked into view. “Attention!” he barked, stopping and executing a perfect left-face. The rest of the squad straightened up, or at least tried to. Square Peg, already at attention, locked her legs and spine as hard as she could.
Shining Armor turned his head, looking at each one standing there. “You are here for one reason. This is it. This is your last chance to pass muster and join the Royal Guard proper. Most have been able to improve and reclaim the honor the Royal Guard lost. The worst of the worst have been weeded out and sent packing. You eight, though, are not quite bad enough to be discharged, but not quite good enough to be moved up.” He motioned to the human standing next to him. “This is Sergeant Slaughter, a former member of the Marine Corps and of a very elite anti-terrorist unit of the United States Military known as GI Joe. He was that unit's drill instructor.” He began pacing back and forth. “Tell me, does anyone know how the Royal Guard was founded? More specifically, what was it originally based on?”
A hoof shot up in the front row. Shining Armor acknowledged it. “Sir, the Royal Guard was based on tales of the Bloody Jaws from the Holy Land of Key'Tuck. They were the warlords and protectors of the Herd. The Dannile told the ponies of Dream Valley about them.”
Shining Armor nodded to the stallion. “Very good. Their name changed to the Bloody Jaws, but before they were the Ig Jaws. IG is also an acronym for immunoglobulin, the cells that are part of your immune system. Someone noticed them being the same, hence it eventually changing to 'Bloody'.” He leaned forward, stretching his neck out. “Now, think on this for a moment. What do you think the Ig Jaws really were?”
Gears in Square Peg's mind whirred and spun. Her nostrils flared and her jaw locked together. Ig Jaws... GI Joe! She focused on Slaughter standing there, eyes hidden by his glasses' reflection. That makes him the –
Her train of thought was halted by Shining Armor speaking once more. “And of course there was the Slaughterer, he who trained the Ig Jaws and molded them into the warriors they were. He was their drill instructor.” A nasty smirk formed on Shining Armor's mouth. “He is now your drill instructor. And you will either pass this course, or be discharged from the Royal Guard and be ineligible to enlist with any other unit of the Equestrian Armed Forces.” He turned to Slaughter. “I leave them in your hands,” he said, saluting.
Slaughter returned the salute. “Thank you, Captain.” He placed his hands on his hips. “Well, well, well. It looks like the 'good captain' left me with the sorriest sacks of horse apples I have ever had the bucking displeasure to try and mold into something resembling real soldiers!”
Slaughter's voice rose with each word, sending ears folding down against the pony's heads and three of them wincing. The drill instructor focused on one stallion in front. “You! You have not been given permission to break from attention! Your ears are to be straight up, you sad sack of smooze! Your shoulders are to be straight, your withers, back, loin, hip and croup forming a straight line back to your tail! Now snap to attention before I snap YOU!”
The stallion sucked in air and trembled before straightening up to attention. Slaughter jabbed a finger at him. “Better, but not good enough!” He focused on a unicorn mare and jabbed a finger at her. “You! Those legs look like you've been stuffing your face with sweets! Drop and give me a hundred push-ups, maggot!”
The red-coated mare dropped down, pushing herself up with her forelegs. Slaughter growled. “Faster, maggot!” He crossed his arms and planted a boot on her back. “We've got a lot of work to do.” He suddenly focused on Square Peg. “You, what are you staring at!”
Square Peg's eyes crossed for a moment, but she managed to keep staring ahead, not looking at Slaughter. “Sir, nothing, sir!”
Slaughter growled. He stepped off the unicorn and stepped in front of Square Peg, hands on hips and looming over her. “Don't call me 'sir', you poor excuse for a soldier! I work for a living! You will address me as 'Drill Instructor'! Do you understand me? I can't hear you!”
Square Peg's head and neck shook, rattling her helmet around. “Yes, Drill Instructor!” she barked out.
Slaughter bared his teeth. “Good, but you didn't answer my question, Square Peg! What in the name of motherbucking Tartarus are you staring at?”
“Infinity, Drill Instructor!”
Slaughter leaned back slightly. He rubbed his chin. “Well, there might be something here. I detect the slightest, smallest amount of something that I might be able to mold into a being resembling a real soldier.” He dropped to one knee, his face suddenly mere inches from Square Peg's muzzle. “I'm going to be your worst nightmare, Square Peg. And maybe, just maybe, your greatest hope, too. Either you'll walk out of this regimen on four hooves, or you'll be leaving in a ditty bag.” He held up his hand, thumb and index finger close together. “An itty-bitty ditty bag.” He shot back to both feet and jabbed a finger behind him. “Now, two hundred laps in full armor! On the quadruple!”
Square Peg launched herself forward, quickly reaching a full gallop. She blocked out anyone else around her, concentrating on what lay ahead. I can do this. I WILL do this!
On the outskirts of Ponyville sat the Punch Bowl, Berry Punch's bar, restaurant and full-service inn. It sat on the main road to Canterlot and was a few minute's walk from the edge of the Everfree Forest, ensuring a constant flow of guests and bits. Within a week of the Rainbow Bridge's opening, Berry Punch had half the rooms outfitted with human-sized furniture. Food and drink for humans had also been stocked.
Berry Punch was tending bar as the front door opened. She glanced up and up as Sergeant Slaughter approached the bar, sitting on the largest human-sized stool. “What can I get for you?” She asked, sliding a menu towards him.
Slaughter picked it up. “Just a hard cider, please.”
A voice from his side drew his attention to a large earth pony stallion sitting a few stools down. “Put it on mah tab, Punch.”
Slaughter nodded. “Thank you...”
“Macintosh Apple,” he replied. “But yah can call me Big Mac.” He slid off the stool and trotted over, mug now balanced on top of his head. He tipped his head forward, letting the mug slid onto the bar top without spilling a drink, then hopped onto a stool next to Slaughter.
Berry Punch placed a tall mug of frothing hard apple cider in front of Slaughter, who picked it up. “Thanks,” he said, taking a long gulp. “Ah, that hits the spot!”
Big Mac slowly nodded. “Thanks.” He leaned in close. “Truth be told, it's from mah family's farm,” he said, winking.
Slaughter chuckled. “Well, it's pretty good, Big Mac.” He looked the stallion over. “Former military?”
Big Mac's brow furrowed. “Eyup. Now how'd yah guess that?”
“I can tell,” Slaughter said, bringing his mug close to Big Mac. “To those we left behind.”
The stallion brought his mug over and gently tapped it against Slaughter's mug. “To those we left behind.” He took a sip, then set the mug down. “So, what brings you out here to Equestria?”
“Trying to whip some last chances of the Royal Guard into shape. Either they shape up or ship out.” He looked over his glass of cider. “They're not... terrible. There's one mare I think has the makings of a fine soldier. But it's gonna take a lot of work to get them into shape.”
Big Mac chuckled. “Yah think they're bad now? Should've seen 'em before Shining Armor got a hold o' them.”
Slaughter looked the stallion over. “What branch of the service were you in?”
“I was Sergeant Macintosh Apple of the First Tank Regiment of tha Royal Tank Corps,” Big Mac replied, eyes gleaming with an inner fire. “Tha Steel Hooves, Sergeant. Best of tha best.” He snorted, nostrils flaring. “What about you, Slaughter?”
“Former member of Delta-Six, codename GI Joe. We were an anti-terrorist unit during the 1980's and early 1990's. Before that I was in my country's Marine Corps. I was the drill instructor for the team. And after keeping tabs on them, whipping some ponies into shape should be fairly easy.”
Big Mac drank some more of his cider. “Famous last words,” he finally muttered. At Slaughter's glare, he shrugged. “Well, it's true. Thar was this griffin named George.” he held his forelegs up and waved them about. “'Ooh, look at me! I got opposable claws! I can drive this here tank through anything!'” He rolled his eyes to the ceiling. “Danged fool sent the tank right into an anti-tank ditch first time!”
Slaughter snorted. “It's a good thing I wasn't drinking anything,” he said. “So why aren't you still with the Tank Corps?”
Big Mac fell silent, staring at his half-finished mug of cider. “Parents were killed in a flood. Hardship discharge.” A shadow seemed to fall over his face for a moment as his mouth turned down in a scowl. “Sisters were too young, grandmother was too old. So I had tah go back and help out. They were rough times for a bit.” The ghost of a smile returned. “But we made it through.”
There was comfortable silence between the two former soldiers for a few minutes, the only real sounds being the sipping of their ciders or the gentle thunk of their glasses hitting the bar. “'The farmers have won, not us.'” At Big Mac's questioning look he shrugged. “It's from a film called The Seven Samurai. Akira Kurosawa.” He tilted his head back, his chin jutting out. “Hmm, interested in seeing it after I'm done with the Royal Guard?”
The stallion pursed his lips for a moment before slowly nodding. “Eyup. That'd be might nice ah yah, Sergeant.”
Square Peg wobbled on her hind legs, hopping from tire to tire. She cradled a long stick of wood in her forelegs. Normally she would be using telekinesis for such a burden, or saddlebags... but the drill instructor from the tenth level of Tartarus had forbidden either option for carrying the stick, leaving with little choice but to use her forelegs.
Slaughter stood off to the side, waving about a baton. “Faster, Square Peg!” he barked out. “Griffins are attacking! The Shadowbolts have returned! You're the only thing standing between Equestria and annihilation!”
Square Peg reached the end of the tires. She swung the stick around, grabbing it with her mouth before dropping to her barrel and crawling along the ground towards a fence of barbed wire. Her armor, even as well-ventilated and magically enchanted for lightness as it was, clung to her coat and weighed her down.
She kept her head as low as possible while sliding underneath the spike-studded and razor-sharp wire. Her horn glowed slightly, pushing the lowest strands up as far away as possible.
Slaughter's voice sounded out, much louder than before. “You're using your magic, Square Peg!”
Square Peg swallowed as she continued crawling. “Yes, Drill Instructor!”
“I told you not to use your magic!”
The row of barbed wire ended and Square Peg rose to her hooves. A series of logs were planted in the dirt, forming the next part of the obstacle course. “Yes, Drill Instructor!” she barked out, her mind racing. “But you only said I couldn't use it for carrying the stick!”
There was a pause before an odd barking could be heard. Square Peg chanced a glance over, scarcely believing what she saw; Slaughter was laughing, a smile on his face. “Very good, Square Peg! Nice to see you using your brains!” The smile fell away. “Now quit gawking at me and get back to the obstacle course, maggot!”
Square Peg dug her armored hooves into the ground, kicking up clods of dirt as she galloped at the logs, weaving through them with an increased gait. “I AM going to do this!
Slaughter tracked the unicorn as she made her way through the last half of the obstacle course. Movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. He snapped to attention as Shining Armor trotted up. “Captain!” he barked out.
Shining Armor stopped by Slaughter's side. “Sergeant.” He looked to Square Peg as she weaved around the logs. “I read your last report. Darned impressive.” A light nicker escaped him. “Almost embarrassing how well you've done with these eight,” he admitted.
Slaughter's eyes swiveled behind his glasses as he kept track of Square Peg's progress. He raised his right arm and checked his wristwatch. “They just needed the right sort of kick to their flanks, Captain. You did one heck of a job with the rest of the Royal Guard.” He stopped as Square Peg trotted up to the pair and snapped to attention. “Well, well, well.” He half-smiled. “Your time is acceptable, Square Peg. You made it.” He jabbed a finger off in the general direction of the barracks. “Now hit the sack. You and the rest still have a long week ahead of you.”
Square Peg saluted before turning and trotting off. Slaughter let out a sigh as he watched her go. “I think I'm finally getting soft in my old age, Shining. I barely chewed them out today.”
One Week Later
Square Peg stood at attention, her dress uniform immaculate. She and the rest of the squadron were on the main parade grounds in front of a stage. Shining Armor stood in front of a podium, Sergeant Slaughter to his right and Spanish Steel to his left. There were a few other officials there, but barring the Diarchs she paid them little attention. His words barely registered in her mind, but she was focused enough to pick up the end of his little speech.
“... “And so with this, the honor of the Royal Guard has been reclaimed. With this, we may march with our heads held high.” He stepped over to a small table with badges stacked neatly on them. “As I call your name, please come forth so I may officially place you on active duty. Private Big Bucks!”
One by one, the former last chances walked to the side of the stage and up the stairs to stand at attention as Shining Armor floated a rank badge up to their uniform and pinning it on. All too soon, Square Peg heard her name called out. She stepped forward and executed a left-face before walking over. Her heart pounded in her chest as she quickly mounted the stage and stood in front of Shining Armor. His horn glowed, the badge floated up and was quickly pinned onto her uniform. They exchanged salutes before she about-faced and trotted back down. I did it. I really did it. She looked to the others standing there. We all did it.
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With the comments made in the main story about the ERG I'm guessing this was a long time coming...one thing, Slaughter would not be referred to as a former Marine, only way he would be one is if he was dishonorable discharged
Huh. I gotta give the Sarge this, he really did his research. A most enjoyable tale of a real American hero among ponies.
Ok, I am obviously missing something but, what was "Project Philomena" and when did the Elements join the Equestrian Armed Forces?
3297381
Not QUITE. He'd be called a Former Active Duty Marine, or 'former Marine' for short. Even a dishonorably discharged Marine would be called that. Only if he didn't finish Boot Camp would he be called an "ex Marine".
Also... USMC Drill Instructors ARE called "Sir" by the recruits (though ONLY by the recruits). In this instance, since they were already members of the Guard but going through a refresher course, Drill Instructor would be the correct term. Yes, you got it right, but just in case he ever takes on raw recruits... :P
3297534
I do admit that I was working off second hand information, and somewhat dated.
3297506 My guess is they just are playing 'dress-up' to make Sergeant Slaughter feel welcome. :P
3297381Thats true. No such thing a a former Marine.
3297506 I think this is something that's going to happen in the main story "The Elements of Harmony and Savior of Worlds". I believe these stories take place roughly a month after the Grand Galloping Gala.
3297565
I've heard it said that the people the Corps considers "ex-Marines" make a pretty short list -- there's a guy who tried to gut the USMC's funding as a Congressman, and one guy who actually defected to Russia at the height of the Cold War, and that's about it.
Is he referring to the Tirek controlled ursa minor that will probably be in the next chapter of "The Elements of Harmony and Savior of Worlds"? Way to keep the suspense going.
I know that's a reference to something. I learned that the hard way from another commentor who used that same quote when I made a comment on one of Jake the Army Guy's blog. He's a drill instructor in army.
So the Mane 6 and Spike end up in the Equestrian military.
That's interesting. I read a fanfiction on Fanfiction.net where that happens that was pretty cool. And making references to MASH. I've never watched MASH. I just noticed that both Slaughter and Big Mac are sergeants. 
I find it interesting that G.I. Joe has made it into Equestrian mythology from Danny telling the Dream Valley ponies about them. I hope that means we're going to see more G.I. Joe in these stories. This feels like it was written by someone who has military experience. But I could be wrong; I don't know anything about that kind of thing. Keep up the good work. I eagerly await the next installment of the main story.
..Is it bad that i want Twilight's jacket?
Well at least they weren't the Last Chancers
That would have ended badly.
3297767
Exactly what I was thinking. Unless something else comes up, that places this chapter as after the main story. It is always nice to keep the timelines straight.
“Sir, the Royal Guard was based on tales of the Bloody Jaws from the Holy Land of Key'Tuck. They were the warlords and protectors of the Herd. The Dannile told the ponies of Dream Valley about them.”
Why do I always break into laughter at the mytho-historical bits? But by jove keep em commin, there one of my favorite things about this series.
Slaughter prepped for this job really really well. Kudos to him.
I liked Square Peg. Hope we get to see more of her. Maybe kicking flank in United we Stand?
YES!! I love Slaughter, he was my favorite Joe growing up.
Another excellent side story by one of my favorite authors.^^
Sgt Slaughter is definantly not the type you want to cross.
This is one of the best Pinkie Pie fanfic moments I can think of offhand. Far too often people write her as completely deranged and out-of-control. But while she's highly eccentric, true, she's not stupid. As we see here, she's well aware that unexpectedly blasting confetti into the face of one of the great legendary military men of Equestrian pre-historical myth is probably not going to elicit a good reflexive reaction.
And giving this warning does nothing to detract from her eccentricity, either. I love the self-awareness of "seemingly out of thin air".
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"Don't call me sir, I work for a living" is an old military cliche. I think it originates in Full Metal Jacket but I could be wrong. Also, Jake doing his drill instructor thing was the best thing about FOB Equestria watching Wonderbolts Academy ("I swear to Celestia I will tear your throat out and make love to the Luna-damned hole!").
3319010 FOB Equestria made a video where they watched "Wonderbolts Academy". I should check that out. Did he really say that? Because I believe that's also a line in his fanfiction Finding Your Place where he has cameo appearance by an oc based on his FOB Equestria handle.
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Yeah, he directs that one at Lightning Dust if I remember correctly. Also good was the reaction of all the soldiers when Lightning Dust says "try me, ma'am" to Spitfire.
So we have the Ladt Chancers as ponies being instructed by Sgt. Slaughter of GI Joe. I don't think this could have been more awesome if you tried.
I thought Marine Drill Instructors were called Sir or Ma'am, and Army Drill Instructors were called Drill Instructor. Then again I went to Navy boot, so I'm not exactly a subject matter expert. Kind of a filler chapter, I was expecting it to be longer.
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Reread the author's note. They're just playing dress-up.
3362058 That wasn't there when I read it the first time around.
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Wasn't it, though?
If it wasn't, then now you know.
And knowing is half the battle!
While Klinger did make sergeant, by that time he had really toned down the Section 8 stuff, (IIRC it was the divorce that pretty much ended it). A wedding dress would imply he's still a corporal.
I'm sort of surprised they don't have some sort of honorary rank or position given the repeated saving of the country just to stop the odd military type from trying to order them around. Particularly Dash depending on whether the Wonderbolts are military or not, if she effectively completed boot camp with them.
4771274 To be fair, that may not have happened In this verse yet.
Glad to see she's thinking things through!
Anyway, loved this, though it seemed a bit short.
I gotta hand it to ya, RK. This is one of my all time favorite chapters of this fic, right behind the chapter with Optimus. The best bit was that I actually read all of Slaughter's lines in his voice due to him being kept so well in character. The fact that some of his lines came right out of GI Joe the movie helped somewhat. That and the fact that I've met the man in person. Kudos!
Equestrian Joint Ninja task force....Yep calling it now! Storm shadow mentoring! mwhahaha!
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Army is drill Sgt or senior drill Sgt Marines are drill instructor or DI
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My favorite vids from FOB Equestria are, in no particular order: Private Fluttershy, Wonderbolt Academy, and Drill Sargent Creber. Along with the Firebrand review of "Pinkie Pride", with Silver Quill because of the reference to Drill Sargent Creber.