You had me at "Twilight's first to mate" I hope Spike is her first mate though I just don't wanna have a mare swinging that way or already mated once with their ex or something. I love a good vanilla, lemon, lovey dovey sh** as Rainbow would say.

This grammar needs some serious work. It's not impossible to read but it is really hard to get invested.

You have my attention. hopefully you keep it with this story.

Discord. I need your help and one small favor , please?

girls just like we planed it, on the count of three...1. . .2. . .3!

Waaaaaaa! Wuts happening to me! I got pricks where my fingers were and dicks on my toes!

So that's how you solved the 1st problem of who claims Spike first, what's your other problem?

Raritys stuck

I don't see that as a problem

But but We all need wedding dresses and maternity clothes....

Dag nab it Twi. We run around naked as it is...

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work on grammar and tenses........

Is this going to be a harem story

8540296
Probably.

8540079
I will try to write one since never good in making sex scene for ponies

8540296
It is a harem story

8539901
thanks

8540178 &
8540145
Well, English is my second language

Some grammar errors, but otherwise, a great start. I hope you don't leave us hanging!
I've always liked TwiSpike, so I'm rooting for Twilight. Though if Ember joins in on this, I'd be just as happy for her to be Spike's first.

8540917
I already finish until Pinkie's chapter. I need to make the remain 3 a bit excited and modify the first 3

8540769
Well then, work on it & reward yourself for doing a fine story and better English

orig00.deviantart.net/84b8/f/2017/232/3/0/good_news_rarity_by_hillbe-dbksdtb.jpg

8541032
i'll try but i cant promise since i try to make each character as real as possible

8541046
you can do it

Where's Starlight?

8545086
Not going to include her

Get a English speaking proofread for starters (not me), cause this is hard to get into when my brain is trying to figure out where what should go to be correct. Even pushing past the language barrier, you have one sentence paragraphs that explain very little and don't necessarily set things up well. The concepts fine, it is what it aims to be it seems, largely clop for the sake of clop. Still, you should aim to tell a story not just rush forward. Most the events and characters appear and disappear randomly within less than ten sentences, with no description. Having an idea for a story and writing it are good things, but you need to look at some of the more popular pieces and see how they go about telling their story to get an idea how best to tell yours. Your story should still be unique and feel that you're the one writing it, but you can learn a lot about grammar and structure from others who excelled in these fields. This is hard to read and it lacks depth, and that's a shame. You can fix it.

Also, stop capitalizing everything in the story's title or the chapter's. It looks really bad and is an immediate deterrent from your story.

Im only on chapter one and i can tell things are gonna go clusterfuck fast(in more ways than one)

“Well, there is no evidence and research that proves that ponies and dragons can crossbreeding,” said Twilight.

Oh no

“This vial is worth a penny, for your wish to be a mommy.”

Oh no

“I know that, Applejack. That’s why I will explain to him about polygamy and will approve his selection mare,” said Twilight.

Oh no

At the train, Moon Dancer looks at the potion that been kept safe in her saddlebag. ‘Soon Spike, you will be my mate and I will love you for the rest of my heart’ thinks Moon Dancer.

Dear lord.

All I have to say is RUN SPIKE RUN!!!!

Somewhere in Ponyville, Spike feel a chill in his bone. ‘I have a bad feeling about this’ thinks Spike as he walks towards the castle.

Oh you have no idea

I would love to read your story and I'm sure I would love it.😍

But I cannot get past all of the grammar mistakes and incontinuities. I appreciate the effort and I respect anyone who tries to cross the language barrier. You do deserve a pat on the back for that. 👍👌

Keep on practicing and I'm sure in due time your skills will improve. I have high hopes for you! So keep on writing to your heart's content. 😊

This is going to be awesome I can't wait to read it.