Random Horse Fact

by Admiral Biscuit

The Unexpected Twist

There are three bars in Ponyville. The pegasus bar is out, because you can't fly. That leaves two, and the thought of what a drunk unicorn might do with its horn terrifies you.

Besides, you want to hang out with simple ponies, who are hopefully friendlier than Starlight.

Before too long, you've spent all your bits, but it doesn't matter. Berry Punch needs another drinking buddy, since her first two are already under the table. She's paying, so of course you join her.

The earth ponies, at least, are interested in your story, and you wind up telling it more than once as new ponies come into the bar or come over to your table. Each telling is more creative and fictional than the last one, although to be on the safe side, you leave out all mention of Manny the Manticore.

You take a big gulp of your beer and continue with retelling number four when the feeling hits you like a freight train. Pony beer is powerful stuff.

Even if you'd known where the bathroom was, you wouldn't've made it in time, but you do have a fraction of a second to aim.

This is something that college did prepare you for.

Your projectile vomiting game is on point, and you land it right on target, and don't splash anypony.

A hush falls over the bar, and every eye lands squarely on you.

Finally, somepony speaks.“What kind of magic was that?”

“Magic? I just puked. There's no magic in that.”

“Puked?”

“Vomited? Upchucked? Tossed my cookies? Barfed? Ralphed?”

You're greeted with blank looks.

Another cramp seizes you, and you puke again. This time instead of stunned silence, you get hoofstomps.

“How can you do that?”

“Seven years of college,” you say honestly. And then your eyes go wide as an epiphany strikes you. “Oh my God! I just realized!”

There's a pregnant pause. Every ear in the house is on you.

“Starlight Glimmer has a dick!”

Berry Punch looks at you critically. “Wat?”

“Why else would she get her panties wet thinking about Trixie swallowing swords?”

“Oooooh,” everypony in the bar gasps in unison.

Comments

[Shachza]

Berry Punch meeds meads another drinking buddy, since her first two are already under the table.

You were making an alcohol joke because drinking ponies, right?

“Oooooh,” everypony in the bar gasps in unison.

Let me repeat that...

[Admiral Biscuit]

8538763

You were making an alcohol joke because drinking ponies, right?

I wish I was being that clever. I was typing badly.

Let me repeat that...

[Write Pillar]

“Vomited? Upchucked? Tossed my cookies? Barfed? Ralphed?”

You're greeted with blank looks.

You're lucky you have that Alt. U tag on there, otherwise I would have reminded you that Equestrian ponies can vomit, as shown in "Applebuck Season." No, actually, I wouldn't have, for the sake of being nice and understanding that you can't expect a fanfic writer to remember every single detail from the show.

“Starlight Glimmer has a dick!”

Oh my, "I'm" 10x worse than Gabby Gums!

[Admiral Biscuit]

8539055

You're lucky you have that Alt. U tag on there, otherwise I would have reminded you that Equestrian ponies can vomit, as shown in "Applebuck Season."

Oh, I know full well. That's exactly why the AU tag is on there.

I could quibble about whether they're actually puking (since of course in the show we don't see actual vomit), but that's just splitting hairs.

No, actually, I wouldn't have, for the sake of being nice and understanding that you can't expect a fanfic writer to remember every single detail from the show.

While I'm certainly not the best at remembering everything in the show, that is one detail that I do remember.

Oh my, "I'm" 10x worse than Gabby Gums!

I'm sure if Gabby Gums had been collectively drunk when they were writing their column, they would have been ruder. Well, maybe. Sweetie Belle is probably a happy drunk. Scootaloo, I'm not so sure about, but I could totally see Apple Bloom being an angry drunk.

[Telaros]

This Starlight Glimmer has a dick became so canon in episode Road to Friendship with her banging her cock on a box and shooting up out her hammock.

[Admiral Biscuit]

9130723

This Starlight Glimmer has a dick became so canon in episode Road to Friendship with her banging her cock on a box and shooting up out her hammock.

I missed that episode, unfortunately. But I’m always happy when something I wrote becomes sort-of canon. Fun fact: I called Twilight hating cheese years before quesadillas were ever mentioned.

[Stonecrop Sedum]

Starlight Glimmer can have anything she wants down there honestly.

[Admiral Biscuit]

10757217

Starlight Glimmer can have anything she wants down there honestly.

Let’s be honest, it’s probably a kite.

[Revluc_The_Pony]

This is like some of the funniest stuff I've read.

[Admiral Biscuit]

11505483
Thank you!

Years ago, somebody did a reading, and actually started laughing at the "I just realized" line. I guess when it comes to writing comedy, making the guy doing the reading laugh means that I'm doing it right