three things: 1. the first few paragraphs were so poorly written and connected to each other that I honestly thought there was a time warp in the story; that you were depicting them waking up AFTER they fell asleep together, making love all night long 2. was Spike supposed to be as ignorant as a 10-year-old? Meaning that Twilight was SO neglectful in his schooling that he doesn't even know basic biology? 3. what happened to informing him about a herd/harem/polygamy? Was that just implied by the Rarity line near the end? Or was Applejack COMPLETELY wrong about him being loyal to one mare?
8628572 1. Thanks for the critic. The idea is to begin their daily life like normal before their mating start 2. He's not ignorant. Just doesn't have knowledge. After all Twilight did mention that they have little to zero knowledge about dragons. Yes, Twilight is soooo neglectful of his studies because she's too busy on her own 3. The next chapter explain everything about herding/polygamy and Spike's reluctant to pursuit another mare
It's okay and the premise is good but, the grammar is pretty bad. Mainly the use of incorrect tense, the repetitive use of twilights full name was a bit outputting but that's just me. Besides those it's good just maybe get a proofreader.
Feels very rushed and disjointed. I would have taken my time with the love scene. Also, he's supposed to have matured so you'd think he'd have done some self-exploring at some point if you some realistic believability. i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/353/279/e31.jpg
The idea is good, if a bit typical, but the execution is bad. Improper wording, bad grammar, and very janky pacing. Overall, get an editor. You can find a group for one easily with a simple group search on this site.
Bet you can put a sex scenes in every chapter.
8545123
that is the original idea
three things:
1. the first few paragraphs were so poorly written and connected to each other that I honestly thought there was a time warp in the story; that you were depicting them waking up AFTER they fell asleep together, making love all night long
2. was Spike supposed to be as ignorant as a 10-year-old? Meaning that Twilight was SO neglectful in his schooling that he doesn't even know basic biology?
3. what happened to informing him about a herd/harem/polygamy? Was that just implied by the Rarity line near the end? Or was Applejack COMPLETELY wrong about him being loyal to one mare?
8628572
1. Thanks for the critic. The idea is to begin their daily life like normal before their mating start
2. He's not ignorant. Just doesn't have knowledge. After all Twilight did mention that they have little to zero knowledge about dragons. Yes, Twilight is soooo neglectful of his studies because she's too busy on her own
3. The next chapter explain everything about herding/polygamy and Spike's reluctant to pursuit another mare
It's okay and the premise is good but, the grammar is pretty bad. Mainly the use of incorrect tense, the repetitive use of twilights full name was a bit outputting but that's just me. Besides those it's good just maybe get a proofreader.
That went from 0 to 100 quickly. Tbh it felt quite rushed but will continue with intrigued interest.
Feels very rushed and disjointed. I would have taken my time with the love scene. Also, he's supposed to have matured so you'd think he'd have done some self-exploring at some point if you some realistic believability. i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/353/279/e31.jpg
8757814
I might do that in anthro version of it since I also want to explore the story more
The idea is good, if a bit typical, but the execution is bad. Improper wording, bad grammar, and very janky pacing. Overall, get an editor. You can find a group for one easily with a simple group search on this site.
8822369
thanks for the critic. I am trying to improve that through the anthro version
That was awesome start it's awesome Twi's already pregnant.
it's pretty good only here they are too demanding v: