The Setup
You somehow have found yourself in magical ponyland. The how doesn't really matter, nor is it important that you eventually encountered the manticore and staggered out of the Everfree Forest only to collapse in front of Twilight's Crystal Castle™.
Typical story, to be honest. At least until it goes off the rails.
Twilight isn't home, but Glim-Glam is . . . Twilight trusts her with the keys to the castle, apparently.
“Starlight?” you ask in surprise.
“Do I know you?”
“Uh. . . .” Any honest answer would sound utterly unbelievable, so you can either lie, or lie big. “I'm you from the future.”
She frowns at you. “No you're not. I've seen the future.”
Oh yeah, you'd forgotten about that episode.
“Fine, somebody told me,” you say. “Look, I'll get right to the point. I just found myself in Equestria, in the Everfree Forest. I fought a manticore, and—“
“You fought Manny? Why?”
This is not going how you'd planned.
“Is he okay?”
“He's fine.” The fight mostly involved you shrieking like a little girl and running like hell. “Look, the point isn't that I might have fought the manticore.”
“Manny.” Glimmy glares at you. “And you brought it up.”
“I'm sorry I did.”
“Are you sure he's okay?”
“Yes! I threw a stick at him. And I missed, okay? Can we move on from this?”
“Sorry.”
“My point is that I find myself suddenly in Equestria with no funds,” you say.
“So?”
“So, aren't you going to do something about it? I don't have a place to live.”
“Maybe Fluttershy should check.”
“Huh?”
“To make sure Manny is okay.”
“Jesus H. Christ. He's fine. I didn't even actually throw a stick at him. I just thought it would sound more heroic if said I did, okay? I ran. I ran like a little bitch. I might have wet my pants, too, alright? Are you happy now?”
“That was refreshingly honest.”
“Thank you.”
“I was going to say it smelled like you'd pissed yourself, but I didn't want to be rude.”
“I appreciate that. Look, here's the deal. I somehow got magically transported here, and I need a place to live and some money. And clean pants.”
“And you're asking me why?”
“Because you ought to help me out.”
“Why?”
“Because I'm unique!”
She looks at you critically. “You're an unexpected pain in my flank. How are you unique?”
You hold up your hands like you would've revealed a rabbit from an empty top hat, if you'd had either.
“So?”
“Hands!”
Starlight rolls her eyes. “That's it? Spike has hands.”
“Well. . . .”
“Minotaurs have hands. Griffons' talons are like hands.”
“Well, yeah, but. . . .”
“Manny has hands.”
“They're more like paws,” you protest.
“I hope he's okay. Are you sure—“
“He. is. FINE.” You jab a finger at her to illustrate your point.
“You know, now that I think about it, pretty much every proper sapient in Equestria has them, except for ponies.” She lifts up a hoof to examine it. “I'd never really thought about that before.”
“Yeah, they're really useful.” You pull a deck of cards out of your back pocket—there's only 51, but it's close enough—and start overhand shuffling them.
“Puh-lease.” Starlight yanks the cards out of your hands and riffle shuffles them with her aura so fast that it sounds like machine gun fire. You stare at her, mouth agape.
“What? My best friend is a magician. I learned a few tricks from Trixie.”
“Best friend?” You punctuate that with air quotes, something she can't do with her fancy magic.
“Okay, fine, we fuck like rabbits.” She sends the cards back to you. “Everypony in Equestria is pansexual. Got a problem with that?”
“Not in the slightest,” you say. “Look, we got a little off-track, I think. Fact is, I've got no money and nowhere to live, and—“
“And you thought that you could beg for bits? Look, hon, there are at least a hundred fifty different sapient species in Equestria, some of them way more unique than you. There are the three tribes, batponies, zebras, mules, donkeys, hippogriffs, griffons, dragons—"
“Well, yeah, but—”
"River serpents, buffalo, seaponies, yaks, merponies, breezies—"
"Okay, I get the point."
“—Luna moths, giant eagles, whatever the hell Capper is, Manny the Manticore . . . and I could go on. If you think you're something really special, maybe you should join the circus. Every good circus has a freak show.”
“Of course you'd know about a freak show,” you retort.
“Trixie used to be a sword swallower.” Starlight shudders and gets a dreamy look on her face.
“Can you get your mind out of the gutter for a moment and at least give me some bits for a beer, if you're not gonna give me a place to live?”
“Fine.” Starlight pulls some bits out of who knows where and tosses them at you. “Now go away.”
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"Help! I'm from another world!"
"Meh."
YES.
8538756
Seriously, there are so many sapient species in Equestria, and no matter what we silly humans can do, there's an Equestrian sapient that can do it better.
Starlight Glimmer is a "Meh" kind of pony, I think.
Actually, I was just thinking . . . would "Talk to the tail" be the pony equivalent of "Talk to the hand?"
8538767
8538914
Ummmmm... Maybe. But then you'd be showing off your butt to someone, and while that might work ("I'm leaving now" is pretty clear), I'd expect more "I hate to see you leave, but I love to watch you walk away" kind of reactions. 'Cause we all know the power of the pony butt. We watch the show for its plot, after all.
I could tell from Starlight's look on the cover that things were not gonna go well between "my" character and her.
Never thought Starlight would use the word "hon." Not that being in-character exactly matters for this fic. Oh, and I don't blame Starlight for calling "me" un-unique. "I'm" perhaps the most cliché HiE. Starlight being a new kind of savage here, now that's unique (obviously.)
8538914
Except for giving scritchies behind the ears. It's our one saving grace.
8538999
Well, yeah, but the human reaction probably isn't what they're going for. I dunno, I think it could be something that's an insult to ponies, maybe.
8539032
Of course they're not.
She's using it sarcastically at best. Like the Southern expression "Bless your heart."
I wonder . . . what is the most cliched human these days? It's not the same as when I first started writing ponyfic, I don't think. . . .
I think she totally would if you showed up at Twilight's front door and demanded bits and a place to sleep.
8539167
Yeah, but Spike could do that, a griffon could, a minotaur could, Steven Magnet could, Capper could . . . even Manny probably could.
Close enough to play solitaire 'til dawn.
A*
You'd
I laughed my was off. Not at the typos, but the story.
Welp. This is it. These are the end times. Admiral Biscuit is writing AiE. Hold close to your loved ones and pray and repent. It's all ogre now.
8539375
*ass
Sorry. Couldnt help myself.
Also...
I was warned. I was warned and I read it anyways. Sweat zombie Celestia on a pogo stick, WHY?!?
8539792
Bah, I've written AiE before (and there is some debate about whether a second-person narrator who isn't named is technically Anon).
Admittedly, I typically only do so as a parody of the genre.
8540084
I mean, you really should have seen this coming. Well, maybe not this, but you should have seen something coming.
is it
🎵Oh, there's a hundred and fifty or more to see!
9007803
Correction made; thank you!
I probably could have counted how many sapients we've seen thus far and then doubled it or tripled it for a more accurate number, but Glim Glam's point remains the same.
Yes! Thank you! Maybe it's because I got into the fandom so late, but I never really got why ponies (fanon Lyra in particular) would be so fascinated by hands when creatures like Spike, Steven Magnet or Iron Will have been around since the earliest seasons.
8538756
8538914
I mean, if he'd approached her with a "I am from another world and I am lost, can you please help me?" Starlight would probably at least have sent him to the proper ponies to handle accidental migrants, but going "give me money because" to Starlight of all ponies is just a plan that is guaranteed to crash and burn.
8539175
From the stories I've read... "gets dropped in Everfree, makes contact with Ponyville, befriends mane 6" still seems to be the most common one. Romance with one of the mane 6 optional.
10111881
I got into the fandom more early, but I had the same thought. Spike has hands. Gilda has hands. Steven Magnet has hands. Ponies would know about hands.
And yet, it’s such a fandom trope . . . we all should know that weird crap is a typical Tuesday; just tell them the truth and they’ll be understanding.
Yeah, of all the ponies to try and feed a line of BS to, Starlight is about the worst, because let’s be honest, her ‘give a damn’ got busted years ago, and she’s got no f
ks left.
I blame that on lazy writers. :rainwbowlaugh: In terms of general hatred, probably Displaced is in the number one spot these days; it’s basically what you said but with unearned superpowers.
I will say that from a purely logical perspective, anyone who shows up in Ponyville from Earth is likely to meet one or two of the Mane 6 in fairly short order, so at least that first part isn’t totally cliched. If nothing else, odds are both Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle would be interested.
Yeah more unique than the one of his kind in this world. I know she doesn't know that but the fact he isn't a species she's seen before still should count.
10766582
Seems like practically every episode with a monster included one that hadn’t been seen before, whether an individual or a whole species.
Don’t get me wrong, I get your point, but I’m also poking fun here at the tropes that the human appears in the Everfree and fights the manticore, and the that human is somehow special for having hands which literally dozens of canon creatures and monsters also have.