Surrogate Light

by scootalooftw

Discussions

I sat quietly at the edge of the small fire in the center of our camp, my mind recapping the events of the past few weeks. I had apparently been sent to Ponyville by the princess to prepare for the Summer Sun Celebration. Both the purpose behind the celebration and my connection to it eluded me, but it had been stated more than once by the nurse that had been caring for me that I was some type of representative of the crown.

’Or, was I?’ I thought to myself. Scrunching my muzzle up in concentration I returned to the task of sorting through my conflicting memories, a task that had kept me up late many nights since I had first come to in the hospital.

’I… I remember the castle, and the princess tutoring me… but I also remember going to trade school. Groaning quietly to myself, I pressed my forehooves to my closed eyes in an attempt to hold back the oncoming headache. ’I remember graduating from trade school, moving away from home, and going into a completely different field of work than I studied. Then the princess approached me to… no, that isn’t right… we didn’t have a princess.’

Ignorant of the sound of approaching hooves, I retreated further into my own mind as I continued to try and sort through the conflicting memories.

’My best friend in school… I’d never forget her face. She was a petite mare, like myself. Glasses, sweater, always had a book with her. She… no, he! My best friend in school was male, a human male. Blond hair, blue eyes, bit of an acne problem. His name… His name was...’

I was snapped out of my thoughts by someone gently shaking me.

“Twilight?” I heard the familiar voice of Applejack say, “you doin’ alright, sugarcube?”

“Hmm? Oh, yes,” I responded. “Just… just thinking is all.”

“Ya looked like ya were thinkin’ awful hard,” Applejack said, giving me a skeptical look. “In fact, if ya thought much harder Ah think smoke woulda been comin’ outta yer ears. Somethin’ ya wanna talk about?”

“I just...” I started, before hesitating.

’Is this something I can trust talking about with her?’ I thought to myself. ’Can I trust anypony with this?’

Looking up, any hesitation I had to talk to Applejack was swept away when I locked eyes with her and saw just how sincere her concern was.

“I… have memories in my head that aren’t mine,” I said slowly, doing my best to word things in a way that wouldn’t lead to a misunderstanding, “I don’t remember growing up in Canterlot, or studying magic under the princess.”

Seeing Applejack’s look change from one of concern to one of wariness, I backpedaled in an attempt to clear things up.

“What I mean is, I do remember it, the memories are there, but…” Hesitating again, I paused to think over the wording of my next statement. “I… don’t think the memories are mine.”

“Why would you think that?” Applejack asked. “Ah’ve seen pictures of ya in the paper before, n’ you look just like the mare that’s been studyin’ under the princess fer years now.”

“There’s just… there are so many conflicting memories in my head,” I admitted, lowering my gaze to the fire. “I remember graduating from magic school, and being asked to continue my studies full-time under the princess, but… but I also remember graduating from a trade school, and wanting to go into construction.”

“A mare goin’ inta construction?” Applejack asked with a smirk. “‘N a unicorn at that? Ya don’t hear about that too often these days.”

“That’s just it,” I said, “these other memories… I’m not a unicorn or a mare.”

“Oh…” Applejack said, sitting back and looking flabbergasted.

“Yeah…” I responded, not looking up from the fire.

We sat in silence for awhile, with nothing but the crackling of the fire to keep us company, until the sound of hooves next to me signaled what I thought to be Applejack’s retreat. Much to my surprise, however, she instead moved to sit closer to me and put a comforting foreleg around my shoulders.

“Ah can’t say that Ah have any idea what that might be like,” Applejack said, squeezing me lightly, “but if ya need somepony ta talk to, ya don’t gotta be afraid ta come ta me. Ah’ll do ma best ta understand.”

“Thanks, Applejack,” I said with a smile, leaning into the embrace.

We stayed in this position for a time, both entranced by the dancing flames in the fire, before I finally decided to ask the question that had been at the back of my mind.

“So, not that I dislike the company, but why are you up?” I asked. “I figured you would have taken the opportunity to take a nap like everypony else. It is my watch, after all.”

“Ah did, fer a bit,” Applejack responded, “but bein’ a farm mare, Ah’m up with the sun. Er, at least, Ah’m up when the sun should be up, in this case. ‘N once Ah’m up, Ah can’t fall back ta sleep. Ah start gettin’ antsy as all get out if Ah try ta go back ta sleep, so Ah decided ta come and see if ya wanted some company.”

“I appreciate it,” I said. Reaching out with my magic, I grabbed my saddlebag and levitated them over to myself. “But if you’re up, then I’m sure everypony else won’t be far behind. We should probably see about getting some food together.”

“Kinda hard ta cook food that’s sittin’ at the bottom of a stream,” Applejack said, frowning slightly. “That’s why everypony went ta sleep without eatin’.”

“That’s ok, I packed a bit extra,” I said. Using my magic, I opened the flap on my bags and floated out a large bunch of lettuce, flowers, and other greens, all kept fresh by a stasis spell. “I figured since my bags were enchanted to be larger on the inside, it wouldn’t hurt to bring a bit extra.”

Breaking the embrace, Applejack grabbed my bags from my magic and began rifling through them.

“Well, would ya look at that,” she mused. “And here Ah thought ya didn’t bring nothin’ but books. Guess Ah misjudged you.”

“I thought about leaving some stuff out to cram a few more books in there,” I admitted sheepishly, “but I figured we’d be better off with the extra supplies. Besides, when would I have had a chance to read any of them?”

“Why didn’t ya say nothin’ last night?” Applejack asked, handing me back my bags.

“Well, by the time Pinkie and I got back from cleaning up, you were the only one still awake,” I said. “You just told us that you’d take first watch and that somepony would wake us when it was our turn.”

“Ah suppose Ah did, didn’t Ah?” Applejack admitted. Gathering up the ingredients I had brought, she spread them out on a small blanket I had stashed in my bag. “Ya wouldn’t happen ta have any bowls ‘r anything ta put this in, would ya?”

“Unfortunately not,” I said, giving Applejack a bashful smile. “I thought of the extra food, but something to put it in never occurred to me.”

“Ah well,” Applejack shrugged, “blanket food is better than no food.”

Having finished separating the ingredients, she then took a small amount from each pile and made six smaller, mixed piles. Making sure each pile was roughly the same size, she pushed the remaining ingredients to the side and signaled for me to take them. With the remaining ingredients safely stowed back in my bags, she pushed one of the small piles in my direction before digging into her own. Taking my own pile with a silent ‘thank you’, I dug in as well, eating in silence as we waited for everypony to wake up.

Comments

[Chrome Masquerade]

’I… I remember the castle, and the princess tutoring me… but I also remember going to trade school. Groaning quietly to myself, I pressed my forehooves to my closed eyes in an attempt to hold back the oncoming headache. ’I remember graduating from trade school, moving away from home, and going into a completely different field of work than I studied. Then the princess approached me to… no, that isn’t right… we didn’t have a princess.’

See, THIS is why if this kind of thing were to happen to me, i'd want to be reborn, in a new body that has no conflicting memories.

[PonKing]

8572641
Your memories won't conflict if you have none.

[Chrome Masquerade]

8572719 Pretty much. I'd prefer to have my past knowledge intact, but even if i didn't i'd be golden.

[RDDash]

Applejack please, everyone knows you have an accent.